Deflated, I let a groan slip out when it was the last thing I should have done. “Shit.”
“Problem?”
“Well…yeah. I’m getting married Saturday. I’ll be away with my…well, my new husband for a few days.”
“Well, I’ll be. Congratulations, a few days early. Hmmm…let me think, let me think…”
A few minutes later, I hung up the phone, beyond dazed.
I had an appointment. Not just with some small-time, Saturday Night Live wannabe. No, I had an appointment with Benny Stern, one of the biggest names in sitcoms. Out here on the east coast, he was the name.
I couldn’t believe it.
I didn’t just pick up one set of lingerie. Not even two or three. After all, we were taking a mini-honeymoon. I needed plenty of sexy stuff for that. But I also wanted something special for tonight. We were celebrating. Even if he didn’t understand, I knew Edward would be happy for me.
Practically floating through the afternoon, I called back to the house, making plans with the chef for dinner. Finally, finally, something was going my way and I felt like a weight had fallen from my shoulders.
A case of nervous excitement had butterflies jittering around in my stomach and I was all but running around right up until I got the text from Paul, letting me know he’d be there with Edward in less than thirty minutes. I’d asked for a head’s up earlier because I wanted to surprise him with a nice meal—nicer than anything I could do without a lot of preparation—and I wanted to make sure I was ready too, when he came through the door.
The staff had finished up and left not even five minutes before I heard the car coming to a stop in front of the house. With one last glance in the mirror to check my make-up and hair, I hurried down the steps, heels in hand. At the bottom, I stepped into them, fluffed my hair and smiled just as the door opened and Edward came inside.
Moving toward him, I rose onto my toes and pressed a kiss to his mouth. “Hello, handsome.”
“Hmmmm.” He stood there as I kissed him, one hand stroking down my back and coming to rest just above my ass.
I lowered myself back down, the excitement building inside all over again, bubbling up like champagne.
The distracted look on Edward’s face had some of those little bubbles popping.
“Is everything okay?” I eased back, smiling as I stroked his cheek, wondering if he’d notice the dress or my hair, only to chastise myself a moment later. Edward always noticed things like that. That was what he did.
“Of course.” With his hand on my elbow, he guided me away from the door. When he started to lead me toward his study, I caught his hand, turning around and walking backward, pulling him along with me.
“Come on.” Grinning, I angled my head toward the arched entry. Music played softly and candles glowed from the mantle and the table. “Dinner’s done.”
He paused in the doorway.
I held my breath. Now he’d ask what was going on and I could tell him my news. Whatever had him so distracted would fade away and we could celebrate.
“This looks lovely.” His fingers danced along the back of my neck before he moved to pull out my chair.
Deflated, I slid into the seat and waited for him to take his. Maybe it was too much to ask for him to inquire about why I’d made things special. Maybe he assumed it was about the upcoming wedding so he wasn’t curious. I couldn’t fault him for that. I’d just come out with it then.
“I had lunch with Kendra today.”
I jerked so hard, my hand knocked my water glass. Catching it before it could spill, I stared at the drops beading on the polished table. “I…” I frowned and shook my head. It was strange, but not concerning, though I wasn’t sure why he felt the need to tell me. “Okay. I assume you had a nice lunch?”
“We talked.” Edward lifted his glass of wine, but put it down without drinking. “Sweetheart, we’re both concerned.”
“Concerned.” Drawing the word out, I stared at the drops of water, concentrating on them instead of looking at Edward. He hadn’t commented on my clothes or my hair or the meal. Hadn’t noticed that I’d been excited when he’d come home. But he was telling me about his lunch with Kendra and how concerned they were. “I had a headache earlier. It was just a headache.”
“It’s not that.” He gave me a gentle smile with a hint of condescension. “It’s, well, Gabriella, it’s a little bit of everything. You’re short-tempered with my mother. You don’t seem to appreciate how much she’s doing for you. When I asked you about why you want to work, you got upset—”
“I got upset because you don’t seem to understand that I like to work. I don’t need you to take care of me. It’s sweet that you want to, but why can’t you just respect that I like providing for myself?” I’d had enough. If I had to listen to much more of his concern, I wouldn’t be able to maintain a civil tone.
The slim fitting dress I’d put on especially for tonight suddenly seemed too hot, too confining and the heels I’d picked out just for him were killing my feet. I kicked them off as I twisted my carefully tousled hair into a careless knot. I didn’t have anything to hold it into place, though, so I shoved back from the table and stormed out into the entryway and grabbed my purse from the Queen Anne table sitting under the mirror. After finding a band for my hair, I twisted it up again and went back into the dining room.
Edward opened his mouth, but I cut him off before he could start again. “And your mother? I’m supposed to appreciate the way she bends over backward to make me feel small and worthless? How she tries to take my wedding and make into something about her?” Wrinkling my nose, I mimicked her tone as I repeated some of her more caustic comments, “Gabriella, darling, I realize you don’t understand how these things work, but really, make sure your family knows they do need to wear appropriate clothing…no blue jeans to the wedding, please.” I took a step toward him. “Really, Gabriella. Some rag off a discount rack won’t do for a Bouvier.”
“You’re overreacting,” he said, his voice calm.
“The hell I am!” I snapped, my accent coming back with a fury. “She was pissed that I actually bought my dress without getting her approval. My wedding and I wasn’t supposed to buy the dress I wanted. She keeps harping on my family’s appearance, like she thinks they’ll be dressed in overalls and sweat-stained wife-beaters, and you’re telling me that I’m just supposed to let her insult me and mine without batting an eyelash?”
Without even being there, Claire had managed to ruin things. Now I was so upset I was about ready to cry and I spun away, dashing at the tears before they could fall. My makeup was ruined anyway. The whole damn night was ruined. I couldn’t even have one night with my fiancé to celebrate what could be a huge break for me.
“Sweetheart…” Behind me, Edward sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized Mom was behaving that way. I’ll handle her. I’m sorry. Perhaps…”
His voice trailed away. Sourly, I asked, “Perhaps what?”
“I’m just thinking that perhaps Kendra was right and—”
“Dammit!” Throwing my hands up in the air, I whirled back to face him. “Guess what, Edward? Kendra isn’t involved in this. She’s hardly even there when I need to talk and when we do talk, she’s too busy telling me what I did wrong to even listen to what I have to say. She’s concerned? About what? She doesn’t even understand what the hell is going on so she has no right to have an opinion about it!”
I cut around him to go to the door, pausing by the table to stare at the beautifully prepared dinner that would now go to waste. Bitterness lay on the back my tongue while a hollow ache set in my chest.
“I had the staff make your favorite dinner,” I said softly. “I wanted to tell you...” I stopped and shook my head. What was the point? “Never mind. I guess it wouldn’t be important to you anyway.”
Eleven
There were times when a woman needed to reevaluate things and figure out who her real friends were. I was starting to feel like I was
at that point.
I needed somebody who would be excited for me, happy.
Immediately, my mom came to mind, but I was sort of saving that news for when I saw her face-to-face, and I couldn’t tell any of my siblings because there’d be no way they could keep it a secret, even for a couple days.
A few months ago, the answer would have been Kendra, but something had changed since then. I didn’t know if she had changed, or if I had, but regardless, nothing was the same and if I called her, I doubted her excitement would be real.
A face came to mind, but I didn’t even let that become an idea. He was the last person I needed to talk to.
Then, smiling a little, I reached for my phone. I’d grabbed it on my way out of the dining room and had been staring at cute pictures of cats and puppies in an effort to cheer myself up. It hadn’t helped, but this would.
Cody’s voice was cheerful when he answered, “Hey, sister-to-be. You about ready for the big day?”
“Yeah.” Before he could take that discussion any further, I changed it. “So, I’ve got super exciting news and I have to tell somebody.”
I’d gone into a small side room that was rarely ever used and settled in my favorite spot, a padded window seat that faced out over the sweeping sprawl of the lawn. It was dark outside now, but the landscape lighting let me see the koi pond and the trellis, purple clematis climbing up and winding around it. It wasn’t even close to as much land as my family had back home, but it was still beautiful.
“Spill. I love good news!” He paused, and then blurted out, “You’re not pregnant already are you?”
“Hell, no!” The answer popped out as something akin to dread shot through me.
“Whoa. Well, that’s emphatic.” Cody laughed. “I would have thought you’d love a few rug-rats, Gabs.”
“Oh, I do.” Confused, I rested my head against the cool pane of glass and closed my eyes. “It’s not that I don’t. It’s…well. I want us time first, okay?” I shook my head, not wanting to delve into Edward and my relationship. “Anyway, my news…you know I’m trying to get into screenwriting, right?”
“Yes…” He managed to make that single syllable last several seconds and I caught the tension hidden in his voice.
It spiked my excitement and some of the misery faded away. I smiled. “I was going through my email and one of the media sites I joined sends out this list—most of it’s pure junk, but sometimes, they have open calls when a studio is looking for new talent or interns—”
“Gabby, come on,” Cody said laughingly. “Just tell me. You’re killing me.”
Rolling my eyes, I muttered, “Killjoy. You know the name Benny Stern?”
“Well, yeah. I may not be into acting, but plenty of my friends are trying to make it. He’s a big deal around…son of a bitch. He’s looking for fresh talent—I heard about that! Are you—?”
“Yes!” Now it was my turn to cut him off with a near-squeal of delight. “Yes! He wants me to come in for an interview next week after I get back from the Catskills. We’d met once and he’d told me then to look him up once I had some experience. Well, I called him and he said to come in!”
“Damn,” Cody breathed out. Even over the phone, I could hear his happiness for me and it went a long way to ease the ache in my chest. “That’s amazing. Gabs, I’m so happy for you!”
“Thank you!” I jumped up off the seat, too giddy to stay still. I spun around...and froze. Edward stood in the doorway, staring at me. His face was shuttered.
On the other end of the line, Cody asked, “Man, what did Edward say? Is he like blown away?”
“Ah…” Still staring at Edward, I swallowed and then said, “He just now found out, Cody. I kind of need to go.”
“What? Gabs, you told me first? What the—”
“Don’t,” I said, anger breaking loose. I stared at Edward as I bit the explanation off. “I tried to tell him earlier, but he was too busy explaining about his lunch with my best friend where they talked about how concerned they were for me. I didn’t have the chance.”
Cutting the call off before Cody could respond, I tossed my phone down onto the window seat and crossed my arms over my chest. Our gazes locked and I lifted my chin.
A muscle throbbed in Edward’s cheek as he averted his face. “You must think I’m a total bastard,” he said quietly.
Well, that took the wind out of my sails.
Blowing out a sigh, I turned back to the window. “No,” I said softly. “I think you need to listen to me when I’m telling you something instead of talking to my best friend about me.”
When he didn’t answer, I looked over my shoulder at him. He still wasn’t looking at me, but I could see his jaw clenching. I kept my voice even as I explained myself further.
“Kendra is my friend and I love her, but that doesn’t mean she can explain me to you. Sure, she’s known me for a few years, but she isn’t me. Are we involved in a relationship, you and me? Or is it you, me and Kendra?”
“Gabriella…”
At the tone of his voice, I turned away again. Gazing out over the gardens, I tried to place what I was feeling inside. I threw away descriptions that didn’t quite work. The word that finally came to mind was misfit.
I’d been living in this house for a few weeks and I was supposed to consider it my home. In a few days, Edward and I would be married and it would be my house as much as his. Yet the only place I really felt at ease here anymore was in this room. This small, out-of-place room that no one else used. Even Edward’s office didn’t feel welcoming to me lately. As for our bedroom…
What am I doing here?
Part of me wanted to find the answer to that question. I just didn’t know. The wedding was rushing at me so fast and I kept spinning back to how little Edward seemed to understand me. It was enough to make anyone nauseous.
“I take it…well, that must have been your news. You’re clearly very excited. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could share it with me.” The reserve in Edward’s voice made it hard for me to let my guard down.
He wasn’t sorry for talking about me with Kendra. For anything other than making me feel like I couldn’t tell him.
You’re clearly very excited.
This could be the gateway to my dreams and that was what he had to say? Excited? Up until a little while ago, I’d been walking on the moon. Right now, I didn’t know what I felt.
“What do you think about the interview?” I asked him softly. Forcing myself to look at him, I waited for his answer.
He came to me, moving slowly, as though he feared I’d push him away. I didn’t, but I didn’t reach for him either. His fingers were gentle and warm as he cupped my chin, lifting my face until our gazes locked.
“I think that if it makes you happy, then I’m happy. This is, after all, your dream.”
My dream…
I thought about the things that my mother had wished for. My father had wanted them just as much as she had, because she’d wanted them. And she’d felt the same for him. They’d fought for each other to have everything possible. They’d worked together to make the dreams they’d shared come true. It hadn’t always worked, but they’d always done it, side-by-side. But Edward was happy if it made me happy.
I thought that maybe I was trying too hard to be unhappy about it, but I didn’t know how to fix the ache inside me. When he pulled me up against him, I didn’t resist.
“You had a lovely surprise for me earlier.” Edward’s breath stirred my hair.
I kept my eyes closed, breathing in the warm scent of him. His body felt good against mine, solid and strong. Everything I’d always wanted, right?
“I messed up your plans. Let me make it up to you.”
When he led me to the study, I managed to smile at the candlelight picnic he’d set up on the floor in front of the empty fireplace. The familiar smell of Indian food hung in the air. “Curry.”
“Naan. Curry. It’s our first meal,” he said, guiding me to the bl
anket he’d thrown on the ground. “I can’t cook and I didn’t want to try to pretend that I could fix what I’d already ruined, so I thought I’d try a different way.”
“It’s lovely.” I sank down next to him and when he fed me bits and pieces, I ate them willingly. He was trying so hard to make things right.
“Tell me about the interview,” he said after a few minutes of silence.
I flicked him a look, shrugging. My previous excitement was gone. “You heard what I said to Cody.”
He wrapped his hand around mine. “Gabriella, please. Talk to me.”
The way he watched me brought an ache to my chest, but it wasn’t the one I was used to. This didn’t feel like a love that was going to swell up and overtake me. I felt like I was drowning.
You’re just stressed over the wedding, I told myself. Forcing a smile, I started to talk.
I told him how I’d met Benny Stern, how I’d found out about the open call. Then I told him about the projects I’d been working on. The knots inside my chest didn’t untangle, although a few of them eased when I managed to elicit a laugh from him as I described one of my more colorful characters.
“How long does it take to complete one of these projects?” he asked as he poured me a glass of wine.
“It depends on the project. Some come like wildfire. Others, it’s like I’m pulling teeth.”
“I’d go with the ones that are wildfire. They sound more fun.”
He got up to start a fire. It was hot outside, but the air was blowing high enough to make the house chilly. I supposed that’s what came from having excess money. The ability to have a fire going in August just for the mood, while the air conditioner was running to keep things cool.
“They can all be fun. It’s just…some things don’t come as easy as others. It doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it.”
“I understand that very well.” Edward’s eyes met mine.
I wasn’t able to look at him long before I averted my gaze. Reaching out, I grabbed the wine bottle and splashed the rest of it into my glass. Between the alcohol, my full belly and the heat from the fire, I was a little more relaxed, but the warm, comfortable happiness I’d felt so often with Edward seemed to be missing.