“Take your work and go home.”
“Jessie?”
She stared into his beautiful, confused eyes. He had no idea why she was upset or why she wanted him to leave, that was as clear as the frown on his face. That was the problem. She shoved the case at him again.
“Take it or I drop it.”
He gripped it from the bottom. “What is wrong?”
She fought tears while glaring up at him. She was really hurt and worse, really mad. She shouldn’t have to explain it to him but she saw that he wouldn’t understand unless she did. She released his briefcase to place her hands on her hips, ready to tell him exactly what the problem was.
“I’m done, Justice. You didn’t want anyone to know about us because you knew we wouldn’t last. You said it was to protect everyone but I assumed that was for only as long as we were still getting to know each other. How naive of me to honestly think you wanted to see if we had a future. You moved me into the house of your future mate and you just made it very clear you’re set on a Species woman. Well, guess what? Fuck you, Justice. I have feelings. Do you get that?” She yelled the last part.
His eyes narrowed. He still appeared baffled by her outburst.
“Don’t look at me that way. There’s not a thing wrong with me. You’re the problem. This unworthy-of-you human female is fed up. You’ll sleep with me, make love to me, have me fix you dinner and yet you hide the fact that we’re together.”
“We discussed this and you know it’s to protect—”
“Bullshit!” She didn’t let him finish. “Yes, I get why we should hide our relationship but I thought once we grew closer, maybe realized this was long-term, that it would change. It’s never going to until you dump me when you decide to take a mate. Would you ever be with someone who refused to acknowledge you in public? How about this one? Would you be with a woman who told you she was going to toss you aside the second she found a man she’d take seriously and made it clear that would never be you because she’s ashamed of being with you? Well, I won’t. Get the fuck out now.”
Jessie turned, stomped around him and out of the kitchen.
“Jessie! Wait. I’m not ashamed of you.”
She snorted as she spun to face him. “Right. That’s why I can’t sleep in your bed, or hell, even go in your house. Someone might find out you’re doing me. Isn’t that what you said?”
“I didn’t put it that crudely,” he growled. “We agreed to keep our relationship private. You said—”
“I don’t give a damn what I said. I didn’t know you planned to use and toss me aside regardless of whatever feelings we might share. That’s the bottom line. You don’t want anyone to find out the great leader of the NSO prefers climbing into bed with a human but only a Species is going to be your mate.” She glared. “Get out and don’t come back. I’m not doing this anymore, Justice.”
He followed when she entered the bedroom. She turned, saw him coming and tried to slam the door in his face. His hand shot out and his open palm hit it to prevent the door from closing. He shoved it back open.
“I’m not ashamed of you, Jessie. It’s just that I’m the person who is the face of New Species. What would that say if I let it be known I preferred a human? I’m risking a hell of a lot to be with you because I want you that much. I hadn’t even met you when I had the house plans drawn up. You can’t hold that against me. I put you here so we could be together.”
“You said you hope she doesn’t have a problem living this close to you. You HOPE! Not hoped. HOPE! Present tense instead of past tense. I caught that. Now get out and go find yourself a Species woman to be with. Someone you want everyone to know about. Leave.”
Justice growled. “Damn it, Jessie. You’re missing the point. I’m risking a hell of a lot to be here.”
“Big deal. It’s not a risk when you know there’s not much of a chance of anyone finding out. That’s why you had me live next door to you. You can just hop the back wall the way you did the other night when your men came to the door. That’s what you did, isn’t it? Just jumped the wall and you probably answered your own door when they checked on you. I can’t do this, and more importantly, I won’t unless you’re willing to tell everyone we’re together. Otherwise, I don’t want to be with you again. Prove to me that I mean more to you than just someone to sleep with while you bide your time, waiting to take a wife.”
“I can’t go public with our relationship, Jessie. Not even for you.” His gaze darkened, anger tightened his features and a soft growl passed his parted lips. “I have an entire race of people who look up to me and who count on me to take care of them. I have to do what’s best for them and giving fanatics a reason to target us isn’t going to help them one bit. Those humans really hate it when they find out one of us is with a human female. You’d be in danger. You couldn’t leave Homeland without being harassed at best, killed at worst. Think of your father too.”
“Get out.”
Justice shook his head. “We’re going to talk about this. You need to see reason.”
Jessie counted to ten but it barely calmed her. “I’m getting a drink.”
“Let’s talk first. I want to work this out. You mean a lot to me, Jessie.”
“Do I mean enough for you to let people know we’re together? Do you care enough to risk getting some hate mail over our relationship?”
“You do mean that much to me but I just can’t do it. I’ve thought about it often and there’s no way I can let it be known we’re a couple. You’d be in danger and it would cause too many problems. We’re happy right now. No one needs to know we share a bed at night. I have no plans to take a mate any time soon and you’re reading too much into what I said.”
The pain was sharp to Jessie’s heart. He was never going to admit to being with her and just because he didn’t want to get married to someone else right away didn’t ease the burn of knowing it would never be her he planned a future with.
“I’m thirsty. Do you want a soda?”
“No.” He was irritated.
“I’m getting one.”
She walked around him and as soon as she reached the hallway, sprinted toward the living room at a dead run. Justice cursed loudly when he realized she planned to flee and she barely made it to the front door before he grabbed her arm. Her hand hit the button, it lit up and an alarm shrieked outside. She met his stunned, wide gaze.
“Why did you do that?”
She raised her chin. “You better grab your things and run, Justice. I’m going to let them inside and they’ll find you naked if you don’t leave. Try explaining that one to your officers.”
A snarl tore from his throat. He released her and grabbed his briefcase and jacket. He remembered his shoes and tie and retrieved them before he fled out the open sliding door. Jessie ran for it and locked it behind him. She checked the windows and made sure they were locked too, until the doorbell rang.
Jessie grabbed the perfume bottle hidden inside the planter by the door and sprayed heavily. She coughed and made a face at the strong aroma of flowers as she tossed it out of sight and yanked open the door. Two officers stood there gripping guns. It was obvious from their heavy breathing that they’d rushed to her home.
“I’m so sorry! I accidentally hit it and didn’t know how to turn it off.”
One of the Species officers frowned. He inhaled and jumped back with a sneeze. “How did you accidentally set it off?” He reached inside, pushed the button and the alarm silenced.
“I stepped outside to get something from my golf cart that I forgot and came back in. I hit it instead of the light switch. I’m really sorry.” She suffered a twinge of guilt for using them to get Justice to leave but he might have talked her into giving him another chance. She deserved more than being someone’s temporary bed mate. “It won’t happen again.”
“Are you sure you are fine?”
“Yes. I’m really sorry for causing a disturbance.”
He hesitated. “You might want not
to use so much…” He made a face. “What is that smell?”
“Scented candles,” she lied. “You don’t like them?”
He sneezed again and backed up. “I think we’re allergic. Please find something else to use if you want to change the scent of your home.”
“I will. Thank you. I’m sorry about hitting the wrong button and making you sneeze from my candles.” She closed and locked the door.
Five minutes later she heard tapping on the glass slider and walked into the living room. Justice had put on jeans and a tank top. He silently stood on the other side of the glass and pointed to the lock. She shook her head and turned off the living room lights, not willing to discuss it anymore. She entered her bedroom.
“Jessie?” He was outside her bedroom window. “Let me in.”
“I’m calling security again if you don’t leave. Go away!” She pulled the curtains closed and turned off the lights.
He cursed but it grew silent. She waited a long time but he didn’t try to get her attention. She climbed into bed, tugged her underwear from her pocket and tossed them toward the floor. Tears filled her eyes and slid down her cheeks. She’d fallen in love with a man who would never allow himself to love her back. His job and people came first and always would. It really hurt.
Justice punched the wall and snarled. His knuckles split from the force as they drove through plaster. Jessie was hurting, she refused to speak to him and he had no one to blame but himself. He’d spoken without thought, mentioned the original plans he’d had and screwed up by answering her questions.
He yanked his fist back, studied the blood and pressed his other hand over it. The torn skin burned, ached and he relished the pain. He deserved it and so much more. The memory of his Jessie’s pain had been so clear in her eyes that it haunted him. The urge to go to her, to hold her in his arms, became a physical need.
“Damn,” he rasped as he turned and leaned against the damaged wall of his home office.
It’s for the best, the logical side of him reasoned. The other side of him protested loudly when his body tensed, the urge to roar gripped him and he had to take deep breaths through his nose until it passed. Jessie was stubborn. She wouldn’t see him again unless he made their relationship public knowledge and she’d made valid points when she’d yelled at him.
He battled the desire to storm out of his house, leap the wall and tear through the slider to reach his Jessie. He’d do it if he believed he could seduce her into allowing him to sleep in her bed but she’d hate him in the morning. She’d made up her mind not to see him secretly anymore.
“Damn!” He snarled, closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.
He wanted her, needed to be with Jessie as much as his next breath, but his people would suffer. She would suffer. He’d dealt with the hate groups and the press for far too long to be naive about how it would unfold. Reporters would run with the story, it would be worldwide news that Justice North was dating a human and there would be hell to pay.
Her image would be plastered on every newspaper and news station. They’d dig into her past, leaving no stone unturned to rip her life apart and offer it for public consumption. She’d then become a target of anyone who believed it was vile for a human to sleep with a Species, be labeled horrible names by them and some lunatics would wish her dead. She’d grow to hate him for the chaos her life became.
The senator would possibly lose his position or worse, keep it to rally against the NSO if he were upset his daughter had preferred a Species male over a human one. The support they still received from Washington would dry up. Money was coming in from the lawsuits against Mercile Industries but it was slow going and it might be years before they were a hundred-percent financially solvent. Their government contacts had assigned the human task force to help them recover captive Species and gave them access to track all the corporate financial records of the pharmaceutical company’s investors.
Species would die, never to be found, wherever they were being held if they lost the task-force teams. The Mercile employees who had avoided arrest would never be brought to justice if the teams stopped hunting them down. It would be a disaster, lives would be lost and he’d sworn to do everything he could for his people. Loving Jessie risked all that.
His knees buckled and he slid down the wall until he sat on the floor. He’d thought surviving the years in the testing facility would be the most painful heartache he ever suffered. He’d had no hope, no future to look forward to, but now he’d had something wonderful.
The loss of happiness left a bitter taste in his mouth. He just couldn’t keep Jessie. It would cost too much and the price wouldn’t just be his to pay. He’d die for her but it wasn’t just his life on the line.
Her father might accept you, his inner voice whispered. It might not be so bad. You could have her and keep the task teams. She might not care what happens in the outside world if she’s here where the ugliness can’t touch her. His eyes opened and he stared at the wall across the room. It was a risk, a huge one and he just couldn’t take the chance. Not for his people and definitely not with Jessie’s life.
Pain ripped through his heart and he knew it was best if he didn’t take the chance. He’d rather lose Jessie than have her hate him when everything around her was touched by the ugliness the outside world could become. He’d rather she hurt a little than watch her suffer through losing all she held dear. He bent his knee, rested his arm there and dropped his forehead against it. He refused to allow the tears that filled his eyes to fall.
He’d found love but he couldn’t have her. It had to be enough to watch her from afar, his only comfort.
Chapter Fourteen
Justice slammed his fist on the desk and glared at the phone he’d just hung up. Some new hate church had taken to the airwaves to rant about how New Species were animals, not people, and referred to the NSO as nothing more than a private zoo. It made his blood boil.
No Species had asked to be genetically altered with animal DNA, it hadn’t been a choice they were given, and their only so-called crime had been to survive year after year of abuse at the hands of scientists, doctors, and researchers who used their bodies to create drugs to help humans. Not that they got much appreciation for any medical advancements their suffering had provided.
The door opened and Tiger popped his head in cautiously. “I could hear you snarling from next door.” He edged inside and closed the door. “Are you all right?”
“It’s just a bad day.”
“That’s not uncommon. Has something happened that is unusually bad?”
“We just have a new group of people to contend with.”
“We always do.” Tiger took a seat, crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “You look like hell. Did you sleep at all last night?” His gaze lowered to Justice’s hand. “I hope whatever you punched looks worse than your hand.”
Broad shoulders shrugged. “I lost my temper.”
“That’s unlike you. You need to take a break.”
“I know but when do I have time?”
“How goes the building of your house on Reservation? I plan to come visit you and sit on that covered porch I saw in the blueprints. It looks nice and the view of the lake should be a great one. We can go fishing.”
“It’s about three weeks from being completed and I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. The inhabitants aren’t happy to have work crews in their territory. Slade is ready to shoot me for making him deal with more humans.” Justice raised a hand and tore his hair free of the thong holding it in a ponytail, shook his fingers through the strands and leaned back in his chair. “Not that I will ever have the time to enjoy it.”
“We’re working on it. The council is ready to take over some of your responsibilities. You have me, Slade, and Brass too. We’d do anything for you.”
“I know that and appreciate it.”
“What the hell is up with you, my man? Honestly, all day you’ve been terrorizing any
one who comes near you. You’re acting more like a bear than a leader. It’s out of character.”
“You sit in my chair and then we’ll see how amiable you are every day.”
Tiger blinked a few times and allowed the silence to grow uncomfortable before he spoke again.
“Whatever is wrong, you need to find a way to work through it. Everyone has noticed your anger. Are you growing to resent us? I’ve had seven of our males walk up to me in the past few hours to ask me that question. Is the stress getting to you?”
Justice sighed. “I’m having a bad day. Everyone has those.”
“You don’t. You are the most even-tempered male I know, and you keep your sense of humor. You only show this side to our enemies when you need to remind them we are not to be messed with. Do you want to fight?”
Surprise flickered through Justice. “What?”
Tiger dropped his arms, gripped the arms of the chair and leaned forward. “Fight. Do you need to get out some aggression? It feels good and you haven’t done it in a while.” He rose to his feet. “Let’s go.”
Justice hesitated.
“Now,” Tiger growled. “Take off the mask and remember who you really are.”
He stood slowly and stepped around his desk. Tiger yanked open the door and walked through the reception area. Justice glanced at his receptionist. “I’m taking a break.”
She nodded. “I’ll hold your calls.” She refused to meet his eyes.
Guilt gripped him that he might have frightened the female with his gruffness. “Thank you,” he responded sincerely. “I appreciate you.”
“Let’s go.”
Tiger opened the outer door into the main part of the NSO building and they walked side by side out into the sunshine. Brass sat in a Jeep at the curb. It surprised Justice to see him there but the male only gave him a grim nod. Tiger waved Justice to the passenger seat then gripped the roll bar, jumped up and collapsed into the backseat. Justice sat, pulled his feet inside and the engine started.