Chapter vi.
From which it may be inferred that the best things are liable to bemisunderstood and misinterpreted.
A violent uproar now arose in the entry, where my landlady was wellcuffing her maid both with her fist and tongue. She had indeed missedthe wench from her employment, and, after a little search, had foundher on the puppet-show stage in company with the Merry Andrew, and ina situation not very proper to be described.
Though Grace (for that was her name) had forfeited all title tomodesty; yet had she not impudence enough to deny a fact in which shewas actually surprized; she, therefore, took another turn, andattempted to mitigate the offence. "Why do you beat me in this manner,mistress?" cries the wench. "If you don't like my doings, you may turnme away. If I am a w--e" (for the other had liberally bestowed thatappellation on her), "my betters are so as well as I. What was thefine lady in the puppet-show just now? I suppose she did not lie allnight out from her husband for nothing."
The landlady now burst into the kitchen, and fell foul on both herhusband and the poor puppet-mover. "Here, husband," says she, "you seethe consequence of harbouring these people in your house. If one dothdraw a little drink the more for them, one is hardly made amends forthe litter they make; and then to have one's house made a bawdy-houseof by such lousy vermin. In short, I desire you would be goneto-morrow morning; for I will tolerate no more such doings. It is onlythe way to teach our servants idleness and nonsense; for to be surenothing better can be learned by such idle shows as these. I rememberwhen puppet-shows were made of good scripture stories, as Jephthah'sRash Vow, and such good things, and when wicked people were carriedaway by the devil. There was some sense in those matters; but as theparson told us last Sunday, nobody believes in the devil now-a-days;and here you bring about a parcel of puppets drest up like lords andladies, only to turn the heads of poor country wenches; and when theirheads are once turned topsy-turvy, no wonder everything else is so."
Virgil, I think, tells us, that when the mob are assembled in ariotous and tumultuous manner, and all sorts of missile weapons flyabout, if a man of gravity and authority appears amongst them, thetumult is presently appeased, and the mob, which when collected intoone body, may be well compared to an ass, erect their long ears at thegrave man's discourse.
On the contrary, when a set of grave men and philosophers aredisputing; when wisdom herself may in a manner be considered aspresent, and administering arguments to the disputants; should atumult arise among the mob, or should one scold, who is herself equalin noise to a mighty mob, appear among the said philosophers; theirdisputes cease in a moment, wisdom no longer performs her ministerialoffice, and the attention of every one is immediately attracted by thescold alone.
Thus the uproar aforesaid, and the arrival of the landlady, silencedthe master of the puppet-show, and put a speedy and final end to thatgrave and solemn harangue, of which we have given the reader asufficient taste already. Nothing indeed could have happened so veryinopportune as this accident; the most wanton malice of fortune couldnot have contrived such another stratagem to confound the poor fellow,while he was so triumphantly descanting on the good morals inculcatedby his exhibitions. His mouth was now as effectually stopt, as that ofquack must be, if, in the midst of a declamation on the great virtuesof his pills and powders, the corpse of one of his martyrs should bebrought forth, and deposited before the stage, as a testimony of hisskill.
Instead, therefore, of answering my landlady, the puppet-show man ranout to punish his Merry Andrew; and now the moon beginning to putforth her silver light, as the poets call it (though she looked atthat time more like a piece of copper), Jones called for hisreckoning, and ordered Partridge, whom my landlady had just awakedfrom a profound nap, to prepare for his journey; but Partridge, havinglately carried two points, as my reader hath seen before, wasemboldened to attempt a third, which was to prevail with Jones to takeup a lodging that evening in the house where he then was. Heintroduced this with an affected surprize at the intention which MrJones declared of removing; and, after urging many excellent argumentsagainst it, he at last insisted strongly that it could be to no mannerof purpose whatever; for that, unless Jones knew which way the ladywas gone, every step he took might very possibly lead him the fartherfrom her; "for you find, sir," said he, "by all the people in thehouse, that she is not gone this way. How much better, therefore,would it be to stay till the morning, when we may expect to meet withsomebody to enquire of?"
This last argument had indeed some effect on Jones, and while he wasweighing it the landlord threw all the rhetoric of which he was masterinto the same scale. "Sure, sir," said he, "your servant gives youmost excellent advice; for who would travel by night at this time ofthe year?" He then began in the usual stile to trumpet forth theexcellent accommodation which his house afforded; and my landladylikewise opened on the occasion----But, not to detain the reader withwhat is common to every host and hostess, it is sufficient to tell himJones was at last prevailed on to stay and refresh himself with a fewhours' rest, which indeed he very much wanted; for he had hardly shuthis eyes since he had left the inn where the accident of the brokenhead had happened.
As soon as Jones had taken a resolution to proceed no farther thatnight, he presently retired to rest, with his two bedfellows, thepocket-book and the muff; but Partridge, who at several times hadrefreshed himself with several naps, was more inclined to eating thanto sleeping, and more to drinking than to either.
And now the storm which Grace had raised being at an end, and mylandlady being again reconciled to the puppet-man, who on his sideforgave the indecent reflections which the good woman in her passionhad cast on his performances, a face of perfect peace and tranquillityreigned in the kitchen; where sat assembled round the fire thelandlord and landlady of the house, the master of the puppet-show, theattorney's clerk, the exciseman, and the ingenious Mr Partridge; inwhich company past the agreeable conversation which will be found inthe next chapter.