Chapter vii.
Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of the goodcompany assembled in the kitchen.
Though the pride of Partridge did not submit to acknowledge himself aservant, yet he condescended in most particulars to imitate themanners of that rank. One instance of this was, his greatly magnifyingthe fortune of his companion, as he called Jones: such is a generalcustom with all servants among strangers, as none of them wouldwillingly be thought the attendant on a beggar: for, the higher thesituation of the master is, the higher consequently is that of the manin his own opinion; the truth of which observation appears from thebehaviour of all the footmen of the nobility.
But, though title and fortune communicate a splendor all around them,and the footmen of men of quality and of estate think themselvesentitled to a part of that respect which is paid to the quality andestate of their masters, it is clearly otherwise with regard to virtueand understanding. These advantages are strictly personal, and swallowthemselves all the respect which is paid to them. To say the truth,this is so very little, that they cannot well afford to let any otherspartake with them. As these therefore reflect no honour on thedomestic, so neither is he at all dishonoured by the most deplorablewant of both in his master. Indeed it is otherwise in the want of whatis called virtue in a mistress, the consequence of which we havebefore seen: for in this dishonour there is a kind of contagion,which, like that of poverty, communicates itself to all who approachit.
Now for these reasons we are not to wonder that servants (I mean amongthe men only) should have so great regard for the reputation of thewealth of their masters, and little or none at all for their characterin other points, and that, though they would be ashamed to be thefootman of a beggar, they are not so to attend upon a rogue or ablockhead; and do consequently make no scruple to spread the fame ofthe iniquities and follies of their said masters as far as possible,and this often with great humour and merriment. In reality, a footmanis often a wit as well as a beau, at the expence of the gentlemanwhose livery he wears.
After Partridge, therefore, had enlarged greatly on the vast fortuneto which Mr Jones was heir, he very freely communicated anapprehension, which he had begun to conceive the day before, and forwhich, as we hinted at that very time, the behaviour of Jones seemedto have furnished a sufficient foundation. In short, he was now prettywell confirmed in an opinion that his master was out of his wits, withwhich opinion he very bluntly acquainted the good company round thefire.
With this sentiment the puppet-show man immediately coincided. "Iown," said he, "the gentleman surprized me very much, when he talkedso absurdly about puppet-shows. It is indeed hardly to be conceivedthat any man in his senses should be so much mistaken; what you saynow accounts very well for all his monstrous notions. Poor gentleman!I am heartily concerned for him; indeed he hath a strange wildnessabout his eyes, which I took notice of before, though I did notmention it."
The landlord agreed with this last assertion, and likewise claimed thesagacity of having observed it. "And certainly," added he, "it must beso; for no one but a madman would have thought of leaving so good ahouse to ramble about the country at that time of night."
The exciseman, pulling his pipe from his mouth, said, "He thought thegentleman looked and talked a little wildly;" and then turning toPartridge, "if he be a madman," says he, "he should not be suffered totravel thus about the country; for possibly he may do some mischief.It is a pity he was not secured and sent home to his relations."
Now some conceits of this kind were likewise lurking in the mind ofPartridge; for, as he was now persuaded that Jones had run away fromMr Allworthy, he promised himself the highest rewards if he could byany means convey him back. But fear of Jones, of whose fierceness andstrength he had seen, and indeed felt, some instances, had howeverrepresented any such scheme as impossible to be executed, and haddiscouraged him from applying himself to form any regular plan for thepurpose. But no sooner did he hear the sentiments of the excisemanthan he embraced that opportunity of declaring his own, and expresseda hearty wish that such a matter could be brought about.
"Could be brought about!" says the exciseman: "why, there is nothingeasier."
"Ah! sir," answered Partridge, "you don't know what a devil of afellow he is. He can take me up with one hand, and throw me out atwindow; and he would, too, if he did but imagine--"
"Pogh!" says the exciseman, "I believe I am as good a man as he.Besides, here are five of us."
"I don't know what five," cries the landlady, "my husband shall havenothing to do in it. Nor shall any violent hands be laid upon anybodyin my house. The young gentleman is as pretty a young gentleman asever I saw in my life, and I believe he is no more mad than any of us.What do you tell of his having a wild look with his eyes? they are theprettiest eyes I ever saw, and he hath the prettiest look with them;and a very modest civil young man he is. I am sure I have bepitied himheartily ever since the gentleman there in the corner told us he wascrost in love. Certainly that is enough to make any man, especiallysuch a sweet young gentleman as he is, to look a little otherwise thanhe did before. Lady, indeed! what the devil would the lady have betterthan such a handsome man with a great estate? I suppose she is one ofyour quality folks, one of your Townly ladies that we saw last nightin the puppet-show, who don't know what they would be at."
The attorney's clerk likewise declared he would have no concern in thebusiness without the advice of counsel. "Suppose," says he, "an actionof false imprisonment should be brought against us, what defence couldwe make? Who knows what may be sufficient evidence of madness to ajury? But I only speak upon my own account; for it don't look well fora lawyer to be concerned in these matters, unless it be as a lawyer.Juries are always less favourable to us than to other people. I don'ttherefore dissuade you, Mr Thomson (to the exciseman), nor thegentleman, nor anybody else."
The exciseman shook his head at this speech, and the puppet-show mansaid, "Madness was sometimes a difficult matter for a jury to decide:for I remember," says he, "I was once present at a tryal of madness,where twenty witnesses swore that the person was as mad as a Marchhare; and twenty others, that he was as much in his senses as any manin England.--And indeed it was the opinion of most people, that it wasonly a trick of his relations to rob the poor man of his right."
"Very likely!" cries the landlady. "I myself knew a poor gentleman whowas kept in a mad-house all his life by his family, and they enjoyedhis estate, but it did them no good; for though the law gave it them,it was the right of another."
"Pogh!" cries the clerk, with great contempt, "who hath any right butwhat the law gives them? If the law gave me the best estate in thecountry, I should never trouble myself much who had the right."
"If it be so," says Partridge, "_Felix quem faciunt aliena periculacautum."_
My landlord, who had been called out by the arrival of a horseman atthe gate, now returned into the kitchen, and with an affrightedcountenance cried out, "What do you think, gentlemen? The rebels havegiven the duke the slip, and are got almost to London. It is certainlytrue, for a man on horseback just now told me so."
"I am glad of it with all my heart," cries Partridge; "then there willbe no fighting in these parts."
"I am glad," cries the clerk, "for a better reason; for I would alwayshave right take place."
"Ay, but," answered the landlord, "I have heard some people say thisman hath no right."
"I will prove the contrary in a moment," cries the clerk: "if myfather dies seized of a right; do you mind me, seized of a right, Isay; doth not that right descend to his son; and doth not one rightdescend as well as another?"
"But how can he have any right to make us papishes?" says thelandlord.
"Never fear that," cries Partridge. "As to the matter of right, thegentleman there hath proved it as clear as the sun; and as to thematter of religion, it is quite out of the case. The papiststhemselves don't expect any such thing. A popish priest, whom I knowvery well, and who is a very honest man, told me upon h
is word andhonour they had no such design."
"And another priest, of my acquaintance," said the landlady, "hathtold me the same thing; but my husband is always so afraid ofpapishes. I know a great many papishes that are very honest sort ofpeople, and spend their money very freely; and it is always a maximwith me, that one man's money is as good as another's."
"Very true, mistress," said the puppet-show man, "I don't care whatreligion comes; provided the Presbyterians are not uppermost; for theyare enemies to puppet-shows."
"And so you would sacrifice your religion to your interest," cries theexciseman; "and are desirous to see popery brought in, are you?"
"Not I, truly," answered the other; "I hate popery as much as any man;but yet it is a comfort to one, that one should be able to live underit, which I could not do among Presbyterians. To be sure, every manvalues his livelihood first; that must be granted; and I warrant, ifyou would confess the truth, you are more afraid of losing your placethan anything else; but never fear, friend, there will be an exciseunder another government as well as under this."
"Why, certainly," replied the exciseman, "I should be a very ill manif I did not honour the king, whose bread I eat. That is no more thannatural, as a man may say: for what signifies it to me that therewould be an excise-office under another government, since my friendswould be out, and I could expect no better than to follow them? No,no, friend, I shall never be bubbled out of my religion in hopes onlyof keeping my place under another government; for I should certainlybe no better, and very probably might be worse."
"Why, that is what I say," cries the landlord, "whenever folks say whoknows what may happen! Odsooks! should not I be a blockhead to lend mymoney to I know not who, because mayhap he may return it again? I amsure it is safe in my own bureau, and there I will keep it."
The attorney's clerk had taken a great fancy to the sagacity ofPartridge. Whether this proceeded from the great discernment which theformer had into men, as well as things, or whether it arose from thesympathy between their minds; for they were both truly Jacobites inprinciple; they now shook hands heartily, and drank bumpers of strongbeer to healths which we think proper to bury in oblivion.
These healths were afterwards pledged by all present, and even by mylandlord himself, though reluctantly; but he could not withstand themenaces of the clerk, who swore he would never set his foot within hishouse again, if he refused. The bumpers which were swallowed on thisoccasion soon put an end to the conversation. Here, therefore, we willput an end to the chapter.