My brother will be so disappointed in me.
He expects me to finish school. He’s worked so hard to provide for me. How could I let him down like this?
You don’t have to have the baby.
I don’t have to tell anyone at all.
There’s a clinic near school.
I always thought if this happened, that’s exactly what I’d do. Was one hundred percent positive that’s what I’d do.
Now, I don’t know.
Tears roll down my cheeks, dripping onto the floor and soaking into my hair. My stomach lurches, and I can’t catch my breath.
Shooting into a sitting position, I slap my hand over my chest and take several deep, wheezy breaths.
The tears fall harder.
My life’s over. I’ve never had a job. I’ve just barely started college. If I even make it through this semester, I have three more left before I can get my associate’s degree. How?
How am I going to do all of that with a baby?
Will Axel freak out or be happy when I tell him? Will he leave me to do this on my own?
I’ve been sitting on the floor for a long time now.
I’m so scared.
Church has a different vibe to it this week. After we sit down and go through regular club business, Rock points at Wrath.
“Tell me what went down with Sway and my wife while I was away.”
Wrath frowns in confusion then glances my way. I give him a subtle shrug and his gaze skips to Z before answering. “Nothing. He was just a dick. Murphy was ready to kill him.”
“We took care of it,” Z explains. “He was bent because he wanted to know if, with you out of the picture, we were still against running guns.”
Rock nods slowly. “Fucking prick.”
“Pretty much,” I agree.
“Oh, he was also surprised none of us were fucking her while you were away,” Wrath adds, grinning and shifting away in anticipation of a kick from Rock.
“He say that to her?” Rock asks.
“No. Just us,” Z says.
Rock nods, but I don’t think the matter is completely closed yet. He runs his gaze over the rest of us. “Hoot and Birch, what are we doing about them?”
“Let’s take a vote. They’re both ready,” Ravage says.
“We’ve waited long enough since Hoot’s last vote,” Stash agrees. Hoot hadn’t been quite ready but he’d dedicated himself to the club since then and I agree with Stash that it’s time.
Wrath glances at Rock. “Why don’t we vote on Axel, too?”
“Fuck that,” I snap. “He ain’t been here long enough.”
Dex elbows me. “He stepped up a lot over the summer, prez. Not a bad idea to see where we’re at with him.”
Rock smirks at me. “I think we already know.”
I glance at Teller to see where he’s at, but he’s completely blank. Rock’s still watching me and I nod at him. “I’m cool.”
“Bring ‘em in.”
All three prospects stride in the door, all wearing uncertain faces. Hoot probably looks the most nervous since he’s done this once before. Birch runs his hand over his bushy beard, then slips his game face on.
“Thanks for being here,” Rock says to the prospects. “And thank you for everything you do around the club. I know we give you a ton of shit, but your hard work and loyalty is appreciated.”
Hoot and Birch stand up a little straighter. I think they realize what’s about to happen. Axel, on the other hand, seems confused. Or bored. It’s hard to tell.
“I think it’s time we take a vote and see if you three are fit to wear the Lost Kings’ patch,” Rock says.
Axel’s eyebrows shoot up. Yeah, even he knows it’s way too early to be voting on him. Not sure what Prez is thinking.
Hoot’s up first and everyone votes yes. Z gets up and presents him with his full three-piece patch.
Birch is also thumbs up and gets a patch.
Then it’s time for Axel.
Murphy will be the reason I don’t get voted into the club. I know it. I can feel his hatred from here.
Why I’m getting voted on so soon mystifies me. Hoot and Birch have been here way longer. In a way, it’s a relief.
Doesn’t mean I won’t use it as an excuse to give Murphy a dose of reality.
For some reason, Rock starts the voting with Teller instead of Z this time.
“Yay,” Teller says. I’m surprised. While I know Murphy will be a big fat no, I suspected Heidi’s brother might also say no.
Rock points at Murphy next and I brace myself.
I’ll give Murphy credit. He’s not a coward. He looks me straight in the eye when he says, “No.”
Even though I expected it, I’m pissed. I swallow, stare back at him, and sneer. “Let it go. Heidi isn’t picking you. It’s done.”
Murphy jumps out of his chair and narrows his eyes at me. “Fuck you. You don’t know shit.”
“The fuck I don’t,” comes out of my mouth. Low, but loud enough that everyone at the table heard it.
At the head of the table, Rock slams his fist down. “Enough. Everyone out, except my officers and Axel.”
They all file out fast. Hoot and Birch throw me a look like they don’t envy me right now.
Can’t say I blame them.
This needs to happen, though. And however it turns out, I’m fine with it. This trouble has been brewing since the day I signed up to be a prospect. Something I never would have done if it weren’t for Heidi. I know in my heart, I’m not meant for this lifestyle. Murphy’s doing me a favor, really.
Still pisses me off when I’ve busted my ass for the club for almost two years now. Even if I never patched in, I’d hoped to leave on good terms—for Heidi’s sake. After this, I don’t see how that’s possible.
As soon as everyone leaves, I face Murphy. “If you think I don’t know you tried to nail my girl before her birthday party, you’re dumber than I thought.”
The room absolutely explodes. Except for Murphy. He’s got nothing. No comment. And no shame either, apparently. He crosses his arms over his chest and stares me down, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Teller, on the other hand, has plenty to say. He brushes against my arm, bumping me out of the way to face his best friend. “Tell me that’s not true, bro.”
Before Murphy answers, I open my big, stupid mouth. “Oh, it’s true. Asshole was trying to plant his flag first. Got a little pissed when he realized I’d already set up camp.”
Was that an epically douchey thing to say?
Yup.
Do I care?
Nope.
Will it come back to bite me in the ass later?
Probably.
Teller jabs a finger at me. “You, shut the fuck up.”
Yeah, I definitely shouldn’t have said that in front of Heidi’s brother.
Wrath and Z watch the scene unfold with the barest of interest. Okay, they both look like they’re trying hard not to laugh. Rock, on the other hand, seems ready to murder someone. I just don’t think he’s decided who needs to die yet.
“For fuck’s sake, Murphy. We talked about this and you went behind my back anyway?”
This is news to me.
Murphy finally shows some remorse. “This was before our talk,” he answers quietly.
“I’ve known you my whole life. How could you?” Teller’s low voice really seems to shame Murphy, because he looks away.
Rock pushes out of his chair and grabs Teller’s attention. “Simmer down. This is between the three of them.”
Teller must be more enraged than anyone realizes, because he turns on Rock. Gets right up in his face. “Like fuck it is. Save that femi-nazi bullshit your ol’ lady’s been feeding you for someone else. This is between me and Blake—”
His tirade’s cut off by Rock’s hand around his throat, slamming him into the wall. Oh, Christ, I don’t want to be the one responsible for getting Heidi’s brother killed.
&n
bsp; “Let’s set aside the fact that I’m your president and speaking to me that way is grounds for me to beat the ever-loving fuck out of you. What I will not fucking tolerate is you talking about Hope—your president’s ol’ lady—with such disrespect when she’s done nothing but try to help you and your sister out since the day she met your sorry ass. Are we clear?”
Teller’s turning a bit blue in the face, but he manages to nod.
“Good.” Rock releases Teller’s neck. Teller staggers to the side, coughing and shaking his head.
Sitting back down, Rock pinches the bridge of his nose. “Jesus fuck, I don’t even know where to start.”
“It’s Wrath’s job to administer the beatdowns,” Z throws out with a snarky grin. The reality that I might not survive a beating from Wrath settles into my skin, and I have to fight the urge to run from the room.
Wrath slowly turns his head and fixes Z with an are-you-out-of-your-mind face before speaking. “I’m not sure where to start, either. Murphy for fucking around with another brother’s girl—”
“He ain’t a fucking brother,” Murphy interrupts.
Wrath continues as if Murphy hadn’t even spoken. “And disrespecting a fellow brother by fucking around with his sister. Or Teller for disrespecting the prez and his ol’ lady.” His scary-as-fuck eyes swing to me. “Or you.”
“Why me? I didn’t do anything.” Even to my own ears, I sound like a little bitch.
“I don’t know. I just feel like kicking your ass all of a sudden. It was probably the setting up camp comment,” he adds without a trace of amusement.
See, I knew that would bite me in the ass.
Even though Wrath terrifies the fuck out of me, I keep my feet firmly planted where they are. He seems to respect that and nods before turning back to Teller and Murphy.
“Given I might accidentally kill one of you, it’s probably better that Z dole out the beatings you two assholes have coming.”
It takes a second to comprehend Wrath’s threat. I wonder if he’s referring to his girlfriend’s past relationship with those two jackasses. Personally, I’ve always thought that whole situation was pretty fucked.
Until I found myself in a similar situation.
Then I understood it a whole lot better.
I have to give Axel credit. I didn’t see this coming.
Wrath kicking my ass? Sure, I’ve been waiting on that one for a while now.
Teller upset that I messed around with Heidi? I figured he might be uncomfortable. Maybe not thrilled. This level of pissed? No, I didn’t expect that.
Axel having the balls to call me out in front of every one, though?
I underestimated him.
That Heidi apparently confessed to her boyfriend and he forgave her and focused his rage on me? Nope. Never saw that coming.
When this clusterfuck dies down, I need to seriously consider having my head removed from my ass.
If I were a fraction smarter, I would’ve seen all of this coming.
Not that it would have mattered. Still wasn’t voting Axel in. I know I’m a dick for letting a girl fuck with club business. And if it were any other girl in the world, I wouldn’t. Which by the way, is probably the only reason Rock won’t strip my patch for this epic fuckupedness.
“Given I might accidentally kill one of you, it’s probably better that Z dole out the beatings you two assholes have coming.”
Wrath’s deadly voice breaks into my thoughts. It should scare the piss out of me. The fact that I think he’s referring to Trinity reminds me of what a piece of shit I am. I sort of welcome the ass kicking I’ve got coming.
“Did you touch her?” Teller demands.
No way am I talking about anything that’s gone on between me and Heidi in front of all my brothers. I cross my arms over my chest and stare him down, letting him know this topic is off-limits.
Teller shakes his head. “Fucker.” He turns on Axel. “And you. I catch you over at our apartment again, I’ll murder you.”
Axel backs up a few steps. “That’s fine. We’re planning to get our own apartment anyway.”
Damn, the kid has balls. If this situation were slightly different, I’d have mad respect for him.
Teller isn’t really seeing the grit in this kid. Nope. He lunges at him, tackling him to the ground.
“Enough!” Rock roars. “Get him off Axel.” He points to Z, who hauls Teller away and throws him down on one of the couches in the back of the room. Wrath has his head down, but if his shaking shoulders are any indication—he’s laughing.
I’d laugh too if I weren’t so fucking miserable.
“Jesus Christ,” Rock grumbles. “A simple fuckin’ vote. You guys have to be shittin’ me.” He jabs a finger in the air at Teller. “Your sister’s eighteen. She’s an adult. I suggest you calm the fuck down before talking to her or you’re gonna piss her the fuck off.”
Rock swings his presidential glare my way next, but the corners of his mouth are ever-so-slightly turned up, telling me he’s not horribly pissed at me.
Thank fuck.
As I arrive at the clubhouse, everyone except the officers storm out of the war room.
Axel doesn’t come out, either.
That can’t be good.
Maybe they voted him in?
I need to tell Axel about the baby. Maybe he’ll think it’s good news if he hears it on the same day he patched in to the club.
Ravage and Dex glance at me and Dex shakes his head. A strange, prickly sensation tickles my skin. I open my mouth to ask what’s going on, but Birch’s voice stops me.
“That shit with Murphy hatin’ on Axel’s just gonna get worse. No way is he ever gonna vote—” He stops when he notices me, and Dex punches him in the arm.
“Club business stays in there.” He jerks his thumb toward the closed war room doors and walks out the front door with Ravage.
Hoot laughs and smacks Birch. “Christ, you’re gonna lose your patch before you even get to wear it.”
I know better than to say anything. Over the years, I’ve learned if I keep quiet and fade into the background, the guys will talk about all sorts of things in front of me.
Except, they both glare at me.
That’s never happened before.
Since Axel’s a prospect, I’ve hung out with Hoot and Birch plenty of times. They’ve always been cool to hang out with. Plus, my brother’s the treasurer, so they’d be nuts to disrespect me.
But now they leave without speaking to me.
An uneasy feeling creeps through my stomach. More than the morning sickness that seems to attack me all day long. I run down to the bathroom to throw up and when I return, Trinity’s walking in the front door.
She tips her head at the closed war room doors. “They still in church?” she asks.
“Yup. Everyone else left, except the officers and Axel.”
Her forehead wrinkles and she crosses the room to stand in front of me. “That can’t be good.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too.” I still feel awkward around Trinity. She’s a girl, though. Maybe I should ask her what to do? I really need to talk to Hope, but she’s not around this afternoon.
A few minutes later, Wrath and Z storm out. No sign of my brother, Murphy, Axel or Uncle Rock.
“What’s going on?” Trinity asks.
Wrath’s gaze slides to me and he shakes his head. “Nothing. Club business.”
Club business is the guys’ way of nicely saying, “None of your business.” I’ve heard it for years.
The only good thing I can say is that they never use that excuse unless it really is about club business.
The bad thing is, I know it means Axel didn’t get voted in.
Rock’s about to let us all go. Teller’s calmed down. Sort of. Murphy doesn’t have the stones to look at me at all.
“Can we talk, prez?” I ask, after the two of them leave.
“Yeah. Sit.” He points to Z’s chair and I feel a little uneasy taking it.
> “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. But I think…I think I’m done with the club.”
He sighs and sits back in his chair, but his eyes never leave me. “I figured. I’m sorry. I know you’ve worked hard and you’ve been an asset to us. You know guys get voted down and still patch in later.”
“We both know Murphy will never vote me in. I understand why it has to be unanimous. Honestly, I don’t blame him. I don’t one hundred percent trust him and I know that’s a problem.”
“You want me to put in a word with Sway for you? He wouldn’t make you start over with a full two years of prospecting.”
The thought of moving to the Lost Kings MC’s downstate charter is incredibly unappealing. I spent some time there last year and they run things very different from the way Rock runs things.
“No. I—I like how things are run here. I don’t think I could—”
He holds up a hand. “I get it.”
Now, I understand in some clubs a prospect might not make it out alive. They’ve seen too much. Know too much. I have my guesses, but other than the strip club, I have no clue how the Lost Kings earn their money.
“This will make things difficult for Heidi,” he says, completely surprising me that Heidi’s his first concern here. This is why leaving the club is hard. Rock’s a good guy and I respect him a lot. Respect the way he takes care of the members of his club. Yeah, Wrath and Z have ridden me pretty hard and thrown a lot of work on me, but they’ve also always treated me with respect.
“I won’t stop Heidi from visiting.”
“You’re always welcome here for family functions. I want you to know that.”
“Thank you. Appreciate it.”
He stands and walks over to the locked cabinet where I’ve only seen him take stuff out of a handful of times.
“You done at the end of this semester?”
“Yes.”
“Got anything lined up?”
“I have some leads. I can take care of Heidi.”
The corners of his mouth lift. “Good. Glad to hear it. Even so, if you need a reference, use my name. I’ve got a contact at a diesel shop over in Ironworks I can put you in touch with.”