“Daniel,” she said as we kissed and touched.
I needed a dozen hands. “Yes?”
“Do you like me?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
Her tongue pressed against mine. There was a pause.
“Do you love me?” she whispered.
“I guess,” I mumbled.
She drew back; it was nice to see all of her. Thank God for shallow ends.
“You're not sure?” she asked, and maybe she was hurt.
I pulled her back. “It's always a possibility.”
She moved her mouth to my ear.
“I will make you sure,” she promised.
Much later, when we were lying naked in her bed together, her head resting on my contented chest, she asked if I had ever slept with a girl before.
“No,” I said. “At least, not that I remember.”
She liked that. She got up on her elbows. The light in the room was low, the moon peeking in through lacy curtains. Her skin seemed to glow.
“Would you be upset if I told you that you weren't the first?”
I considered. “You do seem experienced.” I hastily added, “That's not necessarily bad.”
She studied me. “I won’t tell you who it was, but it was somebody at school.”
I felt a stab at jealousy. “Tell me.”
She played with my hair. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I don't screw and tell.”
“Is that what we're doing? Screwing?”
She tugged at my hair. “Screwing is not a bad thing. But I’d like us to go somewhere after tonight.”
“Where?”
She kissed my chest. “Somewhere special. A realm of magic.”
I touched her hair. “You are magic.”
“Thank you.”
“But you can tell me who it was, I won't get upset.”
She ran her nail along my lower lip. “Yes. You will.”
“How do you know?”
“It was someone you know.”
Not a pleasant thought. “Who?”
“I told you already. I don't tell. It doesn't matter, it's over now.”
“But how well do I know this person?”
She looked sad.
“We shouldn't be talking about this. Please?”
“All right.” I felt unsettled. “What did you want to talk about?”
Her mood had changed. She sat up and stared at the window, then reached out and pulled the lacy curtains aside. The unfiltered moonlight on her face made her appear ghostlike. A spirit from an alien world.
“Shena scared me tonight,” she said softly. “I thought she'd do it.”
“What?”
“You know. Die.” She paused. “Do you think about death much?”
“Yes.” I paused. “I think that's why I'm drawn to esoteric books. But I am beginning to think death is a mystery that can't be solved.”
“Shena almost solved it tonight.”
“I don't think solving the age-old riddle was her motivation.”
Gale stared at me. “Jimmy did tell her to hook up the cables the wrong way. I saw it all. When I turned on my car and gunned the engine, the battery exploded right in her face. It was his fault and she has a right to hate him.”
I sat up. “Do you hate him?”
Of course I was asking another question. I was relieved when she shook her head. “I don't hate anyone.”
“Why didn't you wash the acid off her face immediately?” I asked.
“We had no water.”
“But why didn't you just wipe it off?”
Gale grimaced. “I wanted to, but she was crying so hard. I was afraid of wiping off her skin.” She paused. “But I should have done something. Do you know a day doesn't go by that I don't think of that night? Sometimes, lying here in the dark, it's all I can think of. Pretty sick, huh?”
“No. It means you're compassionate.”
“Am I? When she was screaming in pain, I kept thinking that I was glad it was her who had been standing next to the battery and not me. Does that make me cool?”
“It was an accident. There was nothing you could do.”
She studied me. “But you were questioning me. I don’t know if you really believe there was nothing I could do.”
“I do. I believe you.”
She smiled slightly. “But you don't know if you love me.”
“Do you love me?”I asked.
Her smile stayed small, guarded. “I'd like to. But I worry.”
“You worry about what?”
She frowned. “Time.”
“That we don't have enough of it?”
“Yeah. I guess that's it.”
“But we’re young. God, we just graduated from high school. We have all the time in the world, Gale, why are you talking this way?”
She lay back down, but with her back to me.
Her voice, when she answered, sounded as if it came from a distance.
“I don't know why, but I feel we're all cursed.”
J wanted to ask her to explain.
More, I wanted to know why I suddenly felt the same way.
CHAPTER NINE
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, SATURDAY, I SAT alone in my living room and thought of Gale. I couldn't think of anything else. My parents were at the movies, so I had the house to myself. I felt I could be content to sit there all afternoon and replay the events of the previous day. It was the most exotic videotape ever made, my laser disc memory of our final day at school. Even Shena's attempted suicide and Gale's late night bout of melancholy did little to upset the sweet tape that continued to loop through my brain.
I felt like I was in love.
Then I experienced a surge of the strange energy. The magnet, where had I put it? I stood and went into my bedroom and brought it and the large page of letters out. I tried to steady the string before I began. I wondered what Mentor would think of last night.
“Do you want to talk?”
Yes. It swung clockwise.
“Do you want to do what we did yesterday?”
Yes and no.
“Spell out what you want to say,” I said.
The words were spelled slowly but deliberately.
Get a tape recover. You will now speak for me directly.
I felt nervous. “Do you think I am ready?”
It will take some practice. You will feel as if you are speaking your own thoughts and not mine. This will be partly true, since I will be using your nervous system to communicate. But relax and have no fear – you will not go into a trance. You will be in control at all times, yet, at the same time, you must let go in order for the process to occur. To help you do this I want you to sit comfortably with the rape recorder on, and take long slow deep breaths for ten minutes. Breathe through your nose. Do not hyperventilate, just breathe easily. At the end of this time sit quietly and you will feel an urge to speak. Just go with this urge and don't care if what you say makes sense. It may not at first. But soon you will slip into a flow and you will feel great peace descend. Then, when you have a question you can ask it aloud and I will answer it in your voice. Once again, have no fear. It is only fear that can block the process. When you are with me, you are with yourself. In a manner of speaking, you will be home.
I considered for a moment. I could already feel a sense of peace. It gave me faith. There was a sweetness to Mentor's energy that I could not define.
“OK,” I said.
I had a small cassette player in my room. After finding a ninety-minute blank tape, I popped it in and rested the attached microphone. It was working fine. Returning to the living room, I sat in my father's favorite chair and positioned the recorder on the adjacent end table. I crossed my legs and closed my eyes. I wanted to be as comfortable as possible, I didn't know how long Mentor would speak.
Yet I didn't really have much faith that this would work.
The breathing was very relaxing. I glanced at my watch at the start, but didn't time anythin
g exactly. At some point I think I drifted off, I could have fallen asleep, but I didn't think I did. I became aware that I was unusually relaxed. Words suddenly popped out of my mouth without my anticipating them.
“You are ready to begin,” I said.
Somebody said. Or was it me? My voice sounded much the same, maybe slightly deeper. For a moment I had to struggle to keep my eyes closed and stay relaxed. More words emerged from my mouth.
“You are ready to begin.”
“Is that you Mentor?” I whispered.
“Yes.”
“But I feel like I am speaking.”
“You are speaking.”
“But how do I know it's really you?”
“Relax and let it happen. Let there be no concern. Certainty will come later.”
“OK.”
“What do you wish to ask?”
My state of relaxation was deepening. Once again I felt the subtle movement of energy around my head and at the base of my spine. It was soothing and seemed both electrical and magnetic in origin, and as my attention focused on it, I felt my breathing slow even more.
“Is this all real?” I whispered.
“Yes.”
“It is not a prelude to madness?”
“No.”
“But schizophrenics hear voices?”
“Do you hear voices?”
“No.”
“Do you hear anything?”
“No. Just normal sounds.”
“Then you are not schizophrenic. You are able to speak these words because you are entering a refined state of consciousness. In this state you do not have any awareness of things in particular, you simply have a heightened state of awareness. To make it more confusing this is a state of non-knowing, where anything can be known. It is a state of innocence, and in that innocence you can recognize that faint impulse of this telepathy.”
“Is this how people communicate on your planet, through telepathy?”
“Yes.”
“Can you send a spaceship for me and let me visit your planet?”
“No. If you came here in a physical ship you would find my planet covered with molten lava. At your level of density, my planet is unsuitable for human life. We do not exist at your density. You are what is called third density. We vibrate at a higher level, a fourth density. Yet long ago we were as human as you beings on Earth are at present. At that time, this world was much like your Earth. But that was millions of years ago.”
“So you have evolved beyond physical matter?”
“Yes. The physical system is but one of many, although your scientists think it is all that exists. But soon, very soon, they will have to change their way of thinking.”
“How so?”
“Groups like yours will begin to emerge. They will possess powers your modern physical theories cannot explain. Perhaps your group will be one that will have a positive effect on humanity.”
“You speak of me as different from you. But yesterday you said we were the same.”
“We are the same, and in a larger sense we are different aspects of an even greater entity. But you, Daniel, deep inside, are not truly third density. You are like me, fourth density. You have merely taken on the shell of third-density existence to serve the people of Earth. It is a great sacrifice for you to be on Earth.”
I felt myself smile. “It wasn't last night.”
“Your favorite illusion. I am pleased you had fun.”
“So what you're saying is that when I die, I will be with you?”
“Yes. You will not only be with me, you will be me.”
“I will be on your world?”
“Yes.”
“Cool.”
“Yes.”
“Is Ortee beautiful?”
“There is beauty here beyond your wildest imagination. The joys of third density cannot compare to fourth density bliss. Your greatest joy on Earth would seem like abject suffering to us.”
“Do all people who die on Earth move into fourth density?”
“No. They must reincarnate many times before they perfect themselves enough to move on to fourth-density experience. Between lives, however, they rest and enjoy and assimilate what they have learned in their previous lives.”
“But what you are saying is that my friends are all fourth density, correct?”
“Correct.”
“And we have incarnated to work as a group to help humanity?”
“Correct.”
“What specifically will we do?”
“When you awaken to your inner nature, you will develop powers. You will use those powers to help people, to demonstrate to them that there is more than the physical reality.”
“You hinted yesterday that we could misuse these powers.”
“Yes.”
“Is that likely?”
“All is possible. It is up to you.”
“Can these powers be used to harm?”
“Yes.”
“Why does humanity need our help?”
“Evolution is cyclical. Humanity as a whole is about to complete one cycle. To continue to progress, humans must begin to look within for truth, not just outside to science, or even religion or philosophy for that matter. All these institutions are products of early third-density society. To you they possess your highest truths and embody your fondest wishes, but from our perspective they are merely a phase of growth.”
“It sounds like our group has an important role to play.”
“Yes and no. As I stated yesterday, you are uniquely qualified to help humanity. But all are equal in the eyes of the One Infinite Creator. Do not think of yourselves as important, it is the surest way to distort the powers that will soon come to you. Be innocent like children, as your mind is now, and you will know what to do.”
“Is Gale close to me on your world? I mean, is her counterpart married to you?”
“We do not have marriage at our level. We do not have bodies as you understand bodies, although we do have form. And all are close in this density, all are one.”
“But is she special to you in any way?”
“You cling to your illusions. Be wary of them.”
“Is it bad that I am with Gale?”
“It is neither bad nor good. It is inevitable.”
“OK,” I muttered. I wanted Mentor's stamp of approval, but I could see what he was driving at. As we talked, my euphoria kept deepening. I felt expanded, no longer inside my body. I felt as if I were floating. Yet I could still feel my hands, my arms, and my legs. In no way did I believe my free will was being infringed.
“Very good.”
“What is very good?” I asked.
“You see how crucial free will is. Throughout the galaxy, those of a positive vibration will never infringe upon free will.”
“That's nice.” I paused. “Are there negative beings in the galaxy?”
“Yes.”
“What are they like?”
“They are of many densities, like positive beings, third, fourth, fifth, sixth. The main characteristic of them is that they infringe upon others’ free will and serve only themselves. They have no love. They exist by enslaving others, while positive beings grow by helping to free others. You have been born on Earth to make humanity more aware.”
“Could these negative beings obstruct my mission?”
“They are trying to do so at this moment.”
“How?”
“They are trying to feed you ideas of self-importance. When the false personality, or what you call the ego, dominates the positivity of any being decreases.”
“So these negative beings are on the subtle plane?”
“They are both subtle and physical. Fourth-density negative beings are also among your people at this time, in large numbers, equal numbers to the positive fourth-density beings. To maintain free will in your society, this balance is necessary.”
“Do I know any of these fourth-density beings?”
“I cannot answer that ques
tion.”
“Why not?”
“To do so would be to infringe upon your free will.”
“I don't mind.”
“I cannot answer that question.”
“Do you honestly expect me to tell all my friends that I’m talking to a spaceman?”
“Yes.”
“They'll think I've lost my mind.”
“Only at first. Remember, they, too, are spacemen. Deep inside they will know you speak the truth. They have been waiting for this time to arrive, a time when you are all together.”
“When should I tell them?”
“Soon. But first you must get them all alone and in a harmonious spot. Suggest a retreat into the mountains, beside a lake perhaps. You have just graduated, and it would be natural for you to take a short vacation. Do not talk about me beforehand. But when you are all together, late at night, speak a little of me and then let me come and talk to the group. Have them close their eyes and breathe as you have done. They will begin to feel the peace you feel now. In that state I will be able to briefly lift you and them into a higher state and give you a glimpse of this fourth density. From that point on, the inner nature of each member of the group will begin to grow dramatically.”
“Will we all be enlightened at this point?”
“There are many levels of enlightenment. But, no, I would say you will just be beginning on the path to enlightenment. Many obstacles will still stand before you.”
“How do we defeat these obstacles?”
“By moving into stillness, into yourself, into innocence. Then you will know what is the right course to take.”
“Will negative beings try to mess up our retreat?”
“Of course.”
“Can you stop them?”
“You must stop them. If all your obstacles are removed, your growth will be inhibited.”
“I just can't see this working.”
“You did not think you could speak for me, but here you are doing it.”
“As long as you are not just a figment of my imagination.”
“We are all figments in the One Infinite Creator's great dream. This creation, all densities, are merely parts of one vast drama. One day you will see that again, and all your pain will be swept away. The task ahead of you is important, but it is all a play as well. The more you see the play from the director's point of view, the closer you will be to wisdom.”