“I’m good at all things sexually related. Let’s just clear the air.”
“You sure?” Max rolled his eyes. “I mean how do you really know?”
Well, shit, he had me there. I averted my gaze. “I just know.”
“Is that hesitation I see in your eyes? Kiss me.”
“Hell, no!” I shouted.
Max shrugged. “Fine, don’t kiss me, but at least hit on me. Okay, so pretend I’m Milo and you’re about to make your move and declare your love, blah blah blah.”
“No.” I stood my ground. “I’m going to do it my way.”
“Your way is going to be another two years of cat and mouse. You gotta play her game to win it.”
Damn him. He had a point. Milo wasn’t most girls. What if he was right about everything else too?
“I see the wheels of your mind turning—fascinating. Tell me, do you actually feel the smoke coming out of your ears?”
“You’re a jackass.”
Max grinned. “I’ve been called worse. My mom hates me.”
“What?”
“Thirteen-pound baby. Hate isn’t a strong enough word. When I came into the world, she told my father our family was cursed. Anyways, over-share. Okay, so I’m Milo . . . you do what? What do you say first?”
I shuffled my feet.
“Stop looking down.”
Shit. “Fine.” I licked my lips nervously. “Milo, I know that things have been—difficult, and . . .”
Max winced as I kept going.
“And, um, I know that . . .” And just like that, my mind went blank.
“Wheels stopped moving, didn’t they?” Max nodded in understanding.
“Yeah.” I covered my face with my hands. “How the hell am I going to do this?”
“Follow my lead.”
I nodded as Max put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me forward. “You irritate the hell out of me, but I can’t stand it any longer. I want you, and only you, for the rest of my life. I want to kiss you, I want to make love with you, I want to have children with you. I want a life with you. And if you try to run I’m just going to hunt you down. You and me. Forever.”
“I really need to start knocking,” a voice said from the door.
Max and I jumped away from each other, I hit my chest, he burped, and I’m pretty sure there was some ball scratching and shifty eyes.
“Found the Advil.” Jason lifted it into the air. “Anything you boys need to tell me?”
“He loves Milo!” Max shouted.
“Shh!” I smacked him on the chest as Milo moaned in her sleep.
“No shit.” A bored expression crossed Jason’s face. “So why are you hitting on him, Max?”
“He wasn’t,” I said defensively, my voice cracking. “He said that I couldn’t just come out and tell Milo how I felt, that she may overthink things and freak.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah, shit-for-brains is probably right.”
“And again, been called worse,” Max pointed out. “Not a big deal. Just trying to help a friend so I can finally go on a date where I don’t feel guilty that Milo’s home watching Star Wars and eating her body weight in ice cream.”
“You’re a good friend.” Jason pounded Max’s back in appreciation.
“I’m the best friend,” Max said crisply. “And I don’t care how much you love her, Colt. Or that you want to make fireman babies—I’m still the best friend, you feel me?”
“Actually it was more like you were feeling him earlier . . .” Jason piped up.
“Yeah.” I held out my fist and bumped his knuckles. “I feel you.”
“Good.” Max looked at the clock on the nightstand. “Now let’s go over this again. She put you through hell. You need to make sure she understands that regardless of what she’s done to you, you’ll still fight for her. Think you can do that tomorrow?”
I nodded, and then inspiration hit. Jenna. “Oh, yeah, I think I can manage.”
“Awesome.”
The room fell silent.
I looked at Jason; he was leaning against the wall, head hung.
“Still going through with it?” Max asked what I was thinking.
“Got any bright ideas in that head of yours for me?” Jason laughed humorlessly. “After all, the bridesmaids said she didn’t drink all night.”
“Actually.” Max snapped his fingers. “I think I do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
MILO
The first thought that came to me as I tried to remove my sandpaper tongue from the roof of my mouth?
Tequila may have been a bad idea.
The second thought?
Colton. Naked. A naked Colton standing before me in all his godlike glory and me staring. Like a psychopath. I mean, I should have said something, right? Like “Oh, you’re hot,” or “Wow, work out much?” Instead I’m pretty sure I said something inappropriate and then yelled at him in the car.
I believe puking was also involved in my night of fun, as well as a heavy dose of shame.
“Ugh . . .” I moved to a sitting position.
“Feeling better?” Max held out a cup of coffee.
“Don’t shout!”
“Trust me, you did plenty of shouting in bed last night.” He winked.
Holy crap.
I set the coffee down on the nightstand and looked under the covers to make sure my clothes were still on.
Was I that girl?
The drunk hussy who slept with her best friend?
“Was it good for you?” Max leaned toward me.
“Yes?”
“Wow, I expected you to be more enthusiastic.”
“It was awesome.”
Max rolled his eyes. “You didn’t even taste it.”
“P-pardon?”
“You have to put it in your mouth to actually experience the flavor.”
I felt my cheeks turn about seven shades of red before Max grabbed the discarded coffee.
“Now, taste.”
“The coffee?”
He frowned, then offered a sly smile. “Of course the coffee, why? What did you think I was talking about?”
The smolder in my cheeks was going to light my face on fire.
“Aw, sweetie.” Max laughed and pulled me in for a hug. I winced as my pounding head made contact with his chest. “Believe me, if we would have slept together, you would remember, even drunk, you would remember.”
“Someone’s cocky.”
“Confident.” He released me. “So are we upset or are we okay?”
“We?”
“Partners.” He winked. “For life. You and me, we’re a we.” He lifted the coffee to his lips. “Hey, that rhymed. How badass am I, after getting drunk last night?” He nodded his head. “Sharp as a tack.”
The coffee slid out of the cup and onto his hand.
Lots of cursing followed.
Then flailing.
“Yeah.” I took the coffee away. “Sharp as something.”
“So.” Max reached behind him and pulled out my diary. “Curious minds want to know, when you drew that picture of the house you and Colton were going to live in once you got married in front of the queen of England, did you purposefully draw the dog without a tail or were you just confused?”
“Give me that!” I lunged for the pink diary. “How the hell did you find it?”
Max held it above his head and took a sip of coffee. “People always hide interesting stuff under their mattresses, though I had you pinned for more of a signed ’N Sync poster, considering all the stupid hearts around JC Chasez’s face on the torn-up poster in your closet.” The freak had gone in my closet too? “This is just as good. Though I have to admit, I’m a bit disappointed that you chose Prince Harry to walk you down the aisle. Do I mean nothing to you?”
“I had a thing for royalty!” I shouted, my headache making a fierce pounding in my temples.
“Mmm.” Max set his coffee down but kept the diary above his head. “One last question.”
br />
“If I answer, will you give it back so I can burn it?”
“I’ll give it back.” He held up his hand. “But burning this would be a crime. It’s like reality TV only worse, I seriously cried real tears and it wasn’t because the story was sad. Oh, and P.S. It took you five years to spell nightmare right, just thought I’d let you know.”
“What’s the question?” I ignored his teasing and focused on calming myself so I didn’t throw up again.
“Did you mean it?”
Aw crap. “Mean what?”
“In here.” He shook the diary. “Did you mean it about Colton?”
“How am I supposed to even remember—”
“No worries, I folded the page.” He cleared his throat. “ ‘Colton is my favorite, he is like my best friend. He reminds me of my dad only I want to kiss him all the time. Colton is like my superhero. Sometimes when I watch movies I imagine I’m the princess and he’s rescuing me. Today we played dragon slayer. He rescued me and then said I was pretty. I hope he means it. Because one day I’m going to marry him. He’s going to be mine forever, and then we’ll play dragon slayer again and it’s going to be real—because everyone knows you’re playing pretend until you get true love’s kiss. And I’m going to get mine. In my castle.’ ”
I looked down at the blankets, not trusting myself to actually look Max in the face. How could words I’d written years ago make such an impact on the way my heart slammed against my chest?
“Not gonna lie, I’m kinda pissed about the whole ‘best friend’ part, and I may have red-penned that bitch, but the rest of it looks about right.” Max slammed it shut. “So, let’s toss you in the shower, throw a hell of a lot of cover-up under those eyes of yours, save your brother’s ass, then get you a groom!”
“You watch too much TV.”
“I cut my teeth on daytime soap operas growing up.” Max shrugged. “I can’t fight my true nature. Now, let’s do this.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
COLTON
“I’m not wearing this under my tux.” I held the offending shirt out and dropped it onto the floor. I was half tempted to step on it too, but Jason rescued it in time.
“I’m marrying Satan,” he seethed. “The least you can do is put on the damn R2-D2 shirt with a smile!”
I grimaced. “It’s too tight.”
“Again, let me repeat, I’m marrying Satan. Wear the shirt.”
Sighing, I threw on the black robot-looking shirt, then buttoned up my dark-gray dress shirt over it. “We don’t even know if this is going to work.”
“It’s Milo.” Jason pulled out a flask. “It will work.”
“How long until brunch?”
Jason checked his watch. “A half hour.”
“Which means we only have . . . ?”
“Two hours until pictures, four hours until the wedding.” He started pacing, then stopped. “You think it’s a bad sign that it’s my wedding day and the only thing that makes me smile is a vision of my hands around Jayne’s neck?”
“Just tell yourself you’re into BDSM—makes it totally acceptable.”
“Good call.” He held out his fist for a pound just as someone knocked on the door.
It could be anyone, though I was hoping it was Max. He was supposed to be bringing us our victim.
As expected, it was Max—and the man I could only assume was his brother.
“Fellas.” Max slapped the guy’s back. They looked nothing alike. His brother had curly blond hair and green eyes. I assumed Max was adopted and the guy in front of me was the product of good genes at work.
“Reid.” He held out his hand. “I hear you guys need my help.”
“He’s an actor.” Max nodded. “Broadway, soap operas, big time. He’s like a big fish—no offense to your homegrown small-townness, Jason, but you’re like a sad goldfish just waiting to go belly-up. We need a betta or something.”
“None taken.” He held up his hands. “To bait Jayne we need a big fish or, er, a betta.”
Reid laughed. “One word, man.”
We all waited.
“How?” He shook his head. “How? Jayne?” He whistled.
“That was two words, actually.” Max cleared his throat.
“How the hell did you and Jayne even get together?”
“Yeah I lost count at eight words.” Max shrugged.
Jason cringed. “Long story. Lots of mistakes, lots of—”
“It goes like this,” Max interrupted. “Boys are told since they’re little that pretty things are good. Pretty things equal happy things. So when we grow up and see a shiny pretty thing, we’re drawn like moths to a flame. We keep flying toward the light until it’s too late. You know, like that Sleeping Beauty chick with the spinning wheel?”
I chuckled. “Are you seriously comparing us to a Disney princess?”
Max waved him off. “ ‘Oh, look, it’s so pretty, I want to touch it. I want to touch it, and kiss it, and make love to it’—boom!” He slammed his hands together. “Trapped. You’re trapped in her web of lies. Oh, no, your body’s going numb, help! You yell! You gnaw off your own leg in order to escape, you bleed out, and just when you think you’ve made it, the spider returns and offers you food. ‘Aren’t you hungry?’ she says. And then come the compliments, ‘You’re so strong, look how great you are.’ ”
“So we’re flies now?” I asked.
“And boom!” He slammed his hands together again. “Not only are you trapped all over again, but you feel guilty that you even tried to escape.”
Something happened in that moment, as if a light were suddenly turned on in my brain. I looked around at Jason and Reid, and an expression of awe marked their faces, as if we’d just experienced greatness but were unable to describe how or when it had happened.
It was official. Max was a certified genius.
“So.” Max cleared his throat. “You ready, spider? Ready to get out of that web and become a free man? Just think, I’m not the fly, I’m not the fly. Come on, repeat after me, ‘I’m not the fly.’ ”
Jason whispered, “I’m not the fly.”
“Again.”
“He likes metaphors, huh?” I asked Reid.
“You have no idea.” He rolled his eyes.
“Again!” Max shouted. “Let me hear you!”
“I’m not the fly!” Jason’s voice could have shattered windows.
“Good.” Max slammed him on the back. “Good work here, boys. Good work. I feel like we made progress. Now, stick to the plan, and we’ll be toasting our success tonight. Hands in.”
He held his hand out. With a curse I put mine on top, Jason followed, and finally Reid.
“Feel pain, no Jayne!”
“Feel pain, no Jayne!” we shouted, and lifted our hands into the air. A rush hit me like we’d just won the Super Bowl or something. We’d save Jason, and then . . .
Then I was going to kiss my girl.
But not until I’d served her a bit of jealousy—after all, it was so much more fun kissing her when she was pissed as hell.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
MILO
I took a seat in the dining room and grimaced as the smell of food wafted into my nostrils. I had been able to shower without Max’s help—though he did try to walk in on me a few times just to be sure I hadn’t passed out. I put my foot down when he tried helping me apply makeup because, he said, my eyeliner needed to be darker and my perfume wasn’t strong enough.
It had been three hours since I’d woken up, and I still wasn’t feeling better, especially if my reaction to the smell of food was any indication.
Gross.
“Eat,” Max said from behind me. “Eat so you don’t puke your little lady guts out later this afternoon.”
“I can’t believe I used to think you were hot,” I grumbled.
“Still hot.” Max took a seat. “Still your best friend.” He held up a croissant. “Now eat.”
I took a bite.
&nbs
p; “Chew.”
I chewed twice.
“And swallow.”
With a gulp, I chased the croissant down with a cup of coffee and slowly took another bite.
“So, we’re going to kill Jayne.”
Coffee spewed out of my mouth onto the plate in front of me. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Nothing. I just love keeping you on your toes. Hey.” He touched my cross necklace. “This is nice . . . Think if we tie a bit of garlic around it and stuff it down her wedding dress she’ll melt?”
I had opened my mouth to respond when Max suddenly stood and held out his hand. “Reid, meet my best friend and lover.”
I rolled my eyes and held out my hand. “Milo.”
“Nice to meet you, Milo.” The guy’s grin screamed movie star as he held my hand in his, then kissed my knuckles.
“Never gets old.” Max sighed.
“Huh?” I shook the fog from my head. The guy was gorgeous.
“He’s like that Twilight vampire guy, the one with sparkles. I swear he says hello and women’s clothes, they fall right off. Amazing, really.”
“He’s lying.” Reid winked.
I heard a thud and turned around. “Grandma! Grandma, are you okay?”
“It’s his eyes,” Max said from behind me. “Magic powers.”
“Ma’am.” Reid rushed to Grandma’s side. “Are you okay?”
“Heaven.” Tears pooled in her eyes as she reached up and caressed his face. “I’ve died, haven’t I? I just . . . I never fathomed it would feel so real.” Her hands moved down his chest, and dipped into his pants. Holy crap! Someone needed to get Grams away from the young man before she took advantage of him in a bad-touch way.
“That’s enough,” Max grumbled, pulling a laughing Reid away. “Sit and behave before you give her a stroke.”
Shrugging, Reid took a seat next to me and Max. I helped Grandma to her feet and set her down toward the opposite end of the table so she couldn’t attack Max’s brother.
“Where is everyone?” I looked around at the empty seats. Weddings were always stressful; people rarely had time to eat, so my mom had decided to do a wedding brunch instead of just putting out snacks.