Charlie caught them and smiled with satisfaction. Blake knew it was not because he was thrilled that his mother was having a nice romance. It was because he was counting on his mother being in love with Blake and therefore would go easy on Charlie when she found out about his family research. Blake had invited Charlie and Lin Su to come next door for lunch the next day, the Friday after Thanksgiving. That’s when Charlie was going to tell her.
* * *
Blake made a green salad, a bowl of fruit and a bunch of sandwiches, cut in small triangles.
They ate and talked; Blake asked Charlie about what was coming up at school and had he made any plans for his Christmas break. Lin Su had heard that Iris had gone into labor a little early and delivered a baby girl just that morning. And Charlie was clearly nervous, so Blake thought he’d do him a favor and just rip that Band-Aid off.
“Charlie has something he wants to tell you, Lin Su.”
“Oh?”
Charlie glared at Blake. Then he took a deep breath and said, “Mom, try to stay calm.”
She folded her hands in her lap. “This isn’t starting out well,” she said.
“Mom, I wanted to know more about where we came from. I started looking up some of the people you talked about, the family that adopted you. I found your sister and we’ve been in touch with each other. She looked for you but she didn’t have the right facts and couldn’t find you.”
Lin Su froze. Her face had gone pale. “Why would you do that?” she asked.
“I wanted to know things and you wouldn’t tell me,” he said with a shrug. But he seemed to get smaller in his chair.
There were a few guttural sounds that Blake realized was Vietnamese spoken softly, lowly, rapidly. He had never witnessed this before but he could see that what Charlie said was true—anger came out in her native language.
“I told you everything I wanted you to know!” she snapped. “There is nothing else!”
“There is,” Charlie said bravely. “There’s a lot more. For one thing, when you left your adoptive family, they told a story about it. A lie. They said you went back to your people, like to your biological family. They said you’d taken back your original name and disappeared. But that wasn’t true. You worked with some Vietnamese—I even sort of remember. It was like a whole village in a small house or something, but you were always Lin Su Simmons and we moved away from Boston because of me, because I was sick all the time. And my father isn’t dead.”
“Aeiii,” she squeaked. “And tell me, Charlie, what good does knowing that do us now? Does he come and rescue you? Pay for private schools? Send money? Does it fill you with pride to know your mother was abandoned?”
“Lin Su, easy does it,” Blake said. “Charlie didn’t do this to you. He did it for himself. And I don’t think he regrets knowing the truth.”
“I don’t,” Charlie said. “Your mother died,” he added.
“I know my mother died!” she snapped. “Why do you think I was adopted?”
“Not that mother. That mother, your Amerasian mother, she might even be alive. Your adoptive parents had no evidence of her death. Don’t you want to know that if she is? Your adoptive mother died. A couple years after you left. Of cancer, I think Aunt Leigh said.”
“You knew this?” she asked Blake, her eyes flashing.
“Charlie told me he wanted to learn some things about your family if he could. I knew he wanted that.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I asked him not to, Mom. I didn’t know if I’d ever find out anything so why get you all whacked out of shape? But I found your sister Leigh, and she was so happy to hear from me. She wants to see us. She’s been trying to figure out some things about your original family. To help. So there don’t have to be questions.”
“I have no questions,” she said with an angry and dismissive wave of her hand.
“Well, you should, because Aunt Leigh thinks your mother might be alive. She’s been pressuring her father for more details for you. In case, you know...”
“She’s not your aunt!” Lin Su said. “She’s just some woman I lived with as a girl. We were never close, we were never family!”
“Yeah, she hates that, but she said when you came to them she was already away at a boarding school and her older sister was in college. It was later, when you were older, that she really took an interest, but she was in her twenties and after college she went to the Peace Corps. She said she saw you about once a year but she loved you.”
Lin Su laughed. She blinked a few times. “It was very devoted love, wasn’t it? Once a year?”
“She said you’d been gone quite a while before she even knew you’d left. She didn’t know you were pregnant until her mother was dying!”
“Very devoted!” Lin Su mocked.
“They lied to you, Mom. You weren’t three when you were adopted, you were four—they changed your birthday! Aunt Leigh thinks your mother might be alive, might’ve given you up for adoption because she couldn’t raise you alone. Those people who adopted you—they lied to Aunt Leigh, too. Pretending you were a mystery and that you just left because you didn’t want them anymore. It was years before Aunt Leigh knew you were pregnant and your parents wouldn’t help you.”
“Not. Your. Aunt!”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I wanted to know where we came from.”
“You came from me!”
“Yeah, but not just you,” he said meekly.
Lin Su looked into her lap and took a lot of deep calming breaths. Blake watched her carefully. She was so angry. So hurt.
“Are you finished eating?” she asked Charlie.
“Yeah. I guess so.”
“I’d like you to excuse yourself. Go home. I’ll be there when I’m finished working today. I won’t be late. Grace and Troy will be helping.”
“Mom, we should talk about this.”
“Yes, we’ll talk about it. When I get home tonight. Plenty of time for talking then.”
Charlie got up from the table and leaned over her, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
Nineteen
When Charlie had gone, Lin Su slowly and elegantly turned her head to face Blake. “You betrayed me,” she said.
He shook his head. “You’re upset, but it’s going to be all right. I didn’t betray you and you know it.”
“You involved yourself with Charlie and his secret and kept it from me when I should have known. What other things are you hiding from me?”
“I wasn’t hiding anything, Lin Su. All I knew was that Charlie was trying to get information about his family. It is his family, you know. Not just yours.”
“And did you tell Charlie the things I told you in confidence?”
“Of course not! And I’ll tell you again since you’re obviously too angry to listen—I didn’t know anything! Until Charlie told me he’d found your adoptive sister, I didn’t know what, if anything, he found. When he told me I insisted he tell you right away.”
“Did you tell Charlie they took my name away? Those good people who took me out of my mother’s arms and gave me a home? They took the name away because they didn’t like the sound of it, but they wanted a cute Asian name!”
“Sweetheart, I think you’re completely overwhelmed right now. When you think this through you’ll realize he hasn’t done anything wrong. He just brought this up before you were ready, that’s all. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”
“So here are two people, a mother and her son, getting along all right, then you decide what’s best for us and we have to try to pick up the pieces of the mess.”
“No,” he said, leaning toward her. He covered her hand but she pulled it away from him. “No, I didn’t decide anything, Lin Su. Charlie told me what he was doing. I could have refused to
keep his confidence and gone to you but it wouldn’t have changed anything. He would have continued his search. He wants to know. And he has a right to know.”
A burst of Vietnamese came out of her, shocking Blake again. “Whoa. He said when you get pissed you only speak in Vietnamese...”
“I’m his mother! I know him better than anyone and I decide what is best for him to know, not you!”
“I didn’t decide. I was a witness. Nothing more. Please, don’t do this to yourself. You can work through this with Charlie. I’ll help in any way I can.”
“I would prefer you leave my son to me,” she said. “I can see I made an error in judgment, confiding in you. That won’t happen again.”
“You’re overreacting,” he said. “Let’s calm down and have a reasonable conversation. I love you. I would never hurt you.”
“And yet you have. You took away my rights as a parent and shamed me as a mother. You let my son do things I forbade. You knew I didn’t want Charlie to know things that would only hurt us both. You should have told me at once, but you didn’t.”
“I think you’re out of your mind a little, sweetheart. There’s no shame in your history. I didn’t shame you and what Charlie found isn’t going to hurt him. And as it was not anything you did that was either bad or wrong, there should be no guilt. Can we slow down?” he asked. “Can we be reasonable?”
She stood. “I was afraid I’d regret getting involved with you. This won’t work. I’ll make other arrangements for Charlie’s training. We will be polite when we see each other. And this is goodbye.”
“No, it’s not, damn it,” he said, standing, as well. “You don’t get to toss me out of your life and his just because you didn’t get your way. It’s wrong. It’s far more shameful than anything Charlie might’ve learned.”
“You should have thought of that,” she said. “You can’t come between a mother and her child.”
“I didn’t think I was! I was completely loyal to you both! Not an easy task, either. Think about this, Lin Su. You said that with me you had the first stable and healthy relationship since your son was born. Are you really going to throw that away over a small disagreement?”
“In my mind what you’ve done was not small.”
“You’re going to throw us away over something like this? A misunderstanding?”
She raised a slim brow. “Are you having trouble understanding this?” she asked. “I would be grateful if we could keep all of this private. I don’t want my personal business broadcast to my employer and the town.”
He shook his head. “You’re going to think about this and realize you’ve gone completely crazy. Just think it through,” he said. “I’m here for you. I’d like to help you pick up the pieces. I love you and you love me. We have a chance, you and me and Charlie, to make a family out of our crazy pasts. All we have to do is work through it.”
“I’ve had more than enough time to work through my crazy past, thank you.”
She walked serenely out of his house and went back to her job.
“God,” he said, rubbing a hand around the back of his neck. Did I think I wouldn’t mind helping her untangle her complicated life?
* * *
Lin Su walked across the beach to town around 6:00 p.m. and it was already sunset over the Pacific. If they’d lived farther inland, it would be completely dark. What she saw on the main street was transforming—the entire street had been decorated for Christmas. She had heard something about a town tradition—the stringing of the lights, garlands, electric candles, great boughs of greenery and festive balls. All the shop windows were painted and stenciled and shop owners had put up their Christmas displays. The street was crowded with people still working on the decorations.
Charlie stood between the florist shop and Carrie’s deli, leaning a shoulder against the wall. She took in a breath and said, “Hi.”
He flinched in surprise. “Hi.”
“Do you feel like a hamburger?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I guess. Anything is okay with me. Whatever you want.”
“Let’s go to the diner,” she said. “We can enjoy the Christmas lights.”
The diner was busy; a lot of the folks who were decorating decided to stop in for a quick bite rather than going home to cook. Lin Su said hello to about ten people and answered positively when asked how Winnie was getting along. She marveled for at least the hundredth time about how easily she was drawn into the community. This was something she would hate to give up. And yet, when it was time for her to be a friend, she resisted. She didn’t like that about herself, but she had her reasons.
Charlie visibly relaxed when they were in the diner. He probably thought there would be no discussion until later, until they were at home alone. But she was of no such mood. As soon as they were seated in a booth and had ordered drinks and hamburgers, she launched her argument.
“Charlie, I’d like it if we could come to an understanding about a couple of things. I think you were wrong to go behind my back and get in touch with members of my family.”
He just listened.
“It’s going to take me a while to get past that, I’m afraid. You’re getting older, I know, and want to make your own decisions about some things, but as long as you’re my son, you’re going to have to listen to me.”
“I always listen.”
“I’m very proud of you. You’re brilliant and you’re wise, but there are still some things I know more about than you do.”
“I understand,” he said.
“I want you to stop investigating my family. I want you to stop talking to Leigh Simmons. I can’t prevent you from doing as you please when you’re an adult, but for now, this is what I want.”
“I think you’re making a mistake,” he said. “We’ve talked. She’s awesomely nice and we have a lot to talk about. She knows where we live, and she wants to know us. She feels terrible about the problems you had and hates that you didn’t get any help or support. She’s not a bad person!”
“Tell her that you’ve had a conversation with your mother, and if you still feel the same way when you’re eighteen, you can get in touch with her then. If she’s as awesome as you say, she’ll respect my wishes.”
He gave his head the slightest shake. He pushed his glasses up on his nose.
“Please,” she said.
“If that’s what you want,” he said.
She could tell she’d reached an impasse with her son, maybe the first one. He had no intention of obeying her. He was going to sneak! Lie to her!
“Charlie, if you defy me, we’re going to have trouble on this issue. If it’s in your best interest I won’t hesitate to quit my job and find us another place to live.”
He was stunned. “Because I got in touch with my aunt? Mom, since we’ve been here, everything good has happened for us. We have good friends, a good place to live. I’m in a good school, no one’s chasing me to see if I have money in my pockets. You have a great job and I know you love Winnie. It would be a big mistake to move us away just because you’re mad, but if you want to be that stupid...”
“Show respect!” she snapped. “I am your mother!”
“If you mess up this whole thing we’ve got here just because you’re mad at me, just because I did something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time...”
“If you’re still adamant about that, you can pursue it when you’re over eighteen. For now, if you want to stay here, you’ll do as I say.”
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“I’ll make arrangements with Spencer to continue your training routine at the high school. He offered before but I didn’t want to impose and Blake’s was more convenient. But under the circumstances, you’re going to have to stop spending time at Blake’s house. It puts me in a very uncomfortable position.”
/> “What?”
“Apparently I misjudged Blake. Whatever that was, that relationship we began, I’ve put a stop to it.”
“No way. You did what?”
“I can’t trust him, Charlie. Not telling me something important about my own son, that’s the same as lying.”
“No, it’s not,” he protested. “It just turns out that Blake understood. You don’t. You think my history belongs only to you and I think it belongs to both of us! If you don’t want to know about it, that’s your choice, but I do! And that is not Blake’s fault. It wasn’t his idea.”
She gritted her teeth.
He looked right at her, grim faced, pushed up his glasses again. “No, ma’am,” he said. “As long as Blake will let me, I’m going to work out with him. He’s an expert and he’s my friend. Taking that away from me is not just unfair, it’s mean. I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable but I’m not doing it. I listen to you all the time but you don’t listen to me. I need things, too. I need to know where I came from, who I am. I need my friends. I can show you respect without agreeing with everything you say.”
“You’re really testing me,” she warned.
“Ground me,” he said.
“What are you thinking, Charlie?” she said angrily.
“I’m thinking we’re having a fight,” he said. “If you want me to say yes to everything you tell me to do, I will. But I’m not shunning Blake because you’re stubborn and pissed off.”
“Charlie!”
“He’s been good to us! He helped us! He chased those junkies and got your special things back and he got hurt!” He looked at her earnestly. “What’s the matter with you? Are your secrets worth more than a good friend?”
“You have never talked to me this way! The trouble has already started. All because you defy my rules!”