CHAPTER III
He is a Perfectly Impossible Person
My friend's fear or hope was not destined to be realized. When Icalled on Wednesday there was a letter with the West Kensingtonpostmark upon it, and my name scrawled across the envelope in ahandwriting which looked like a barbed-wire railing. The contents wereas follows:--
ENMORE PARK, W.
SIR,--I have duly received your note, in which you claim to endorse myviews, although I am not aware that they are dependent upon endorsementeither from you or anyone else. You have ventured to use the word'speculation' with regard to my statement upon the subject ofDarwinism, and I would call your attention to the fact that such a wordin such a connection is offensive to a degree. The context convincesme, however, that you have sinned rather through ignorance andtactlessness than through malice, so I am content to pass the matterby. You quote an isolated sentence from my lecture, and appear to havesome difficulty in understanding it. I should have thought that only asub-human intelligence could have failed to grasp the point, but if itreally needs amplification I shall consent to see you at the hournamed, though visits and visitors of every sort are exceedingdistasteful to me. As to your suggestion that I may modify my opinion,I would have you know that it is not my habit to do so after adeliberate expression of my mature views. You will kindly show theenvelope of this letter to my man, Austin, when you call, as he has totake every precaution to shield me from the intrusive rascals who callthemselves 'journalists.'
Yours faithfully, GEORGE EDWARD CHALLENGER.
This was the letter that I read aloud to Tarp Henry, who had come downearly to hear the result of my venture. His only remark was, There'ssome new stuff, cuticura or something, which is better than arnica.Some people have such extraordinary notions of humor.
It was nearly half-past ten before I had received my message, but ataxicab took me round in good time for my appointment. It was animposing porticoed house at which we stopped, and the heavily-curtainedwindows gave every indication of wealth upon the part of thisformidable Professor. The door was opened by an odd, swarthy, dried-upperson of uncertain age, with a dark pilot jacket and brown leathergaiters. I found afterwards that he was the chauffeur, who filled thegaps left by a succession of fugitive butlers. He looked me up anddown with a searching light blue eye.
Expected? he asked.
An appointment.
Got your letter?
I produced the envelope.
Right! He seemed to be a person of few words. Following him downthe passage I was suddenly interrupted by a small woman, who steppedout from what proved to be the dining-room door. She was a bright,vivacious, dark-eyed lady, more French than English in her type.
One moment, she said. You can wait, Austin. Step in here, sir.May I ask if you have met my husband before?
No, madam, I have not had the honor.
Then I apologize to you in advance. I must tell you that he is aperfectly impossible person--absolutely impossible. If you areforewarned you will be the more ready to make allowances.
It is most considerate of you, madam.
Get quickly out of the room if he seems inclined to be violent. Don'twait to argue with him. Several people have been injured through doingthat. Afterwards there is a public scandal and it reflects upon me andall of us. I suppose it wasn't about South America you wanted to seehim?
I could not lie to a lady.
Dear me! That is his most dangerous subject. You won't believe aword he says--I'm sure I don't wonder. But don't tell him so, for itmakes him very violent. Pretend to believe him, and you may getthrough all right. Remember he believes it himself. Of that you maybe assured. A more honest man never lived. Don't wait any longer orhe may suspect. If you find him dangerous--really dangerous--ring thebell and hold him off until I come. Even at his worst I can usuallycontrol him.
With these encouraging words the lady handed me over to the taciturnAustin, who had waited like a bronze statue of discretion during ourshort interview, and I was conducted to the end of the passage. Therewas a tap at a door, a bull's bellow from within, and I was face toface with the Professor.
He sat in a rotating chair behind a broad table, which was covered withbooks, maps, and diagrams. As I entered, his seat spun round to faceme. His appearance made me gasp. I was prepared for somethingstrange, but not for so overpowering a personality as this. It was hissize which took one's breath away--his size and his imposing presence.His head was enormous, the largest I have ever seen upon a human being.I am sure that his top-hat, had I ever ventured to don it, would haveslipped over me entirely and rested on my shoulders. He had the faceand beard which I associate with an Assyrian bull; the former florid,the latter so black as almost to have a suspicion of blue, spade-shapedand rippling down over his chest. The hair was peculiar, plastereddown in front in a long, curving wisp over his massive forehead. Theeyes were blue-gray under great black tufts, very clear, very critical,and very masterful. A huge spread of shoulders and a chest like abarrel were the other parts of him which appeared above the table, savefor two enormous hands covered with long black hair. This and abellowing, roaring, rumbling voice made up my first impression of thenotorious Professor Challenger.
Well? said he, with a most insolent stare. What now?
I must keep up my deception for at least a little time longer,otherwise here was evidently an end of the interview.
You were good enough to give me an appointment, sir, said I, humbly,producing his envelope.
He took my letter from his desk and laid it out before him.
Oh, you are the young person who cannot understand plain English, areyou? My general conclusions you are good enough to approve, as Iunderstand?
Entirely, sir--entirely! I was very emphatic.
Dear me! That strengthens my position very much, does it not? Yourage and appearance make your support doubly valuable. Well, at leastyou are better than that herd of swine in Vienna, whose gregariousgrunt is, however, not more offensive than the isolated effort of theBritish hog. He glared at me as the present representative of thebeast.
They seem to have behaved abominably, said I.
I assure you that I can fight my own battles, and that I have nopossible need of your sympathy. Put me alone, sir, and with my back tothe wall. G. E. C. is happiest then. Well, sir, let us do what we canto curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and isinexpressibly irksome to me. You had, as I have been led to believe,some comments to make upon the proposition which I advanced in mythesis.
There was a brutal directness about his methods which made evasiondifficult. I must still make play and wait for a better opening. Ithad seemed simple enough at a distance. Oh, my Irish wits, could theynot help me now, when I needed help so sorely? He transfixed me withtwo sharp, steely eyes. Come, come! he rumbled.
I am, of course, a mere student, said I, with a fatuous smile,hardly more, I might say, than an earnest inquirer. At the same time,it seemed to me that you were a little severe upon Weissmann in thismatter. Has not the general evidence since that date tended to--well,to strengthen his position?
What evidence? He spoke with a menacing calm.
Well, of course, I am aware that there is not any what you might callDEFINITE evidence. I alluded merely to the trend of modern thought andthe general scientific point of view, if I might so express it.
He leaned forward with great earnestness.
I suppose you are aware, said he, checking off points upon hisfingers, that the cranial index is a constant factor?
Naturally, said I.
And that telegony is still sub judice?
Undoubtedly.
And that the germ plasm is different from the parthenogenetic egg?
Why, surely! I cried, and gloried in my own audacity.
But what does that prove? he asked, in a gentle, persuasive voice.
Ah, what indeed? I murmured. What does it prove?
Shall I tell you? he cooed.
Pray do.
It proves, he roared, with a sudden blast of fury, that you are thedamnedest imposter in London--a vile, crawling journalist, who has nomore science than he has decency in his composition!
He had sprung to his feet with a mad rage in his eyes. Even at thatmoment of tension I found time for amazement at the discovery that hewas quite a short man, his head not higher than my shoulder--a stuntedHercules whose tremendous vitality had all run to depth, breadth, andbrain.
Gibberish! he cried, leaning forward, with his fingers on the tableand his face projecting. That's what I have been talking to you,sir--scientific gibberish! Did you think you could match cunning withme--you with your walnut of a brain? You think you are omnipotent, youinfernal scribblers, don't you? That your praise can make a man andyour blame can break him? We must all bow to you, and try to get afavorable word, must we? This man shall have a leg up, and this manshall have a dressing down! Creeping vermin, I know you! You've gotout of your station. Time was when your ears were clipped. You'velost your sense of proportion. Swollen gas-bags! I'll keep you inyour proper place. Yes, sir, you haven't got over G. E. C. There'sone man who is still your master. He warned you off, but if you WILLcome, by the Lord you do it at your own risk. Forfeit, my good Mr.Malone, I claim forfeit! You have played a rather dangerous game, andit strikes me that you have lost it.
Look here, sir, said I, backing to the door and opening it; you canbe as abusive as you like. But there is a limit. You shall notassault me.
Shall I not? He was slowly advancing in a peculiarly menacing way,but he stopped now and put his big hands into the side-pockets of arather boyish short jacket which he wore. I have thrown several ofyou out of the house. You will be the fourth or fifth. Three poundfifteen each--that is how it averaged. Expensive, but very necessary.Now, sir, why should you not follow your brethren? I rather think youmust. He resumed his unpleasant and stealthy advance, pointing histoes as he walked, like a dancing master.
I could have bolted for the hall door, but it would have been tooignominious. Besides, a little glow of righteous anger was springingup within me. I had been hopelessly in the wrong before, but thisman's menaces were putting me in the right.
I'll trouble you to keep your hands off, sir. I'll not stand it.
Dear me! His black moustache lifted and a white fang twinkled in asneer. You won't stand it, eh?
Don't be such a fool, Professor! I cried. What can you hope for?I'm fifteen stone, as hard as nails, and play center three-quarterevery Saturday for the London Irish. I'm not the man----
It was at that moment that he rushed me. It was lucky that I hadopened the door, or we should have gone through it. We did aCatharine-wheel together down the passage. Somehow we gathered up achair upon our way, and bounded on with it towards the street. Mymouth was full of his beard, our arms were locked, our bodiesintertwined, and that infernal chair radiated its legs all round us.The watchful Austin had thrown open the hall door. We went with a backsomersault down the front steps. I have seen the two Macs attemptsomething of the kind at the halls, but it appears to take somepractise to do it without hurting oneself. The chair went to matchwoodat the bottom, and we rolled apart into the gutter. He sprang to hisfeet, waving his fists and wheezing like an asthmatic.
Had enough? he panted.
You infernal bully! I cried, as I gathered myself together.
Then and there we should have tried the thing out, for he waseffervescing with fight, but fortunately I was rescued from an odioussituation. A policeman was beside us, his notebook in his hand.
What's all this? You ought to be ashamed said the policeman. It wasthe most rational remark which I had heard in Enmore Park. Well, heinsisted, turning to me, what is it, then?
This man attacked me, said I.
Did you attack him? asked the policeman.
The Professor breathed hard and said nothing.
It's not the first time, either, said the policeman, severely,shaking his head. You were in trouble last month for the same thing.You've blackened this young man's eye. Do you give him in charge, sir?
I relented.
No, said I, I do not.
What's that? said the policeman.
I was to blame myself. I intruded upon him. He gave me fair warning.
The policeman snapped up his notebook.
Don't let us have any more such goings-on, said he. Now, then!Move on, there, move on! This to a butcher's boy, a maid, and one ortwo loafers who had collected. He clumped heavily down the street,driving this little flock before him. The Professor looked at me, andthere was something humorous at the back of his eyes.
Come in! said he. I've not done with you yet.
The speech had a sinister sound, but I followed him none the less intothe house. The man-servant, Austin, like a wooden image, closed thedoor behind us.