God had sought out Alissa. She had promised herself to him. It was time to live as if she really believed that.
It occurred to Alissa that she was God’s beloved. “God loves me,” she declared to the next wave as it was about to wash over her. She came up on the other side, refreshed and more clear-minded than she had felt in a long time.
But he more than loves me, she thought, as the image of Chet and Rosie, groom and bride, loomed before her. God wants me. And I want him. Nothing can keep us apart.
To her surprise, the next thought that came to her was, What took you so long?
What am I doing thinking about Brad’s rude line at a time like this? Then Alissa wondered if by some really freaky chance that thought had come to mind because God had put it there. Perhaps he was trying to say to her, “What took you so long to recognize my eternal, unconditional love for you?”
Alissa contemplated these thoughts for days after her visit to the beach. She felt as if she were coming to understand the deeper mystery of love, the pleasure of being desired, of knowing someone wanted to be with her and share her every thought. And truly, God was there. The choice was hers to ignore him or to receive his love.
She was writing these thoughts in her journal after work Thursday evening when Brad knocked on her front door. The top portion was open, and she smiled when she saw him and welcomed him in. Out of habit, Brad slipped out of his Birkenstocks and left them by the door.
“Pretty hot tonight,” Alissa said. “You want something to drink?” She went over to the refrigerator and had a look.
“Sure. Whatever you have.”
Alissa thought that was a good, safe beginning for them. They hadn’t talked in quite a while, and she never knew with Brad if she was going to turn defensive or roll with his directness. Tonight she felt so at peace and so settled inside her spirit with God that it seemed no one—not even Brad—could rile her up.
With two large glasses of ice water, she joined Brad in the living room and sat down across from him. He eyed the water and then looked at her bare legs in her shorts and said, “How much have you lost so far?”
Alissa took off her glasses and said, “Excuse me?”
“How much weight have you lost? I know you’ve lost weight.”
She wasn’t sure if she should be flattered that he had noticed or offended that he had brought it up. Tonight, she wasn’t going to let it bother her. “Just six pounds,” she said calmly.
“Good for you!” Brad said, lifting his glass in his favorite gesture of a good-will toast. He took a sip of water, and his eyes rested on her closed journal and the old hymnal on the coffee table. “Find any more great hymns?”
“A lot,” Alissa said, deciding not to camp on his rude comment about her weight. “Shelly left me her hymnal. She said she had the main ones memorized. I think she had a hard time believing I didn’t know all these songs. Have you ever heard this one?” She flipped through the book to where she had marked page 381. “Listen:
“Renew me, O Eternal Light,
And let my heart and soul be bright,
Illumined with the light of grace
That issues from Thy holy face.
“Destroy in me the lust of sin,
From all impureness make me clean.
Oh, grant me power and strength, my God,
To strive against my flesh and blood.
“Create in me a new heart, Lord.
That gladly I obey Thy Word
And naught but what Thou wilt, desire;
With such new life my soul inspire.
“Grant that I only Thee may love
And seek those things which are above.
Till I behold Thee face to face,
O Light eternal, through thy grace.”
“I’ve never heard that one,” Brad said. “The thees and thous always throw me off track.”
“I think it makes it more holy or something. I’ve been reading through the whole hymnal,” Alissa said, laughing a little at her own obsession. “Is that crazy or what? I just never heard this stuff before. Like the Apostle’s Creed. I almost have it memorized.”
“Prove it,” Brad said.
Alissa took his challenge, and sitting up a little straighter, she recited, “ ‘I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth; And in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary; suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried; He descended into hell; the third day he rose from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead …” ’
She hesitated, and Brad spoke up. “ ‘I believe in the Holy Spirit …”
“Oh, right. Only in this version it says Holy Ghost. ‘I believe in the Holy Ghost; the holy Catholic Church; the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen.’ ”
A smile flashed across Brad’s handsome face. “Good for you,” he said. Then, taking his clear green eyes off of her, he added, “That’s something I admire about you, Alissa.” He glanced up again, the smile playing across his lips. “You go after the answers.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant, but she took it as a compliment. “Thanks,” she said quickly, remembering how Brad had a thing about being thanked.
“Hey,” he said, shifting in the chair and placing his empty glass on the floor, “I have a favor to ask you.”
Alissa brushed her blond hair off her shoulder and said, “I should have known you came knocking on my door for a reason.”
Brad didn’t bristle but calmly went on. “My sister’s coming this weekend. Would it be okay if she stayed with you? She’s going to a wedding.”
“Sure. I’d love to have some company. I’d have to get an air mattress or something to put in Shelly’s room for her.”
“I think Genevieve has one,” Brad said. “Shelly borrowed it once. I don’t remember what time Lauren gets in, but I’ll let you know.”
“Great,” Alissa said. “She’s welcome here.”
“Thanks.” He rose to leave, and Alissa felt an impulse to say something quick to make him stay.
“I’ll let you know, then,” Brad said. “Thanks for the water.”
“I’ll have something a little nicer to drink on Friday.”
“Lauren likes tea,” he said. “Some kind of Irish tea. But don’t worry about it. She’s easy to please. I’ll see you later.”
He let himself out as she followed him to the door. Alissa wished she could pull her thoughts together and make them form the words that were shouting in her heart. Stay. Talk to me. I want to be with you. The thoughts surprised her. She must be feeling lonely with Shelly gone, she decided. It would be good to have Lauren as a weekend guest.
Friday evening arrived, but Brad hadn’t told Alissa what time Lauren was coming. Alissa changed into shorts and a T-shirt when she got home from work and then went into the kitchen to unload the groceries she had stopped for. Reaching into the plastic bag, she pulled out a package of Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies. She used to eat them by the bagful, but it had been a long time since she had bought them. Tonight, the thought of needing something nice to serve company had prompted her to buy a lot of things she hadn’t splurged on in a long time.
The last goodie she pulled from the bag was a green box of Irish Breakfast tea. She didn’t know if it was the kind of tea Brad meant when he said his sister liked Irish tea, but it was the only one that had caught her eye on the grocery shelf. It seemed like a nice gesture to have it ready.
With the groceries put away and the kitchen picked up, Alissa slipped on her sandals and went next door. Brad answered her knock and invited her in. As he stood back, she brushed past him and looked up into his summer green eyes. She felt as if something had hit her in the middle of her chest. Stopping in the entryway, she tried to catch her breath.
She felt her cheek
s beginning to blush. She couldn’t deny that she was having an emotional response to Brad. But why hadn’t she felt overpowered by him before? Or maybe she had but had just plowed her feelings under with feistiness.
Alissa realized that, since her soul-cleansing time at the beach on Sunday, she had been feeling more alive emotionally. She had cried over a telephone commercial on Tuesday night, and then she had cried again at work on Thursday when Renée handed her a bonus check she hadn’t planned on. She was overcome with joy.
Because of Sunday, she had become more alive. All her feelings were out in the open, not covered with layers of complications and hurts.
“Is your sister here yet?” Alissa asked
“I haven’t heard from her,” Brad said. He sat down in the recliner, and Alissa sat on the couch across from him.
“Do you have plans for the evening, or do you want to stick around with me and wait?”
“I don’t have any plans,” Alissa said. “Is Jake here?”
“No, he’s working. The best tips are Friday and Saturday nights.”
“Have you eaten yet?” Alissa asked.
“No. I was thinking of making a run for some Chinese. You want to go with me?”
“Sure. Or I could go, and you could wait here in case she calls. What do you like?”
“Go to The Imperial Palace. They have the fastest takeout. Can you get me a general’s chicken and sweet and sour pork? Here’s some money.”
Alissa wouldn’t take it. “It’s my treat. Remember? You bought lunch.”
“See, that’s what I don’t like,” Brad said. “It becomes a back and forth ping-pong contest of who’s going to pay.”
“Okay,” Alissa said holding out her hand. “Then you can pay again.” She wiggled her fingers, prodding him to hand over the cash.
“Why should I pay again?”
“Then don’t,” Alissa said. She shook her head and gave Brad half a smile. “Do you just live to be ornery? I mean, have you ever gone an entire day without picking a fight with someone?”
“Of course I have. It’s just you.”
“It’s me?” Alissa put her hand on her hip and looked at him in disbelief. “How in the world can you say that? I’m not the one who’s easily irritated.”
“You look pretty irritated right now.”
She slid her hand off her hip and turned to go to the door. “I am not irritated. I’m going to get Chinese food. General’s chicken and sweet and sour pork.” Alissa turned the doorknob and tossed over her shoulder, “But I’m going to the Red Dragon, not the Imperial Palace.”
She shut the door behind her, but it swung open and Brad said, “Why?”
Without turning around to look at him, she said, “Because the Red Dragon has better food, and don’t you even try to argue with me on this one.”
Brad didn’t. He went back inside, and she went to the Red Dragon. She returned nearly fifty minutes later with two large white bags full of delicious smelling food. Brad was probably right about the Imperial Palace having faster takeout.
The sweet and sour pork was on top of the bag. Alissa drew in a deep whiff, and suddenly a memory of Chang’s Chinese Restaurant in Phoenix and Thomas Avery sprang to her mind. Instead of the usual cloud of depression that settled on her when such thoughts came back, Alissa tried a new approach. She had read in a devotional book that week, “When the devil comes knocking on your door simply say, ‘Jesus? It’s for you.’ ”
Alissa mouthed the words, “Lord, I turn this over to you.” It was as if the black cloud stopped in midair and then evaporated.
With a spring in her step and a smile on her lips, Alissa rang Brad’s doorbell with her elbow. He opened the door and started to say, “What took you so …,” but then he caught himself, apparently remembering how Alissa didn’t like that line. Pressing his lips together, Brad stood back and let Alissa step inside.
“Feel free to pitch in here and take one of these bags,” Alissa said. “And just so you know, I’m sure the Imperial Palace does have faster takeout, but this will be higher quality food than you’re used to.”
“Fine with me,” Brad said, taking one of the bags from her and carrying it over to the kitchen counter. “You paid for it.”
Chapter Seventeen
Brad and Alissa ate and talked and then discussed and ate some more. The conversation was lively and enjoyable, Alissa decided. Brad was a man who spoke his mind, with nothing hidden or unsettled.
Alissa realized that was good for her. She needed honesty and openness in her life, which meant that developing a friendship with Brad could be a good thing. She decided to write off as a fluke the emotional impact he seemed to have had on her earlier. What she needed was a good, solid friendship. Certainly Brad and Jake were the perfect source.
A few minutes after eleven Alissa asked if they should start to worry about Lauren, who had neither called nor shown up.
“She’ll call,” Brad said.
“Is the wedding around here?”
“It’s in Escondido. You want something more to drink?”
“No, thanks,” Alissa said, holding up her hand. Then, for some reason she couldn’t explain, Alissa opened up to Brad more than she expected to. Their evening together had been full of openness, and her confession seemed to fit in. “When I was in high school, I was pretty wild. I’ve changed a lot.”
“I was a nerd in high school,” Brad stated. “Girls scared me.”
“They don’t any more?”
“Only sometimes,” he said, getting up and going to the refrigerator for something to drink.
“You had lots of boyfriends.” He seemed to surmise this statement rather than ask it.
Alissa nodded.
He leaned across the counter and looked at her with a tender seriousness. “Did you get pregnant?”
Alissa was shocked. “Why would you ask me a thing like that?”
“Because you seemed to want to talk about it. You just admitted to being wild and having lots of boyfriends. A lot of the girls I knew in high school who were wild and had lots of boyfriends got pregnant.”
Alissa turned away.
“If you want to talk about it, I’m open. Believe me, I don’t judge you. I think you know that. I think you also know you can trust me. And you do know, don’t you, that I can read your face? It’s becoming a lot more decipherable than when I first met you.”
Alissa was still in shock over his blunt question. It was as if she had kept this secret all covered up and tucked away in a corner of her life, but he had just marched in, swooped off the blanket, and exposed what she had worked so hard to hide.
She hesitated, pushing the white box of leftover rice to the side of the counter and flicking away a few stray grains. Then, looking up at Brad’s steady gaze, she asked, “Why do you want to know?”
He paused before shrugging and saying, “I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s something I picked up from Shelly. One of the first things she said when she met Jake and me was that she wanted to get to know us. I like that. People don’t communicate like that anymore. They’re not transparent enough. I guess what I’m saying is that I want to know you.”
Alissa drew in a deep breath. “How much do you want to know?”
“Whatever you want to tell me,” Brad said. He tilted his head and waited.
Alissa told Brad her story. He didn’t interrupt. He didn’t show disapproval of anything she said. He just listened. At one point he tore off a paper towel and handed it to her when she started to cry. She even told him about her day of cleansing and release at Newport Beach. When she finished, she felt lighter, calmer than ever.
“So that’s it,” Alissa said. “Now you know.”
“You don’t know this, of course,” Brad said after a slight pause, “but you just gave me a really healthy response. I didn’t hear you blaming anyone, not even yourself.” He smiled at her and said, “Cool.”
Cool? I just pour out my heart to this guy and he says “cool”? Wh
at Alissa didn’t want to admit to herself was that his response was freeing. She felt safe.
Alissa glanced at the clock. “You don’t have any idea what time your sister is getting in?”
Just then the phone rang.
“I’d say she’s getting in right about now.” Brad reached for the phone and answered with, “Hi, Wren. Where are you?” There was a pause, and then he said. “Really?… Okay … Sure … No, don’t worry about it. When are you going home?… Okay … Well, next time, then. Eat some salmon for me. Bye.”
Alissa had moved over to the couch and stretched out her cramped legs. “Well?”
Brad hung up the phone, went over to the recliner, pulled up the side lever, and leaned back with his feet up. A smile inched across his lips, and he began to chuckle softly.
Alissa waited for him to share the joke.
“She’s in Alaska,” he said, a chuckle leaking out. “Things like this happen to my sister all the time. She caught a plane in Nashville, thinking she was going to Burbank, and she ended up in Fairbanks.” He laughed aloud.
Alissa laughed with him. His sister must be quite a person. Alissa had a feeling that if she ever met Lauren, she would like her immediately. “She’s going to miss the wedding then. I don’t know any airline that flies out of there so late at night that could get her down here in time. When is the wedding?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that they’re feeding her smoked salmon and sending her back to Nashville tomorrow.”
“As long as she’s there, she should stick around for the weekend and see the sights. It’s a beautiful time of year. There are some fantastic state parks. She could rent a car and make an adventure of it.”
Brad laughed some more. “If she got lost coming from Nashville to Burbank, would you really want this woman to be alone, loose in a rental car in the middle of Alaska?”
“I see your point,” Alissa said.
The front door opened, and Jake stepped in, wearing his waiter uniform. He spotted Alissa and said hi, then he looked around and said to Brad, “Where’s your sister?”