Chapter 13
There were furious whispers in the hallway. Ethan’s eyes popped open and glanced at the clock. It was four. Wondering if maybe PJ had found her tree and been alarmed, he decided to check the hallway. He opened the door and saw PJ, bent over and wheezing with Josh on one side of her and Cam on the other.
“What is it? What happened?” Ethan asked, exiting his room and going forward.
“Apparently PJ is severely allergic to white pine,” Josh said, his tone almost apologetic. “Sam went to her room to get her inhaler.”
“PJ, I’m sorry,” Ethan said, going forward and bending down so he could see her face which was red with the effort of trying to breathe. “I had no idea. If I had known…” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.
Sam returned then and placed PJ’s inhaler in her hand. She stood, squirting the inhaler and trying to get a deep breath. Ethan winced at the liquid sound of her lungs. She sounded as miserable as she felt. What felt like an agonizingly long time later, she was finally able to get a full breath.
“Now what?” Josh asked. “She can’t go back in that room until we get it cleaned out and fumigated.”
“I’m taking her to the hospital to get her checked out,” Ethan said decisively, though he had no idea where the hospital was.
PJ shook her head. “That’s not necessary. I can bunk at Ivy and Coy’s for the rest of the night.”
“No,” Ethan said, a little too forcefully. Grant was at Ivy and Coy’s. “I’m taking you to the hospital for my own peace of mind, and I’ll pay for the visit. I’m the one who did this to you. At the very least they can give you a breathing treatment. You still sound wheezy.”
“The hospital is a couple of hours away,” she protested.
“Then we’d better hurry. Let me just put on a shirt,” he looked down, realizing with embarrassment that he was only wearing boxer shorts.
“You’d better add some pants to that mix,” Cam said wryly.
“Yes, okay,” Ethan said dutifully. He returned to his room and dressed, taking care to put his wallet in his pocket. When he reached for his keys, he realized he didn’t have any; he had no car here. He opened the door, prepared to ask Cam to borrow something, when Cam presented him with a set of keys.
“It’s the gray truck, not to be confused with the silver one. Just hit the auto lock button, and you’ll know which one it is,” Cam said, pointing him toward the equipment barn.
“Thanks, Cam,” Ethan said. If it was anyone but Cam, Ethan would have felt bad about borrowing a vehicle and making a four hour round trip, but over the years he and Cam had become good friends. Now he counted Cam as family, and he hoped Cam felt the same.
“No problem,” Cam said easily.
“How’s Belle?” Ethan asked.
“Sleeping like a baby,” Cam replied, which was worrisome in itself. Belle was a light sleeper.
“Maybe all the years of work have finally caught up with her and she’s getting some much-needed rest,” Ethan suggested.
“I suppose,” Cam said, sounding worried and not at all convinced.
PJ emerged from the bathroom then, fully dressed, and they headed toward the barn. Ethan pulled open the heavy door and saw four large pickup trucks, exactly alike except for color. Two looked almost exactly alike, and he wasn’t sure which was gray and which was silver. The auto lock button made the choice for him, and they walked to Cam’s truck. Ethan opened PJ’s door and would have helped her inside, but she beat him to it and easily vaulted up.
“You don’t have to do this, Ethan,” she said when he was inside the truck.
“I do,” he replied. “It’s my fault you had the asthma attack, and I want to make sure you’re okay. I’m really sorry, by the way.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said softly. “It was a really nice gesture. Even though I couldn’t breathe, I appreciated the beauty of the tree for a minute before my eyes started to swell shut.”
Ethan laughed. “That’s horrible.”
She laughed and coughed. Ethan winced. “You sound awful. Do you get these attacks often?”
She shook her head. “I generally know to avoid white pine. I wasn’t expecting one to be in my room. I’m glad I had my inhaler.” She turned to look out her window. A few seconds later, he realized she was laughing. Hard.
“You’re laughing at my grand romantic gesture, aren’t you?” he asked.
She nodded, swiping at tears of amusement. “White pine is the only thing I’m allergic to. It’s just uncanny that, of all the trees in the forest, you pick the one that could kill me.” She bent double, laughing harder.
Ethan shook his head. “I can’t win in Montana,” he said. “This state has it out for me. Come to New York, and I promise you legitimate romance that won’t send you to the hospital.”
Her laughter faded. She turned to look out the window. “Let’s go back to being friends again, Ethan,” PJ said. She sounded sad and hurt and disappointed—a devastating combination.
“If that’s what you want, PJ,” Ethan said, his tone laced with disappointment. Not only because he wanted to be so much more than friends, but because he knew she didn’t even want to be friends. He had let her down, and she was politely trying to tell him she wanted nothing more to do with him.
They finished the drive to the hospital in silence. By now the sun was rising, and they were both feeling sleepy. PJ dozed while they waited their turn in the hospital’s waiting room. Her head tipped against the wall. Ethan wanted to tell her to lean on him, but he was afraid there was such a distance between them now that he had lost the right even to be a pillow.
At last their turn was called. Ethan remained uncertainly behind, not sure if he should go into the exam room with PJ.
“This will probably take a while,” she said, putting him out of his indecisive misery. “The breathing treatments take some time. Why don’t you go grab something to eat?”
“Okay,” he said. He remained seated, watching her until she disappeared, and then he stood and stretched. He should at least grab a cup of coffee if he intended to stay awake on the long drive home. As he headed toward the cafeteria, he passed by the gift shop. The store was just opening, and Ethan popped inside, though he had no mind to buy anything.
He walked through the small aisles, browsing the gum and candy. He paused in front of the magazine selection, wondering if he should buy something for PJ. Was it appropriate to buy a present for someone after you triggered an attack that sent them to the hospital?
At the thought of presents, he remembered Christmas. Somehow, he would need to shop for PJ in the two remaining days before Christmas, but how? He didn’t expect to find an answer to that question in the middle of a hospital gift shop, but he did.
As he turned to leave, his attention was snagged by a jewelry display near the counter. A pamphlet told him the jewelry was made by a local artist, but the pieces were as beautiful and intricate as anything Ethan had seen in New York. They were unique, and he knew PJ would like them. The prices were a bit steep, but he didn’t care. He plunked down the money for a necklace along with a gift bag and tissue paper. He had just finished hiding his purchases in Cam’s truck when PJ emerged, looking perkier and sounding less wheezy.
“Better?” he asked.
She nodded. “Did you eat?”
“No. Want to grab something?”
“Okay,” she replied. “I’m starting to get really hungry.”
“Me, too,” he said. He drove to a café they had passed on their way to the hospital. Once they were seated, however, the ensuing silence felt awkward.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Ethan said after a few minutes of staring at the menu. “And I’m really sorry about everything.”
“Ethan, it’s fine. Please stop apologizing.”
The waitress came to take their order then. When she left, Ethan pitched about for something to say. Maybe if he told her the truth, at least as much as possible, it
might help her understand where he was coming from. “PJ, I grew up in a nice middle-class family in Ohio. My family is conservative and old fashioned with church on Sundays and family dinner at my Grandma’s house. I didn’t hate my life, but I didn’t respect it. It was too simple for me, too provincial. The big city was calling my name, and I was sure that career success and ambition were the secret of a happy life.
“So I left Ohio when I graduated high school, and I attended college in Brooklyn. And I loved it. New York was everything I thought it would be and more. Not only that, but I slowly started to slip away from the values I had been raised with. Going back to my parents to visit began to feel like a chore. I loved them, but at the same time I thought they were backwards by not keeping up with the modern world.
“I graduated college and prepared to set Wall Street on fire, but I couldn’t break in there. The only job I could find was as a secretary in the firm where I now work. Believe it or not, even though I’m still a secretary, I’m much higher than when I first started out. I was the lowest person on the totem pole.
“Belle was hired, and she was my underling. We didn’t work directly together, but for a while she was the new kid, and I was senior secretary. Then she was promoted to a literary agent, and I became her secretary.” He paused, sighing. “That’s when I decided that I had been wrong. A successful career wasn’t the key to life; it was a successful marriage partner. I began serial dating, looking for Ms. Perfect, constantly trading up in my quest to find ‘the one.’ I thought Chrissy might be it, and then I get here and discover she’s, well, you know.
“I realize that telling you all this is a risk. It doesn’t make me seem like a stable person or a good risk. But the reason I’m telling you is because I feel like I’ve received a blow to the head and finally come to my senses. My whole life I’ve run from the values and ideals that have made me who I am. But I’m done running. I’m ready to be the person my parents raised me to be, and I want to do that with you. I’m in love with you, and I’m asking that, despite everything, you trust me.”
In answer, PJ fled the restaurant.
Ethan was just getting ready to go after her when he looked up in disbelief to see Grant bearing down on him, PJ at his side.
“What are you doing here?” Ethan blurted, not caring how rude he sounded.
“I came into town to do some last minute Christmas shopping and ran into PJ on the sidewalk. Small world,” Grant said, sitting down in the middle chair between PJ and Ethan.
“Isn’t it, though,” Ethan said.
“I’m just going to go freshen up,” PJ said, avoiding eye contact. The two men watched her walk away. Ethan sighed.
“What do you suppose a woman like PJ wants for Christmas?” Grant asked in a conspiratorial whisper.
“A new awl,” Ethan said, stifling any guilt he might have felt. PJ had said she wanted a new awl. It wasn’t his fault that it was the least romantic gift in the world. Absently, he glanced at the truck where he had hidden her present, secure in the knowledge that he had something properly romantic. Grant was on his own.
“I heard some people talking about PJ in the feed store,” Grant said, perusing his menu.
Ethan tensed. “What did they say?”
Grant shrugged. “Nothing bad, but I got the impression they don’t see her as awoman.” He set his menu down, frowning.
“How is that possible?” Ethan asked.
“I don’t know,” Grant said, equally as incredulous. “Some people can’t see beyond the outside package.”
“What’s wrong with the outside package?” Ethan asked. PJ was beautiful.
“Nothing as far as I can see. But some men like their women to be girly. You know how it is.”
“I guess,” Ethan said, disconcerted not only because he and Grant agreed on something, but because they were bordering on a philosophical discussion. About PJ of all people. Time for a topic change.
“Aren’t you sad to be away from your family this Christmas?” The Honeywells were a tight knit group, especially the brothers.
Grant shrugged, looking almost sad. “I miss them, but I get to be with my baby sister. And I like the Kings. For Yankees, they’re good people. And, you know, sometimes it’s nice to get away and meet new people.” He glanced toward the bathroom where PJ had gone.
He’s definitely on the prowl, Ethan thought. His certainty grew when PJ returned and Grant stood to help her with her chair. Not only was he competing with Grant for PJ’s affections, but he had to deal with Chrissy who was turning out to be the human equivalent of an atomic bomb. And now PJ wanted nothing to do with him.
His dream holiday was quickly turning into a nightmare vacation. Ethan held Montana responsible, resenting the state for opening his eyes to his unhappiness. If he had stayed in New York, he would have remained blissfully unaware of how miserable and shallow his life had become. But, no, he had to flee to the country where things were simple, honest, and slow-paced enough to allow time for reflection. And he didn’t like what that reflection had showed him. Somehow over the last decade he had turned into one of the people he had loathed when he arrived in New York.
Fresh off the farm from Ohio, Ethan had been a starry-eyed college freshman. But it hadn’t taken him long to see what effect the city could have. Despite the fact that he longed for excitement and adventure, he vowed never to be one of those people who lost his way and simply existed, keeping up with the Jones’s as if one-upping everyone else was the most important thing in life. But that was exactly what he had turned into. His clothes had to be the best, his haircut cost as much as a car payment, he spent untold amounts on fancy coffee drinks whose name he couldn’t pronounce just because it was what everyone else did. His evenings were spent with people he barely knew and couldn’t care less about at fancy restaurants he could barely afford. No wonder he lived in such a tiny apartment; he spent all his money on insubstantial things that didn’t matter. And what did he have to show for it? Absolutely nothing.
He realized now why spending time with Belle and Cam had come to mean so much to him the last few years; it was because they were real. They might be fabulously wealthy, but unless you had access to their tax returns—and Ethan did—then you would never know how much they had in the bank. They lived simply; their only luxury was the private jet that took them back and forth from Manhattan to Montana. It wasn’t just the money, though. They espoused simple values like honesty, loyalty, kindness, and goodness. Things Ethan had been raised with and turned his back on. He had thought Belle and Cam meant so much to him because they were good friends, and that was partially true. But the truth was that they meant so much to him because they were a representation of the family he had left behind. They were real; he was not, not anymore.
And now, like a character who takes off a costume, he was once again himself. Somehow the blinders had been ripped off and Ethan was seeing things clearly again. Not only that, but what he saw he didn’t like. His life was all wrong. He was tired of his tiny apartment, tired of his job where he had hit the figurative ceiling long ago, tired of the hustle and bustle of Manhattan. True, there were a lot of things he loved about the city, but smog, traffic, and busyness were not among them. He was tired, he wasn’t getting any younger, and he was ready to settle down. Not only that, but he wanted to settle down with the woman beside him. Though she was almost a decade younger and totally out of reach, he wanted to marry her and have children with her. He wanted to teach his children to ride horses—after he learned how himself, of course—and have a million happy memories together as they built a family.
All these thoughts were swirling in his head as PJ and Grant carried the conversation. Ethan’s hopelessness grew. What was he going to do? How could he begin to fix some of the destruction he had caused? First things first, he had to get rid of Chrissy. Maybe with her gone he might stand a chance of convincing PJ to trust him again. His mind began to plot the best way to get rid of the other woman. At last he hatc
hed the perfect plan, but a television in the corner of the café caught his attention, dashing all his plans. A freak blizzard blanketed the eastern half of the United States. New York City was completely shut down. For now, Chrissy wasn’t going anywhere.