Chapter 14
PJ fell asleep on the way back to the King’s ranch. Not that it mattered much, anyway. Ethan was fairly certain she was no longer talking to him. Why, though? Was it because she felt awkward after his declaration of love? Or was it because she didn’t believe him? He could see how she might not be willing to trust him after he admitted he had never been serious with anyone and asked her to lie to Chrissy for him.
He sighed, gripping the steering wheel tight. Who was he kidding? He had made a mess of everything. If he were PJ, he would tell him to take a hike. PJ hadn’t told him to take a hike, though. Did that count for anything? Or was he so desperate that he was reading too much into her politeness? She hadn’t actually said anything when he told her he loved her. True, she had fled the room and that wasn’t usually a good sign. But she hadn’t said she didn’t love him in return. Was it possible there was still hope? He glanced at her sleeping profile, wanting nothing more than to pull the truck over and take her in his arms. What if he did? What if he pulled over and kissed her until she responded?
For a few seconds, he was tempted to do just that, and then he realized that wouldn’t be fair to PJ. She was inexperienced. He didn’t want to chance confusing and overwhelming her. He would need to be careful, to build up an emotional base between them before things turned physical. Otherwise she might someday resent him for taking advantage of her innocence. This was the mother of his future children, and therefore it was worth taking his time to woo her correctly. What he needed was to stop thinking like New York Ethan and begin thinking like Ohio Ethan. Once he had been as naïve, wholesome and pure as PJ was. It was time to get back to that.
PJ didn’t wake when they returned to the farm. Ethan parked Cam’s truck and opened his door, and still she didn’t stir. He walked around to the passenger side and opened her door, touching her lightly on the arm and she startled awake.
“We’re here,” he said gently, uncertainly.
She blinked at him in confusion a few times. “That was fast,” she said,
He smiled. “You slept the whole way.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, rubbing her palms against her eye sockets. She took a deep breath and tried to focus again. Ethan put up a hand to help her down, and she took it, stepping gingerly from the tall truck. Once outside the vehicle, he didn’t let her go. Despite his earlier intentions to be good, he was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her. Dropping her hand, he slid his arms around her and pressed her against the truck’s cab. She responded, sliding her arms around his neck.
“I meant what I said, PJ. I do love you. I know I’ve made a mess of everything, but I’m going to fix it, somehow. Please don’t shut me out and turn away. Please give me a chance to make things right. I know you’re confused, and I wish I could explain, but I can’t.”
He saw the conflict in her eyes, and he took that as a good sign. At least she was thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons of believing in him. That gave him hope that all wasn’t lost.
“I’m not going to kiss you,” he said softly. “I want to, but it wouldn’t be fair for me to press the attraction between us when you’re undecided. When you’re ready, you can kiss me.”
She laughed and he let her go. “No one has ever invited me to kiss him before,” PJ said, regaining some of her missing equilibrium. She took a breath and looked around the vast barn. “Everything feels surreal, Ethan.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I’ve never…”
He didn’t get to hear what she had never done because the outside door opened and Cam hurried inside. “Good, you’re back. Ethan, can you help me with Belle? She won’t stop crying.” With that, he turned and fled back to the house again.
Ethan looked at PJ, but she didn’t look as surprised or concerned as he would have expected. She didn’t know Belle as well as he did, though, and therefore had no idea how monumental Cam’s words had been. Belle wouldn’t stop crying? What could possibly be the cause of that?
“We’ll talk more later,” Ethan promised, hurrying away to catch up with Cam. “Why is she crying?” he asked when he reached his boss’s husband.
Cam shrugged, running his hand haphazardly through his hair. “It was a commercial about a dog, and not even a sad one. All she would say was ‘fluffy,’ and then she burst into tears.”
“Oh, geez,” Ethan said when they walked into the house. He could hear Belle’s stifled weeping from the entryway, and it only grew worse the nearer they drew to her room. When Cam opened the door, she was lying facedown on her mattress, still in her pajamas, and crying uncontrollably.
“Belle, honey, Ethan’s here,” Cam said gently.
“Fluffy,” Belle said, pounding her fist into the mattress.
“Belle, pull yourself together,” Ethan said sternly. Cam was trying gentleness and it wasn’t working; maybe what Belle needed was a little tough love. When she rolled over onto her back and looked at him, he thought maybe it was working. “Who is Fluffy?”
“My dog,” she said, sniffling. Her face was swollen and blotched with tears.
“What dog?” Cam asked, going forward to sit beside her on the bed.
“The dog I had when I was four. I told you about him,” she replied, her tone impatient.
He shook his head. “I never knew you had a dog. I didn’t think you liked them.”
“I don’t. I hated that dog. He was such a good dog.” Her face crumpled, and she burst into tears again.
Cam looked helplessly at Ethan over his wife’s inert form. Belle rolled over again, pressing her face into his lap. “What is wrong with her?” Cam asked.
Suddenly somehow Ethan knew. “I’m not sure it’s my place to say.”
“Whatever it is just tell me, Ethan,” Cam begged, and Ethan realized he thought it was bad news. Maybe to Belle it would be, but certainly not to Cam.
“Maybe she has what Sam has,” Ethan let the words hang as Cam fastened hold of them, his jaw dropping with surprise.
“We did have the same virus,” Belle said, “only she’s getting better, and I’m getting crazier.” She burst into a renewed round of weeping. Cam leaned down to whisper in her ear, and she sat up, moving away from him.
“That’s not possible. We’re not thirty,” she declared.
Cam laughed and Ethan backed out of the room, closing the door behind him. He wished Cam luck in trying to convince his wife that having a baby four years before her scheduled time was a good thing. Belle, a mom, he thought, shaking his head. He tried and failed to picture it. Motherhood could either make her or break her. Either she would expect the baby to be as regimented and disciplined as she was, or she would learn to mellow out. He hoped it was the latter.
I’ll miss seeing her blossom into motherhood, he thought, and that was when he realized he was going to quit his job. Until then it had simply been rhetorical thinking on his part. He had no plan and no idea what to do next, but now that he realized a change was in order, he would have to find something else. Maybe he would move out of the city entirely. Could he go back to Ohio? He didn’t know, but the thought was more enthralling than repugnant to him. Then he remembered the reason for all these changes and knew where he needed to be; he would have to figure out something to do right here because this was where PJ was.
As he was heading back outside to talk to her, Chrissy stepped from her room, blocking his path in a threatening manner. “Are you and your little girlfriend ready for my interview now?” she hissed, hands on hips.
Ethan stopped short in front of her, staring down in surprise. In the rush of PJ’s emergency and Belle’s crying jag, he had forgotten that Chrissy still needed to be dealt with. “PJ doesn’t want to do an interview with you,” he said truthfully.
“You said you would make it happen, Ethan,” Chrissy said, her tone accusing. “You know what this means; I meant what I said, I’ll go forward with as much as I know, and, one way or another, Suzanne Rey’s private little world is
over. You can do it the easy way or the hard way.”
“New York is shut down, Chrissy,” Ethan said. “You can’t get ahold of anyone today and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Even if this story is at the top of your agenda right now, everyone else in the world is focused on Christmas.”
“Fine, I’ll wait until we get back to New York. But if you think I’m letting this go, then you don’t know me at all. You’d do well to talk to her once more and try to get her to come around.”
Ethan blew out a frustrated breath, feeling stuck in the middle. He couldn’t ask PJ to lie again, not only because she wouldn’t do it but also because she firmly believed he was a worthless heel for asking the first time. He couldn’t consult with Belle about the situation when she was half out of her head already, and he didn’t want to burden Cam with anything else when his plate was already full with Belle. No, Chrissy was Ethan’s problem, and he had to figure out how to deal with her.
“Just give me a little more time and be patient,” he said. “And try to stay out of everyone’s way and not be any more of a nuisance than you already are.”
“I am not a nuisance,” she insisted.
How was it possible that her feelings actually looked hurt at his statement? Did she really not have any idea what she was like? “Chrissy, you’ve been nothing but a misery since we arrived in Montana. You’re an entitled, spoiled brat, and I blame myself for inflicting you on this undeserving family.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving her staring after him in dismay.