Understanding on his face, Hayden soothingly said, “Okay, Kenzie. I’ll tell him you don’t want to do it anymore, and I’ll make sure he leaves it at that.”
Using one hand to hold my sheet in place, I cupped his cheek with the other. “You have to quit too. It’s too dangerous. You have too much to lose.” Dropping my hand, I slowly prepared to tell him the worst part of all this. “I…have bad news. Something I thought wouldn’t matter, because I thought we’d both have enough money after winning that damn race to quit with a clear conscience. I thought we’d wake up today done with that life.”
Hayden frowned as he studied me. “What news?”
Biting my lip, I wished I didn’t have to tell him about my friends’ plan. He’d always dislike them after this. Not that all of us being friends was really an option anyway. “Nikki and Myles…they…” I paused for a deep breath, then let it all out in a rush. “Myles blames you for getting hurt and being out this season. He wants you gone. He’s obsessed about it. Nikki was there the night I first saw you street racing. She’s going to tell Myles what she knows, and she’s going to help him…try to catch you doing it…so you’ll be banned from racing.” Shaking my head, I hoped he would listen to reason. “I bought us time—she won’t tell him until after the race in Jersey—but you can’t go back, Hayden. You really will lose everything…so you might as well quit now. Why tempt fate?”
Hayden worked his jaw, and I could see the anger he was struggling with as he tightened his muscles. After a moment of silence, he slowly shook his head. “I can’t give it up. You know that. But thank you for telling me about…your friends. If I know someone’s looking for me…I can hide my plates, keep my face covered, use a fake name…but I can’t quit while Izzy needs me, while Antonia needs me. And I’m sorry if that bothers you.”
My eyes began to sting as hope failed me. “You can’t straddle both worlds forever, Hayden. You’ll slip up, or you’ll get hurt…”
Grabbing my hand, he softly said, “I have to try, Kenzie. I have to keep fighting for as long as I can, and I know you understand that.” I opened my mouth, but there was nothing more to say. I did understand, but that didn’t make me any less afraid for him.
While I tried to find words, Hayden smiled and said, “I really would love to take you back to bed…but don’t you have a wedding to get ready for?” He nodded his head at the clock on the wall.
“Oh shit. I’m supposed to meet my sister at the salon in an hour. She will literally hunt me down and kill me if I’m late.”
Hayden laughed, then let me go. “Wouldn’t want that.”
There was a wistfulness in his eyes that tore my heart. “I’d take you with me if I could…you know that, right?” I said.
He nodded, his smile soft yet sad. “Yeah, I know.”
I hated seeing that look on him, hated feeling the same way. “What are you going to do today?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
He shrugged. “I thought I’d go to the track. It’s pretty quiet on the weekends. It’s nice to be there…alone.” Knowing his teammates were assholes and he was basically on his own over there made a slice of anger go right through me. He shouldn’t be an outcast on his own team.
Hayden frowned as he watched me process. “You okay?” he asked.
With a pain-filled exhale, I nodded. “Yeah, I just…” I wish you didn’t have to keep street racing. I wish your team accepted you. I wish my father would accept you. I wish you could celebrate with my family today. “I wish things were different,” I finally said.
Leaning down, Hayden gave me a soft kiss. “I know. I do too. Will I see you tonight? After the wedding?”
With a sad smile, I nodded. For now, we would pretend things between us could actually work. It was the only way we could keep fighting.
* * *
Hours later, when my hair was spritzed and styled and my makeup was garish and overdone, I felt better…and so much worse. I’d given up the illegal racing, washed my hands clean of the sin. The miasma of guilt that had come along with the forbidden activity was gone, and I felt like I could finally breathe around my family again. But grief had swept in once the guilt was gone, and its weight was almost unbearable. Were Hayden and I done as well? Because I couldn’t keep dating him behind my father’s back any more than he could keep racing behind Keith’s back. Technically, the two of us had been finished before we’d even begun.
And my father…without the street racing, I had no real way to help him. Even winning the ARRC championship wouldn’t be enough. Not anymore. I could only better my own position with another team, and it felt so wrong to focus on my dream and leave Dad’s to die. But I had to accept that I’d failed in trying to save him—to help get him back on solid ground, I’d hoped to earn around $200,000, but I’d only made a little over a third of that amount, and that wasn’t enough. I had to let Dad’s dream go. And I had to let Hayden go. I had to let everything go.
A troubled sigh escaped me for the thousandth time, and Daphne shot me an annoyed look. Resplendent in a tight white mermaid-style wedding dress that was adorned with what had to be ten thousand shimmering seed-pearl beads, my sister radiated beauty and elegance. Her long blond hair was swept up away from her neck, with hundreds of tiny loose curls spilling from it. A tiara was artfully crafted into the design; the princess of the family was finally getting her moment to shine. And she didn’t want anyone ruining it, especially me. “It will be over with soon, Mackenzie. Just try not to fidget when you get out there, okay? You looked like you had to pee during rehearsal yesterday.”
I wanted to say something snarky in reply, but I just didn’t have it in me. We were waiting in a “staging area”—basically a private garden area next to the main garden where Daphne was binding herself to one man for the rest of her life. But Jeff was a good man, and he adored my sister, did everything he could to make her happy, even when she was being ridiculously overbearing. He was the exact right match for her, and the fact that they had found each other—were allowed to date each other—and were now getting married made me a little sad.
Daphne and Jeff’s wedding was taking place outside at the base of a bridge crossing over a meticulously landscaped koi pond. The fountains on each side of the bridge were dyed with the wedding colors—bright orange and vibrant red. Rows and rows of pristine white chairs were decorated with red and orange roses, while professional violinists were in a corner playing traditional wedding songs. On the far side of the pond, out of view of the crowd, was a cage holding a pair of doves. They were going to be released later in the ceremony, at the crest of the pivotal moment, when the bride and groom turned to face the crowd as husband and wife. Not at all over-the-top.
From where I was waiting, I could see the chairs beginning to fill up with family, friends, and acquaintances of my sister and her soon-to-be husband. Dad was waiting with us, to walk Daphne down the aisle, and Theresa was a bridesmaid, same as me, but the rest of our immediate family was sitting in the front row—both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a couple of cousins. Behind them, in the next two rows, were members of Cox Racing, including John, Nikki, and Myles. It warmed me to see that Daphne had invited every single one of them. Even though Cox Racing was ending soon, the crew and riders were family.
I tried to get Myles’s and Nikki’s attention so I could wave hello, but they weren’t looking my way. Nikki was gorgeous, as she always was at social events, but she was chewing on her nails; she only did that when she was nervous. And while Myles looked great in his suit, his face was so stony, I could probably place him among the statues scattered throughout the gardens and no one would know the difference. What was up with them?
While a new anxiety started eating at me, Theresa tapped my shoulder. When I looked back at her, she shook her head, making her blond curls dance. “I wouldn’t let anyone see you yet. Bridezilla will be pissed.” She grinned as she glanced at where Daphne was talking with the wedding planner; it looked like she was bitching
the poor woman out for something. Turning back to me, Theresa leaned in and whispered, “Do you think she picked out these dresses just to torture us? Mine weren’t nearly this bad.”
She was almost right about that. The gown Theresa had shoved me into had been a formal southern gown that looked like a Gone with the Wind parody, but at least the color had been nice. Daphne’s dresses were a horrid shade of tangerine that was supposed to coordinate with the koi in the pond. And as if the color weren’t bad enough, it had a gigantic foot-wide red bow right above the ass. It was quite possibly the ugliest piece of material I’d ever seen. But somehow, with the way my mood was shifting, it was fitting.
“Yeah, I think this is payback for giving all her dolls haircuts when I was seven.”
Theresa laughed at my comment, then her gaze grew fond. “I can’t wait to see what you pick out for your wedding.”
A knot tightened in my stomach so suddenly that I almost bent over. That wasn’t my future. Not with Hayden, at least. I rapidly blinked to clear away the sudden watery haze obscuring my vision. “You honestly think I’ll get married? I barely have time to shower, let alone date.”
Theresa laughed again, and suddenly Daphne was by our sides. “What’s so funny?” she asked, then her bright blue eyes turned uneasy. “Is something wrong? Is it the music? Chairs? Flowers? What?”
Theresa and I each put a hand on her shoulder while Dad came over to stand behind her. “Everything is fine, Daphne. You can relax now,” he assured her.
Daphne didn’t look very assured, but she nodded. As I looked between my father and my sisters, the knot in my chest turned to an ache. “I wish Mom was here,” I whispered.
I heard Theresa sniff as Dad’s eyes locked on mine. Giving me a wistful smile, he said, “She’s here, Mackenzie. Trust me…she’s here.”
The instant water in my eyes threatened to spill over and ruin my makeup. Then I happened to look over at Daphne. She was waving her fingers in front of her eyes, desperately trying to dry them before her mascara ran. Her face was a combination of sadness and fury. It made me laugh.
Directing her heated gaze at me, she snapped, “No emotional comments before the ceremony, Kenzie. Jesus! Are you trying to kill me?”
I burst out laughing, and even though she glared at me, the lightened mood felt good. I just hoped it lasted.
The ceremony finally began and I walked with my assigned groomsman to the base of the bridge. When the violinists played the wedding march, the entire crowd stood for Daphne. I teared up again as I watched Dad walking with her. For the first time in a long time, he looked genuinely happy, almost carefree. And full of love and pride for his daughter. I hoped he felt the same way about me, and prayed he never found out about all the things I’d been doing. Would he understand that I had done it for him? Would it matter? A betrayal was a betrayal.
My mood darkened again as the wedding progressed. It didn’t help that the ceremony was more than an hour long, with flowery poems, pages of quoted scripture, and two full songs. When it was finally over and Daphne and Jeff were walking down the aisle as husband and wife, I almost cried in relief. My feet were killing me in these uncomfortable heels, and my mind was shifting back to all the things I couldn’t have. I needed a drink. Maybe several of them.
A circle of tents were set up on the far left side of the gardens, holding food for the reception and enough alcohol to flood Oceanside. While Daphne and Jeff kept everyone busy in a seemingly endless receiving line, I darted to the bar. The second I stepped in front of the nicely dressed bartender, someone behind me said, “Two whiskeys, straight. Actually, make them both doubles.”
I looked over my shoulder to see Myles standing there. Now that I was finally seeing him up close, he seemed worn out. Ragged, like he hadn’t slept at all. “Hey…you okay?” I asked.
Myles shrugged. “I don’t know, Kenzie. I honestly just don’t know anymore.”
Having his hard gaze directed at me made ice water fill my veins. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
Myles didn’t say anything right away, just grabbed the glasses from the bartender and handed me one. He took a sip of his potent drink, then shook his head. “I need some answers, Kenzie. Truthful ones.”
My heart was hammering now. “About what?” I asked. I brought the drink to my lips and let the burning whiskey generously coat my mouth. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. It’s okay, he doesn’t know anything.
Leaning in close, Myles murmured, “Hayden. Are you sleeping with him too, or is it just about street racing?”
I immediately choked on the liquid fire coursing down my throat. And that made my objection to his claim sound pitifully weak. “What? What…are you…talking about?” My eyes were watering as I coughed and sputtered, but that was nothing compared to the panic flaring in my chest. He knows. How the fuck does he know?
Nikki rushed up to us then and started patting my back. “Jesus, Myles. What happened to being subtle?” With a glare, she handed my drink to him, then started pulling me away from the bar. Myles followed a step behind us. As I looked over at her, I saw that she seemed just as weary and bedraggled as Myles. Oh God…what was going on?
Nikki’s worn face was filled with a lot more compassion than Myles’s. “I’m sorry, Kenzie. I know you told me to wait to tell him about the racing, but I couldn’t. He was so upset, he wanted something on Hayden so bad, and I knew…”
“She knew what you’d been up to!” Myles shouted.
Some people around us heard him, and I felt dozens of inquisitive eyes beginning to train on me. Shit, I was going to be sick. Nikki glared at Myles again, then shook her head at me. “I didn’t know what you were up to, I swear. But Jesus, Kenzie…what the hell have you gotten yourself mixed up in?”
Stopping in my tracks, I held both hands up to them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated in a low voice. It was a lie, and yet it was the total truth too. I couldn’t talk to them about anything until I knew what they knew.
Myles was immediately in my face. “We saw you. We went to the race in L.A. last night, and we saw you.”
I felt the color draining from my face. Yes, I was definitely going to be sick. “Oh…”
Myles’s eyes turned to ice. “Yeah…oh. After Nikki told me about the racing, and told me about the huge race in L.A., I knew exactly how I was going to get Hayden. I just had no idea I’d be trapping you too. You have no idea how shocked I was to see you there, Kenzie. With him.” Lifting his phone, he began to show me a slideshow of photos. The world, the bikes, the racers lined up at the crosswalk, Hayden standing alone by his bike, and then lastly, me…standing with Hayden, getting ready for my turn. He had proof. I was fucked.
“Don’t show this to my dad,” I begged.
Myles let out a rueful laugh. “I feel like we’ve had this conversation before, Kenzie. This is the part where you beg me not to say anything, then I let you convince me you’ve changed your ways, then you go behind my back and fuck the enemy!”
He yelled that, and everyone around us heard him. My gut twisted into sharp knots. “No…I’m not…” I was. And I had. And there was nothing I could say to defend myself. Tears of shame started streaming down my cheeks.
Hearing me still trying to deny it made Myles so mad his face turned bright red. “You still can’t be honest, can you? He’s the reason I wrecked, Kenzie! The reason I missed an entire season. He could have fucking killed me! Don’t you care about that?”
“Of course I do. Just let me explain…” I tried to put a hand on him to calm him down, but he yanked his arm away from me.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he snapped; he was shaking with anger now.
Nikki tried to soothe him, but all the yelling had finally gotten my father’s attention. My stomach turned to lead when I saw him storming our way. “Mackenzie? Myles? What the hell is going on here? I could hear you two arguing all the way from the receiving line.” He aimed that statement at Myles. Seein
g that Myles was two-fisting it, Dad grabbed the drinks from his hand and set them on a nearby table. Hands on his hips, he shifted his stern gaze to me. “Someone start talking. What’s going on?”
I couldn’t speak fast enough, and Myles beat me to the punch. Holding up his phone, he told my dad, “Your daughter has been illegally street racing with a Benneti racer. Hayden Hayes, the asshole who sabotaged my bike. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I’m pretty sure she’s sleeping with him too.”
And just like that, my world imploded. I couldn’t save myself, couldn’t save Hayden, couldn’t save anyone.
Myles’s face went pale white, like he’d just realized what he’d said. He tried to pull his phone away, but it was too late—my father snatched it out of his fingers and started flipping through the photos; his eyes darkened with every shot.
When Dad finally got to the last picture, he coolly handed the phone back to Myles. “I see,” he said, his voice cold and detached…emotionless.
Feeling desperate, I grabbed my father’s arm. “That’s not what happened. That’s not what is happening.” Yes. Yes, it is. Shaking away the truth, I told him, “Hayden was just my ticket into the race. He showed me the way, but it was just me racing. He didn’t want to help me, but I threatened him to make him do it. Because I wanted to win enough money to save Cox Racing. To help you.” Feeling like my heart was being split in two, I sobbed, “All I wanted to do was help you save the business, Dad. And I have. I’ve got almost eighty grand at home, and it’s yours. All yours! Let’s go now and get it. Please! Let me show you! Let me help you!”
Dad’s eyes widened when he heard how much money I had, and even Nikki and Myles sucked in disbelieving breaths. Then Dad closed his eyes and pressed his lips together so tightly, they turned white. When he opened his eyes again, his voice was edged with tightly controlled anger. “We will talk about this later, after your sister’s wedding reception.” He turned, walked away, and didn’t look back, and I knew I’d just lost him. I felt it inside the deepest part of my soul. My father was gone. And possibly my future. And maybe even Hayden’s.