Everywhere I looked I saw carnage—bike parts, hazy smoke, and unseated riders; I couldn’t see a clear path anywhere. With only microseconds to make a decision, to correct my course, to do something to save myself…I froze. I pictured myself smacking into a bike, tumbling over and over, bones snapping, the weight of other bikes and riders crushing me until I couldn’t breathe…
This was it. This was how my life was going to end.
I love you, Dad, you ridiculously stubborn, devoid-of-emotion man. I love you, Daphne, I love you, Theresa. I love you, Myles, Nikki. I even love you, John, in a way. But mostly…Hayden, I love you so much.
My heart thudded in my chest as my life and loves flashed before my eyes. Then suddenly, a rider zipped in front of me, cutting me off and waking me from my indecision. On instinct, I shifted to avoid colliding with him, and managed to escape the wreckage in the one small clearing remaining on the far right side of the track. As I passed clean through the chaos, I risked a glance back to see who my crazy savior was. In knocking me off course, they’d taken my doomed path. And they’d accelerated to get around me…so they’d hit with ten times the force.
When I was safely away from the carnage I slowed and stood up on the pedals, hoping to see something, anything. There was only person I could think of who might walk through fire for me…but it just couldn’t be him. Please, God, it couldn’t be.
It was hard to see through the riders trying to stand, through the twisted metal of warped bikes. And then, like in a scene from an apocalyptic movie, an empty bike slid free from the wreck and tumbled to a stop in front of me. My heart seized in my chest as the bold black numbers spelled out my worst fears—43. Hayden. No…Why would he do that? He’d blasted through the gates of hell to spare me an unimaginable fate. He’d sacrificed himself for me, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, my life would never be the same after this.
Chapter 23
The track was pure chaos, and I was quickly swept up in it. Rescue vehicles rushed into the madness while all the riders were ordered to go to the pits. When I was as close as the officials would allow me to stand, I watched in terror as metal was shifted and pinned riders were exposed. As they were pulled away and hauled off on stretchers, I couldn’t help but imagine myself in the carnage. It should have been me, not him.
Looking around, I spotted a few members of the Benneti crew standing nearby. Keith and his team were huddled together, faces pale, arms wrapped around shoulders in support. They looked terrified, and it wasn’t for the bikes, it wasn’t for the standings, it wasn’t for the glory. No. It was for their people, trapped, hurt, and possibly maimed or dead. Please God, don’t let Hayden be dead.
From somewhere behind me, I heard Nikki yelling my name. Like a plow cutting through snow, she split the crowd to get to me. When she was within arm’s reach, she pulled me in so tight, I couldn’t breathe.
“Thank God, you’re okay. I saw you going straight for the bikes, then I lost you and all I saw was smoke and chaos. You didn’t come back to the pit…I didn’t know if you made it out…” She squeezed me hard as she drew in a shuddering breath. I was having trouble breathing, but I didn’t pull away.
When Nikki finally let me go, I tried to wipe my cheeks dry. It was impossible; more tears just kept coming. Why couldn’t I stop crying? “God, it was awful, Nik,” I sputtered. “I was going to hit the wreck…and then he…he made me swerve. I found a clearing, but he didn’t. He…” A racking sob took over me and I couldn’t finish speaking. He watched out for me. He saved me. He loves me, and I love him. I should have trusted him, I should have believed him. And now it might be too late to tell him I’m sorry.
“Who are you talking about, Kenzie?” she asked, eyes wide with concern.
“He…took the hit for me. He loves me…”
Comprehension suddenly sparkled in Nikki’s eyes. “Oh God…it was Hayden, wasn’t it? Hayden…saved you?”
Nodding incessantly, I took a step back from Nikki and returned my attention to the track. It was mostly clear of people now, if not debris. I still didn’t see Hayden anywhere. Had I missed his rescue? Goddammit. Looking back, I told her, “I need to find him. I need to know Hayden’s okay.”
I made a move toward the track and Nikki grabbed my elbow. “Wait, Kenzie, your dad is looking for you. If he finds you down there asking about Hayden…he’ll flip, you know he will.”
I didn’t care. I needed to find out if Hayden was still alive. “He saved my life, Nikki, and I’m going to make sure he’s okay. If that violates Dad’s rule…then I guess I’m about to violate it. I’m not going to ignore someone who just risked everything for me. My father taught me better than that,” I added, raising my chin.
Nikki gave me a sad smile as she let me go. “I hope you find him,” she whispered, and from her tone of voice, I could tell that what she was really saying was “I hope he’s worth it.” He is.
Officials tried to shoo me off the track when I got close, but I ignored them. Somebody here had to know something, and I wasn’t resting until I found that person. Most of the people remaining were rescue personnel and investigators trying to figure out what happened. None of them knew Hayden, let alone knew what had happened to him. Being in the dark was frustrating, and I felt like I was about to rip somebody’s head off if I didn’t get a decent lead soon.
And that was when I ran into Myles. Seeing a familiar face nearly made me cry with relief. Finally, someone who knew who I was talking about. Myles could point me in the right direction. “Have you seen Hayden?” In my panic, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into me.
Myles threw his arms around me. “Kenzie…Jesus, I’m so glad you’re okay. It looked like a war zone out there.”
I hugged him back just as fiercely as he held me, then the uncertainty got to me, and I pushed him away so I could look him in the eye. “Hayden. Please tell me you saw him.”
Myles pressed his lips together, and an expression passed over his face that chilled me to the bone. It was a look of compassion and pain, and also indecision, like he wasn’t sure if he should tell me something. I thought I might start hyperventilating if he didn’t. “Myles…please, I know you don’t like him, but I need to know if he’s okay. Did they take him to a first aid station? Do you know where it is?”
Myles shook his head. “I saw them putting him into an emergency vehicle…but I heard the medic tell the driver to go straight to the hospital. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but…he wasn’t moving. At all. I’m so sorry, Kenzie, but…he got hit pretty hard…”
His words struck me like a cannonball to the chest. Straight to the hospital? That meant it was serious. Life-threatening serious. Jesus. Turning away from Myles, I started running. I wasn’t even sure where I was running to or how I would get there, but I didn’t care. This can’t be happening.
Somehow, I managed to pull myself together enough to get my keys, find my rental car, and drive to the closest hospital. Hoping I was at the right place, I sprinted to the nurses’ station and slapped my hands down on the counter. “I need information on Hayden Hayes,” I told the nurse at the desk, breathless. “I think he just came in with a group of injured motorcycle riders. Can you tell me if he’s okay?”
The nurse scanned my outfit; I was still in my racing suit, my sponsors proudly splashed all over my body. “Are you his wife?”
I nodded. “Yes.” Whatever got me through the door.
She looked down at her computer, then frowned. “Hmm…”
“Hmm, what?” I asked, trying to read her screen.
She cocked an eyebrow at me. “This says he’s not married.”
Even though I was relieved I was at the right place, my eyes started shimmering with building tears, and my voice warbled when I spoke. “Please, I just need to know what happened, if he’s okay.” The floodgates released and my tears spilled over. “He saved my life, I just need to know he’s okay.”
The nurse’s face turned sympathetic. “I’m sorry, I
can’t tell you anything, but…there’s only one elevator between the operating room and the recovery rooms. If you were to wait there…well, who knows what could happen.” She pointed down a hallway.
Hope exploded within me; it was blinding, like a flare sparked in my face in the darkest of night. Operating room…recovery room. That meant he was alive…and he might survive whatever was being done to him. I hated that he was being cut open, hated not knowing what they were trying to fix, but at least I had direction, and direction was better than nothing.
“Thank you,” I murmured. She handed me a tissue, and then I was off…to wait some more. I paced while I waited, and every time the double doors leading into the restricted area opened, my heart started pounding. It was never him, though. I was just about to go back and beg the nurse for details when the doors opened and I saw a familiar head of messy blond hair.
I rushed to his side. “Hayden!” As I peered over the edge of the bed he was being transported on, I studied his face—bruising, a few cuts, but he still looked as perfect as ever. He was really out of it, though; his eyes fluttered open, but the gorgeous green gems never stayed visible long.
“Kenzie…” he murmured, before closing them again.
The nurses pushing him along tried to get me to step back, but I was too busy examining the bed, examining his body. I couldn’t tell by looking what was wrong with him. Could he move? Could he walk? Was he all messed up inside?
“Is he okay?” Surely they’d be pushing him to the ICU, not the recovery rooms, if he was truly in trouble. Right?
One of the nurses gave me a stern look like she wasn’t going to say anything, but then her face turned sympathetic. Maybe she could tell I was hanging on by a thread. “Broken wrist, a few cracked ribs, a hairline fracture to his femur, a bit of internal bleeding, but he’ll be fine. He was very lucky, from what I’ve been told. It could have been a lot worse.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. He was okay. Taking only a brief second to recover from that shock, I hurried in with them when they all stepped into an elevator. I wasn’t losing Hayden again.
I wasn’t allowed in the recovery room, though, so again…I waited. I was so sick of waiting. Keith showed up while I was killing time. I kept out of sight while he talked to the nurse, and prayed that I could get in to see Hayden without him knowing. I had to make sure Hayden was okay, but I didn’t want to ruin his career.
Finally, I saw Hayden being wheeled into a private room. Keith was distracted with a group of reporters, so I took the opportunity to sneak inside. Hayden was completely awake now, and smiled when he saw me. “Twenty-Two…you’re okay. Thank God.”
Tears stung my eyes as I nodded. I went to grab his right hand and saw it was casted. “Yeah…thanks to you.”
He nodded, then cringed. “Good,” he said through clenched teeth.
There were giving him medicine for the pain—they had to be—but he was still hurting. Seeing him in pain made me feel even worse. “I’m so sorry, Hayden.”
Suddenly, his eyes were sharp, intense, and focused. “Don’t be. I would do it again in a heartbeat. A thousand times over if necessary…anything to keep you safe.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I dried my cheeks and sat on the side of his bed. Neither of us spoke for several long minutes, and the silence was as suffocating as the pungent smell of antiseptic. I had so much to say, I didn’t know where to start. Knowing I didn’t have a lot of time before Keith showed up, I jumped right into it. “How could you do that? How could you push me out of the way and sacrifice yourself? You scared the shit out of me.” My voice shook so badly, the words were almost unintelligible.
Hayden understood me, though, and let out a long sigh. “Because the thought of you hitting that pile…scared the shit out of me. And I don’t handle fear well. Or the thought of losing you. I…know we can’t be together. I know your dad thinks I’m a demon, and you think Keith is the devil. I know you’ve got questions about me, about what I was doing, but…the simple fact is, I love you. And I would do anything to protect you.”
I knew he was telling the truth, I saw it in his eyes—the absolute adoration, the feeling of I’ll love you forever and I’ll never get over you. I felt the same way, and I wanted him to know that. “I love you, Hayden. More than I wanted to, more than I thought possible, and honestly…more than I was comfortable with. But I’m so glad I fell in love with you. I finally feel…complete.”
Hayden’s expression was glorious, like he’d just heard something he’d been waiting his entire life to hear. But little by little, his joy faded. “I feel that way too…which only makes the fact that we can’t be together so much worse.”
Scooting closer to Hayden on his bed, I grabbed his good hand. “We can be together, Hayden. And I want us to be together. I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and I don’t care if that means my father ruins my career. I don’t want to race at all if I can’t race with you.”
Hayden looked confused. “What do you mean…ruins your career?”
Knowing I had to tell him everything, I let out a long, cleansing breath. “My father found out about the street racing…found out about us. Since Cox Racing no longer exists after this year, threatening me with being fired wasn’t enough for him. Dad…he told me that he’d make sure no one else hired me if I kept seeing you.”
Hayden was stunned silent, then he exclaimed, “No. He can’t do that! He can’t steal your future because of me. I won’t let him.”
His sweet attempt to stick up for me made me smile. Then my smile fell. “It doesn’t matter anymore. The replacement teams he found for me are both on the East Coast. I’m not going to ride for a team based thousands of miles away from you, and Dad won’t let me ride for a local team…so I’m not riding anymore. It’s as simple as that.” Bittersweet relief filled me as the decision firmed in my mind. This was how it had to be.
Hayden’s face clouded over as he tried to sit up straighter. “You can’t do that. It’s your dream.”
It was. And leaving it behind was like slicing off a piece of my soul. But I could live with a segment of my soul missing. I couldn’t live without my heart. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”
Sighing, he shook his head. “Maybe he wasn’t serious. I mean, he wouldn’t actually do that to his own daughter, would he?”
I kept my face as blank as possible. “Yes, he would. He used the threat as motivation for me to end things with you, but I didn’t listen. Dad doesn’t bluff, he follows through. And once he finds out we’re together, that I’m staying here in California with you and not going back east to ride for one of the teams he picked for me, my career will be over.”
Hayden let out a weary sigh as he looked away. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted that to happen.”
“I know,” I whispered.
Looking back at me, his eyes suddenly sad, he said, “Why would you give it all up for me? I’m not worth it, Kenzie.”
Carefully bringing my legs up onto the bed, I cupped his cheek. “Yes, you are. You’re everything I never knew I wanted, and I love you. I’m giving up racing because racing is the only thing I can live without. I can't live without you.”
I slowly lowered my mouth to his and cherished the soft warmth as we connected. Desire and passion instantly sizzled my skin, and I wanted more, so much more. A lifetime of more. We’d have to wait, though; Hayden was in no shape for intimacy. But as soon as he was ready, we would be together—in the open, defying the odds. Since I was a civilian now, there was no ban in place preventing us from being together. With me no longer racing, there were no more reasons for us to be apart. No good ones that I could think of, anyway. But still, before we went any further…I did need answers about what I saw him doing before the race.
When we broke apart, I searched his face. “If I’m going to give up the only job I’ve ever wanted…”
Hayden took my brief pause to interrupt. “Kenzie, I don’t think you should—
”
I lifted my eyebrows and kept talking like he hadn’t spoken. “…then I need you to tell me exactly what you were doing with my bike. You said you were fixing something. What?”
Hayden sighed and closed his eyes; he looked exhausted, and I didn’t know if that was because of the painkillers he was on or what he was about to tell me. “Before I say anything, I want you to know that I was clueless about all of this.” He reopened his eyes with a frown. “No, that’s not entirely true. I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to know…so I didn’t ask.”
“Didn’t ask what?” I whispered, suddenly feeling nervous.
“Myles and your father are right about the bike tampering, they were just wrong about me being the one doing it,” he stated.
My heart was thumping in my chest now. “Was it Keith?” I asked, venom in my voice. Whoever was responsible for messing with the bikes was probably the reason Myles had gotten hurt. And Hayden too. Jesus, was that wreck today accidental or intentional? Either way, Keith seemed like the most likely suspect. Although that didn’t explain how I had done so well during the street races. Keith hadn’t known about that. If Hayden hadn’t helped me…then who had?
Hayden shook his head. “No, not Keith…Hookup.”
His name reverberated around the room, and my mind spun as pieces starting falling into place. The rumor, my wins, the incidents at the track…“Why would he…? How did he…? I don’t understand.”