Chapter Six:
Firsts of Fancy
I had no idea how to tell Zell about my early morning adventure with Ahndra and Janine and Seifer when we met in the parking lot, me very embarrassed when I still had Janine's mug in my hand. But how could I tell him? I mean, I barely understood or believed that it had happened myself. I was just extremely overwhelmed that both Seifer and Ahndra had done their best to make me feel better. It made me see stars and feel very, very good about my job and myself. Sure, they both still scared me because I wasn't ever sure if they were joking or serious when they asked me to do things, but still. Anything different than the norm was better.
"Hey, Meg. You've been awfully quiet this whole time," Zell commented while giving my hand a squeeze. "What's going on in that head of yours? Solving the world's problems, or just your own?"
"Hm?" I asked absently, pulling my mind away from a countless reliving of the scene between me and Janine and me and Seifer to focus on Zell's amused blue eyes. I flushed. "Oh. Sorry. What?"
Zell smirked. "You're frowning and then smiling and then looking very confused and wrinkling your nose so much that I want to do this." He reached over to softly pinch the bridge of my nose.
I giggled and leaned back, the clicka‑clicka‑clicka of the train finally settling in as more than a passing noise. "I've had a very. . . different few days."
"And months. Remember, you're planning our wedding."
"How could I forget?" I confessed, "I'm back to my old habit of pinching."
Zell laughed. "Uh-oh. Bruises are coming." He drew me close with an arm around my shoulders. "You let me do the pinching. I'm better at grading pressure."
I sniggered and snuggled into his side. "Okay." I released a deep breath as I adjusted my head against him. "Hey, Zell?"
"Hm?"
"Will you help me not blame myself for not being perfect?"
Zell looked down at me, but I didn't meet his gaze. I only continued to stare at the white Balamb emblem on the right leg of his dark-blue sweats.
After a while he gave my shoulders a squeeze and said "Of course, kitten. You shouldn't have to be perfect when no one else is."
"But you'll let me still try, right?"
And Zell didn't laugh. He knew I was serious. I didn't like messing up and making mistakes because I knew a lot of people counted on me and my job for their protection and safety. Not only that, Seifer depended on me to do the best that I could. For the same reason. Sure it was a lot of stress and responsibility, but at the same time that was the reason I liked the job. I liked knowing that I was depended upon. It made me feel important and. . . needed.
"Sure, Sally," he said, "I'll just make sure you don't give yourself such a hard time if you screw up a bit now and then. Hyne knows I screw up enough."
My face relaxed into a soft smile as I patted his stomach. "You're not that bad."
"Neither are you. You've got a hard job and you're awesome at it. Everyone knows it. Just remember what Rinoa said about you being Seifer's favorite. I think she's hit the nail on the head."
And thinking back to the conversation that morning... "Okay."
"Just cut yourself some slack if you think you mess up." This time he chuckled. "You probably didn't. And if you did? No one would know the difference."
I giggled. "Probably not. I remember thinking I'd flunked my entry exam into the security office, and instead I passed with, like, 120% because I solved answers that were supposedly impossible to answer." Zell chuckled and I giggled again. "I know. And then Seifer made me write another one."
"Hey. You didn't tell me that. How did that go?"
"Seifer says the new SeeDs hate it."
Zell laughed. "I don't doubt it. You'll make them look bad. Say. You should ask Seifer to have the mucky-mucks take it. You know. Ahndra, Marshal, and Toby and them. That'd be a riot to know how much they suck at their job."
I sniggered. "Zell..." I scolded.
"What? It's a legitimate thing to ask. People get sloppy when they've had their job for a long time. It'd be a great refresher course."
And talk about a boost to my self-esteem to have something like that even suggested. "I'll write a little suggestion and put it in his Inbox. Okay?"
"Okay." He chuckled. "Marshal'll kick my butt if Seifer goes through with it. Heheheheh."
My face softened with a silly smile as I again patted his stomach and snuggled a little closer. Fantasies, when they came true, were dangerously potent bits of happiness.