“Are you mad from the bloodlust?” He dropped my hand in disgust. “What are you rambling about? Nobody could tamper with my memory. I would never forget things like that.”
“The twins are hiding with me. They’re half-fae. A boy and a girl. If you looked at them you would know.”
He stormed off. “Lies!” he shouted over his shoulder.
“If they’re lies then, why do you look exactly like him?” I shouted. “And you said yourself you didn’t remember what your punishment was for.”
He faltered, and I held out Icarus’s leash when he turned back. “You forgot something,” I said in a meek voice.
“Tell me you’re lying,” he said darkly. “Tell me this is a little game you’re playing.”
“Ask my friend, the shifter. Ask Gabe. They’ve seen the twins. They know what they look like. The first time we met in the tunnels, Gabe told me to shut up about it, but I can’t. They’re my friends, and they’re beautiful, and I want them to be happy.”
He shook his head and took the leash.
As he walked away I called one more thing out to him. “They have your sword.”
He shuddered, but he kept on walking. I went home, weary of everything.
Carl, Val, and the twins had waited up all night in my living room.
I walked in and collapsed on a chair, unable to take another step. “That was a war,” I whispered. I covered my face and sighed because I didn’t know what to do with all of the emotions running under my skin.
After I took a moment, I told them what had happened, trying to keep it light, but the death seemed to have trailed me. “I need to shower,” I said. “To change this stupid bandage. And to eat.”
“Go get cleaned up,” Carl said. “I’ll make you the biggest breakfast you have ever seen.”
I tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob, and everyone exchanged worried glances. I stood in the shower and washed the battle away. But Esther was still hurt, still away from me. As was Gabe. And then there were Phoenix and the werewolves. Worse was the way I had enjoyed myself on the battlefield.
By the time I finished the shower, I felt completely drained, and my wound hurt badly. This life was going to kill me. Sooner rather than later. But if I didn’t fight, who would? Except why did it always have to be me? I didn’t have the energy to keep going, and yet I didn’t have it in me to give up either.
I patched myself up as best I could and stared at the damage in the mirror. I was covered in scratches and bruises. Not normal bruises. Deep, blackened purple bruises that stretched across my skin as if they were growing. Yet another back tooth was loose. I had a black eye. Three of my fingernails had been ripped off completely, and my broken little finger was twisted at an angle. I was racked with pain, but I had gotten off lightly, thanks to Phoenix having my back. Fionnuala had probably accidentally saved my life by pairing us together. There had been so many dead on the field, but hopefully more on their side than ours. I couldn’t believe Eddie’s propaganda, not yet.
I dressed, tied up my wet, knotty hair, and went downstairs where I could smell delicious things cooking. Carl dropped a coffee in front of me when I sat down.
“Thanks,” I said.
“It’s only because you look like shit. I feel bad for you,” he said.
I laughed. “Cheers to you, too, fuckface,” I replied, feeling a little better. “I’m so sore, it’s unreal.”
“Sounds like it was tough,” he said.
“I’m just glad most of you weren’t there. I’m kicking myself for letting Esther go.”
“People get hurt in a fight,” he said.
“I should have been there,” Val said, joining us in the kitchen.
The twins trailed in behind her. Lucia sat next to me and made an attempt to patch up my hands, covering my ugly nail-free fingertips as gently as possible.
I shook my head. “No, Val, you shouldn’t have been there. The Council have her now, but someone made a deal with me.”
“Oh, Ava!” Carl cried. “Not again.”
“No, it’s not like that,” I insisted. “I brought home a werewolf—long story—and he promised he would bring Esther home in return.”
“And you trust him?” Lorcan asked, looking confused.
My face flooded with heat. I couldn’t keep the secret anymore. “Uh, he’s fae, and it was a proper deal. And, um, well, I think he might be related to you, actually.”
Lorcan sat down, frowning. “Explain?”
“Okay, don’t get mad. But there have been some things I haven’t actually told you yet.”
His face tightened, reminding me of his father’s cool haughtiness. “Such as?”
“Such as the fact I’ve thought for a while now that Fionnuala might be related to you, too.”
“Fionnuala.The Council member?”
“Yeah. I also think she wants me dead, but that’s beside the point. Ages ago, I heard that her son was this really important fae, and that he disgraced himself and was exiled somehow. I also heard from Folsom that the Féinics, as in the sanctuary, was named after the fae who came up with the idea. Apparently, he wanted to create a safe space for his family, but he disappeared. Helena told me your father disappeared.”
“I feel like you’re telling me ten different things.”
“Well, that’s because I am, but they’re all the same thing really. Anyway, we were brought to meet the werewolf trainer, and he turned out to be Fionnuala’s missing son whose name is Phoenix.”
“Are you serious?” he asked. “So did you talk to him? Is he trapped?”
“Kind of.” I winced. “He doesn’t remember anything except his sword, which sounds an awful lot like your sword. And there’s also the fact that he looks like your double.”
Lorcan sat back in the chair, looking winded.
“I’m sorry to throw this at you out of the blue, but—”
He waved a hand for silence. “I might have reached my tipping point already. Please don’t tell me anything else.”
“Fionnuala had him trapped with the werewolves all this time?” Carl asked.
Lucia gasped and leaned over the table to grip my hand. An image of Phoenix flashed through my mind, and I nodded. She gripped Lorcan’s hand, but he was looking at me.
“Did she just show you?” Lorcan asked.
I nodded, my face burning again.
“I knew it!” Val said.
“Any other revelations anyone would like to spring on me?” Lorcan said snappily. “Apparently it’s the day for it.”
“I think I’m done for now,” I said, feeling giddy. I hated the secrets, hated how heavily they weighed upon my shoulders. I was happy for everything to be out in the open.
“Peter called last night,” Carl said. “Just to let us know they arrived safely.”
“Good. I mean, that’s great.” I tried to smile, but it was a pretty poor effort.
“It is great,” Carl said firmly as he served food to all of us. He took a seat and dug in. “And as soon as Esther gets back, you’ll feel a lot better.”
“Right,” I said, trying to swallow a mouthful of scrambled egg, but it tasted like sawdust all of a sudden.
“Are we still at war?” Val asked.
“I’ve no idea,” I admitted. “I’m sure the Council will figure it all out today. Maybe they’ll make peace or something. And then it’s on to the next one for us.” I dropped my fork and massaged my temples. “Maybe Peter had the right idea. Getting out of here, I mean. All that comes our way is death and danger. I’m tired of it.”
Carl stared at me keenly. “Of course it’s an option, Ava, but could you have lived with yourself if you had left with him and that came last night?”
“One person doesn’t make much difference,” I said.
“How do you know? How do you know you didn’t kill a beast who would have had the potential to murder Esther last night? How would you have felt then?”
“All right, dickhead. Be gentle, why don’t y
ou?”
“That doesn’t work with you,” he said, stabbing a sausage. “And you feeling sorry for yourself never works. So snap out of it.”
“Fine. Jesus. Have we heard from anyone? Where there fights outside of the main battle?”
“Some, but last night was mostly quiet,” Val said. “We watched the news and made calls, but there was very little out there. The humans actually celebrated.”
Carl nodded. “Shay kept us informed. He wanted to get involved in the fight last night, but I wouldn’t tell him where it was.”
“Good. It was brutal. Humans would have been targeted first. So many came at us.” I shook my head. “And the werewolves. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a werewolf eat through a beast. If they turn on us, we’re fucked.”
“I’m divided between wishing I had seen it and feeling sheer gratitude that I didn’t,” Carl said.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. And the Council members hid away for the entire thing. And not just hid. They were surrounded by Guardians. They had protection from people who could have been useful outside. Gabe was the only one who stood with us, except for most of the consultants. Aiden hid away, probably guarding the precious Council.”
“This is why people will take your side if it comes to that,” Val said. “They want to follow someone who’s crawling in the dirt alongside them. The days of the Council sitting in their golden thrones a million miles away from disaster are over. They have ruined themselves with this.”
“How will people even know?” I said.
“Word gets around,” Lorcan said, coming back to life. “Secrets never remain hidden forever. The humans will pick the side of the ordinary girl with red hair who showed them how to kill a beast. They don’t see a monster when they look at you. Not even with the fangs.”
“I had people in a car ask me to show them my fangs,” I said, giggling at the memory. “Can you imagine? All of these people accepting this kind of madness without question, and yet my own grandmother is haunted by her memories of me. She’s terrified of me, and I’m not even sure why.”
“You’re her conscience,” Carl said offhandedly. “She looks at you and sees the wrongs she did. It’s not about you. Not really. It’s about not being able to forgive herself.” He cleared his throat. “That’s my take on it anyway.”
“I wish she could forget me,” I muttered. “I told Phoenix the truth, by the way. He didn’t believe me, but maybe he’ll think about it. Maybe you could see him if he stands by his deal and brings Esther back to us.”
“He might have to fight Aiden for her,” Carl said. “I don’t think her brother will give her up so easily. I reckon that’s what setting you up was about.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I think maybe there’s a chance he did it to get her away from you.”
“He would side with the BVA, the ones who attempted to rip this country apart to keep his sister away from me?”
“Maybe he thinks you’re keeping her here, poisoning her mind against him.”
“He’s doing that all by himself. I thought I saw him on the field last night, but he didn’t help Esther, so it couldn’t have been him. I mean, there could be lots of the same shifters. Except I think Esther is the only bear. Whatever his reason was, I can’t let it go. He knows. He knows who the traitor is, and he’s standing by them. For all we know, he’s the only traitor. And yet I can’t do anything because he’s Esther’s brother. It’s a mindfuck.”
“Deal with the things you can change first,” Lorcan said. “Maybe we’ll hear from Gabe today.”
“Yeah, you should get some rest,” Carl said.
I agreed, so after eating, I went upstairs to sleep, but voices kept filtering upstairs.
“She’s not going to fall apart,” came from Carl.
“I’m not saying that,” Lorcan said. “I’m saying she needs a break. Or good news. Or something.”
I fell asleep with Val murmuring in a low voice. I dreamt of horrors.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carl woke me mid-afternoon.
“I’m sleeping,” I grumbled.
“I can see that,” he said. “But Gabe’s downstairs. He needs to talk to you.”
“Fine,” I spoke into my pillow. “Give me ten minutes.”
Carl left, and I took those ten minutes to make myself look a little less deceased before I faced Gabe.
He was waiting for me in the living room when I went downstairs.
“How are you?” he asked.
“How’s Esther?”
“She’s fine. As far as I know.”
“What does that mean?”
He frowned. “They won’t let me see her. They keep making excuses, but I haven’t been allowed near her.”
I groaned. “Great. What’s going on anyway? Are we done?”
“Representatives from the BVA are on their way to deal with us. We’ll know soon. But personally, I believe we destroyed the bulk of their army. If they send more, they’ll lose ground in their own land. I think they overreached and played their hand too soon. You were right, Ava. They couldn’t fight two wars at once.”
“And we were lucky enough to have some werewolves.”
He exhaled loudly. “Yes. We were very lucky that someone decided to break the rules a long time ago. But there may be repercussions from that, too. Everything’s unstable right now.”
“So it’s the perfect time to rebel,” Carl said.
“Not quite yet,” Gabe said. “Let the Council deal with the BVA for good. See if the war is really over. Let’s see what we have to work with. Many died last night. Great fighters died.”
“We killed a shitload of the other side, too,” I reminded him.
“That’s true. But each of our deaths costs us a lot more. We’re a small country. We have a small defence force. If the BVA come again, or if something bigger comes at us, we may be in danger.”
“There’s no reason for any of that to happen though. I think we’ve made a good name for ourselves right now.”
“Yes, as trouble starters,” he said with a smile. “The honesty has begun to spread. Other countries may take action. You’ve started something that you don’t have the power to finish. Everything has repercussions, in one way or another. Whether it’s down to going public or the werewolves or what you plan next, someone will come to put us in our place eventually.”
“And we’ll deal with them one at a time. How’s Phoenix?”
He seemed surprised by the question. “I haven’t seen him. I figured he was locked away again. You looked taken with his werewolves.”
“They were a great asset, put it that way. It kind of felt like having Lorcan by my side. So he’s Fionnuala’s son then. Phoenix, I mean. And he’s somehow lost his memory.”
Gabe shrugged. “I know nothing for certain. I can only deduce the truth from the things I’ve learned, just like you. He is a double for the boy,” he said, gazing at Lorcan until the half-fae squirmed in his seat.
“And he’s good,” I said. “He’s not cold like Fionnuala. He treats the werewolves with respect. I like that.”
He groaned. “Don’t tell me you want to free the werewolves now.”
“I don’t know. Seems wrong to have them caged up and bred like animals.”
“They are animals. They can’t be controlled!”
“Then what was last night? Phoenix seemed well able to control them, and frankly, one of them found me wandering the streets and didn’t eat me, so that makes me think highly of them. Your Council members couldn’t say the same, figuratively speaking.”
“In the middle of battle, that would have had a different outcome,” he said firmly.
I remembered Icarus and his three packmates waiting beside me when the battle began, and I couldn’t agree. “Well, whatever. I should probably warn you that I blabbed to Phoenix.”
“Oh, Ava. I can’t take you anywhere.”
I grinned. “I know, right? He didn?
??t believe me anyway. He’s probably in shock. So is Lorcan because I told the twins everything, too.”
He glanced at Lorcan warily. “They aren’t going to storm the headquarters or anything crazy, are they?”
“No. Just help me destroy the headquarters. We’ll think about doing it when you’re not inside.”
He made a face. “How generous. So how was last night for you? What did you think?”
“I think the BVA messed up so bad it’s laughable. These ancients live so long, see so many mistakes being made, and they still let their egos do the talking. Of course, I wouldn’t be saying that if Fionnuala hadn’t unleashed the hounds. But they definitely underestimated us. It felt good to fight like that, but now I never want to do it again. I’m too sore.”
“Are you badly injured?”
“I can walk, so I’m fine. I just feel like sleeping for a week or two, that’s all.”
“I’ve been talking to your policeman,” he said after a minute.
“Shay?”
“Yes. I think he might be useful in the coming months. If you press ahead with your foolish plans.”
“You keep saying they’re foolish, yet you keep helping me,” I pointed out.
“You suckered me in. I have no choice. That’s my story, Delaney, and I’m sticking to it.”
“I think I’m starting to warm to you,” I said. “You’ve been much less of an arsehole lately.”
“What threats of violence and death will get you,” he said sharply. “Back to the garda. If you are determined to rebel, a human consultant would be handy. Think about it, coordinating between both worlds, melding them together successfully. It would strengthen our territory, for starters.”
“And it would automatically bring more numbers to our side,” I said. “We probably should start talking about who would be in charge. Once it’s done, I want out.”
“You don’t mean that,” he said dismissively.