“Gabe, I’m serious. This is too hard. I don’t want to fight until I’m old. In fact, I’d prefer not to die fighting either. Seeing how Folsom and Mrs. Yaga ended up made that sink in. At some stage, I want peace.”
“You have to fight for peace. It’s a sad truth, Ava. If you want something bad enough, you have to be prepared to do things you don’t want.”
“Such as?”
“Going with me to the Council meeting later. Perhaps if you’re more involved you will—”
I interrupted. “I could learn more about them and figure out how to—”
“No, no! Stop it. I mean it might make you see how hard it is to run a country, and perhaps you’ll have second thoughts about this rebellion business.”
“Or I could figure out a way to get Esther out of there.”
He frowned. “What if she doesn’t want to come back?”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“Look at what she is: a shifter, a Guardian, sister to an alpha. Her life has been based on loyalty. You heard that fighter before, dismissing her loyalties. That’s something that could take hold of someone like Esther.”
“Look, I know she’s young, but—”
“They will overpower her,” he said sadly. “That’s how they work, Ava.”
“She’s stronger than you think. She knows the right thing to do.”
“All I’m saying is to prepare yourself for disappointment. You should still come to the meeting. See for yourself what is going on. Eddie will be there. Between the two of us, I’m sure we can keep you out of trouble.”
“You mean not let me do anything fun.”
“That, too.” He smiled. “I’ll send a car for you later. I’m interested to see what the BVA have to say.”
After he left, I hung out with Carl in my living room. We flaked out in front of the television because I didn’t have the energy for anything else.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he asked.
“I won’t be any good for a fight no matter how much sleep I get today. I can barely stand up without crying like a baby.”
He grinned. “Hey, you did a good job last night. You deserve tonight off.”
“I should probably still do a run around.”
“And get yourself killed?”
I shrugged. “Feels weird to sit at home if anything’s going on.”
“How do you think I feel?” he asked bitterly.
“Don’t be like that. You know I need this place protected. I know I can trust you. You’re the only person that I can count on, Carl. I can’t let you disappear as well.”
“Ava, he didn’t have a choice.”
“I’m not talking about it,” I said firmly. “I know what I have to do. He knows what he has to do. We don’t need to discuss every second of it.”
“But if you want to talk…”
“I get it,” I said. “My biggest concern right now is Esther.”
“She’ll come back. I mean, you made a fae deal to get her back.”
“Yeah, but there was no end date on that deal. I’m not sure how long we have. If Aiden gets to Esther…”
He shook his head, concern written all over his face. “They are family, Ava.”
“I know, but is she safe with him? Whatever he’s involved in, whoever he’s involved with, is Esther safe? I keep thinking back to that night in Gabe’s bar. She knew the shifter who attacked her. He was a Guardian. I think they even dated briefly. The shadows made him want to kill her. So I ask myself why. What could Esther possibly have done to deserve that? It only ever comes back to Aiden.”
“That’s true,” he said. “So what’s Aiden into?”
“He wants rid of me. That’s a given. Somebody wants rid of Esther, but he could be working with that person. For a minute there, I thought this was all his big plan, but why would he want to keep Esther with him if he had tried to kill her? He can’t be working alone. So does he know they want rid of her? When I try to remember his reactions to me accusing Coyle of things, he seemed genuinely clueless, but I wasn’t that suspicious of him then, either. I feel like I’m missing a big part of the picture. How do the shadows get inside people in the first place? And why? To get rid of people who are in the way? What connects everything together? I have so many questions. It’s driving me mad.”
“We all have questions,” he said. “Me and you more than most. Yeah, to everything you just said, and then there’s Peter. What Shay told us about the light, and Peter obviously losing his memory, and—”
“Shit,” I blurted. “We should probably talk to Shay about that stuff again, right? I mean, now that he knows things he previously discarded could be true, he might have a different insight into what happened back then. And we need to make sure he never tells Peter about the light.”
“Maybe,” he said slowly. “But do we need to know? I mean, Emmett’s back. He’s okay. The market closed. It’s over, right?”
“It’s not over until everyone pays. Peter’s always going to want revenge. If we could figure out the answers to our questions, maybe we could bring Peter a little peace.”
“Or drive him insane,” Carl said wryly. “Maybe we should leave well enough alone.”
I clenched my hands into fists. “Now when have I ever been able to do that?”
He snorted. “Never. This is your conscience speaking, Ava. Sometimes you have to let things go.”
“Sometimes, things are too important to let go. Don’t chicken out on me now, Carl. I’ve spent way too long failing to keep you out of my business without you giving up when I need you.”
“What can I do?”
“Keep reminding me what’s important. It’s not about power or who’s in charge. It’s about making sure the shit stops happening to people I care about. And making sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else ever again. Do you think Fionnuala took Phoenix’s memory? Her own son?”
“Who else could it have been?” he asked. “If a powerful fae knew her son’s memory had been tampered with, she would kick up a major fuss. But if she’s the culprit, if she’s somehow involved, then she’s going to hide him away in case somebody he knows sparks a memory, right?”
“So she probably took the twins,” I said slowly. “And she brought them to the market? She’s the one who’s involved in the market?”
“Leaps and bounds,” he murmured. “Why would she do that to her own blood?”
“Because she doesn’t see the twins as her own blood. She looks at me as a mutant. Half-fae don’t exist to her. Maybe she thought her son would be better off in her care, hidden away from what he really wanted to do with his life. Helena mentioned a deal. She didn’t know what the deal was, but the people who came for the twins mentioned one. Could Phoenix have made a deal?”
“To put them in the slave market?”
“No. That can’t be right. To keep them alive, maybe? I don’t know. I need more info. We need Phoenix on our side. That’s the one thing that’s missing for us—a powerful fae. The fae hold the most cards here, right? Fionnuala could be our downfall. Phoenix is the next best thing.”
“Ava, don’t mess with the fae if you can help it.”
“I can’t help it. We have the twins, but we need someone who can go up against Fionnuala. Destroy her. Picture what would happen if I tried to attack her. She’d strike me with lightning or some shit. But imagine her all-powerful pissed-off son going up against her, especially with that werewolf pack behind him.”
“Never get mixed up in family business. You keep doing that. You’re the one who will get burned in the end.”
“I’m the person nobody will miss,” I said. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be the one who gets burned. If this all ends badly, I’ll get the blame. If it goes well, but people are still unhappy, I’ll get the blame.”
“You could follow Peter to Spain. I would go with you.”
“And bring the trouble with me? That’s why he left, Carl. Because trouble haunts me. Everyone has a
piece of me. I’m the one who will pay.”
“You need a break. A week away. Things are happening too quickly. You’re not recovering as well from your injuries. I’m afraid for you, Ava.”
“So am I,” I whispered. “A wall’s coming up. I can feel it. I won’t be able to escape forever. Any luck I have will run out eventually. You need to sort out your life. Figure things out with Maria. You care about her, but you’re here. You’re always here for me.”
“That’s not the same thing,” he said, his ears turning pink. “It’s hard to be around her. Even now, when I try to call her and talk to her, she gets all shrill, and I can’t stand it. At least with you, I feel useful sometimes. I mean, the things we’re involved with are life-changing for everyone.”
“You’re life-changing for Maria,” I reminded him.
He stilled. “If I talk to her properly, things can never be the same for us. One way or another, I can never go back to the old life. If she’s willing to risk the danger, I’ll still be the person putting her in danger. If not, she’s gone for good. I’m not ready to say goodbye forever, but I’m not ready to risk her life either.”
“She deserves the choice herself. Imagine what it’s like for her right now, always wondering where you are and who you’re with. Except now she’s wondering if some kind of monster is tearing out your heart, if you’ll come home still able to walk, if you’ll ever come home. It’s not her fault she can’t understand how this place makes you feel.”
He leaned his head in his hands. “I was this close to letting her slip away from me. I haven’t been using the walking stick as much. I’ve been feeling alive. I want to be a part of something, a part of this.”
“You have to make the choice. Either go back or cut the strings. You’re the only one who can decide. I can’t make you do one or the other, and I’m sorry I’ve always pushed you into what I thought was best. I can’t make anyone do anything.”
“Is this about Peter?” he asked. “Is this—”
“Don’t talk about him anymore,” I said. “I’m tired of thinking about them. What they’re doing. They’re never going to come back because life with me will never be safe. So I’m letting go. I’m trying to let go.”
“He was doing better,” he said as if I hadn’t spoken. “In every sense of the word. I felt him changing, but it’s hard to change. It takes a long time. Trust me, it hurts to change. But that’s what he was doing. For you.”
“You’re the one who kept lecturing me about the whole thing,” I protested.
“Yeah, because I saw you falling too hard for the idea of a ready-made family. I didn’t want you getting hurt, but you got hurt for a reason I never even expected. He did the right thing. Leaving was the right thing for Emmett. I’m sorry you had to stay behind with us.”
I hugged him. “I’m not sorry I stayed. I’m just sorry this place isn’t safe enough for anyone else.”
“We’ll be okay,” he said for the millionth time. “Life will work out somehow. We’re still young. We’ve lots of battles to fight.”
“But I’m so tired of fighting, Carl.”
He held me tight, but the feeling of emptiness in my chest never went away.
A little later, I sought out Lucia and found her alone. She stared at me solemnly as I worked myself up to the question.
“I need you to do something hard,” I said. “I need you to think back to the night you were taken from your mother. I need you to try and remember the faces you saw. I need you to show me who was there.”
She frowned and looked away, her eyebrows furrowing together.
“It’s okay,” I said, feeling bad for trying to force her to remember her nightmares.
She clutched my wrist, and an image of a woman flashed before my eyes. She was tall and willowy, just like Fionnuala, but I didn’t recognise her. The brunette held the same arrogance as the Irish fae, the same haughtiness that seemed to come naturally to them, but she wasn’t Fionnuala, and that messed up all of our latest theories. I wondered if we would ever find out the truth.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The car arrived to take me to the meeting that evening. I had seriously considered ignoring Gabe and going out to patrol on my own, but I was curious enough to find out what exactly the Council were up to. Besides, the fact was that no amount of painkillers could numb the pain I was still in. I kept taking them, terrified to stop in case there was a new spectrum of pain I hadn’t discovered yet. Carl hinted at the idea of my drinking blood, but there were some doors I wasn’t ready to open again.
It wasn’t dark yet, so I thought maybe the Council wanted to discuss their options before the BVA arrived. To my surprise, the car didn’t take me to the place I had come to know as their headquarters.
I panicked. I slid across the backseat and whipped out my dagger. I gripped the driver’s hair, yanked his head back, and held my knife to his throat.
“What the fuck is going on?” I hissed, drawing blood when he jerked too much.
The car swerved. “I’m not… nothing! I was told to pick you up and bring you to the meeting tonight. That’s all! I don’t know anything else. I swear!”
I held him tighter. “Where’s the meeting?”
“Some house in Kildare. I don’t know. I just follow instructions.”
“Were you told to drive me home afterward?”
“Yeah. I’ve to wait outside for you. Seriously, I’m not—”
“Fine,” I said. “But if anything happens, my friends will come find you.”
“Jesus,” he said, touching his neck. “I’m so fucking sick of this job.”
“You and me both, buddy. Hurry up, and let’s get this over with.”
He swore under his breath for the rest of the journey, and I couldn’t exactly relax either. No matter what happened, something else would come after me. Chances were I would never know why.
We drove out of Dublin and into a rural part of Kildare. The Council really liked the countryside. I remembered Fionnuala saying she didn’t care for the city.
The journey seemed never-ending, but we finally pulled up to a driveway of an estate house. Two Guardians attempted to search me at the gates, but Gabe came out of nowhere and told them to back off.
“Come on,” he said. “There’s been a change of plans.”
“Should I be leaving?”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that. It isn’t the BVA who are here with us tonight. There are some representatives of those who are fighting back against the BVA in the UK. They want our help ridding themselves of the BVA for good.”
“So they’re rebelling?”
“Technically, the BVA are the rebels, but yes, our neighbours are rebelling. They need us.”
“Surely they have more people than we do.”
He caught my eye. “But we have experience in dealing with whatever the BVA sends out.”
I nodded. “You mean we have werewolves.”
“Exactly. But nobody will use that word. Do you understand me?”
“Fine.Whatever. Let’s get this over and done with.” I still wondered why I was there and what the secrecy was about.
We went inside, and even I had to take a second to appreciate the beautiful interior of the house. “Who owns this place?”
“Fionnuala. She wanted to meet here to make a good impression.”
“Holy shit. She must be loaded. How much do you people get paid?”
He frowned at me. “That’s rude. You were raised without any manners at all, weren’t you? How is that even possible?”
“Oh, shut up. You all are stinking rich, and I’m struggling to feed the strays who keep following me around.” I laughed at the sheer self-indulgence of everything around me. “She should put some of this cash into all of the potholes down the road.”
“Please, act like a grown-up at the meeting,” he said, sounding extremely put upon.
Not that I cared. Fionnuala had way too many luxuries. What kind of money paid for it?
br /> We sat around an antique dining table covered in a lace tablecloth and cream candles. I felt like a scruff in my well-worn jeans. Fionnuala entered the room, wearing an evening dress and accompanied by Phoenix. I stared at him in surprise. His freshly-pressed suit was a long way from the decapitating and bloody angel of death he had been on the battlefield. He looked back at me blankly, as if he had never seen me before.
Aiden strolled in next. Gabe sitting to my right and Eddie to my left both kicked me under the table when I started to stand. Aiden seemed pleased with himself, and I wanted to punch the smug look away.
Coyle followed Aidan, and the typical sensation of wanting to vomit came over me. Both of them stood behind Fionnuala’s seat as if guarding her. The seats on either side of her remained empty, and Phoenix ended up sitting across from Gabe.
“When did Coyle come back?” I whispered to Gabe.
“Not sure exactly,” he replied under his breath. “Apparently, he escaped when Reuben betrayed us.”
“Escaped, my arse,” I hissed. “I bet he never left.”
“Our dealing will soon start,” Fionnuala announced. I didn’t trust her sly smile.
“When will our guests arrive?” Phoenix asked.
“Shortly. But first, I wanted us to congratulate each other on a job well done. Word has come to me that the BVA have retreated fully. Only a few of their animals remain. I’m sure they will be picked off during the night by our patrols.”
I watched as people who had hid away clapped for themselves. I bit the inside of my cheek, while Phoenix’s face tensed. He didn’t clap. I was dying for another chance to speak with him.
Glasses of wine were poured, and I finally realised that the meeting was a dinner. I was having dinner in Fionnuala’s home.
After fifteen minutes of listening to Council members self-congratulate, I was relieved when the guests arrived. Dark-skinned figures entered the room quietly, startling most of the people around the table. They all looked so similar—and perfect—that I wondered what they were. They took the empty seats and were soon surrounded by female guards. All of the guards looked tough, but beautiful. That gang was all about the aesthetics. The features were androgynously angular, the figure slim, and I struggled with the compulsion to ask what they were and what they could do.