Lily got up from the couch to go to the table where the beer had been set up at and got him one. When she came back and handed it to him, Shade reached up and pulled her down on his lap. Lily tried to wiggle off.
“Sit still,” Shade ordered.
Lily quit wiggling.
Shade ignored her rigid posture, resuming his conversation with Razer about the production of one of the tools which was selling well.
“The only way to increase production is to go with another manufacturer,” Razer said.
Their conversation continued while Lily and Beth talked about the church store Lily had volunteered to put together with Rachel Porter.
It wasn’t long before Train and Jewell came downstairs and started dancing alongside Viper and Winter. Train wasn’t wearing a shirt, but he had on a bandana over his hair and a patch over one eye. Jewell was wearing a pirate wench outfit which left most of her breasts bare, and the short skirt showed the long length of her shapely legs.
As the song changed, Razer got to his feet. “Let’s dance.”
With that, Beth and Razer joined the couples dancing.
Halfway through the song, Evie came downstairs dressed as a French maid with Cash dressed as himself.
Lily laughed, looking into Shade’s eyes. “Train is the only one who dressed up?”
Shade shook his head. “Rider dressed as Tarzan, but I threatened to kick his ass if he came down here.”
Lily’s giggles were cut off as Shade got up, setting Lily on her feet before taking her to the dance floor. She tried to get away but he snagged her around the waist, pulling her close.
“Dance with me, Lily.”
“I don’t know how,” she protested.
“That’s okay. They don’t, either.” Shade pointed his hand at Evie and Cash.
She began moving, and by the third dance, Shade could tell she was relaxed.
The other members came and went, moving back and forth between the two floors, everyone seemingly enjoying themselves.
Shade pulled her closer as someone turned off a couple of the lamps, dimming the room without making it too dark. The thin material of her dress let him feel every inch of her body. Yes, he had a lot to thank Beth for.
Beth, Razer, Winter, and Viper had gone upstairs while Cash, Evie, Train, and Jewell were still dancing. She seemed to have grown comfortable enough around the members to have a good time. It was definitely a party unlike any at the clubhouse. While upstairs the usual ‘anything goes’ was in effect, the downstairs was tame in comparison.
“Are you having a good time?”
Lily smiled up at Shade. “Yes, I am.”
“Don’t seem so surprised,” Shade said, his thigh sliding between her legs as his hand dropped to circle her waist.
“I just thought it would be wilder.”
“It is, upstairs.”
Lily blushed, turning her eyes away. “If you want to go upstairs, I won’t mind.”
“Shut up. I’m exactly where I want to be.”
Lily smiled.
Shade lowered his head then, his lips briefly touching hers. Lily didn’t move away from the brief encounter, so he did it again, lingering against hers. He increased the pressure on her lips, trying to get her to part them. When he slid his tongue along the seam of her lips, she gasped and Shade took advantage, sliding his tongue inside her mouth.
Lily’s hands grabbed his T-shirt, but she didn’t push him away; therefore, he gently explored her mouth, giving her the first kiss from him, one she would remember. He wanted to replace each memory from her childhood with something which could be cherished.
Then Shade lifted his head, breaking the tender kiss, continuing to dance as if nothing had happened.
The music ended, and Shade stepped back. “Want to get something to drink?”
“Yes.”
As they moved off the dance floor, an out-of-breath Evie plopped down on the couch next to Jewell.
“I love your outfit, Lily. It looks all demur. Then, when you move, it shows that rockin’ body of yours. I might need to borrow it for the next party,” Jewell complimented.
Lily’s mouth dropped open as she glared at Shade. It was time to beat a hasty retreat. She obviously hoped he would feel guilty for not telling her the dress was sheer, but she was shit out of luck. A person had to have a conscience for that crap.
“The drinks are all gone. I’ll go get some more,” Shade said, making his move to get out of Dodge.
He climbed the stairs, going into the packed kitchen. The parties were getting larger every weekend, and he noticed a couple of new women he hadn’t seen previously at the club. He didn’t let his eyes rest on any of them as he moved across the room, taking a large pack of beer and soda out of the fridge.
Train and Cash came upstairs, foraging for what food was left. Cash swiped a pizza away from Nickel, and Train took a bag of chips out of the pantry.
Heading back down, Shade saw Lily on the pole when he reached the halfway point of the stairs, his feet automatically moving to the bottom as he watched her unconsciously seductive movements.
“It’s great not only for the thighs, but your stomach muscles, as well. Just don’t let your arms do the work for you; let your tummy and thigh muscles do it,” Lily was telling the women.
When no one said anything, Lily rose and turned to see Shade standing there.
“I was just showing Evie an exercise I learned in my pole class,” Lily said, jerking her leg down from the pole and straightening her skirt.
“Could you show me that move again? I have a few pounds I need to lose,” Train asked seriously.
Shade shot a threatening glare at him as he set the drinks down on the side table.
Lily went to get one, picking an orange soda. Shade pulled her back down on his lap. That time, she didn’t try to wiggle away.
Stori came down the stairs dressed in a bunny outfit which was even more suggestive than Jewell’s wench costume. She began dancing with Hound, a brother from Ohio who was putting his hand on her ass, grinding her closer to his hips.
“You never told me you knew how to pole dance.”
Lily turned bright red. “My gym at college taught an exercise class using the pole.”
“Lord have mercy,” Shade muttered.
He wasn’t embarrassed to admit to himself that he enjoyed watching strippers perform. It was highly erotic watching the way they moved. The really good ones had a sensuality which was hard not to appreciate, and he had shown a great many of them his gratitude. Lily, on the other hand, was unaware of her sexuality, but once she learned to accept it, she would be able to drive a man to his knees.
Lily laughed at his expression as she playfully hit his chest. Shade’s hand went to the back of her neck, tugging her head down to him so he could catch her mouth, feeling her relax against him. They were in a dark corner, and no one was paying attention to them.
Her arms slid around his neck as she kissed him back. Shade felt her breasts against his chest as he gave her another kiss to remember. Then his hand flattened against her flat stomach before sliding up to her shoulder, raising her back up to a sitting position.
“Let’s dance.”
“Okay.” She got to her feet and they went to the dance floor, spending the remainder of the evening dancing.
The rest of the members spent the night continuing to go between the two floors. Viper and Winter both showed up a couple more times before eventually saying they were going to bed.
It was getting late as Shade talked to Train and Evie while Lily talked to Beth. When she yawned, Shade noticed.
“I’m going to bed. I have to be up early to go to the church store.”
After everyone told her goodnight, Lily went into the bedroom.
* * *
He stared down at Lily sleeping in his bed before taking a shower. The smile playing on the corners of her lips affected him in ways he never knew were possible. Her peaceful sleep was deep, unmarred by the night
mares she was constantly trying to outmaneuver. Then his smile slipped when he thought about how he was going to kick Razer’s ass for not telling him Lily knew how to swing on a pole better than any stripper he had ever paid for.
His backstabbing brother knew there were three things he enjoyed in life: whiskey, pole-dancing, and Lily. He could finally enjoy all three.
He whistled low as he took his shower then dried off. He blow-dried his hair, not wanting to get Lily’s pillow wet, then shaved before going to bed.
His arm went around her waist, pulling her close. He rubbed his cheek against hers as he thought about how Lily had discovered she could fit in his world that night. He just had to convince her he belonged in hers.
Shade fell asleep with Lily against him, breathing in her scent. However, sometime later, his predatory instincts woke him, alerting him to danger. He gently moved away from Lily, not wanting to wake her until he found out what the issue was. He didn’t doubt the pervading sense of alarm sending out warning signals—his instincts were never wrong. He had seen too many soldiers who hadn’t trusted their instincts end up in a casket, so he didn’t hesitate when it came to his own.
He quickly pulled on his clothes and boots then went to the bedroom door, already smelling the deadly smoke on the other side. Going back to the bed, he started shaking Lily awake. There was no time to lose since there were no windows in his bedroom.
“Wake up, Lily!”
She jerked upright in the bed. “What’s going on?”
“Get up. The basement’s on fire!” He grabbed her from the bed.
Shade ran to the bathroom while she put her shoes on, coming back with a fire extinguisher he kept under the sink. There were sounds of screams from upstairs and running feet as the fire alarm went off.
“How are we going to get out of here?” She looked frantically around the room, seeing they were trapped inside.
“The brothers will get us out,” Shade said grimly.
Going to his dresser, he pulled out a couple of shirts and then ran to the bathroom again to wet them. He came back with the wet clothes, tying one across her face then his own.
Just as he finished, they heard the sounds of a fire hose and an extinguisher from outside the bedroom door.
There was a loud bang on the door, and Shade opened it. Viper stood on the other side with just jeans and boots on.
“Let’s go!” he yelled.
Shade took Lily’s hand, pushing her behind Viper as he followed. It was pitch-dark except for the dying embers of the blackened walls. Viper was carrying a flashlight as the brothers put out the fire with water hoses, spraying the smoking couch. The steps to the upstairs were destroyed, the blackened door closed.
Viper led them out the side door as Lily started to cough, choking on the smoke.
Shade picked her up into his arms, carrying her back to the main part of the house and into the living room before removing the cloth he had tied around her face.
Beth handed Lily a glass of water while Shade stood near her as she quit coughing long enough to take a drink. Then the glass was falling out of her hands, crashing to the floor as she grabbed her head. The crowded room went quiet the instant Lily began screaming.
Shade dropped down to his knees in front of Lily, knowing it was going to be bad. He had witnessed the gradual, spiraling ferocity of her panic attacks and knew this was the worst he had seen. Seeing Beth’s terror for her sister, his assumption that it was indeed the worst was confirmed.
“Razer, call Rachel and tell her to get here as fast as she can. Beth, call her doctor.” Shade could do nothing except hold on to the woman he loved more than life itself as her tortured screams scored his soul with an agony he couldn’t stop.
His friends stood back, giving him space as she fell to the floor. All he could do was hold her, repeating her name as soothingly as possible.
Beth returned, falling to her knees beside him, calling for Lily as she held her hand. It seemed like forever, each minute ticking by endlessly, until Rachel ran through the door Cash was holding open.
“Move out of her way,” Cash ordered everyone.
Shade didn’t make a move to release Lily whose voice had broken from her screams of terror until Rachel motioned for him to move over, and he complied shakily. She sat down on the floor by Lily’s head, pulling it onto her lap. Her graceful hands went to Lily’s temples, pressing her fingers along them while rubbing in soothing circles.
Then everyone went silent as Rachel’s hushed voice spoke to Lily. “Lily, what do you need me to do?”
“Shade will come.” He tensed when he heard her hoarse voice.
Lily was staring blindly up at the ceiling, lost in a world of terror where he couldn’t reach her. He wanted to snatch her up and drive her to the hospital, but the doctor was on his way and he would get there quicker than taking her to the hospital.
“Where is he? Shade? Shade! Where are you, Shade? Was I bad? Is that why you’re not here? Shade, please help me. I’m so scared.
“Beth, please, I won’t be mad at you anymore. I’ll be good, I promise. Please, Beth. I want to go home. Please. Beth!
“Shade! Help me!”
While Shade nearly broke down in front of The Last Riders, Beth cried, her shoulders shaking as she held Lily’s hand.
“Razer? Razer! You promised me no one would hurt me. You broke your promise. Razer, please help!”
Razer fell down next to him. The tough brother had tears sliding down his cheeks.
“Shade! Shade!
“Pastor Dean! Please, help me!
“Vida? Sawyer? Where are you? Why did you leave me? Vida! Sawyer! Please, help me.”
Shade didn’t recognize the names and Beth shook her head, indicating she didn’t, either.
Cash let the doctor in who had been treating Lily since she had almost died and again after she had the panic attack at the diner. They had told him then what Rachel had done for Lily.
The doctor crouched down, taking Lily’s vital signs.
“Shade … Shade…” She kept repeating his name over and over.
Shade picked up the glass she had dropped and threw it across the room, feeling helpless to do anything for her. He had promised to protect her but he couldn’t, not from her own demons.
All of a sudden, Lily seemed to calm down, like she was hearing something no one else could. Shade hoped that somehow Rachel had finally reached her.
“I’m here! I’m here! Help me!”
Rachel’s face twisted as if she actually saw the horror Lily was seeing in her mind.
“Help me! I’m lost! I can’t find my way back!”
Beth sobbed at Lily’s tortured declaration.
The doctor sat on his knees, watching carefully, his hand on Lily’s pulse.
“The flames won’t let me pass, and I’m afraid to go the other way in the dark. I’m afraid I’ll get lost!” Lily screamed in terror.
Rachel’s brows furrowed.
“But you’re on the other side of the flames!” Lily cried out.
The members in the room stared at each other then looked back at Rachel. Everyone came to the same conclusion: Lily actually believed Rachel was with her.
“How did you do that without getting burned?”
Rachel shook her head.
“I want to get out of here,” Lily whimpered. “Can you help me?”
There was a pause.
“Then we’re both lost. I want to go home.” Lily started crying again.
After another pause, Lily screamed, “I can’t go through there!”
Rachel’s hands tensed at Lily’s temples, her face appearing heartbroken.
“No, I can’t!”
“Lily, your memories have broken free. There is no locking them away anymore. The only way to avoid it is to stay lost. You have to go through the flames,” Rachel spoke aloud that time, barely whispering.
“They’ll hurt me again!”
“No one is ever going to hurt you ag
ain. Didn’t The Last Riders save you tonight? They’re not going to let anyone hurt you again. You know that deep in your heart.” Rachel raised a hand in a turning motion then dropped it back to Lily’s forehead.
“I can’t,” Lily sobbed.
“Not alone, but together we can. I’m beside you. I won’t let you go. Shade is here and so are Beth and Razer.”
As Rachel spoke, Shade moved as close as he could to Lily, placing his hand on her shoulder. Next to her, Beth and Razer each held her hands tightly. “We’re all here for you, Lily. Lead us home.”
The doctor moved to the side, opening his bag and taking out a syringe before inserting it into her arm.
“It will relax her,” he said quietly so Shade could understand what he was doing.
Lily cried softly, her legs scissoring on the carpet as if she was actually walking.
Suddenly, a tortured scream filled the silence of the room as she withered on the floor.
Shade was about to yell at the doctor to give her something to knock her out when Rachel spoke loudly over her screaming.
“The pain will lessen as you go through the flames. You’ll leave the pain behind, Lily, because they can’t hurt you anymore. Keep walking.”
Lily began talking, revealing the monsters she had lived with while hiding them from the ones she loved. She had suffered alone with the memories of her childhood. Shade had heard most of it the night he had turned the lights out in the hospital. However, it wasn’t any easier hearing it again; it was actually worse because, this time, others were listening. He almost made them leave then decided against it.
For Lily truly to heal, she had to have others around her who loved and understood the horror she had survived. Keeping it a secret was driving her to lose her mind. The Last Riders were a family, and it was going to take a family’s love and compassion as strong as them to destroy her monsters.
Chapter 57
Shade carried Lily upstairs with the doctor following on his heels. He opened the third door down, thinking Raci could sleep with Rider or Jewell. He wasn’t letting Lily sleep in his basement room until the situation with the fire was sorted out.