I pull away, breathing hard, confused. I was just getting started. I turn my head to the side, trying to hide the tears in my eyes.
“No, Lexi. It’s not what you think.”
“And how could you possibly know what I’m thinking?”
“You’re pretty easy to read. Would you at least look at me?” He turns my head until it’s facing his. “Think about it. I’m your guard. We can’t risk having a baby… They’d automatically suspect me. If they found out, they’d kill me, wait for you to deliver, and then force you to kill our child before finishing you off,” he says as he stares down at me from above. “I won’t put you through that.”
My mind was so wrapped up in him I totally forgot where we lived, and he’s right. We can’t risk getting pregnant no matter how much we want it. I sigh in frustration and try to think over the pounding of my heart.
“This really, really sucks.”
“Yet you look relieved,” he says. He rolls off to my side and props himself up on his elbow while using his free hand to play with my hair.
“Just relieved you still want me. I was so scared while you were gone, scared you’d hate me or think I’m weak and disgusting.” I choke on the lump in my throat and roll to face him. “And now, we’re stuck hiding what we are… Now I know how Claire felt and it scares me even more.”
“Not once, ever, did I think you were any of those things.” His eyes widen with intensity as he places his hand on my cheek. “To tell you the truth, I think you’re incredible. I mean, look what you’ve been through—the fact that you’re still sane and functioning…”
“Okay, that’s enough. I don’t want to think about that right now… Let me soak up this moment with you.” I roll onto my back and play with the gold band on my finger. My ring doesn’t weigh much, yet it brings a burden of responsibility with it. My father must’ve known the road ahead wouldn’t be easy when he gave it to me. He wouldn’t want me to flippantly give up or give in. The inscription, as always, gives me strength for the moment.
“So… how are we going to be able to hide this? Sutton and Bruno already suspect. And it’s going to be really freaking hard to look at you without smiling,” I say as I turn my head toward Cole. “No one can know about us… I can’t lose you. There’s no way I can overcome that.”
“I know.” His smile fades into a solemn expression. “If anyone asks, just tell them Alyssa gave it to you.”
“Hope that works.”
Banging on the door makes Cole fall off the bed. Zeus, who was lying at the foot of the bed, begins howling. Cole’s feet get caught on Zeus as he tries to answer the knock and I stumble to the chairs at the table. We must look ridiculous, scrambling to look normal, but our survival depends on it. My fear wins over my sense of humor.
Cole swings open the door, looking slightly flustered. “What is it?”
“This building’s on lockdown until further notice,” a man says.
“Whose orders?” Cole asks.
“Wilson’s.”
“Great,” Cole says. Then he closes the door while shaking his head. “Looks like we’re stuck here… damn.” He runs back to me with a hungry expression.
Another knock interrupts him and I roll my eyes. “Really! Hurry up, answer it.” He throws on his shirt and swings open the door again. Wilson stands there looking formidable in his uniform and polished black boots. Two other guards stand off his shoulders in the hallway, loaded down with ammunition and large guns. My heart pounds so hard I’m sure everyone can hear it. I can scarcely breathe for fear of him sensing my weakness.
Cole immediately salutes and steps aside. Wilson motions the two guards into Cole’s kitchen and their hard eyes inspect me.
“This building’s been placed on lockdown. Two suspects came through here. One’s dark, about five-foot-nine and the other is light-skinned, about six feet. They’re carrying stolen weapons. Have you seen them or anyone suspicious come through here?” Wilson’s commandeering voice cuts me to the core. His gaze settles on me, sitting at the table, trying to look inconspicuous.
“No, sir,” Cole says. “I’ll keep a lookout though.”
“Shoot to kill. The last thing I need are more prisoners,” Wilson replies while keeping his steel eyes locked on me.
They unnerve me, so I cast mine down to my feet, hoping he doesn’t inspect my room and see the drawings on the wall.
“All night we’ll be performing random searches, so don’t expect to get much sleep,” Wilson says. This time he turns toward Cole. “You’re still expected to repost on time to training tomorrow.” Wilson looks over Cole’s shoulder. “What the hell is she doing in your room?”
“I was going over the rules with her, sir. She seems to have forgotten some… Just keeping her in line, sir.”
“Write them down. Make her read them… There’s no reason you should be having a one-on-one. Now get her ass back to her room.”
“Yes, sir,” Cole says.
“Now,” Wilson commands.
The other two guards stare, lusty-eyed, as I stand and move toward the door. My hands tremble at my sides as fear rushes through my veins. His narrow eyes and icy demeanor instantly terrorize me and I’m tempted to run. My palms sweat as I turn the knob and go to my room, praying they don’t follow.
CHAPTER 14
Time tick, tick, ticks past. Anxiety claws at my insides, ripping holes into my sanity. It feels like I’ve been trapped in my room forever. All I hear are doors slamming and people cursing in the hall, along with the heavy footfalls of guards outside my door. My eyes feel stuck wide open, and I sit on my mattress, wrapping my arms around my knees.
I lie down, attempting to fall asleep, but Cole’s words keep playing through my head. This is our secret and no one else can know about it. But what about Sutton and Bruno who already seem well-informed? And now I completely understand how Claire and Mac were caught—everyone always watches you. Maybe Alyssa was right about life in the Hole. Maybe she did have it easier knowing she’d never have to grow up in this forsaken place.
But I can’t deny how I feel toward Cole. Nothing and no one could ever compare to him. All I can think about are his honest brown eyes, the scar on his lip, and the intense expression when he kisses me that sucks me in like a vacuum. I feel drunk on him—just crazy about his face, his hands, and his body. Too crazy.
“Lexi, you awake?”
I push up on my elbows and see the door cracked open with light pouring in from behind. He stands there squinting his eyes into my cave-like room.
“Yeah, what’s up? Is the lockdown over?”
“Nah, I can’t sleep. Figured if you couldn’t be in my room, then I can at least sneak into yours.” He slowly walks over and plops himself next to me with his head leaning back against the wall.
“He really freaks me out… makes my stomach uneasy. I hope he doesn’t come back.” I motion toward the door and he knows exactly to whom I’m referring.
“Baby, I hate to break it to you, but everything makes your stomach uneasy.”
“No. This unease is different. There’s nothing I can do about the uncontrolled puking. It just happens. But now it’s more like a sickening nervousness.”
“Right. Whatever that means.”
“If he’s second in command, then where’s the commander?”
“Well, Wilson usually oversees the transformation center and lab while the commander controls the Hole itself… but rumors of the revolt have changed that, I guess.”
“Hmm, well, they’re both disgusting.” I lean my head against his shoulder, staring into the shadows.
“I’ve seen them both abuse their power. It’s sickening, really.” He wraps his arm around me and pulls me close.
I savor the heat rolling off his body and fall silent for a moment.
“You okay?” he asks.
“I guess… just a lot on my mind. Nothing new really.”
“I hear ya.”
“So what are we going to do about Sutto
n and Bruno?”
“Well, they’d never turn us in, that I’m sure of. But neither of them are fond of the idea of ‘us’… for good reason. The last thing they want is for us to be executed. Believe it or not, I’m not the only one around who cares about you.” He takes my face in his hand and reassures me. “So outside of these walls, we can’t stand each other.”
“This sucks.”
“Sure does,” he says.
“All right. Give me something to think about that would repulse me. So when I look at you, I can be totally disgusted.”
“Like what?” He contorts his face in confusion.
“I don’t know, anything. Want me to give you one?”
“Nope, I have one in mind already.”
“That’s so not right… It can’t be anything from my—”
“Oh, don’t worry, it’s not. All I have to do is picture you taking a dump, and I’ll be fine,” he says with a sly smile.
I playfully smack his arm. “Ew, seriously! Now that’s just wrong.”
“It works… Try it.”
“No. Come on, think of something else. There’s no way I can be around you if I know you’re thinking about me—”
“See, there you go.” The moonlight glints off his teeth as he smiles wide.
“What?”
“Now you’re disgusted that I’m thinking about you pooping. So it all works out.”
“Oh my God, I give up.” I scoot away and pretend frustration.
“Ha. Good, because we have to go back to the important stuff.”
“As in, Sutton seems to know a lot of stuff,” I say. “He warned me about the order to hunt down Keegan—well, not specifically, but he knew. I know he did.”
“Being that he’s a doctor, he sees and hears a lot from his patients and even the staff. And he might carry some weight with the commander as well, but of course, I don’t really know… just speculation, really.” He reaches up and plays with a lock of my hair, twisting it around his finger. “If he wanted to hurt us, he could’ve by now… so I’m not worried about him.”
“True,” I say. I lean against him and let him cuddle me. My thoughts are muddled from lack of sleep and being on constant overdrive. Zeus lies on my other side and pushes my hand with his nose so I pat his head between yawns.
* * *
The siren blares us awake, startling Cole. He jumps up and sprints back to his room, willing everything to be normal. Next thing, he has his uniform on, guns strapped into his holsters, and he’s shoving me out the door.
“Let’s go! We have to run today.”
“Why?”
“Bruno needed the Jeep.”
I follow behind him, past the tanks hogging the road and the guards at the checkpoint. The humidity chokes me as I struggle to keep up with his stride. Once in the alleyway, his shoulders relax a little and he turns to speak to me.
“That was edgy…”
“What?”
“The checkpoint. They’re making it permanent. Didn’t you notice the barricade they put up overnight?” he says.
“No.” What I don’t say is that I never look for fear of the guards.
He shakes his head and motions me forward. We cross the crowded street to the hospital and squeeze our way up to the eighth floor since the elevators are broken again.
Nurses breathe hard while lugging stretchers with marked patients up and down the staircase. I duck out of the way when a stretcher tips and an older man with a blue brand tumbles onto the cement stairs. His groaning, coupled with the cursing of those around him, grabs my attention.
I attempt to help, only for Cole to rip me away. His eyes give warning as a troop of guards march up the stairs.
“Move out of their way!” he orders under his breath.
I let the nurses struggle to roll the man’s body back on the stretcher without me. The eighth floor isn’t any better. The halls teem with bodies, nurses, and supplies. Cole signs me in and immediately the nurses beg me to help. By the end of the day, my hair is matted to my forehead from sweat. My slippers smell like upchuck from stepping in puddles of human waste. My knuckles bleed from washing my hands, and my lower back aches. Cole barely recognizes me when he picks me up. It takes him two glances to realize it’s me.
As we push through the exit, Wilson waits with his men. Cole stiffens by my side with his fingers steeled around my bicep.
“There you are!” Wilson says with a smirk. “I was beginning to wonder if we missed you.”
Cole salutes. The hair on my neck stands up with fear.
“She’s coming with me,” Wilson says to him.
Instantly, my body responds to his words and I start shaking uncontrollably. Cole releases his grip on my arm and steps in between Wilson and me.
“Sir?” Cole says. “My orders are—”
“To go back to your quarters and wait.”
“Wait for what, sir?”
“Now that’s something I can’t answer for you, Cole. Simply because that all depends on Lexi.” Wilson shoves Cole aside. Zeus bares his teeth and Cole’s nostrils flare as his right hand moves toward his pistol. Zeus won’t budge. Instead, he sits on my feet so I’m unable to move.
I have to get Cole out of here before he gets himself killed.
“Let’s go,” I say. “Zeus, get up.”
The other two men grab my arms and haul me toward the black SUV parked on the curb. The tinted windows make it impossible to see anything inside.
I don’t even have a chance to glance back at Cole as they shove me inside the vehicle, but I hear Zeus barking ferociously as they slam the door shut. Wilson slides in next to me, and the guards sit in front. They watch the road as they drive and leave the talking to him.
Immediately, he reaches over to pat my hands and thoughtfully traces the ring on my left finger. My back goes taut and my muscles constrict in terror. Tell me this is a nightmare. Please wake me up.
“Keegan seems to have a knack for eluding my men.”
Already, I don’t like the way this conversation is heading. I pull my hand away from his and bite my lower lip to keep from saying anything that will give away my terror.
“All right, let’s make this plain and simple. I have questions, and you’re going to help me get the answers I need,” he says.
But I’m too afraid to meet his gaze. I’m afraid his hardened eyes will see right through me and see how vulnerable I am.
“Where is he?” Wilson grabs my chin and makes me lock eyes with him. His sickening, sweet façade fades with the violence of his movements. “Talk! And don’t try to lie to me. I’ll know… and if you think life is miserable now—trust me, things can always get worse. Much worse.”
“I—I have no idea where he is,” I say. Dang it. I wish I didn’t stutter. I glare back at him so he can see I’m not lying. “Please, sir, believe me. I had no idea he was even here until a few days ago.”
His hand releases my face as he weighs my words. “I believe you… for now.” Then, sighing, he goes on. “It’s such a shame. First your father, who you have a remarkable resemblance to, and now your brother… Seems your family is determined to piss off the commander.” He doesn’t wait for me to speak. “I don’t like chasing squirrels, if you know what I mean. I’d much rather spend my time at the lab. So you can see how this is a great inconvenience to me.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Sweat pours down my back and sticks to the black leather.
“I can make your life very, VERY easy if you cooperate with me.”
I drop my eyes and fiddle nervously with my fingers. “What do you mean?”
“You find out where your brother is, inform me, and I’ll reward you. Then you get a nice little place in the commander’s residence and I go back to the lab to experiment.”
I can’t even entertain the thought of betraying my brother or anyone, for that matter, but I try to act like it. I’ve never been a good liar, but lives are at stake. “All right, I’ll do it,” I say as I di
g my fingernails into my palms.
“Thought so. Wouldn’t want you to end up like your dear Alyssa…” His voice drips acid.
Before I can ask what he means, the door flings open in front of my building and a guard pulls me out. “This is your stop. Nice talking to you.” Wilson waves me away, and they disappear down the block.
I feel like I just made a deal with Satan himself, although I have no intention of following through.
Cole appears from the courtyard and nods his head discreetly in my direction. My body feels numb as I follow him into the familiar dark of the hallway. Our entire trip to our rooms is a blur as my mind digests what just happened.
The first thing I do is take a shower in his bathroom. I kick off my nasty slippers and peel off the scrubs while standing in the tub. Afterward, I scrub my clothes down and watch the dirt flow in circles down the drain. I cry while remembering the faces of the people, dying in their indignity, and releasing the fear I pent up while riding with Wilson.
When I step out of the shower, I wrap Cole’s towel around myself and gaze at my reflection, inspecting the blue brand on my neck. I pull away my hair, remembering what I looked like without it. Instead, I place my hands over it as Cole walks in.
“I hate that whenever I look, it’s there,” I say. Tears stream down my face and I don’t bother wiping them away. “Those poor people at the hospital today… dying from simple infections… and then Wilson—I feel like a target everywhere I go.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I turn into him, burying my face in his chest.
“I know. I know, babe. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this, I’ll find a way to get you out of here, I promise… I just need—”
“No. You won’t. You’re already risking too much just being near me.”
“I’m ready to do whatever it takes if it means I can have you.”
I push him away for a minute and rest my hands on his chest. “We shouldn’t even be here in the first place… I just don’t understand how—”