Mind-fuck much?
That one was going to take me a while to process, but some of the oddities of her behavior over the years had now started to make some sense. Still, my father's indiscretion was a total shock. My mother was adamant that his final wishes were for Caleb to never know…but now that truth was known. And we would all have to move forward and figure out what it meant for each one of us. Caleb had then gone the additional step of announcing his purchase of the old Blackwater estate with the intention of converting it into the Sanctuary at Blackwater, a safehouse shelter for women and children in need. Brooke's initial idea had morphed into a real opportunity for our family to do some good works and make a big difference. I was thrilled for about two seconds before being completely blown off my feet by him offering me to run the whole show, as the Director of the Board of Operations.
Overwhelmed, I cried some more, blaming my tears on pregnant hormones, even though nobody was buying my story. I felt like I could barely keep up with the changes. And now, with a shiny new job of not only Sherborn, but also the Sanctuary at Blackwater to organize into operational safehouses? I needed a day, or ten, to let everything sink in before I tried to do much exploration with my feelings. Caleb assured me I would have all of the help I needed, of course, but it was still a huge amount for me to take in.
James took one look at me and announced he was putting me to bed, picked me up, and carried me out of Caleb and Brooke's place in his arms. "I guess it's a good thing we live in the same building as them," I said admiring the hard set of his jaw, "because you don't have to carry me very far."
"I would carry you until my arms fell off."
"Oh, please don't do that, because I love your arms best when they are attached to your god-like physique."
He laughed as he set me down to unlock the door. "God-like? Really?"
* * *
JAMES
"Sooo god-like. Will I be seeing it in my near future?" She asked in her sweet voice.
"Normally I would say yes, of course you can see it, touch it, lick it, suck it, fuck it, but right now you're going to bed...to rest." She pouted, sticking out her bottom lip at me in protest. "Do I detect some displeasure from my woman over my orders?"
"Yes, that would be some very extreme displeasure you are detecting. Please remember that I am pregnant, and my libido is pretty much off the chain right now."
I groaned at the thought of just how fine her "off the chain" moments could be during sex. Hot as FUCK. "You can take it out on me later if you want, but I'm going to hold firm that you need some rest right now. That was a lot just now at dinner with Caleb and Brooke. I saw the look on your face—and it's still there by the way. You've just had some major shocking family news dropped in your lap, on top of taking on a huge project in the span of about twenty minutes. I'm using my prerogative as your man to see that my woman is cared for how she needs to be."
She was quiet as I led her into the bedroom and started to undress her. I loved the way she always turned so soft and pliant whenever I did this. Taking care of her was so important to me. Seeing that her needs were met and that she was comfortable was always my number one. She had far too much on her plate right now. On that matter I was very fucking certain. I doubted that she would agree with me though. I might have to call a timeout on the work with the safehouses. She was pregnant, and our baby was going to be put first regardless of anything else that was thrown at her. Human biology would make sure. And so the fuck would I.
"I love you, James, so much. You are going to be the best father ever. I hope you know that." She yawned as I slipped her nightgown over her head, doling out compliments even when she could hardly keep her eyes open.
I was going to give it my best, but even I was fucking terrified that some of my father's parenting traits might have been passed down by default onto me. I wouldn't admit that to soul, and pretty much refused to even entertain the idea. I wouldn't be anything like my father.
"I love you…so much. I cannot wait to see you holding our baby in your arms." I helped her into bed, tucked her in, and gave her a kiss. "Sleep all the sleeps now, beautiful."
She was already out like a light before I ever left the room.
I went to make myself a stiff drink…and to worry about her in peace.
* * *
WINTER
Two weeks later.
"How do you like your new school? I asked Shane and Brenna as they gobbled down bananas on crackers with peanut butter.
Shane answered first, his mouth crammed full of his snack, "It's good and I met a new friend. His name is Trace and he invited me to come to his house on Saturday, but Mom said we have to ask you if it's okay."
"I think we can arrange a playdate for two friends on a Saturday." I ruffled his new haircut and pointed to his plate. "Don't talk with your mouth full, buddy." Brenna was a complete contrast to her brother in all things. She ate her snack daintily. She did not try to speak with food in her mouth. And she looked freaking adorable in her new navy school uniform jacket and her cute bobbed haircut as she grinned happily up at me. "How about you, Brenna?"
"I made a friend too. Michelle is her name and she has a black and white pony. She showed his picture to the class. She calls him Jock."
"Oohh, ponies are the best. Soon we'll have some of our own ponies here in our barn and you can start riding lessons. Would you like that?"
"Yesssss!" they both screamed in unison.
"Good grief that's loud. Finish your snacks, and then go and change out of your uniforms like we talked about, kids. Hang up your jackets on hangers this time, please," Alanna scolded gently, "then you can play for a while before we start on our homework and chores."
Watching the scene before me was pure joy. Alanna and her twins were now safely installed as residents of Safehouse-Sherborn. One of my very first acts as soon as James signed it over to me was to call Alanna and offer her a place to live where the kids could go to a good school, and she could work for me, indefinitely if she wanted. When she accepted my offer, she became the very first employee of Safehouse-Sherborn, working tirelessly to help in setting up the main office, ordering furniture, equipment, supplies, but mostly just organizing the zillion tasks it would take to get the place ready to open for operations. She was a godsend really, and I could now sleep at night knowing the kids were safe and thriving in an environment where they could grow and just be six-year-olds in peace.
Again…pure joy for me to witness. Good things were starting to happen and it was all thanks to my James I realized, as I settled in at my desk and got back to work.
You never know when people will finally find the precise moment to ask for help, but I've learned to be grateful whenever it happens. It's the very first step, and it doesn't matter so much when as much as starting. For my future mother-in-law that moment happened when she called me tearfully from her car and said she wanted to divorce her husband.
"I—I can't do it anymore, Winter. I am leaving him…today with your help if it's possible."
It was a challenge to keep the excitement out of my voice but I tried my hardest to be professional. "Do your children know, Vanessa?"
"No." Sounds of agonized weeping met my ears as she tried to compose herself. "It's always been so h-hard for m-m-me…to talk about it with James and his s-sister."
"All right, that's okay. I'm going to give you an address. You go there whenever you are ready. Bring clothes and necessities with you but not your phone or your vehicle because they can be tracked. You are to get a ride and pay with cash. Do you understand everything I've said, Vanessa?"
"Yes."
"It's a safehouse where you can stay until we decide what you want to do next. If you'd like to bring James and Victoria into the discussion then we can certainly do that because I know they will support you in any way that they are able, but know that whatever you decide to do will be kept confidential until you tell me otherwise. You'll be safe here and incognito for as long as you need to be. Onc
e you arrive, your name goes in the system and your case is a matter of record. That's the law, and nobody is exempt, not even a federal judge sitting on the bench of the First Circuit Court of Appeals."
I was exhausted when I got home and my back hurt. I wanted to soak in the tub and take a nap before dinner. Dinner, which would definitely be delivered to our door. The stress of the afternoon had done a number on me, as well as the added burden of keeping quiet to James that his mother was right this minute in the Sherborn safehouse trying to take steps for a much needed change in her life. I felt sure she would be ready to talk to him and Victoria tomorrow after a good night's sleep, but when a new case is opened it's usually best to let the person have a day or two of solitude to process everything. I'd left her in Alanna's care with a cup of chamomile tea and two little darlings on either side of her enjoying a read of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Best medicine ever for a broken heart.
While I was changing my clothes a text from James came through. Beautiful, I have a mediation meeting at 6:00. I won't be home till 8:00ish. Love u and be naked when I get there. Ur kinky fucker xo
Yes, you are. I laughed out loud at his signature and felt some relief that I didn't have to deal with ordering dinner since he would be late. I could make some toast and soup and take my bath after all. Annnd be naked when he got home.
I was washing the dishes when the doorbell rang. I figured it was Brooke because she often popped by around this hour to go over Blackwater Sanctuary business, but she usually messaged me first. I wasn't up for meeting tonight though. I was just too tired and my backache hadn't gone away. I still wanted my soak in the tub.
I opened the door and realized my mistake both in the same instant.
But it was too late because the door was already open…and pushing his way into the apartment was the judge, looking maniacal and furious.
"Where are you keeping my wife?" he asked in a low but terrifying voice.
"Somewhere safe from you and your abuse. You have about ten seconds to leave before I'm calling the cops."
"Calling the cops on me?" His eyes bulged in outrage as I realized my second mistake. I'd underestimated him. This man was dangerous and was very capable of hurting me. The signs were also unmistakable that the judge was truly insane.
He scared me.
"I don't think so, you meddling little bitch. I almost wish my son hadn't brought you into the fold, because I can now see that you're going to be a problem. I'll figure out what to do with you eventually, but right now you're going to tell me where Vanessa is hidden away, and you're going to fucking do it now."
"No, I'm not. In fact, I can't tell you. It's against the law for me to share confidential case information with anyone not authorized by the recipient. Surely I don't need to explain this to you, Judge."
"Where is James?" he demanded.
"He'll be home any minute, in fact he just texted that he's on his way," I lied, but hoping like hell it might be true.
"My son has done exactly what I told him to do with you by the way." His expression was smug…and hatefully empowered as he walked in and paced around the room as if he owned the place.
"And what might that be?" I shot back.
"Impregnate you and stage a big family wedding for the press."
"He did not, and you are fucking crazy. Get out now!" I pointed to the door.
"Do you need to hear a recording of our conversation at The Autumn Ball to help you change your mind?"
"He's already told me about your ultimatum. I know all about it." The judge had hurt James before, so he wasn't to be trusted about anything he claimed to be true. Lying came very easy to him.
"Did he?" His face changed into one of intense triumph as he caught on. "Not a problem, my dear. Just have a listen." He tapped his phone and held it up.
Judge: "Trouble in paradise so soon?"
James: "You need to back the fuck off if you want this to happen. I already told you her family doesn't know about us yet."
Judge: "Why the hell don't they know? What are you waiting for? Get this situation nailed down and settled or I settle it for you. Do your job and get her pregnant. It shouldn't be this hard, son." I could hear a pause and then a mean little laugh come from the judge. "But maybe that's the problem for you. Your cock's not hard enough to get the job done. Do you need some help from another cock perhaps?" Then a break in the audio. "Marry a girl from a good family and get her pregnant. I am assuming you can figure that part of it—or get her pregnant first, and then marry her. In fact, a surprise pregnancy might work even better to endorse our support of traditional values with a thoroughly modern interpretation."
A longer pause…
James: "Are you even human, because sometimes I wonder. Audio noise. And how do you suggest I do this?"
Judge: "Are you even my son, because sometimes I wonder. Be a man and fuck your baby into that Blackstone bitch and be done with it. My God, the senate announcement is in less than two months."
James: "You know, Dad, if you want to fool the voters into thinking you're a loving family man, you're gonna need to work on your game and have an ounce of patience. Winter is already mine— Audio noise. I've done every fucking thing you asked of me. I knocked her up and we're getting married after the baby is born. What the fuck else do you want?"
The audio ended abruptly after that last question from James, and I was left standing in front of the judge with my mouth agape.
I couldn't believe the conversation I'd just heard. All of the air in North America had suddenly been sucked out of the room. I felt sick at the thought the judge might be telling the truth, but James wouldn't use me like that. He loves me. He wouldn't ever trap me into marrying him.
Like you trapped him?
But that conversation was definitely James speaking to his father. He'd said clearly: "I've done every fucking thing you asked of me. I knocked her up and we're getting married after the baby is born. What the fuck else do you want from me?"
I suddenly felt violently sick to my stomach and just wanted to get away from the judge and…everyone. My need was immediate; I couldn't stand to be near him for another instant.
I ran out the door and headed up the stairs to Caleb's penthouse figuring that would be faster than waiting for the elevator. I was almost to the top when he caught me by the hair.
My feet came off the steps.
And down the stairs I went, falling backwards as the brunt of the fall was absorbed by the lower half of my body.
There was no bracing myself for impact because my hands were in the wrong place—in front of me. I knew it was bad. And I knew I'd just killed my baby. As much as I prayed it wouldn't be true, I knew it was already too late the instant I hit the bottom step of the stairs.
My innocent little child who I would never get the chance to meet was leaking out of me in the stairwell while I cried the most dreadful tears I'd ever known.
While I cried out my anguish, and the pain of my guilt for something I'd caused in a weak moment of selfishness with the man I'd wanted for so long, I couldn't remember when I didn't.
I'm sorry, Baby. Mommy is so so sorry…and she'll never forgive herself.
Chapter Twenty-Three
JAMES
Three days later.
She checked herself out of the hospital during the time I was away for one hour to shower and change my clothes. Before that, the doctors wouldn't tell me a whole lot because we weren't married. The only information I was given was that the miscarriage of our baby boy was probably a result of blunt force trauma from the fall, but not certain because there were indications she might have been bleeding before she fell. Otherwise, she sustained no other critical injuries despite falling several feet down an unforgiving concrete stairwell. A miracle really.
She never lost consciousness and was able to make it to the elevators and up to Caleb's place after she'd caught her breath. She told the police everything once they arrived and reported her injury to the doctors at Mass
Gen. My father was arrested for assault and for fleeing the scene of the crime. Security cameras caught it all. When asked if she wanted to press charges she answered, "Fuck, yes."
Other than that she didn't say much to me. Very little beyond "I'm so sorry" many more times than she needed to. What did she even have to be sorry for? Obviously she felt guilt for the miscarriage even though we all told her it was not her fault. Her mom, her sister, Brooke, Caleb, Lucas, and even Wyatt came to sit with her; repeatedly assuring her nothing that happened was her fault. She wouldn't accept it from any of us, though. Stubborn as they come, nobody was going to change Winter's mind until she wanted it changed.
I didn't know where she went when she left the hospital or how to find her. My Winter was just…gone.
And my life was as good as over if she didn't come back to me.
One week later.
There was one thing that gave me an immense feeling of accomplishment, though.
Delivering to my father the terms of what would be my mother's divorce settlement. My only regret was that it wasn't done from inside a jail cell. Unfortunately, when Winter left town, he couldn't be held without her statement. It didn't really matter because I'd taken care of him, jail time or otherwise. I'd heard the spliced together audio clip he'd played for her, rearranging my words to make it seem like I was using her at his direction. I think I hated him for that deception most of all.
"She will have the house in Weston and the beach house on Blackstone Island. Assets will be divided as such." I slid over the list of demands and a pen. "After you sign, I'm presenting the restraining orders for my mother, Victoria, Winter and myself respectively. If you violate any terms of this agreement you go straight to jail. No passing GO, or collecting anything other than a colored jumpsuit to add to your wardrobe. You attacked a pregnant woman, and in doing so murdered the grandchild you wanted so badly. You then fled the scene of a crime that you committed, leaving her bleeding and alone without medical attention. You are finished, Robert—with me, with everyone who's connected to you by blood or marriage or profession."