“But she’s out amongst everyone else.”
He shook his head. “We needed everyone we could get. I took a chance, Sam. I had no other choice.”
“It’s like you want me to forget about everything that came before,” I told him and, in turn, the others. “No, I wasn’t here. Yes, I was gone. No, I haven’t seen the things you have. But you saw what she did to me before. What she—”
“War changes people, Sam,” Ryan said. “It can bring out both the best and the worst in people. She tried hate. She turned people against you, letting it infect their hearts. But she saw firsthand what happens when you hate—”
“You mean when Ruv stabbed you in the chest and then Morgan died?” I bit out.
“Yes,” Ryan said. “That’s what she saw. And she had a part to play in it, sure. But she didn’t know who Ruv was working for. She didn’t know what he was capable of.”
“She’s still guilty by association.”
“Aren’t we all a little bit?”
“That’s not fair.”
He sighed. “I’m not asking for fairness here, Sam. We’re in a makeshift camp trying to survive. Nothing about this is fair. What I’m asking for is a chance to make things right again. For all of us here to live. To take back what’s ours. To give the people who were once against you a moment to prove to you that they’re on your side.”
“Convenient, though, don’t you think?” I asked, trying to keep my anger in check. “Being on my side. Let me guess. They suddenly found favor in me the moment they all heard the real story behind the Destiny of Dragons. That it was either going to be me or Myrin. And Myrin had just come in and taken their homes away. So of course they were going to put their hope in me, because they didn’t have any other choice.”
Ryan said nothing.
Green and gold began to gather in the air around me.
There were pulses in my head, blue and red and white and black. They whispered at me to calm and to breathe and to think, Sam, just think. You’re stronger than your anger. Better than your hate. You are not wrapped in shadow. You are home, and it’s warm and safe and—
It isn’t fair, I thought.
It just isn’t fair.
“What’s going on?” I heard Gary say from somewhere behind me.
“Sam?” Tiggy asked.
“Move,” Kevin snarled, and I knew his eyes would be completely black. “He needs to—”
Ryan kissed me.
I breathed.
He said, “Sam.”
I opened my eyes.
Ryan Foxheart stood before me, my face cupped in his hands. His eyes were bright and his touch soft, and all those pulses in my head faded as I was consumed only by him. This was something the Great White could never understand. Yes, it was dangerous that someone as powerful as me could put my faith in someone so breakable, someone so human. If something were to happen to him, if he was taken from me, I didn’t know what would happen. What I’d become.
But what the Great White didn’t get about my cornerstone—or cornerstones in general—was that they were good and kind and strong themselves. Ryan was chosen for a reason. He was brave and selfless, dashing and immaculate, and I’d loved him for almost as long as I’d known him. He was the foundation upon which I had built all I had.
My wonderful, foolish knight.
And so I just… let go.
The green and gold faded.
The gathering magic dissipated.
“You with me?” he asked quietly, his breath warm on my face.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I’m with you.”
“What the hell was that?” Gary demanded from behind me.
I took a step away from Ryan, his hands falling from my face. “That was me becoming a wizard much quicker than I was supposed to.” I shook my head. “What the Great White did to me, it—I’m not unstable, but it’s….”
“Big,” Tiggy said. “Sam has big magic. Big big.”
“Big big,” I agreed. “Everything I am, everything I’ve become, it’s big big. Bigger than any one person has had before. Add the dragons to that mix and I’m a little… volatile. It’s hard being back here. Surrounded by people I don’t trust. Not you guys,” I added quickly, before they could protest. “Just… everyone else. You say they believe in me. Fine. Okay. But I don’t believe in them. Not yet. Especially Lady Tina. I don’t know if I ever will. And you can’t blame me for that.”
“Are you in control?” Gary asked.
I shrugged. “Mostly.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“Oh. Sorry. Uh. Yes. Totes in control. I got this, dude.”
“Feel a little worse now. What the hell did he do to you?”
Ah, and wasn’t that the thing. I could still hear his voice in my head, whispering to me, telling me that there was a very real chance I would not survive. You are strong, he’d said. Stronger than I’ve ever seen. But you have months to learn what should take a wizard decades. There is a chance of death. And if not death, then madness. We will find out just how lightning-struck your heart actually is, and if it’s capable of being torn into pieces.
“What he had to,” I said, sure that any answer I was willing to give would be unsatisfactory.
“Kevin’s eyes go all black,” Tiggy said thoughtfully. “With your big big.”
“Yeah,” I said scratching the back of my head. “They tend to do that.”
“Others too?”
“Yeah.”
He frowned before tapping the side of his head. “You hear them? In head?”
I squinted at him. “How’d you know that?”
“Like before. Zero. Pat and Leslie in the snow. All the time now?”
“No. Just….”
“With the big big.”
“Yeah. With the big big.”
“Your head should be your own,” he said, and showed me that no matter how long I’d known him, he could still surprise me. “Think for yourself.”
“You are the best half-giant alive,” I said in awe.
He preened.
“But you’ll still help them,” Ryan said, because apparently he was still stuck on that. “The people. Even if you don’t believe in them.”
I snorted. “Well, yeah. I’m not that big of an asshole. And I have faith in you. If you put yours in them, then I guess I can trust that.”
Ryan looked relieved. “And Lady Tina?”
“You know, your crush on her is really starting to concern me.”
“Sam.”
I scowled at him. “Don’t push your luck, Foxheart.”
He rolled his eyes. “Well, the people of Camp HaveHeart are throwing a feast in your honor tonight, so you’ll get to see firsthand just how much they believe in you.”
Yeah, no, that wasn’t a thing that was going to happen. “Oh no,” I said. “Would you look at that. I have something else to do tonight that involves not going to a feast and being stared at. Darn. Of all the rotten luck. Maybe next time. Though probably not then either.”
“Oh?” Ryan asked, arching an eyebrow at me and, combining that with his beard, making me really want to smack my dick against his mouth. It was unfair just how good he looked. I was going to go dashing and immaculate all over his ass later. “Really. And what exactly do you have to do tonight?”
Curses! I was going to have to lie. My greatest weakness! “Um. I have to go. To that. Meeting.”
“What meeting?”
I broke. “Damn you and your unbelievable interrogation techniques! I cannot withstand your barbarism and must now admit to all that I just don’t want to go to a feast because that sounds terrible. For shame, Knight Commander, for shame. How do you sleep at night?”
Barbarism, Ryan mouthed to Tiggy, who shrugged.
I could be merciful. “Fine. I guess I shall attend this feast in my honor where people will ooh and aah over me and essentially beg for my forgiveness, and maybe, just maybe, if they’re lucky, I’ll consider bestowing upon
them my forgiveness, for I am a wizard now, and a wizard should show both mercy and magnanimousness, both of which I have in spades. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to retire for the afternoon, as today has been exhausting and I deserve rest. I say good day to all of you.”
“Yeah, you didn’t just spend a year in the woods with Kevin or anything,” Gary muttered.
I moved to leave.
“Sam—”
“I said good day!” I called over my shoulder.
And I was about to leave the barn when I remembered I had no idea where I was staying.
I sighed and had to acknowledge that my dramatic exit was ruined.
I turned, and the others were staring at me, looking entirely too amused for my liking.
“I don’t know where I live,” I mumbled.
“You’re with me,” Ryan said dryly. “Like you would be anywhere else.”
“Well, then, hop to it, Foxheart. I haven’t got all day. If I’m going to be greeting my adoring and repentant public, then I need to put on my face.”
Ryan sighed but walked toward me.
It was when we left the barn that he took my hand in his and leaned over to whisper, “I missed you, I’m still furious with you, I love you, and I’m so happy you’re home,” that I knew I would fight like hell to make sure everything turned out okay.
Even if that meant working with Lady Tina DeSilva.
WHEN I’D arrived at Camp HaveHeart I’d been unsure what kind of reception I was going to receive.
But now?
Nothing says we’re sorry for being racist assholes and trying to get you killed and a whole bunch of other bad stuff like a party thrown in your honor so people could grovel and eat large slabs of pork.
Camp HaveHeart was lit with brightly colored lights hanging on strings about the center of the camp. Fires were roaring, cooking meats that sizzled and crackled as the fat split. There were tables of fruits and vegetables, bread in bowls illuminated by candlelight. Casks of wine were rolled out, mugs filled and sloshing as people sank themselves in drink. A stage had been set up next to the tables, lined with knights standing at attention, and a quintet of musicians sat upon it, a jaunty tune flowing brightly into the cool night air. Men and women danced, children laughed and clapped, and everything seemed merry and light. I wondered if this was for them as much as it was for me.
It also felt like they were trying too hard, because I saw the looks on their faces as we approached, Ryan next to me. He made a wonderful vision, handsome and strong, shoulders squared and head held high.
And I was at his side, adorned in something I hadn’t had to wear in a very long time: a long flowing robe, green like the forest and covered in crystals that reflected the firelight like stars. The hood was pulled up and over my head, the sleeves so long they almost covered my hands. It’d been a gift from the King when I turned eighteen. Ryan had saved it during the exodus from Castle Lockes, though I was sure there were many other important things he could have grabbed.
But it didn’t stop there. Gary had decreed that I needed makeup around my eyes, black lines that caused my eyes to seem bigger than they actually were, smoky and dark. I told him that I wasn’t trying to look slutty, that I needed to be respectable. Then I’d seen the look on Ryan’s face when he’d walked into the room, and demanded that Gary do my other eye as quickly as possible, because I planned on getting motherfucking laid when this party was over.
Ryan had blushed.
Gary had grinned.
We made quite the pair, my knight and me, and the people of Camp HaveHeart couldn’t help but stop and stare, like they were waiting for something. Yes, they were laughing and singing and dancing, but their gazes kept darting over to us—to me—and I didn’t know what they expected from me. It was a heady feeling, having such sway over them all, but it rankled more than it pleased. I never asked for any of this. Their sorrowful reverence, these dragons, Myrin, this destiny. I just wanted to live my life with my friends and my knight and be the best wizard I could be.
Things were different now. Nothing would be the same again.
No one tried to stop us as we moved through the crowd, and no one spoke to us. We received acknowledgment with a nod here or there, or a bow and a curtsey. I was relieved, because I was feeling a little overwhelmed, still not used to being surrounded by so many people. The lights were almost too bright, the people too loud. Ryan must have felt my unease, because he gripped my elbow a little tighter, digging his fingers into my skin and grounding me.
It was enough.
A long table sat facing away from the stage where the others were already waiting. Kevin lay on his stomach, front legs folded in front of him, wings at his sides, tail twitching with the beat of the music. Gary sat next to him, face inside a mug of wine, the fucking lush that he was. Tiggy was in a large chair next to him, head tilted back as he smiled up at the stars.
Mom and Dad were next. My mother looked beautiful in a long blue skirt, her feet bare, a sash tied around her waist. Her midriff was exposed, and she wore a puff-sleeved peasant blouse, looking more like a gypsy than I’d seen from her in a long time. She had large hoop earrings and a necklace made of large gold coins.
My father wore a sleeveless coat, the neck of which was lined with fur, like the people in the North wore. His arms were thick with muscle. A metal band that looked as if it would break apart if he but flexed even a little wrapped around one bicep.
Vadoma sat next to my father, but she was ignoring him in favor of whispering with Lady Tina. That couldn’t possibly end with anything but destruction, and I would have to find a way to separate them as quickly as possible.
Justin was next to Lady Tina, dressed down more than I had expected. He wasn’t wearing a crown (if he even had one still) or any kind of kingly robe. He wore a long-sleeved white shirt with a black jerkin over it, accentuating his chest and arms. His trousers were tight and his boots dusty. He looked regal but more of the people than he ever had before.
“I can see why you had sex with Justin,” I whispered to Ryan. “Dat ass, you know?”
Ryan tripped over his own feet.
“Whoa there. Walk much? Ha. Classic.”
“Why are you staring at the Prince’s ass?” he hissed at me.
“It’s right there. But have no fear. I like yours better.”
He rolled his eyes but muttered, “Damn right you do.”
There were two open chairs next to the Prince, which I assumed were meant for Ryan and myself. At the other end of the table stood Terry, his horn gleaming in the firelight. He smiled at the sight of Ryan, and I vowed to flirt aggressively with his father if we ever met.
“Our lives are really weird,” I said.
“Glad you’re just now figuring that out,” Ryan said, fake smile plastered on his face as he nodded at the people of Camp HaveHeart.
“Can we sit at the other end of the table? I don’t know that I want to be next to Terry. He creeps me out with the way he wants to put his face in your asshole.”
“Sam.”
“Oh please. Like you can’t see he has a massive crush on you.”
“He does not.”
“He’s looking at you right now like he wouldn’t mind if you flopped your dick on his mouth. I should know. I often look at you the same way.”
“That’s how he normally looks.”
“Uh-huh. Whose idea was it to ride him when you came into camp?”
“His. That doesn’t mean—”
“When have you ever known a unicorn to offer to let you ride them?”
“Gary. At Kevin’s keep. After the truth corn.”
“Well, yeah. Gary told me later that he wanted to hate-fuck you.”
“What?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t like you very much back then, but he could still appreciate your finer qualities. Like your thighs wrapped around his neck.”
“I’m feeling so objectified right now. And slightly queasy. I don’t know if I’ll ever
be able to look Gary in the eye again.”
“You get used to it, trust me.”
“That should not be a thing you get used to.”
“What? Who are you to tell me how to live my life—oh. Right. Monogamous boyfriend. Sorry, dude. I promise not to bring up what else Gary has said about you if you won’t have sex with Terry.”
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
I gasped. “Are you not saying no? Does our love mean so little to you that you can’t even refute the accountant unicorn’s lecherous gaze? Huh. That sounds like the beginning of a really weird porn. You know what? I’ll allow it. Knock yourself out.”
“I’m going to knock you out—”
“I’m so pleased you’ve decided to join us,” Justin said, sounding annoyed. “And why are the two of you looking like you’re conspiring toward something I won’t like?”
“Ryan told me he’s going to cheat on me with a unicorn,” I said morosely.
Justin stared at Ryan, who scowled. “Does that sound like something I’d say?”
“Normally I would say no. But when you get with Sam, you’re just as odd as he is. It’s infectious. Like a disease. But on the flip side of things, you really have been rather boring since he’s been gone.”
“Justin loves me more than anything in the world,” I told Ryan. “You might as well accept that now.”
“I barely tolerate your presence,” Justin retorted because he was complicated and had to save face.
“Yeah,” I said, winking at him, because I knew what he meant. “I barely tolerate your presence too, best friend 5eva.”
“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Sam, you will sit at my right side since you are my wizard. I expect you—why are you looking at me like that? How in the name of the gods are your eyes so big?”
“You just called me your wizard,” I breathed.
“Oh no, Sam, you get that look off your face right this second. I won’t be hugged when you get like this, you—godsdammit.”
“Shh,” I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tight. “This is a magical moment that we need to share by touching each other.”