“I think Pat would probably argue with you about that.”
Kevin rolled his eyes. “She’s a lesbian. She can’t appreciate my fine male form.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to say.”
“I know. Please don’t tell her I said it. She scares me.”
“It’ll stay between us.” I glared at the Darks. “Right?”
“Right,” the Darks said.
The portly Dark said, “Sam of Dragons? That’s… okay, that’s actually pretty darn impressive. Dang it. I was hoping it’d be something dumb, and then we could all make fun of you and be like, oh, look at this dork. His name is so stupid.”
I nodded sympathetically. “Yeah. That might have been good if my wizarding name wasn’t so hard-core. Like, I mean. It’s Sam. Of Dragons, you know? You really can’t get much better than that. Especially since I actually have an actual dragon and you guys have… what.”
“I have a bo staff,” one of the Darks said, pulling said bo staff off his back.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s—that’s just nice.”
“Thanks. It’s actually a stick I found in the woods, but. It’s… big? I guess. So I tell people it’s a bo staff.”
“Do they believe it?”
Another Dark scoffed. “Not at all.”
“I like it, Brad. You don’t see me making fun of your stuff.”
“That’s because all of my stuff is great, Neil. I don’t go through the woods and say, oh what do you know, here’s a big stick I found on the ground and I’m going to take it with me and tell people it’s a bo staff.”
“Brad,” the portly Dark said. “We talked about this. Neil can do what he likes, because he earned it by locating the Resistance in Old Clearing and reporting it back to us. If he wants to use his reward to pick up a stick—excuse me, a bo staff—then that’s his right.”
“Thank you,” Neil said. “I’m getting better at it.” He attempted to twirl the stick but ended up hitting himself in the face. “Oops! Okay, it’s a work in progress, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That’s just swell.” I clapped my hands. “So! I’ve introduced myself. You’ve told me some things about you. Like, Neil and his bo staff. Or Brad being a jerk.”
“Hey!”
“And you’ve met my friend Kevin here,” I continued. “I think that’s pretty much all we need to know about each other. I guess that leaves just one more thing. A choice!”
The portly Dark frowned. “Choice?”
I nodded sagely. “Yes. A choice. You can either turn around and start running, and then keep on running until you are out of Verania where no one knows who you are. And you’ll need to promise to never harm another living soul ever again.”
“That sounds like a lot of work,” Neil said. “I mean, I get what you’re trying to say, but that’s so much running.”
“Yep,” I agreed. “It is. But it might be better than the alternative.”
“Which is?” Brad asked snidely, and I decided I hated him.
I grinned at him. He flinched. It made me happy. “Thank you for asking, Brad. The alternative is that Kevin and myself kick your collective asses and then take you to Randall, who’s waiting back there at the gate—ah! I can see by the looks on your faces that you know that name really well. Yes, Randall is here, and he is not in a good mood.” I didn’t know if that was true, but it was Randall, and he usually looked pissed off. “So, choice is yours, my dudes.”
“There’s only two of you,” Brad said, full of bravado. I hoped he chose to fight, because I wanted to punch him.
“One of whom is a dragon. But yes. You’re right.”
Brad had less bravado then. “And Randall is old and way back by the gate.”
“Oh, Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad. You’re not sounding like you’re going to make the right choice here.”
Then, quicker than I expected, a fucking fireball hurtled toward me, bright and hot and burning the air around it as it flew at my head. I held my hand out in front and the fireball stopped, hovering in the air inches away from my palm.
“Neil,” I said, a little startled. “I didn’t expect that to come from you. I thought we were friends. You’ve chosen… poorly.”
Neil looked shocked. “How are you doing that?” he demanded.
“Oh, the stop-the-fireball-in-midair thing? Yeah, as it turns out, I’m actually stronger than most people thought. Funny how that works out. Also helps when this guy is with me.” I nodded up at Kevin. “He acts as a conduit of sorts. Focuses my magic with a precision that you wouldn’t even believe.”
“I tamed him,” Kevin said. “All he needed was a stern hand. Call me Master Kevin of the Winds.”
“Oh my gods, we talked about this.”
“Right. Just making sure you hadn’t changed your mind or anything.”
I looked back at the Darks over the fireball. “Sorry about that. Where were we? Oh. Right. Hey, Brad. Catch.”
I barely put anything into it, and the fireball flew back at the Darks. Neil screamed in warning, but Brad was already moving, fingers twitching, and the earth broke apart before them, a wave of dirt rising and colliding with the fireball, which sputtered and hissed before it went out. The dirt fell to the ground, but it was already too late for them.
Before, with the sand mermaids and again with Myrin in Mashallaha, I couldn’t control the furious burst of magic that exploded from me. It was rooted in desperation, in the fear that I was losing those closest to me. Seeing Tiggy and Ryan sinking in the sands had whited out all thought, and I acted instinctively.
I wasn’t in control then.
But I was now.
It wasn’t so much pushing or pulling the magic anymore.
It was about thought.
Almost like I was wishing it so.
Kevin helped, as did the others, but it still came from within me.
I raised my hand.
The air rippled like the surface of a lake, and the pulse of green and gold was brighter than it had ever been. Lightning pushed through the scars on my chest and crawled along my skin, wrapping around my arm and hand and fingers. The ripples became electrified, and with Kevin growling low behind me, the lightning leapt from my fingertips, crisscrossing until it became like mesh, a web far larger than anything I’d created before. It fell upon the Darks, cocooning them in a domelike structure that crackled and sparked.
It took seconds.
I barely broke a sweat.
I lowered my hand.
“Huh,” Kevin said. “That was new. They don’t seem too happy about it.”
I tilted my head up at him and grinned. “Pretty cool, right? You could say I’ve found them… en-lightning. Get it? Because they’re trapped in ligh—ow. You didn’t have to hit me!”
“You deserved that,” Kevin said. “I approve of your sex puns because they’re about sex. But I draw the line at lightning puns. Because those are stupid and I hate them.”
I rubbed the back of my head as I watched Brad get electrocuted when he tried to touch the dome. He was knocked back on his ass, smoke curling up from his ears, eyes sliding unfocused.
“Ha! I bet Brad found that that hertz. Get it? Hertz with a z, because—ow! Kevin, if you hit me one more time, I’m going to—oof.”
I was knocked off my feet and landed on my back, suddenly covered from head to toe by a rather frisky knight. His lips were on mine and his hands were wandering, trying to find as much skin as he could. His tongue was in my mouth before I could think, slick and hot, and I couldn’t stop the groan that rumbled from me. Ryan ground his hips against me, and I pulled away from his mouth with a gasp. He proceeded to nip at my jaw before attacking my throat, sucking up a mark.
“What the hell—” I tried to say, but it fell off into a strangled squawk when his tongue went into my ear and my eyes rolled back into my head.
“Ungh,” Ryan said.
Oh. Oh.
“You liked that?
” I growled at him. “You liked me putting my magic all over them?”
His breath was warm on my neck as he panted. “They shot a fireball at you. And you caught it.”
“Yeah, I did. And now I’ve got a fire in my pants that I need you to put out—”
“Oh my gods,” the portly Dark moaned. “This is worse than any torture that could be thrust upon us. Please, I’m begging you. Waterboard me. Anything so I don’t have to witness this horror.”
“What are they doing?” Neil asked, sounding horrified. “Are they eating each other?”
“Shhh,” Kevin hissed. “You’re going to ruin it.”
And it might have gotten worse if we didn’t have water poured on us right at that moment. Ryan sputtered as he jumped up. But then he tripped over my legs and fell on his back, breathing heavily.
Randall stood above us, frowning deeper than I’d ever seen before.
“Not cool, bro!” I snapped at him. “You didn’t need to get us wet.”
He rolled his eyes. “That’s what you do when dogs are in heat and tied together.”
I grimaced. “Ugh. Mood ruined.”
“Noooo,” Kevin moaned. “Why would you do that? Have you seen Ryan’s ass? It’s a thing of beauty.”
“Thank you,” Ryan said, pushing himself up. “I do a lot of squats.”
“You could be squatting on my dick right now,” I muttered. He snorted, extending a hand toward me. I let him pull me up.
But instead of letting me go, he pulled me to his chest, his mouth near my ear. “Tonight.”
“Yeah? You still mad at me?”
“Yes. But I’ve heard angry sex is cathartic.”
I nodded furiously. “Yes. Yes, it is. I agree. All of that. You should be so pissed at me. And then I’ll piss on you—whoa.” My eyes bulged. “Too far. Way too far.”
“Why would you say that?” Ryan asked, sounding horrified.
“I was caught up in the moment! This is all your fault! You tackled me!”
“Well, you’re the one who caught a fireball and then did that lightning dome!” He glanced around, flushing. When he spoke again, his voice was lower. “You know I have a kink for that kind of thing.”
“Please kill us,” Neil begged from behind the electric barrier. “I can’t listen to them anymore.”
“Are you two finished?”
I turned to glare at Randall. “The next time you’re feeling frisky, I’m going to—you know what? Scratch that. If you’re ever feeling frisky, I don’t want to know.”
Frisky, Ryan mouthed to no one in particular.
Randall nodded toward the crackling dome. “This is… impressive.”
“Wow. Thank you. Maybe next time, don’t sound so constipated when you say it.”
“Oh, trust me, there probably won’t be a next time.”
“Rude. But expected. Thank you, Randall.”
“Can you move it?”
“The dome?” I grinned at him. “Fuck yeah I can. Dude, I’m a wizard now. I can pretty much do anything.”
He sighed. “May the gods have mercy on us all. Bring them to the camp, if you please. We need to find out what happened with Mama. Ryan, stay with Sam. Kevin, come with me. I have a job for you.”
“Ooh, is it a blow job? And if so, follow-up question. Are you wearing dentures? I assure you those two things are related in ways I shall explain later.”
“No!” the portly Dark cried. “Don’t leave us with them! What if they start attacking each other with their mouths again!”
“I’m having a hard time thinking and moving,” Brad said, still sounding dazed. The tips of his hair were singed.
Poor guy.
I hoped his brains were scrambled.
Chapter 14: Cutting Off the Head of the Snake
MAMA, AS she was wont to do, was sitting regally in a high-backed chair (pulled from somewhere) in the middle of Gary and Tiggy’s barn while Gary tittered around her, sparkles dripping from his horn, the air glimmering around them both. Letnia was propped up against a wall, arms across her chest, eyes narrowed as she scowled at the ground. There was a cigar in her mouth, the smoke curling up around her head. Moishe stood off to the side, skin pale, eyes cool as he tracked my movements when we entered the barn.
The King and Justin were there as well, and Tiggy, who was sitting on the ground with a few brooms clutched to his chest. He waved at me as I entered.
“Precious,” Mama said. “How lovely it is to see you again, even if the circumstances are less than ideal. I was not made aware of your return to this brave new world.” And I could hear the harshness in her words, the underlying anger. She looked… less put together than she normally did. Her makeup was smeared and she had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn’t known a good night’s sleep in a long while.
“It’s a recent thing,” I said lightly. “Welcome to Camp HaveHeart.”
Her lips twitched. “You enjoy that far too much.”
I shrugged. “You would too.”
“I suppose. Thank you, Gary. I feel less weary now. Your horn has done wonders. I’m happy you had it returned to you.”
The sparkles stopped falling from Gary’s horn. “Me too, though I’m not used to it yet. I haven’t had my horn in years. It’s like I’ve forgotten what I’m capable of. Copious amounts of death, I’m sure.”
“As a unicorn should be.”
“You might need this,” the King told me, handing me a cloth. It was only then that I realized I was still covered in Gary’s rainbow. I glanced over at Ryan and saw colors smeared across his mouth and cheeks.
“So gross,” I breathed and proceeded to scrub my face as hard as I could. Once I was as clean as I was going to get, I handed it over to Ryan. “You’ve got something on your face.”
He frowned. “I do? What?”
“My horn spooge,” Gary said rather gleefully.
Even though he would deny it later, we all heard the little scream Ryan gave as he shoved his face into the cloth. “Did I get it?”
“Yeah. No. No, there’s some in your teeth? Um. So.”
“This is your fault!”
“Hey! You’re the one that tried to sex me up in front of villains and Kevin. Don’t you try and put that on me.”
“You did what?” Gary screeched. “And you didn’t invite me? Sam, I am offended. How very dare you.”
“Hi, Sam!”
“Hi, Tiggy.”
“Darks?”
“Being guarded by Lady Tina and the Foxy Ladies,” I said begrudgingly.
Tiggy hummed his approval.
“Where’s Kevin?” Gary asked. “I need him to compliment me continuously since I have my horn back. My self-esteem might not survive without it.”
I shook my head. “He was with Randall. Said something about a job he had for Kevin. I don’t know what.”
“Was it a blow job?”
“No, Gary. I don’t think Randall was asking Kevin for a blow job.”
“Oh. Right. Because that would be weird.”
“Because nothing about any of this is weird,” Justin muttered.
“You’re different.”
We all turned slowly toward the owner of the voice.
Moishe was watching me, head cocked, silvery blond hair hanging in wisps around his face.
“Pardon?”
“You,” he said. “You’re not who you once were.”
His penetrating gaze made me uncomfortable. It felt like my skin was crawling. “I don’t know that any of us are. Things have changed.”
“Yes. This is true. But perhaps more for you than others. Tell me, wizard, where have you been?”
Wizard. “Learning,” I said slowly.
Mama glanced interestedly between the two of us.
“Learning,” Moishe repeated. “And what is it you have learned?”
“Many things.”
“In such a short amount of time, it would seem.”
“Do you have a point?”
H
e smiled. It was chilling. “Just making conversation. We haven’t… seen you, Sam. Since Morgan’s funeral. And now, here you stand. Different. It’s curious. Your magic. It’s… capacious. When did you pass the Trials?”
Fucking elves. They knew far too much for their own good. “Things have changed,” I said again.
“So you’ve said. I worry.”
“About?”
“Moishe,” Mama said, sounding irritated, “I suggest if you have something to say, you say it.”
“Yes, Moishe,” Randall said, entering the barn. “I would certainly be interested to hear what you have to say as well.”
Moishe bowed toward Randall. Regardless of what Moishe thought of humans in general, he always seemed to have a deep respect for the wizard. “Randall. You see it. I know you do.”
Randall sighed. “He has his cornerstone. He has the dragons. He has control.”
Moishe didn’t look very impressed. “No one, not an elf, not a man, not even a dragon, should have that much magic shoved into them as quickly as he has. Even with a… cornerstone.” He said this last with a curl of disdain, glancing at Ryan, who bristled at my side.
“What’s he talking about?” he asked me.
I rolled my eyes. “I haven’t the slightest—”
“Magic is not meant to be forced,” Moishe said. “It is a powerful thing that cannot be trifled with. Sam is vibrating with it. None of you can sense it like I can. It is overwhelming. His aura is like the sun. No man can contain that much magic for long without consequences.”
“I have control,” I said, taking a step toward Moishe.
“Do you?” he asked.
“Saved you, didn’t I?”
“Moishe,” Mama said, “either speak in specifics or stop wasting my time. I’m exhausted, and I would rather have this out now so I may sleep.”
“If Sam loses control, he could destroy us all,” Moishe said bluntly. “Or worse, he could become so consumed by magic that he turns Dark. It’d be like the bird, wouldn’t it, Sam? That dead patch in the forest that will never again know life. You could take so much away from this world in order to shape it into your own.”