Turning to the side, my eyes focused on the metallic alarm clock–it was 10 am–and right next to it, there lay another book. But as expected, it was not Shakespeare’s Hamlet any more. I picked it up and found myself looking at the cover of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I flipped it open, and also as expected, I found the engraved, silver bookmark on page 21.
Somehow the books seemed to be connected to my time shifts. With every shift, I found another one of my mother’s books on my nightstand. But I always found the same book clip in it, only on a different page.
I grabbed a sweater, and pulling it on, I carefully opened the door a crack, peering outside. There were only small differences to the last time I’d been in the apartment. Walking through the living room and toward the kitchen, I didn’t come across any of Abby’s or Andy’s stuff. Everything was quite tidy, nothing lying around. Whenever this was, they must not be living here.
In the kitchen, I found the table set for me–pancakes with syrup–and next to the plate, there was a note.
Morning Sweetie, sorry, I had to run. Didn’t want to wake you. See you at the movies. Love you, Owen
Again, it clicked, and memories of Owen and our time together rushed back into my mind. Turning to the fridge, I looked at the calendar, confirming my suspicion.
It was March 2008.
So I had moved forward in time. Just not all the way. My last memory was of 2011. This was three years too early.
I slammed my fist on the table, making the syrup bottle dance and the fork clatter against the plate. This couldn’t be happening again.
But it had. And there was nothing I could do about it. I had absolutely no control.
I desperately wanted to get back to my life in my own time but it seemed so far out of reach that in that moment I honestly believed I would never be able to just move on…in a normal way. I didn’t want to be dragged around, back and forth, like someone’s toy. Like a play ball in a game that didn’t get to choose if it even wanted to play.
However, despite my annoyance with the situation I found myself in, I knew perfectly well that I had no choice in the matter. I could rant and yell, complain and bitch all I wanted, it didn’t matter. At the end of the day, the only thing I could make a choice about was how to deal with what was happening.
One option was to hide in my bed, ignore the world and pretend that what was going on was not real. However, if there was one thing I felt sure of–in spite of how surreal, bizarre and absurd all this was–it was the fact that it was happening.
I wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating. This was my life. I recognized every little bit of it. I had shaped it. I had chosen my path. Not everything had turned out the way I’d hoped for, but that made it all the more convincing. It was just life, the good and the bad, and now, the surreal. And I realized then and there that whatever would happen from then onward, I would always choose option two.
I would deal with whatever came at me. I would go outside and find out what was going on. If there was a way to return to normal–whatever normal was–I was certain it could not be found hiding from the world, but only by walking through it.
So I got dressed, had breakfast, and then went outside, following my plan. It was 2008, and I was still working at City Gardens. Entering the restaurant felt so familiar and at the same time light years away. I couldn’t trust my own intuition regarding how much time had passed since I’d last been here.
The place was bustling with customers. Since Leo had changed the opening hours, now 8 am. to 10 pm, hired more personnel and adapted the menu to appeal to any customer he could think of, it had become one of the hotspots of town. It started with people coming in for breakfast, followed by brunch, lunch, some kind of afternoon in-between, and then, of course, dinner, which still was the busiest time of the day.
“Hey Jena, there you are,” Abby greeted me, hurrying by.
I just helloed back and went to work.
Although I really wanted to talk to her, I had to wait until we got off for a late lunch break at three. The place was packed, and I barely managed to catch my breath in-between orders.
Sinking onto the couch in the employees’ lounge, Abby threw me a wrapped sandwich, expecting me to catch it.
I didn’t, and it landed on the floor.
“I really do not intend to bust your dreams,” she said, her face overly serious. “But if I were you, I’d kiss off that career in basketball or anything else that involves catching of any kind.”
I just grinned at her, unwrapping my sandwich, and took a big bite. I was famished, which always made food taste better.
“I know how you feel, Sister,” she said, attacking her own sandwich. “So, you got anything you want to say to me?” she continued, her mouth full.
I frowned at her. “How do you know?”
She swallowed. “Do you still not know how this works? You’re an easy person to read. When something’s up, it’s like you got a pointing arrow over your head.”
“Fine,” I said, trying to figure out what to say first. “Do you remember last year, the guy who used to come to the restaurant?”
Her face lit up. “Yes, he always vanished before you could talk to him. What? Did you see him again?”
I nodded. “Kind of. But that’s not all of it. I also told you something. Do you remember? Something that made you think I was crazy.”
“Gosh, you say a lot of things that would qualify. Could you be more specific?”
“Thanks,” I said, a forced grin on my face. “It was about some kind of time shift.”
Abby’s face darkened, a frown appearing. “What are you talking about? What is a time shift?”
And then it hit me. She didn’t know. Of course, she didn’t know. When I’d told her, it had been 2011. I had completely forgotten to think about the difference between my past and everyone else’s.
Abby was looking at me as though she feared I was losing my mind. Maybe she wasn’t that far off with her idea.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I forgot you can’t possibly remember that.”
“Remember what?” she asked. “Jena, this is a bit too freaky, even for me.”
“Sorry,” I said again. “Listen, something’s been happening to me lately, which is far outside anything I would ever have considered possible. But it is happening, and I just need you to believe me.”
For a moment, Abby just looked me in the eye, not wavering.
“All right, I can do this,” she finally said, and I couldn’t possibly express how relieved I felt to hear her say that.
So I told her–again–and again, she listened. I could tell there were moments when she had trouble believing what I said, but she always came through. There was definitely an upside to having a friend, who herself was so much out of this world that she didn’t hesitate to believe what I was saying.
“And you think the guy is somehow connected to these time shifts of yours?” she asked when I had finished.
I shrugged my shoulders. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. But I think it’s at least possible. He shows up everywhere…or maybe I should say everywhen…” Abby frowned. “I know that sounds weird but just go with it, okay?” She nodded, an amused smile on her face. “Whenever I shift, he is there. How would you explain that?”
Her eyes opened wide. “You’re asking me? You are aware that I’m not known for logical explanations, right?”
“I know,” I said, feeling a little less subdued. Her spirits had already lifted mine. “But I don’t think there is anyone at all who could possibly be considered an expert in this matter. I’m just asking your opinion.”
“Okay, then my non-expert opinion is that there might be a connection, and I think you should check it out.”
“How?”
“Ask him.”
“But he always disappears,” I said.
She shrugged as though the answer was too obvious. “Then next time, don’t let him. If you
have to, tie him up.” Her eyebrows rose in a devilish way. “Could be fun!”
I couldn’t help but smile.
“Do you know his name?” Abby asked.
I shook my head. “I can’t imagine a guy like that having a normal name.”
Abby nodded. “You’re right. It would so take the mystery out of this if you found out his name was Ed or Marvin or Barry.” Laughing, she shook it off.
***
We had agreed to meet at the movie theater, and so Abby and I, lucky to finish work on time, walked the two blocks there. From down the road, we saw Andy waiting by the entrance. He waved to us, and Abby waved back.
Once again, for a second I was a little startled, only to remember a moment later that in this time Andy and Abby actually were a couple. It was before they broke up, and I cautioned myself to not let anything slip and ruin it for them.
“How was work?” Andy asked, pulling Abby into his arms. It was obvious that the question was only directed at her. He barely noticed me.
“I’ll get the tickets,” I said, smiling, and headed for the ticket booth. I was really happy for them. They were so oblivious to anything around them, living in their own little world. It was adorable to watch.
“Hey there,” came a voice from behind me. I turned around and found Owen smiling at me. Just like Andy, he pulled me into his arms. “How was your day?”
“It was good. The usual,” I said, looking up at him. I felt like I had to familiarize myself with his face again; gentle dark blue eyes and a hint of a smile always playing on his lips. It was the strangest feeling. It felt so normal to be with him, and yet, I knew that our relationship wouldn’t last. We weren’t right for each other. Whatever that meant.
“Let’s go inside,” Abby said, pulling Andy with her. Arm in arm, Owen and I followed.
Only a few seats were taken yet, and so we chose a row in the back to have a better view–or so I thought. Andy and Abby had only eyes for each other and that didn’t change when the movie started. Although Owen still had his arm around me, we weren’t nearly as absorbed in each other as the two next to us.
The atmosphere in the theater was exhilarative, filled with laughter, but for some reason, I couldn’t join in with the others. It was an okay romantic comedy. Any other day, I would have laughed about its jokes and funny encounters, but today was different for some reason. The dark in the theater was encroaching on me, and I felt trapped somehow. After half an hour I needed to get out of there.
“Hey, I’m going to the concession stand, do you want anything?” I asked, knowing that if I didn’t give a reason, Owen would follow me.
He shook his head, but Abby said, “Popcorn.”
I rose from my seat.
“And nachos,” Andy added, not even looking at me.
Walking out of the darkness, I started to feel better immediately. It wasn’t easy pretending that everything was normal when it was clearly not. How could the world expect me to enjoy a night at the movies if it played these weird tricks on me? Jerking me out of my own time and dumping me in the past? And to top it off, in a past with a guy I would soon break up with? Or who would soon break up with me? I wasn’t too sure on the details. At some point, we had simply been over. Or we would be.
To have something to do, and because it would look weird if I came back empty-handed, I got in line at the concession stand. Luckily, the line was quite long, which gave me time to breathe.
After buying popcorn and nachos, I reluctantly headed back. Walking around a corner, I started down the hallway leading to the individual theaters and almost ran into my mystery guy.
Again, he had appeared as though out of thin air.
He stood in the middle of the hallway like a stone pillar, and the impact almost threw me off my feet. I barely managed to keep my hold on the popcorn and the nachos before my eyes snapped up, a rude comment on my lips.
However, once his eyes met mine, I was lost.
My anger vanished, replaced by uncontrolled excitement and joy as a myriad of butterflies took flight in my belly. The breath caught in my throat, and my heart stepped on the accelerator.
As he looked at me, his eyes almost drilling into mine, his face remained serious.
Once more, I felt almost hypnotized. I didn’t know what it was or how it could be, but he definitely had some kind of hold on me. I felt drawn to him for some reason I couldn’t grasp.
When he unexpectedly took a step closer, I started feeling weak in the knees. His eyes were still locked with mine, when he said, “You don’t belong with him.”
I blinked, trying to think instead of feel. “Who are you?” I whispered.
Once more, he didn’t give an answer.
“What is your name?” I tried again.
For a second, his eyebrows rose. Then he dropped them as though to say I shouldn’t be asking questions to which the answer was obvious.
I wanted to reach out to him, but unfortunately, my hands were busy holding Andy’s nachos and Abby’s popcorn. So instead, I, too, took a step toward him, our shoes almost touching.
“Then who should I be with?” I asked, daring him to show a reaction.
And for the first time, he did. A corner of his mouth curled up, and there was a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
I felt my own lips spread into a smile, feeling a happiness stream into every fiber of my body that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I could have just stood there forever, amazed at the effect he had on me. I didn’t know him at all and yet…what? I didn’t even know how to end that sentence.
However, then something happened that always seemed to happen.
I was completely oblivious to my surroundings and didn’t see the group of teenagers heading in our direction. A young girl with ponytails and way too much makeup on her young face bumped into me, spilling her soda over my pants.
Instantly, I snapped out of my trance and dropped the nachos.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” the girl kept repeating, trying to pick up my nachos, which lay strewn all over the floor.
More as a reflex, my eyes flashed to the wet stain on my jeans. They didn’t linger though, but quickly rose again. However, before they found the spot where my mystery guy had been only a second ago, I already knew that he would be gone.
Instantly, my heart grew heavy, and the butterflies died on the spot. I had once again missed my chance. Would I ever get another? After all, the universe seemed to be against me. Against us.
And yet, it kept throwing us together time and time again. Why did it do that? Only to pull us apart? I began to feel like a puppet in a cruel game.
The girl was still fussing about ruining my jeans, and I only got her off my back by letting her replace the nachos that had landed on the floor. Finally, I returned to my seat, handing out the food and sitting back down.
“You didn’t get yourself anything,” Owen remarked. “I thought that was why you went out.”
Realizing that he was right, I just said, “I changed my mind. I didn’t feel like eating anything after all.”
That settled it for him, and he returned his attention back to the screen. After a while, his arm came around me again, but I felt like it settled there more from force of habit than the desire to have me close. I had to admit I could have done without it myself. To be honest, I had known from the beginning that Owen and I weren’t the perfect fit. We were comfortable together. But that was it. And it sure as hell wasn’t enough.
Knowing that we would be over soon didn’t hurt. Instead, I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to keep pretending for much longer. I felt bad for him, but by acting as if I felt more for him than I really did, I wasn’t doing either one of us a favor.
Before I knew it, the movie was over, and rising from our seats, we headed for the exit. Everyone around me was smiling and laughing and just having a good time, but I didn’t feel like joining them. I just wanted to go home. To be alone.
“Now, tell me,” Andy said, looki
ng from Abby to me, “was that the kind of romantic crap you girls dig so much?” Although he tried to suppress it, there was a mischievous grin on his face.
Abby elbowed him in the side. “Like you didn’t enjoy it? I’m quite certain that I heard you sniffle at least once, if not twice.”
He pretended to look shocked. “That was just…allergies. As ancient as the seat cushions were I bet there was a ton of dust stored in them.”
Abby’s eyebrows rose as she looked at him. “That’s the story you’re going to go with? Really? Can’t come up with anything better?”
Giving up, Andy simply shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a softie. Anything wrong with that?”
Abby shook her head. “No one said there was.”
“I’m glad,” he said, pulling her into his arms again. As he kissed her, I looked from them to Owen and realized that we had never looked at each other the way they did.
“What about you guys?” Abby asked.
“What?” I said, unsure what she was asking.
“The movie. Did you like it?”
I shrugged, buying time, because I honestly didn’t remember much at all. It had been a love story of some kind, but anyone could have guessed that from the title. Although at the moment I couldn’t quite recall it. I shook my head. It was official now; my memory sucked.
“I enjoyed it,” Owen said, and I sighed with relief. “It was quite entertaining.” Not deep, but good enough as an answer, I judged. Hopefully, that would be enough for Abby.
“It wasn’t just entertaining,” she objected. “It was so romantic. All the obstacles they had to overcome.” Remembering, she shook her head in disbelief. “But I knew from the beginning that they’d end up together. It was fate.”
I shook my head. “Now look what you did,” I said to Owen. “You set her off again.”
“Hey,” Abby said, raising a warning finger. “Don’t be such a spoilsport! Being who you are, I know you can’t admit you liked it but—”
“Why would I?” I cut in. “I didn’t like it.” Or at least I thought I wouldn’t have if I had actually watched it.
“Oh, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you think it’s romantic how they promised to stay together forever? To always love each other? Don’t tell me that’s not exactly what you dream of!”