“Not everyone comes from a family of great cooks, Grandma,” said Mack, setting her dish down on the table. “Maybe you can teach Andie a few things.”
“Sounds like I’m going to have to,” she said, once again focused on getting to the table. She took careful steps, but they were solid. I had a feeling she didn’t need to hold onto me, that she was just keeping me close so she could conduct her interrogation.
I glanced at Mack to find him grinning at both of us, like he was enjoying some inside joke. I stuck my tongue out at him but that only seemed to make him happier.
“Lift up the lid there,” she ordered, pointing at her pan.
I did as she asked. The only thing visible inside was a big hunk of aluminum foil.
“That there’s a beef brisket. Best one you’ll ever taste, guaranteed. I don’t mess around when it comes to brisket.”
I nodded sagely. “I can see that.”
She looked up at me with a frown. “I don’t see how, since it’s covered in the tin foil like that.”
Ian snickered behind me, but I ignored him. “But I’ve heard. So I can imagine what it looks like.” I smiled and nodded.
“You ever eat brisket?” she asked.
My smile fell off. “Uhh … no. Can’t say that I have.”
“Then how are you able to imagine it if you’ve never even seen one?”
“I’m creative?” My face went red as Ian busted out in guffaws.
She grinned at me, revealing perfect dentures. “I like you. You’re sassy.”
I grinned back, relief washing over me. “I like you too. You’re kind of sassy yourself.”
She cackled. “You’re dang right I am. Life’s too short to be sickly sweet all the time, don’t you think? Like that aspartame. Nasty aftertaste. Bah.”
I nodded. “Absolutely. I like the real stuff. Sugar all the way for me.”
She let go of my hand and squeezed my arm. “Good. You and I are going to get along just fine. She teetered in a circle and faced the clan. “Now which one of my grandsons are you here with? It better be one of my boys and not that Boog person, I’ll tell you what.”
Boog’s mouth fell open while everyone else laughed. I dropped my gaze to the ground, too embarrassed to answer her question. Mack stepped up beside me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him firmly. “She’s with me, Grandma. She’s here with me.”
Grandma Lettie looked at both of us critically for a few seconds and then nodded. “Good enough.” Then she faced the crowd. “Boog, get me a chair, will ya? My feet are tired. I went to a barn dance last night and stayed up ’til one a.m. Now I’m too pooped to piddle.”
Boog walked away grumbling, but he grabbed a chair and dragged it back anyway. I wandered away with Mack as others closed in on Grandma Lettie, standing around her like she was visiting royalty.
“Well, that was interesting,” I said, the feeling that I’d just dodged a bullet soothing my frazzled nerves.
Mack took my hand and led me back over to the food table. He reached inside the big pan and removed some of the tin foil from the top. “This is what a beef brisket looks like.”
I stared down at the hunk of brown meat. “Oh. It looks … boring.” I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but this sure seemed like very little to get excited about.
He laughed and then spoke in a soft voice. “Don’t you dare let Grandma Lettie hear you say that.”
“I wouldn’t dare,” I whispered back. “She scares me.”
Mack leaned in like he was going to kiss me, but I drew back.
“What? I can’t kiss you?” He looked hurt.
“No, you can’t kiss me, you fool. This is not happening.” I pointed to him and then me. “We are not happening.” It felt horrible to say it, but it had to be said. The longer we played at being a couple, the harder it would be when I left. And I was leaving, papers signed or not, tomorrow.
“Bullshit it’s not happening. It very much is happening.” His good mood was quickly evaporating.
“Please don’t make a scene,” I said, glancing back at his grandmother.
“You’re the one making a scene,” he said, his tone going soft again. “I’ll tell you what … Just give me one kiss, and I’ll leave you alone. Otherwise I’m going to harass you all day.”
I eyed him suspiciously, pretending to hate the idea but secretly thrilled to know he would kiss me in front of his family. “One kiss and you’ll leave me alone for the whole picnic?”
“No. For fifteen minutes.”
I feigned outrage. “That’s not fair!”
“Well, if you want to do more than just kiss me, that could buy you more time.” He moved his eyebrows up and down suggestively.
I elbowed him in the ribs, smiling the whole time. “Go away, horn dog. No blowjobs at the family picnic.”
He gestured to a big tree with a stack of rocks next to it. “There’s a nice little hiding spot over there. We just have to be real quiet. And I wasn’t talking about blowjobs. I have other things planned for you.” He leaned in really close and whispered in his best wicked voice. “That’s why I bought you a dress and not shorts.”
My eyes bulged out of my head. “Stop! Someone’s going to hear you.” My face turned bright pink and a chill rushed over my skin, goosebumps coming out to reveal my physical reaction to his suggestion. I could picture him down there with my dress pushed up to my waist almost like it was already happening.
He put his arm around me and leaned in again. “Come on. Stop torturing me. One kiss. Fifteen minutes. Take me up on the deal now before I change the terms.”
I stood on tiptoe and gave him a quick peck on the lips, pulling away before he could prepare or react.
“Oh, no way,” he said, grinning like the devil he is. “That doesn’t count.”
“Yes, it does.” I tried to hold back my grin and remain serious. “You didn’t specify a certain type of kiss.” My heart was ready to explode with the joy of just being stupid with him.
Then I heard a car door slam shut over by the front of the house and remembered that Bradley could come rolling down that dirt road and show up at any minute. The joy that had just threatened to overwhelm me dissipated into the hot air around us, leaving behind frustration in its wake. Some evil part of me instantly became angry at Bradley for forcing my hand like this. Maybe I’d get lucky and a semi-poisonous snake would bite him if he tried to come interrupt this day - but only the kind that would send him to the doctor and not actually kill him. Half a second later I was overcome with guilt for almost wishing that on him. He was just doing what Mack would have done in the same circumstances. I am such a terrible person. How have I fallen so far in such a short period of time?
“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you smiling anymore?” Mack tried to move in closer. “It’s because you didn’t get any tongue action, isn’t it?”
I shook my head, forcing thoughts of Bradley to leave my head. Until he showed up or I went back, I could pretend those problems didn’t exist. I could do that for Mack, at least.
“No, that’s not the reason.”
“You know it is. Come on now, pretty girl. I’ll give you another chance.”
Being called pretty girl like that probably should have offended me as a strong, professional woman, but instead it warmed me to my core and made me want to go explore that little spot behind the tree. I shook my head at myself. This sexy cowboy really knew how to press my buttons and make me forget what I was supposed to be doing - namely, detaching and preparing to leave.
The sound of a loud vehicle pulling up and an even louder horn announcing the arrival of someone special distracted both of us from our silly flirting games.
“Oh, shit,” said Mack, sighing as he looked out towards the main gate. His shoulders sagged low.
“Who’s that?” I asked, trying to see the person getting out.
“Welcome to my nightmare,” he said, dropping his arm from my back and stepping away to greet t
he visitor.
“Hannah Banana!” yelled Boog from across the tent area as the Barbie doll beauty came from around an old beat-up truck to join the crowd mingling by the front of the house.
“Don’t call me that, Boog!” she yelled back, sounding like a country singer the way she said it. Then her face turned into pure sunshine as she noticed Mack coming in her direction.
Jealousy overwhelmed my thoughts and had me staring daggers at both of them. Where are those poisonous snakes when you need them, anyway?
“Hey, Mack! Hey, Miss Maeve. How’re y’all doing?” Hannah chirped. “Brought my blueberry tart, just like I always do, every year.” She held something wrapped in tin foil up above her head like she was the Betty Crocker Statue of Fucking Liberty or something.
I tried to use pure brain power to tip the thing out of her hand and onto her head, but apparently I have zero psychic connections because nothing happened. She brought it down in one smooth maneuver and peeled the foil back to reveal the food beneath for Mack. Unfortunately for her, he walked right past her and towards his brother Ian who was standing off to the side.
My jealous heart plumped up to three times its normal size. He really doesn’t like her! He wasn’t lying!
“It’s your favorite,” she said in a singsong voice over her shoulder, not at all dissuaded by his brush-off.
“No, it’s not,” he deadpanned. “I’m allergic to blueberries.”
“Since when?” she asked, clearly offended.
“Since the day you were born.”
His insult echoed throughout the entire party and everyone went dead silent for several seconds, before the singer in the band broke the mood by working on his equipment. Even I felt a little bad for Hannah, as obvious and obnoxious as she was, when I saw her face fall.
“Mike check one! One, one, one. Mike check two! Two, two, two. Mike check three four and close the door. The door, the door. Five and six that’s Nikki Sixx. Of Motely Crue and me and you. Mike-a, mike-a, mike-a-phone check, check, check…”
“We hear the goddamn microphone, okay?!” screeched Hannah, her pie trembling in her hand.
The singer banged his forehead into the microphone when he bent down and sent a squeal of feedback through the tents. Everyone either ducked or covered their ears, me included. I could still hear the ringing in my head for a while after it stopped.
Hannah turned to me when the recorded music started coming out of the speakers a few seconds later, her snarling anger going all fake sweetness and glaring sunshine in the space of two seconds. She twitched her head once to the side and then took a long-legged, high-heeled step towards me, the promise of retribution for man-stealing in her eyes.
I threw my shoulders back and angled my chin up, bracing myself for her arrival.
Time to shine not burn, Andie.
And, snakes? If you’re still out there? Now would be a good time to make yourselves known…
Chapter Forty
HANNAH STOPPED IN FRONT OF me, the music growing louder and people moving around to get some shade under the tent. The party was officially in full swing with people drinking beers and sodas while they munched on appetizers scattered around the various tables.
“So. You’re still here.” Her smile reminded me of a reaction to biting into a fresh lemon.
“Yes, I’m still here. But I’m leaving.” I glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying us much attention anymore. Mack was watching from a safe distance with Ian, making me want to stick my tongue out at him for being such a chicken shit and leaving me to deal with her alone. He would pay later, and it wouldn’t be pretty.
“You’re leaving? Really?” She went from bitchy to cheerful just like that. “Oh, wow, such a bummer.” Her words came out in a rush. “When are you going?”
“Tomorrow. I have work and stuff to get back to.”
She nodded, pretending to go all concerned and serious on me. “Yeah, sure, of course you do. Wouldn’t want all that work stuff to get backed up on you. That’s just extra work, right? Plus you could lose your job. Get fired and all that. That’d be terrible, losing your job.”
“If I got fired it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, actually.” Her complete happiness about me leaving her alone with my husband made me mad enough to say the words I’d been toying around with. And as soon as they left my mouth I knew they were true. Picturing myself not working at the firm anymore brought me relief. I realized in that moment that the only thing I would miss about being a lawyer in West Palm Beach would be Ruby.
“In this economy?” She scoffed. “You can’t be serious. I had to take a job at the diner just to keep my apartment.” She looked around casually but stopped as soon as she saw Mack. The wattage channeled through her grin threatened to take out the town’s electricity.
“Mack’s apartment, you mean.” I managed a tight smile.
She turned back to me. “Oh, that’s right. Silly me. I’m living with Mack now. We’ve been together since …,” she looked up at the sky, doing her very complicated math, “… Months now. Months and months. It’s been great. He’s so handy to have around.” She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. “And sexy too, right? Especially when he walks around in his skivvies.”
I took a step back to keep myself from doing something stupid to her face. “Hannah, I think Boog wants you.” I looked around desperately for the man-bear-pig. If someone didn’t come over here soon and rescue me, things were liable to get ugly. Primal urges were sneaking up on me that I’d never met before. Caveman-level shit. I was almost ready to tear eyeballs out.
“Boog?” She rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t want me. He just wants to harass me about something.”
“What’s up with you guys, anyway? Did you date before or something?”
She snorted and then laughed loudly, sounding disturbingly like a braying donkey. “I may be country, Angie, but I don’t date kin. Sorry to disappoint you, city girl.”
“It’s Andie. And you guys are related?” My jaw dropped open a little at that factoid. Since when do man-bear-pigs share DNA with Barbie dolls?
“Yeah, we’re related all right. He’s my half-brother.”
“So your mother married a wookie?” I meant it as an insult, but apparently I don’t know how to throw down country-style.
She laughed, giving me her first genuine smile of the day. “You’re kinda funny, City.”
“And you’re kinda not, Country.”
She studied me closely, her smile melting away. “Whaddya say we cut the crap and come to some sort of agreement?”
“What kind of agreement?” My lawyer hat went on as I waited for her terms.
“How about I agree to let Mack and you alone for the day, and you agree to get out of town tomorrow and never come back?”
“Seems like a little one-sided, don’t you think?” I cocked my head to the side.
“How so?”
“Ohhh, I don’t know. Maybe because you work for half a day, and I work for the rest of my life? Doesn’t seem fair, does it?” Staying away from Mack forever would definitely be work. I glanced over at him and my heart strings twanged like a banjo.
Her eyebrows drew closer together. “You want me to pay you or something?”
“No,” I said, lowering my voice to match her tone. I looked her right in the eye, with every badass bone I had in my body channeling the heat. “I want you to keep your talons out of my man’s back, that’s what I want.”
Her mouth fell open and she stared at me as storm clouds gathered in her eyes.
Mack came walking up just in time to catch her reply.
“He is not your man! He’s my man, and he’s been my man practically my whole life!”
“Oh, Jesus, Hannah … could we not do this right now?” he asked, his voice revealing fatigue. I wasn’t sure if it was just being around her that did that to him or our long day yesterday, but he definitely looked like he could use a nap. His head dipped down, causing his hat to shiel
d his entire face from view.
“Do what? Finally tell the world the truth? I think it’s time you cowboyed up, Mack, and told everyone what’s really going on between us.”
His head snapped up and he gaped at her. “You cannot be serious. How deluded can you possibly be? There’s nothing going on, Hannah, and you know it! I’ve never laid a finger on you.”
People under the tents stopped talking and started paying closer attention to us.
“Maybe you could tone it down a little,” I suggested, worried about ruining the party.
I was totally not expecting her next move.
Without any warning whatsoever, she attacked, slamming her open palms against my chest and sending me back a step or two. “Maybe you could just tone it down, man-stealer!”
“Hey! That’s enough, Hannah!” said Mack, throwing an arm out to block her from coming any closer.
I’m not sure exactly what happened to my rational, thinking brain in the split second that followed, only that something snapped inside it and caused me to see red. I got my footing after stumbling a few steps and then rushed her without a second thought, pushing right past Mack’s arm and making contact against her squishy hooters with my two fists.
“I am not a man-stealer!” I yelled, popping her in the chest with everything I had.
She barely lost any ground before she was coming at me again. And she no longer looked like a Barbie doll; now she was like a giant killer Chuckie doll, complete with tiny knives in the form of acrylic nails.
Mack jumped between us as fingernails, arms, slapping hands, and hair began to fly. I may have screamed. She definitely screamed. And then there was a loud crash when my big butt banged up against the banquet table behind me and sent a bunch of dishes to the ground.
“My brisket!” crowed a brittle voice.
“There goes the blueberry tart,” said Ian, not sounding very happy about it.