I shut my eyes and focus on the touch of her palm on my bicep. For now, it’s enough to hold off the impending panic attack.
“I had that dream again last night.” I mutter, changing the subject, doing anything I can to stop torturing myself with possibilities of our stark future.
“The one where I wear the red dress?”
“Mm.” I nod, smiling slightly. “You look amazing in that red dress. It’s a wonder we even make it to dinner.”
She laughs as I open my eyes and it’s a beautiful sound—girly and sweet. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. In your dream you said I fall madly in love with you after dinner.”
I nod.
“When do you fall madly in love with me? During dessert?”
“That’s funny.”
I chuckle, then pause. How doesn’t she know? After everything we’ve been through, after everything we’ve done, and everything I’ve said, how she hasn’t put two and two together. I open my mouth, then shut it. Rejection isn’t something I think I can handle with her. For the briefest moment, disappointment flashes in her eyes and shatters my fear of being rejected. What have I got to lose? If I’m going to die tomorrow, then I want to die knowing that Emily is aware she’s loved by another human being.
“I’ve already fallen in love with you, Kitten.”
A bright pink blush flares up her throat and pools in her cheeks. Her hand shakes as she reaches up to push a thin lock of hair off her forehead, but even with her visible nervousness, her shoulders lift in relief as she straightens her spine. It all makes sense. The distance she’s kept—her strange attitude. I conjured up a million reasons to explain her behavior, how’d I forgo the simplest one? I tortured myself with incredulous scenarios and theories, working myself up for no reason when the answer was so obvious.
She loves me too.
“O-Oh..." She stutters. "I...I...wasn’t expecting—”
“And forget what I said about you falling in love with me after dinner. You’ve already fallen in love with me too.” I state.
Just like earlier, the churn of her stomach is visible as a bout of nausea crosses her countenance.
“How do you know you love me?” She asks, sheepishly.
Her large, doe eyes flick to mine. There’s a sad droop to her eyebrows at the end of a concerned curve. What is she so afraid of?
“How do I know?”
“Yeah.” She glances at her hands and threads her fingers together. “How do you know for sure?”
I exhale and flick off the headlights, drowning us in darkness—not complete darkness. I can still see the outline of her face, the slope of her neck and the curve of her breasts. I notice the change in her breathing in the darkness. It’s calm and relaxed—like there’s no more pressure to look me in the eyes when she speaks.
“I haven’t really thought about it.” I say, scratching my head—which reminds me I need a damn haircut. “I guess, in summary, the thought of not being with you for even a second makes me feel tight in the chest.”
Emily whips her head in my direction. “Does it?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Through the darkness, she reaches out and slips her warm hand into mine. It’s damp, but it no longer trembles and it feels so tiny enclosed in my giant paw.
I like this. Being able to tell her everything I’ve been thinking—everything I’ve been feeling. Why stop there?
“I find myself stealing glimpses at you all day. You’re so fucking cute.”
With her free hand, Emily covers her mouth and I can only imagine the fierce blush in her cheeks at this very second.
“Oh my God. Stop. You do not!”
If only she knew just how many times I catch myself watching her—admiring her. Perhaps then she wouldn’t ask me if I’m sure about loving her.
“I do.”
“What if I’m picking my nose?” She asks, shock and disgust dominating her tone as he cringes.
“I’m sure you’d find a cute way to do it.”
Emily’s beautiful, uncontrolled laughter fills the car and I add it to my list of things that make me certain that I love her.
I shift in my seat. “I know I love you because the thought of being with anyone else—or you being with anyone else—just...it drives me fucking insane.” I swallow the bitterness in my throat. “All of those things...they’ve gotta count for something.”
A thick silence falls and all I can think about is begging her to tell me she loves me. I want to hear it more than anything—more than I want to live. I need to know that the last few years of my life—the life I’ve dedicated to finding a brother who doesn’t give a shit—hasn’t been a total waste.
“I feel the same, but...” She sighs, dropping her head back against her headrest. “I’ve never...God. I’m so pathetic.”
I release her hand and she pulls it back to shield her face.
“You’re definitely not pathetic, Kitten.”
She snorts, dropping her hands against her thighs with a slap. “Will you ever stop calling me that?”
“I don’t think so.” I laugh. “No.”
I’ve never been a pet name kind of guy. To be honest, the thought of them make me cringe, but she was too fun not to tease when I met her and it’s stuck.
She is Kitten.
She hates it, but that doesn’t matter.
“I’ve never said the words before.” She admits and the sadness in her voice hits me hard.
I shift in my seat again, angling my body towards her. “Never?”
“I grew up without parents and siblings. I’ve avoided any serious relationships and have never had the means to own a pet so no...never.”
Ah, so she has first time jitters. Nothing a little booze can’t fix. Turning in my seat, I reach behind it, stuffing in my hand into the pocket attached to the back. I remember seeing Ted stash a bottle of Vodka in there before we left. There’s nothing like a bottle of Russian water to loosen the tongue. I push deeper and my fingers graze the side of a cool bottle. Smiling, I wrap my fingers around the neck and pull it free.
“What are we going to do with that?”
I smile. Isn’t it obvious?
“We’re going to drink your first time jitters away.”
Emily quirks an eyebrow in the most mischievous of ways, making my blood sing. Fuck she’s beautiful.
“You know, this is all starting to sound a little like tenth grade.”
I arch a brow, matching hers. “Please tell me you did not drink Vodka and fuck in a car when you were in high school.”
Cringing, she nods as she pushes herself out of her chair and forces herself through the space between the front seats. With a squeeze and a huff, she’s drops onto the back seat.
“In the back of a truck with senior footballer Tommy Field and the smallest bottle of Vodka I’ve ever seen.”
Exhaling, she rests her feet on the back of the passenger seat.
“What, there weren’t any girls his age?”
She snickers, patting the space next to her. “Apparently not.”
Fucking sleaze. Then again, I can’t talk. If we went to the same school I’d have followed her around relentlessly. I would have had her and not in the back of a fucking truck.
Clenching the bottle in my hand, I join her on the back seat. We share the booze without talking, both of us reveling in the silence. Around us, the air grows warm and humid, coaxing Emily to ditch her jacket while I ditch my sweater. Admittedly, I’d be more relaxed if I knew the answer to the question that’s burning at the back of my mind. Tommy Field. Who was he to her? I can imagine what he looked like so vividly in my head. Broad shoulders, black slicked hair, dark eyes and a smug look to match. I hate him and I don’t even know the piece of shit.
I clear my throat. “You and Tommy...was he your first?”
She rakes her perfect, white teeth over her bottom lips, biting back an awkward smile.
“Yeah. He was.”
Yep. I hate the shit o
ut of him. Has a time machine been invented yet? If so, how much will it cost me to go back in time and beat the shit out of this guy?
I take the bottle from her hands and fill my mouth with it. My head spins with the effects of the alcohol and I grit my teeth as I swallow. I hold the bottle in front of my face. How have we almost finished it? How long have we been sitting here?
She extends her hand and I return the bottle.
“How’d that pan out afterwards?” I ask.
“Afterwards?” She downs a mouthful and hisses with a shudder. “Afterwards I didn’t exist and Mr. Quarterback went back to his on again off again high school sweetheart.”
“Fucking asshole.”
It’s official. I’m going back in time to shove an unlubricated football up his dick hole.
She shrugs. “It is what it is. What about you? Where was your first time and what was her name?”
I drop my head against the seat. How long ago was it? Too long to remember the girl’s last name.
“Her name was Melanie Something and it was on a beach.”
Emily turns in her seat, stretching her long legs across mine. Unable to resist, I rest my hand on her thigh.
“A beach? How romantic.”
I roll my eyes. “Sex on a beach is overrated. It was fucking horrible and anything but romantic.”
“How so?”
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, romantic about chaffing. The whole ordeal was a mess—and not to mention it lasted less than six minutes. Teenage nerves ruin lives.
“Don’t ask.”
I peer at Emily. Her eyes are wide and her face is lit up by both amusement and excitement.
“Were you drinking?” She asks, handing me the booze.
“No.” I take a sip. “I’m pretty sure every teenage boy wants to remember when they first have sex and exactly what it felt like the next morning.”
Emily shifts closer to me, scooting forward until her ass touches the side of my thigh. “Did you enjoy it?”
I blink at her.
“I had sex...with a girl...for the first time in my life. Of course I enjoyed it.” I clench the bottle in my hand. “Was Tommy—a douche baggy name, by the way—was he good? Did you enjoy it?”
With a single laugh, she shakes her head. “For months I worked the whole thing up in my head before he asked me out on a date. It was going to be romantic and nice—and it was going to feel better than it did when I touched myself.”
“Was it?”
She slaps her hand over her face. “Oh, God, no. It was horrible. At least your six minutes was still double Tommy’s time—not to mention it felt like I was being punched in the cervix with a cucumber.”
I laugh—we laugh—and the sound mixes so perfectly, her light tones meshing with my deep.
“No one has made me feel as good as you make me feel.” She murmurs, raking her teeth over her bottom lip as the last giggle bubbles up her throat.
My heart ceases to beat as she leans in. All it takes is a gentle brush of her lips against mine and lungs refuse to function properly.
She plants a kiss on my lower lip. “I love the way you make me feel.”
“Almost.” I whisper, kissing her lip in return. “Say the other line.”
Her lips curl into a mischievous grin. I can’t take my eyes off them until she lowers her face, disappearing under my jaw line, and kisses my neck in the most delicious of ways. I tilt my head offering her more skin as she presses her warm, gentle lips in a trail all the way up to the lobe of my ear.
“I want you to force it out of me.” She whispers, finishing with another kiss.
I groan, tempted to rip open the fabric that hides her body from me and come on every pore, hair follicle and freckle on her body.
“Not in the car, Kitten.” I tell her, gripping her shoulders and pushing her back. “You’re too good for the backseat of a car.”
My stare drops to her chest. The rise and fall of her breasts mesmerizes me—hypnotizing me to take back what I said. She can sit on me. She can ride me...fuck me into oblivion. This seat makes it so easy to do...makes it so easy to just...fucking...do it.
Emily moistens her top lip.
“Then take me to bed.”
Twelve
****
Fuck
Emily
We crash through the garage door and into the hall. I slam into the wall and Jai’s body follows mine. Under our weight the wall cracks, but I’m too caught up in the way his mouth tastes and the way my head spins every time he flicks his tongue against mine.
“Fuck. You two scared the shit out of me.” Huss grumbles from somewhere in the house.
Cutlery clangs against porcelain. He can see us, but I’m far too absorbed in Jai to even give a shit.
“I’m going to get you so naked.” Jai laughs, rubbing his forehead against mine.
Huss mutters unintelligibly and I giggle as I grip the hem of Jai’s white tee and pull it up, exposing his impressive abdominal muscles. Impatiently, he whips it off over his head and tosses it over his shoulder.
Fucking. Beautiful.
My hands fly to his stomach as he crushes his mouth to mine. He pulls me off the wall and our drunken legs tangle around each other, causing us to stumble and laugh.
We make it to the stairs, but I lost a shoe in the progress. Pausing, he kicks both of his off and they hit the floor.
Somewhere.
With one raised heel, I stumble and trip on the first step. Jai curses, wraps an arm around my waist, and grabs the railing, preventing my spine from slamming into the hard wood. He lowers me against the stairs and drops his mouth to my chest, planting wet, hot kisses along the tops of my breasts and up my neck. Goosebumps erupt and my nerves sizzle. I need him. I need him now.
“Let’s make it to the room in one piece, yeah?”
I nod, panting like mad, desperate to catch my breath. Sweat covers my body and more bubbles to the surface every second, begging me to take off my clothes.
Naked.
I need to be naked.
I grasp the hem of Jai’s jeans and finger the button. With surprising ease it pops open and I wrap my legs around his waist, locking them at the ankles. Jai lifts his body, pulling me with it, and holds me tight against him. His skin is hot, his muscles firm and strong. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss the skin under his jaw.
In the bedroom, he shoves me against the door and I gasp as he thrusts his body against mine. My feet touch the floor, unbalanced and uncomfortable, so I kick off my remaining heel as he rakes ten thick, angry fingers rake through my hair and yanks my face to his. My heart races in my chest, each beat quicker than the last. If it keeps up, I’m certain my heart will leap from my chest.
Before Jai kisses me with his beautiful fucking mouth, he stops, and his dark, sinister eyes lock with mine. One look is all it takes for me to see and feel a hundred and one messages as they pass between us.
I love him, too.
With a satisfied smirk, Jai drops his teasing stare to my lips. I love the way it causes excitement to stir. He drags a thick, heavy finger along my hip, up my stomach and over the curve of my breasts, to my mouth. He slides his rough pointer along my bottom lip, the very tip of it gliding across my tongue.
“I’m going to fuck your eager little mouth first.” He promises, lowering his hands to the hem of my dress.
I raise my arms, mesmerized by the raw look in his eyes, as he peels the dress from my body and pulls it off over my head, knocking out a few of my hair pins. Loose twirls of hair fall around my face, but I don’t swat them away. They make me feel wild.
Animalistic.
Jai breathes harshly, causing cold air to blow against my bare breasts, hardening my nipples.
I jolt forward, slamming into Jai’s torso, as he slides the palm of his hand between my legs with enough pressure to send fireworks shooting throughout my body. Catching me, he presses his heavy forearm against my chest, pushing me back against the door,
pinning me down.
“After I fuck your mouth, I’ll fuck your tight little pussy—until you can no longer feel me.”
Back and forth he strokes me, until my panties are soaked and my leggings are damp. I can barely stand. The unbearable tingles sabotage my muscles, threatening to turn me into a puddle of goo at his feet.
“And then what?” I pant, moistening my lips.
His smirk widens as he lowers his arm from my chest and slides it down the length of my torso. My lips part as he glides his wide palm over my hip, to the small of my back, and then over the curve of my ass. Jai squeezes it in his hand, kneading the cheek like he draws some kind of power from it. Slipping his other hand from between my legs, he slaps it against my other ass cheek. I jolt forward, pressing my hands against his chest to stop myself from crashing into him. With strong, eager hands, Jai pulls my ass apart and then squeezes it shut. Over and over he toys with me, his desire heavy in the way he breathes.
“Then I’m going to come in your ass.”
I gasp and he shuts me up with a bruising kiss, his fingers digging into my flesh, undoubtedly marking me with angry, red prints. A seed of uncertainty sprouts in my tummy. I’ve never had sex there...in that hole.
Sensing my tension, Jai relents on his kiss and pulls back to look me in the eye.
“Another never for you?” He asks, lessening the hold his punishing fingers have on my ass. Though his fingers show me compassion and concern, his stare is the opposite.
I nod.
“Relax, Kitten. By the time I get there, you’ll want it so bad you’ll beg me for it.”
I smirk. “You seem so sure.”
“I’m fucking certain.” He snatches the hem of my tights and pushes them down my thighs, taking my red panties with it. My heart flutters as our eyes lock and the tip of his nose brushes mine. The rough, calloused tips of his fingers dance up my thighs, inching closer and closer to the apex—to my wet, pulsing core.
“This could be our last night together, Kitten.” He flicks his tongue against my lower lip. “Forgive me if I fuck you like I’ll never be inside you again.”
His fingers slip between my legs and I gasp at the bolt of electricity that zaps me on my clit as he parts my most sensitive spot.