From the back room, a familiar man steps out. Graham? Last time I saw him, we were drinking with those two girls in the tunnels. He’s alive? How? I was sure Skull would have killed him by now.
I look at Emily so does everyone else.
“Pops?” Emily asks, her disbelief reflecting in her wide eyes, following through to the tone of her voice.
Joker adjusts the grip on his gun. “You know these other assholes, Crow?”
Graham Crow? He is Graham Crow? Of course he is. How’d I not put two and two together?
“I know her.” Crow states, glancing around the room until his dark eyes settle on me. “Him too.”
“Who the hell are they?”
“They were in the tunnels with me. They’re the ones who killed a handful of Skull’s men and escaped. They’re the reason he flooded the tunnels, killing just about everyone in them.” He beams widely as he adjusts his leather vest. “Good to see you.”
I swallow hard and nod. How many people were down there? I can’t remember. Still, the news of their death is another bucket of concrete on my shoulders. Their death is my fault.
Emily clears her throat. “Y-you mind helping us out?”
“Sure, once you tell us why you’re liaising with the man that killed my nephew.”
Jesus. I scowl at Joel. What else has he done that he’s failed to mention?
“Your nephew pulled a gun on me. I had no choice.” Joel’s attention flicks back to Joker. “Do you want your city back or not? Tomorrow night. All you gotta do is hear me out.”
Joker grinds his teeth, the thick muscles in his jaw clenching tightly. His knuckles are white, his fingers fighting the urge to pull the trigger. In my own hands, the gun is wet—slick with the efforts of my muscles as they fight the desire to shoot Joker in the head.
I can do it.
One squeeze. That’s all it will take.
“New York. You can guarantee me New York?”
Joel nods, moving the shotgun with his head. “I’ll deliver the city to you on a silver platter.”
Silence falls and it’s deafening. This is it. Decision time. We’re either going to die right here, right now, or we’ll live. To be honest...I don’t know which is worse.
Ten
****
Inhale
Emily
I can’t breathe. In my grasp, the vinyl on the stool is damp from the fearful sweat leaking from my palms. Joker is scary. A forty-something year old monster in leathers. He smells like whiskey and weed all mixed in with pussy and gun powder.
Jai has the same look on his face as Huss and Ted do. They’re pissed. They feel betrayed and why wouldn’t they? Joel lied to us. He brought us to this hell hole. He claimed it’s a place Skull and his people wouldn’t see us. Yeah, no shit. It’s because we’re hiding in the house of Skull’s enemy. Joel has balls, I’ll give him that, but he has risked all our lives without asking and that’s never okay.
My heart pounds like nothing else as my stare flicks between the gun pressed into Joel’s head, less than a feet away from me, and Jai—who is on the other side of the room with a gun in his hand and an unconscious man at his feet. I estimate twenty guns pointed in his direction and it makes me sick.
One slip.
All it takes is one little slip and he’s gone…and I haven’t even told him how I feel about him.
Joker lowers his gun, leaving an angry red circle in the middle of Joel’s forehead.
“Let’s talk.” He states, resting the gun against his shoulder as he turns around and walks the length of the bar with Joel on his heel.
No one moves. We wait, silently, until Joker and Joel disappear into the back room. Then, and only then, does my body allow me to empty my lungs and inhale fresh air.
“Lower your guns.” Pops—a.k.a Crow—orders, crossing the room to Jai and Ted. “It’s over.”
I release the stool and glance at my damp hands. They shake—vibrating like an airport runway. I don’t know how long I glance at my hands or why I’m feeling so numb. My stomach churns with emptiness and any lingering effects from the alcohol I’ve ingested tonight are gone. Scared sober. I guess it really is possible.
“How are you doing, kid?” I jolt, snapping my head up.
Crow stuffs his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. I survey his vest. The leather work is impeccable and the detail of the pale orange raging bull sewn into the breast of it is amazing.
“The usual…cheating death.” I chuckle nervously, rubbing my opposite elbow with my hand.
He smiles, his thin lips pulling up at the corners, and it’s friendly. “It’s good to see you.”
I offer him a fake smile. Is it though? I mean, he was going to let Joker kill us.
“You too.”
“You thirsty?” Crow moves close to the bar and rests his elbows on the scratched wood. “Lip! Two beers.”
I glance down the length of the bar and the man behind it, the one he called Lip, gives him a thumbs up. Huss catches my eye then as he lifts his glass of water to his mouth. His hands shake, like mine, and as he drinks, rogue drops of water spill down his chin and drip onto the bar. I’m glad I’m not the only one who was spooked by what just happened.
“Actually, I’m going to go get some air.” I fan my face as a boiling blast of nervous heat overcomes me. “If that’s okay?”
Crow nods. “Sure thing, love. Your beer will be here when you get back.”
Irrational tears well up in my eyes as the numbness in my chest fades. I will not cry here. I will not cry in front of all these people. I whirl around on my heel and march for the door. I grip the metal handle in the palm of my hand and pull the door open. A gust of cold air slams into me, drying my tears before they have the chance to fall. I close my eyes and inhale. The air feels like xylitol into my lungs, fresh and cold. I like to think I have grown strong through everything I’ve suffered through so far, but I haven't. I’ve grown so used to relaxing around the lake house that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in a violent situation. It’s absolutely terrifying.
I hate that I’m so weak. Jai was able to handle his situation and Joel didn’t flinch as a loaded shotgun was pressed to his head—even Huss and Ted were able to stand strong. I saw the way they looked at me when it was happening—Joel, Huss, Ted, and Jai. Their concern was plain on their faces whenever their eyes met mine. They felt sorry for me...because I’m a girl. Because I’m not strong like them. It's not like it's unwarranted. I mean, I barely know how to use a gun and I sure as hell can’t fight off someone bigger and heavier than me. I don’t even know why I’m thinking this. I guess...I just wish I could be more like them. I wouldn’t be left behind to wait in the dark while they get shit done if I was more like them. I’ve said it before, when do I become not worth the trouble? When do I become the baggage they don’t want to carry anymore?
“Hey.”
"Oh!" I gasp, startling foreward.
Jai catches me, pressing the palm of his hand against my tummy as my thighs touch the wooden railing that sections off the five stair drop to the ground. With a firm squeeze, he pulls me back against his body where it's safe.
Where it's warm.
I was so consumed by my own pathetic thoughts I didn’t realize I had walked onto the porch. I didn't hear Jai sneak up behind me either.
I fall back against him, absorbing all of the warmth his body exudes. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he holds me tightly and lowers his head to my shoulder. I sigh as he plants a kiss on the nape of my neck. And another.
And another.
Each press of his lips sends a delightful shiver down my spine and branches out, following each vein to the tip of every limb.
“Are you all right?” He asks, his lips delicately brushing my skin.
“Yes.” I say, cringing at my lie. “It’s a little hot in there, that’s all.”
Jai gives me a little squeeze. He doesn’t believe me, but at least he doesn’t make me tell him the truth.
Being pathetic in my own head is one thing. Saying it out loud is another thing entirely.
“Can we go home?” He whispers, gifting me with another kiss.
Home.
It sounds so nice. I’ve never really had a home—or at least I haven’t had a home that feels like the lake house does.
The lake house is our home for one more night, at least.
A heavy cloud lingers over me, dispersing it's sadness onto me with a torrential downpour. I’m not ready for this to be finished. I’m not ready to lose my only home.
I nod. “Let’s go.”
****
“Joel’s finished?” Ted asks as he crosses the parking lot with Huss in tow.
Rocks crunch and grind together underneath their boots, taking over the sounds of nature.
“No.” Jai states, lifting the car keys chest high.
With a click of the button, the car’s indicators flash and the doors click.
“He can walk back.”
Ted and Huss march behind Jai who stormed inside to retrieve them in case things take a turn for the worst...again. Even though they’re here on Joel’s invite, Jai feels responsible for them. We’ve already established that both Huss and Ted are grown men who are capable of making their own decisions, but Jai doesn’t see it like that. He wants to look after them and make sure they're safe. He can’t bear to shoulder a heavier conscience so he carries all of the responsibility and refuses to share it.
Typical Jai.
“Maybe we should wait a little while longer for Joel...I don’t think he should walk alone.” I say as the men come to a stop in front of me.
“No.” Jai gives me a dark look as he reaches around me and opens the passenger door to the front seat. “Get in.”
I scowl at him, keeping my feet planted where I stand.
“She has a point.” Ted interjects. “Walking back isn’t safe for him.”
“Need I remind you he brought us here on our last night under false pretenses? We had guns pointed in our faces. We had threats made against us—insults hurled at us and you want to wait for him because you’re concerned for his safety?” Jai shakes his head. “I’m tired, I’m angry and I want to go home. Now, you can either come with me or accompany Joel’s ungrateful ass on the walk home.”
I open my mouth and Jai lifts a finger to silence me. His black eyes terrifying through their aggressive slits. “You don’t get a choice. You’re coming with me regardless.”
Sighing, I climb into the car. Leaving Joel to walk on his own isn’t a good idea and I know it’s one Jai will regret for the rest of his life if something happens. He knows it. We all know it. Sadly, he hasn't left it up for discussion. Jai has made his choice and once he makes his choice, there’s nothing anyone can do.
“Well, I sure as shit ain’t walking.” Huss announces, limping toward the back door. “Dragging my ass out here and for what? Screw him.”
Ted steps closer to Jai. Shadows settle in the hollows of his face, his lips turning down as he angles his head to the side. “Jai...give him another ten minutes. Ten. That’s all.”
Jai pushes my door and it slams shut. Thankfully, Huss still has his open so I can hear every word. Not that it matters. As soon as I strain my ears to listen, Huss engages me in conversation.
“These brothers...” Huss groans over the click of his seat belt. “They have a death wish.”
I twist in my seat, glancing over its shoulder. “And yet you’re still here. Why is that?”
He hesitates—not obviously—but I see the slight twitch of his bottom lip and the words that lodge themselves in his throat for the briefest second. “Because I’ve got nothing better to do.”
My brows furrow. Nothing better to do? Risking your life is better than having nothing else to do? At least he has a choice. I, on the other hand, don’t. This is my life at the moment. I can’t opt out, despite how desperately I wish I could sometimes.
Huss clears his throat as I straighten in my seat.
“How fortunate for you.” I mutter, folding my arms tightly across my chest.
He simpers. "Where are you going to be tomorrow night? Locked up in that big old house by yourself?"
"If Jai has it his way, yes."
I turn my attention out the window as Ted drags his hands down his face. “All right. I knew, okay?”
His voice is muffled, but I hear it.
Uh-oh.
I shift forward, leaning closer to the glass, desperate to clarify what I just heard. Ted knew? Ted knew about tonight? How could he not tell us?
Jai inches closer, his hands squeezed into fists at his side. “What’d you say?”
Ted lowers his head, his proud shoulders slumping forward. “I knew about tonight. I knew he was going to come here and recruit Joker’s men for the job tomorrow.”
Jai whips around, his large frame tense and tight, and takes three aggressive steps before turning and storming right back to Ted.
“You knew? You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Jai demands, his voice well above the acceptable level for this kind of conversation this time of night.
“I’m sorry, man. He told me not to tell you. He knew you wouldn’t be down for it.”
“We could have been killed!”
“But we weren’t.”
My forehead presses against the glass.
“That remains to be seen. Do you forget who these people are?”
“I know who they are.”
“Obviously you have no fucking clue.”
“Joel knows what he’s doing. We use the bikers as a distraction and then we go in and get the girl.”
Jai shakes his head. “You should have told me.”
He turns his back.
“Jai. C’mon, man. Don’t do this.” Ted curves his hands around his mouth to help project his voice as Jai rounds the front of the car.
“Jai! It’s a two hour walk.”
Jai snatches his door open, drops himself into the car, and slams the door shut. Huss and I remain silent, not daring to add to the hurricane of anger swirling around him. Without a word, he shoves the key into the ignition and turns the car on. Swallowing my panic, I reach for my seat belt and quickly pull it around me as he reverses. It clicks into place as Jai slams the car into drive and drops his foot against the accelerator. The tires spin the gravel, the sound loud and hoarse even from inside the car. Instinctively, my hands fly to my seat and I clench it as we zoom through the parking lot and out onto the road, leaving Joel and Ted behind.
Eleven
****
Firsts
Jai
The garage door rolls to a close behind us. I twist the key in the ignition, shutting down the car, and drop my head against the steering wheel with a heavy sigh. I feel like shit—I feel worse than shit. I’ve gone to extreme lengths to save Joel. I’ve built my adult life around him…only to abandon him. Was it foolish of me to believe he’d be the same person I grew up with? Surely I had to know things would be different…
Emily and Huss simultaneously unclip their seat belts, but Emily stays put as Huss opens his door and slams it shut behind him, leaving Emily and I alone.
Good.
I want to be with her. Alone.
I lift my head and watch as Huss accesses the house through the white door in the far left corner of the garage and disappears. I watched him on and off on the car ride home. He’ll never admit it, but he’s shaken up. The way he'd grind his teeth and swallow harshly...nervousness is hitting him hard. I'm nervous too. We're doing this thing tomorrow and we still don't know the fucking plan.
“It was never supposed to be this complicated.” I sigh, falling back against my seat.
I look at Emily and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the glow of sympathy in her eyes, mixed with harsh judgement and something else—something intense.
“Do you think I’ve made a mistake?”
“Making them walk?”
I nod.
“No.” She utters,
avoiding my eyes.
She’s lying, but I’m thankful for it. I don’t think I can stomach her disappointment on top of my own.
“I think your decision was justified.”
Justified? Hardly. I shift my hands to the base of the steering wheel and pick at a swallow crack in the leather.
“If you were me...would you have left them?”
Emily lifts her eyes to mine. “No.”
“Why?”
“Because I wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt if something happened to them.”
I close my eyes. If something happens to them...what have I done? No. I will not guilt myself into going back for them. Yes, the possibility of something happening to them is higher than I’d like...but they left me with no choice.
“I can’t go back for them.” I slam my palms against the steering wheel. “They need to know who’s in charge here. I run the goddamn show—not Ted, not Joel—me.”
She reaches out with her slender hand and glides her palm up my bicep. “I know.”
The look of terror on her face when Joker had his gun in Joel's face plays in my head over and over. I couldn’t defend her or protect her. I was fucking useless and I never want to be in that position again. I need her too much.
“All of those bikers...all of those guns...I couldn’t do anything. If only I had known, I would have left you here.”
“But you didn’t know and we’re home safe and sound so don’t dwell on it, Jai. You’ll only make yourself sick.”
Our eyes lock and a million and one emotions vibrate through me. Tomorrow is the end in one way or another. Either I make it back alive, freeing me to spend the rest of my life trying to woo Kitten into loving me, or I won’t make it back at all. The thought of her on her own, scraping by to make ends meet, or snatched from her bed my Skull...I can't. Panic swirls, growing in mass by the second. What about the shit the old man said about her? What if he can “feel” her future like he claims? If she’s in unbearable pain and Joel is somehow involved...maybe Monique and I die, leaving Joel and Kitten to keep each other company.
Sharp points of jealousy stab my stomach and fuel my panic.