Despair
Kaitlin
Days turned into weeks, with still no word from Logan or his family. If it weren't for the constant ache in my heart, I would've believed it all to be a dream. His promise to come back was becoming a whisper, written in the sky, and vanishing with the wind.
I need you to come back, Logan. I whispered, standing in the open pasture with my eyes closed and chin lifted to the warmth of the setting sun.
My heart sank every day as I watched the sun drift behind the mountains ushering in the night sky. I didn't know how much more I could take, but what was happening in our small town could be the reason Logan had not kept his promise and made his way back to me.
In a matter of weeks, the small town I'd grown up in was in shambles; tents lined the streets, and were filled with the sick and dying. Momma wasn't a nurse but the town was in such need that she volunteered her time as often as she could, and daddy was helping bury the dead. No one knew the cause of the sudden epidemic, but its wrath spread like wildfire. Whole families were coming down with the sickness and fear was running rampant... no one seemed to be immune.
Momma fell ill first and then, like dominos, Emma and Anna followed suite. Dad and I were doing everything possible to nurse them back to health. He begged Doc to stop by the house one afternoon to look in on them.
Doc agreed and true to his word, he came that same evening.
"They're up stairs," Dad said, twisting his hat in his hands. "Please go on up and take a look at them. I'll - I'll just wait down here." He began to pace. "Kaitlin, you go on and take Doc up."
"Yes sir."
Once we were up stairs, I exhaled. "I'm sorry, Doc. My dad is not himself," I paused and faced him. "We've just been so worried about them."
His eyes darkened and locked on mine. "Kaitlin, this is a very serious illness. You do understand that, don't you?"
"Yes sir." I whispered, frowning in confusion.
"Good," he sighed. "There isn't much I can do for them here, so just make them as comfortable as possible, and if they get any worse, bring them into town. Ya hear?"
"Yes. Yes sir." I nodded. With that, he took a quick look at my Momma and my sisters before heading back to town.
Another week passed with no positive change in momma or my sister's condition. I wasn't sure how much more dad and I could take of this. We were both losing sleep trying to keep what was left of our livestock and tending to the needs of Momma and the girls. I looked around the empty kitchen: the usually full cupboards were sparse and dirty dishes lined the counter top.
I hadn't realized how much my sisters helped around the farm, until now. I missed them so much it hurt.
Watching Momma, Emma and Anna lay helplessly in bed was breaking my heart. I pulled my hair back in to a braid, slipped on my apron and filled the sink with water and began to wash some bowls.
"Kaitlin!" Daddy called out.
My heart skipped a beat. "Yes sir?"
"I need you to go look after your momma and sisters. I… I–"
I stopped sloshing the dish water around in the sink and glanced over my shoulder at him.
He was holding his hat in his hand with his eyes closed. "Daddy?"
He looked over at me with blank eyes and scanned the small kitchen where dishes sat piled up. I glanced around at the pots, pans and Momma's favorite plates. The mold beginning to grow on them told just how long they'd been sittin' around.
"Daddy, I'm sorry. I'm tryin–"
He shook his head. "If you would've married that boy, he'd'a been here helpin' us instead of stuck down south… and maybe," he paused. "Maybe I wouldn't be losing everything!"
"Daddy, please don't say that. We're gonna be fine…" I took a deep breath and tried to sound brave. "And you still have me…"
He shoved his hat on his head and strode to the screen door. "I'll be out in the pasture workin.' Come get me if there are any changes." His tone was hard and ice-cold.
"Yes sir." I managed to reply through the tears. I buried face in my wet, soapy hands when the door slapped shut behind him. "Daddy I'm sorry I've disappointed you." I whispered.
I made my way down the hall toward momma's room.
My thoughts raced with the knowledge of how many in our small town had lost their battle with this virus. I rubbed my hand over the ache in my heart.
Where are you Logan? You promised me you would come back. I need you. I whispered.
Panic suddenly gripped my heart. What if he's out there somewhere sick, or worse… How would I know? I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to steady my weak legs. He's strong and healthy he will come back, I reassured myself.
I gently pushed momma's bedroom door open and tiptoed across the room grabbing the bowl of water and a cloth. I sat down on the edge of the bed next to momma and leaned over to wipe her pale face with the damp cloth.
"I need you to get better, Momma." I whispered.
Her eyes snapped open. "Kaitlin?" she gurgled.
"I'm here. Please don't try 'n talk."
She moaned and reached for my hand that was wiping her cheek.
"What is it momma? Do you want me to stop?" A tear slid down her cheek and she tried to smile up at me. "Oh momma," I swallowed hard. "I need you to get better… I don't know what I'm doing."
She squeezed my hand three times – something she'd been doing ever since I could remember. Tears sprang to my eyes and I pushed them away with the back of my free hand.
"I love you too!" I whispered.
She lifted her shaky arm and pointed to the small wooden desk in the corner of the room.
"What is it? Do you want to write something?"
She shook her head and closed her eyes releasing more tears.
I bent down and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry, Momma. I don't know what you want… Please 'don't cry."
"The…letter," her voice was winded and barely noticeable. "Read… it…"
My eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Momma?"
She turned her head and I followed her line of sight, hurrying over to the desk. I opened the top drawer and pulled out a tattered envelope. I flipped it over and studied it, only to turn it again and again. I looked back to where momma was laying in her bed. Watching me she looked so helpless. Her honey colored hair was down and matted around her ashen face. In a matter of weeks she'd become a shell of herself.
"Momma, is this the letter you want me to read?"
She nodded then scrunched her face and began moaning and fisting the white cotton sheets in her hands. I dropped the envelope on the desk and rushed back to her side.
"Momma!" I grabbed her hand and pulled it close to my heart.
Her eyes rolled back in her head and her chest heaved trying to fill her lungs with air.
"Momma? Momma - what's wrong? How can I help you?" She could only answer in more gasping breaths. I released her hand and jumped up in a full sprint to the screen door. Daddy was across the pasture reattaching a fence post that one of the bulls had knocked down earlier in the week.
"Daddy… Daddy! Come quick, it's momma!" I yelled.
He looked up and dropped the post he was holding and hurried up toward the house. I spun around and ran back to Momma's room.
I could hear daddy's boots slapping the hardwood floors as he sprinted to the room. "Kaitlin? Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
"It's Momma! She can't breathe!" I cried
Hold on Beth, baby I'm going to get you help!
He scooped her into his arms and was out the door. "Where are you taking her?" I yelled, running after him.
"To town, now go get your sisters ready; I'll be up to get them!"
"But Dad - they're too sick to travel."
He stopped and turned on his heals to face me. "Do as I say! They aren't going to make it if we don't get them to Doc."
With that, he turned and the screen door slammed behind him.
♦~♦~♦~♦
The streets were lined with tents and people scurrying in and out of th
em. Daddy made his way through the crowd and into the tent Doc was stationed at. I followed him as close as I could.
"Doc!" he called out with Momma draped in his arms.
Doc turned to face him. "Tom," he said lowering his gaze to rest on momma's lifeless body. "Nurse get a cot ready for this man's wife!"
"My two girls are in need of cots also," dad called frantically to the nurse.
The nurse nodded and quickly darted away.
"Come on then, Tom."
We made our way to the east end of the tent as fast as we could.
"Let's get Beth on a cot so I can take a look at her." Doc said, turning to face me. "Kaitlin take these two men with you to get your sisters," Doc turned to the two men in uniform. "Bring them to the far end of the tent." He instructed.
I nodded. "Yes sir!"
♦~♦~♦~♦
I slipped my hand into Daddy's as we stood watching Doc hover over Momma. Emma and Anna were lying on the cot beside her.
"Daddy, can I please get you something to eat? You haven't had anything all day."
"I'm fine, sweetheart," he answered, squeezing my hand tight in his.
Doc glanced over at us narrowing his grey eyes. "Miss Williamson, I have a canteen full of soup over on the table." He said. "Why don't you go get you and your father some?"
Daddy looked down at me and rubbed his thumb under my eye. "I'm fine but you run along and get something." He tugged on the sleeve of the blue dress I was wearing. "I know your Momma made this for ya only a few weeks back, but it already looks two sizes too big, honey."
"Daddy please don't worry about me. I'm fine." I tried to reassure him.
"I'd still feel better if you'd go eat something maybe get a few pounds back on ya."
Now wasn't the time to argue with him. He needed to eat just as much, if not more, than I did.
"Yes sir," I reluctantly agreed, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "I'll bring you some back." I smiled into his tired, worried eyes. "I love you, Daddy." His smile in reply didn't quite meet his eyes.
I hurried over and filled a small metal cup with broth from the canteen. I took the first hot sip and let it slide down my parched throat into my aching stomach. When I glanced over toward them Doc's hand was on daddy shoulder, his mouth moving fast. Daddy shoulders slumped. He removed his hat and held it with both hands, leaving a ring around his red hair.
What was he saying? I wondered.
I set the cup down and took a step toward them.
Suddenly, my vision blurred and the room stared to spin.
Doc's grey eyes locked on mine as I reached for the table next to me to steady myself,
just before my legs collapsed under me.
"Kaitlin – Kaitlin, can you hear me?"
I struggled to open my eyes and answer daddy's fading voice.
Arrival
Logan
It was dusk when I reached the edge of the Williamson's farm. I stood in the cover of the dogwood trees and watched hoping to see my beautiful Lenny walking Scout to the barn. The crisp fall air was almost too much for my sweatshirt to handle; or maybe it was not knowing how Kaitlin would react to seeing me after being gone for so long.
There was no movement in the pastures or the barn. My worst fear crept up in my subconscious.
I swallowed, praying I didn't cut it too close and hurried up to the front door. I'd brought enough medicine to keep us healthy. I knocked on the front door and waited, praying she would answer, but the sinking feeling was becoming over whelming. I sprinted off the front porch and headed to the backside of the house, to the kitchen door, where Mrs. Williamson was sure to be frying something up at this hour.
I knocked again. No response, I mumbled to myself.
I peeked through the kitchen window and saw dishes piled up with rotting food and covered in flies. Yanking the door open, a pungent odor that filled the house had me pulling my shirt up over my nose. I ran through the antebellum farm house calling for her, taking two steps at a time to her room.
Her bed was unmade with clothes on the floor.
I searched for the two items I hoped she'd never leave behind. They were exactly where we'd left them. I stuffed them in my duffle bag and ran to check