Kaitlin
Grey clouds rolled in from the northern mountain range, dumping snow in the valley faster than dad and I could shovel a clear path to the barn. Bein' that it was already spring, this storm was somethin' no one in our small town was ready for. As much as my father and I tried, we just couldn't get ahead of the swiftly falling snow. With no sons and my two younger sisters' bein as girly as they come, I'd been the only one willing to help my father ever since my uncle and his boys sold their neighboring farm, and moved a few counties over. I knew how much daddy missed them, and how much he depended on their help, but his pride wouldn't allow him to grumble. Daddy had lost part of his leg in the war, which made getting around harder for him than most.
I didn't mind helping him, and it wasn't just because over the last seventeen years I'd only made one friend, Billy… which was only because he liked to play with my cousins and I was their shadow.
I was ten when I realized there was something different about me. All the girls assembled just outside the little white church to make baskets to sell at the annual spring festival. That was the day I first heard the whispers about my fathers' sins.
The sun was high in the sky shining down rays of warmth.
Mrs. Zula was in charge of pairing the girls together to gather all the items needed to fill each basket. She'd been my Sunday school teacher since I could remember. She always wore her white hair in a bun at the nape of her neck, and never attempted to smile at me like she did the other girls. I stood next to her, twirling in my blue dress with my braid thumping against my back; I couldn't wait to be paired with someone, but deep down I knew this year would be no different from the others. She glanced down at me a few times with her lips in a tight line. I watched as she paired my younger sisters with the last two girls. I smiled at them as they bounced off with their new friends.
Mrs. Zula rested her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Kaitlin, but you'll have to make one on your own again this year."
I looked up at her with tears swimming in my eyes. "Yes ma'am."
She shook her head.
"It's a pity what your father did," she mumbled, walking away and leaving me standing alone outside the church.
By the age of seventeen I was used to being alone, but I tried hard to believe momma when she told me the kids were just jealous of me and that I hadn't done anything to deserve being shunned… and that they would come around.
I wanted so badly to believe her, but it hadn't happened yet.
"Kaitlin, you've got that look on your face again. Now don't go lettin' you're thoughts run away with you again." Daddy scolded.
I frowned. "Sorry, Daddy."
"Why don't ya go on inside with your momma and sisters. I'm sure they could use your help in the kitchen, and the last thing I want is for you to catch your death out here tryin' 'ta help me." I frowned at his words. It wasn't that I didn't want to help momma, or that I didn't love to cook, I just loved being outdoors… even if it meant being in freezing temperatures.
"Daddy look at me!" I tugged at the belt synched around my waist. "Momma wouldn't let me out the door without putting on five layers. I can hardly move," I shrugged. "I think it would still be safe to take off three layers."
He frowned down at me. "Your momma's a smart woman, so you'll keep them all on… or you could just go on in if they're making you that uncomfortable." I eyed him and jetted my bottom lip out.
"Daddy, I'm not leaving you to do this alone!" He shook his head and continued to fill his shovel until it was overflowing with a mix of dirt and snow. "Besides – I know we can't afford to lose any more cattle."
His head snapped up and he stopped mid shovel. "I don't want you concerning yourself with that." His hazel eyes were stern and full of warning. The loss of cattle was something I wasn't to mention to my mother.
"Yes, sir." I mumbled, trudging through the snow and starting to clear another section along the fence line that led to the barn. We worked silently, with just the sounds of our shovels biting into the mounting snow.
I heard Lightning's hooves crunching into the snow before I could see the horse and rider trotting up. I narrowed my eyes trying to make out the dark shadow in the midst of a blanket of white.
"Billy, is that you?" I shouted.
He beamed a mile wide grin and tipped his hat up. "Yes ma'am! It's me!"
"What are you doin' out in this storm?"
He looked up toward the heavens, lifted his hand palm up and grinned. Snowflakes gathered in his palm. "I thought your dad could use some help gettin' your cattle rounded up, you know, with this storm comin' up on us so fast 'n all."
"What about your family's farm?" I asked, looking up at him. His family owned more cattle than anyone in several counties and his father would be less than pleased to know he was spending time with me.
He swung his leg over and jumped off his horse next to me. "My dad and brothers can handle it." He arched a brow over mischievous hazel eyes. "When have I ever missed a chance to play in the snow with you, Kaitlin?" He whispered with a wink.
I snickered and reached for lightning's reins. "Charming," I teased and pushed my shovel into his gloved hands. "Have fun playin' in the snow! I'll go tie him up in the barn." I called over my shoulder knowing he was wearing his mile wide smile.
"It's mighty kind of ya to come out all this way, Billy." Dad said, walking up and taking a break from shoveling. "And, now that you're here, maybe that stubborn daughter of mine will go in the house like I asked her to do ages ago!"
"I couldn't leave you out here all alone, daddy." I said hurrying back.
He grunted. "Billy's here now. You can go on in and get warmed up." He turned his attention to Billy. "If you don't mind clearing a path to that gate, I'd appreciate it."
"But daddy, it'll go a lot faster with the three of us!"
"No, Kaitlin… I want you to go on inside."
My eyes rested on Billy. He shrugged, then headed toward the gate.
"Yes sir, I'm goin'…" I agreed, hunching my shoulders in defeat. I looked at Daddy with one last attempt to keep from going into the stuffy house. "Will you come get me if you need help?"
"We won't, honey. Now go on inside." He motioned with his hand.
I trudged back through the knee deep snow toward where Billy stood. He reached out and caught my hand in his, intertwining our fingers… something he'd only done once before, a few months back, when he tried to kiss me. At least that's what I thought he was going to do; but when he laughed, I realized I had misunderstood his intentions and I knew my usually pale cheeks were bright red.
"Kaitlin?"
I slipped my hand free of his and looked up at him.
"Don't be mad at me," he pleaded. "I know how much you like helping your dad, but I just wanted to lend a hand. I didn't know he would send you in just because I showed up."
I rolled my eyes and sighed. A knowing smile spread across Billy's face. Having been best friends since before I could remember, it was easy to recognize what that smile meant: he'd won. He knew I could never stay mad at him.
He leaned in and I could feel the warmth of his breath against my ear. "That's my girl," he paused. "You're gonna make a great wife one day."
I stepped back and studied him with narrowed eyes.
The smile on his face disappeared and was replaced by a frown.
"Why would you say that to me, Billy?"
He shrugged and continued to shovel.
I stood there waiting for him to say more, and when he didn't, I turned and made my way back toward the house.
Billy knew better than anyone that the boys in our small town weren't allowed to court me – much less marry me – yet that was the second time in less than a week he had whispered it to me.
Marriage seemed to be on his mind a lot lately and I couldn't help but to wonder if I was about to lose my best friend to one of the girls he'd courted recently. A month before, while he was in-between prospects, we snuck up to the caverns to explore them… something my fath
er had forbidden me to do. But Billy seemed sad and I wanted to cheer him up, so I agreed to go.
I'd missed spending time with him, something that seemed to stop every time he found a new prospective wife. I didn't resent him for it because I now knew why I'd been treated differently by everyone in our town.
A week after my sixteenth birthday my parents led me to my favorite place outside. My father motioned for me to sit down at the little table that rested next to our spring feed lake. He looked out over the lake with his back to me as I sat down across from momma. I tried to focus on the birds that were dancing happily across the clear sky, not on the ache in my heart.
"Kaitlin" my father said as he turned around.
I made myself look over at him, sure he was going to tell me that this too would pass. But I was tired, and my heart was broken from years of loneliness; sure that my best friend had chosen to spend the day with Sue instead of with me, it hurt. He'd promised to always be there and I believed him.
It wasn't that I didn't want him to court anyone, or wished he was mine. He was just the only friend I'd ever had and it was my birthday… he knew how much having him over meant to me.
He'd come over the next day and told me he was sorry for not showing up. He explained that his father made him work with his brother all that day. I knew why: Billy's father wasn't happy about our friendship either. Billy had hidden it from him, often telling his father he was over at my cousin's farm playing when we were kids. But when his father showed up one day unexpected and he wasn't there, Billy couldn't sit for a week.
Since then he'd gone against his father's wishes and remained my friend, but nothing could have prepared my heart for what I was about to learn when my parents asked me to take a walk to the lake with them.
It was just the three of us.
They smiled at me and began to tell me about the day they were given the honor of raising me. I smiled having heard the story a thousand times. My mother glanced over at my father then back at me with tears swimming in her maple eyes.
"What's wrong, Momma?"
My father cleared his throat.
It was then that he began to tell me that my mother had not given birth to me. My chest tightened with the meaning of his words. I looked between the two of them waiting – praying – that I'd just misunderstood. I reached for my mother's hand and covered it with mine.
This was the secret that was whispered whenever I walked into a room. My father had betrayed my mother. He'd had a baby with another woman… and I was that baby.
My eyes shot to my father's, full of hurt and disappointment.
I refused believe it was true.
"Daddy, I heard the whispers… But – but," I looked between the two of them, their love for one another glowing every time they entered the same room. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but I refused to break my eyes from my fathers. "Daddy how could you do this!"
He hit the top of the wooden table with his fist. "I can handle all the rumors, but I can't have my daughter looking at me like this Beth." she looked up at my father silently pleading with him not to say more. He scrubbed his hand over his day old beard. "We shouldn't have kept it from her this long."
Momma's cries broke my heart. She lifted her hand and wiped the tears from my cheeks and her loving eyes begged me to calm down.
I shot up and sat on the other side of the table. I hugged her with my shaking arms. "It's okay, Momma. I love you... You will always be my mother."
I needed to comfort the women who had loved me with an unselfish love, given me a home and called me daughter in spite of my father misgivings.
My father reached over and rested his hand on my shoulder. I stiffened under his touch.
"I'm not your father." He whispered through labored breathing.
Pulling away from my mother, my arms dropped to my side as his words spread through my body numbing everything in its wake. I sat