that day listening to the story of the man who showed up on their doorstep seeking shelter. They had agreed to help him, but when my parents woke up the next morning to a baby crying, my mother jumped out of bed and found me wrapped snugly in a pink blanket. A note was tucked in the folds… so my mother said she knew I was a gift from God.
She had been unable to have a child – at least that's what they'd thought at the time.
She smiled up at me through the steady flow of tears. "This doesn't change anything, Kaitlin. We love you and we are your parents."
I spoke through the tightness in my chest. "You've allowed the rumors about me? Why – why couldn't you just tell everyone I was left on your doorstep like some unwanted dog?
"Because that wouldn't have been the truth."
I twisted and looked up at my father. He'd taken his hat off leaving a ring around his copper hair where it had been. "Yes, you were left on our doorstep, but I can tell you it wasn't by someone who didn't love you. He loved you enough to do the unthinkable to keep you safe."
"How can you say that?" I said, forlornly.
"Because the moment we laid eyes on you and read the letter he left, we were willing to do the same thing." His voice was shaking with emotion I'd never seen from him.
These people, my parents, had chosen to let the town believe my father was something he wasn't, something I wasn't…
What could be worse than what they all already believed? I thought.
When I questioned Daddy he refused to tell me and demanded that I trust they made the right decision. He also made me promise that under no circumstance was I to tell anyone the truth. The problem was I didn't know the truth and now wasn't the time to press them… whatever it was, these two people next to me had loved me enough to endure a life of shame. The three of us sat at the picnic table in silence for what seemed like eternity.
My mother ran her hand down the length of my hair. "You have the same blue eyes and dark hair as your father."
I huffed at the word father and looked up. "My father has hazel eyes."
His lip tugged up on one side and he kissed the top of my head. "That's my Lenny."
I haven't brought up that day since ... not because I didn't want answers, but because I could see the sadness it caused my parents. And since they had already sacrificed so much for me, I didn't want to cause them anymore agony.
♦~♦~♦~♦
Momma and I were in the kitchen finishing up the last of our lunch dishes when we heard the creak from the front door. I thought it was the wind blowin' it open again, but before I was able to run and check it, Daddy's deep laugh bellowed through the house.
"Beth, have one of the girls go to our room and fetch some dry clothes for Billy." he called out while stomping the snow off his boots.
I dried my hands on my apron before untying it and pulling it over my head. I placed it on a hook in the kitchen. I was the first one to round the corner into the living room where they were standing wet and red-faced. Daddy and Billy were laughing and smiling from ear to ear.
"What are y'all so happy about?" I questioned stepping into the warmth of the living room.
Daddy smiled over at me then slapped Billy's back. "What a blessed day this has turned out to be, Kaitlin!"
I frowned, not understanding what made this day a blessed day; especially considerin' how many cattle we lost over the last few days… and now we had lots'a snow to handle.
Daddy pulled off his thick black coat and hung it in the closet next to the front door. "Kaitlin, would you go get this fine young man some dry clothes."
Before I could answer Emma and Anna rushed in. "Hi, Billy" Anna sang, holding one of daddy's shirts and a pair of trousers in her hands.
"Daddy I wasn't sure if these trousers would fit Billy, so I brought him one of your belts, too." Emma beamed then leaned over and whispered to Anna. "I bet Billy could fit in one of daddy's pant legs."
Dad laughed at Emma's attempt at whispering. "Emma, if your Momma's cookin' wasn't so darn good, I might lose a little of this weight I've put on." He rubbed the round of his mid-section. "But mark my words: when a man gets himself a good wife, he's bound to put on a few pounds," he changed his attention to Billy and that ear-to-ear grin spread across his face again. "Billy will find that out soon enough!"
I looked over at Billy and his red, frostbitten checks, had quickly turned sheet white. My heart sank at the meaning of my father's words.
"Mr. Williamson," he said white eyed, "if you will excuse me, I'm gonna go get changed into these here clothes." He reached for the clothes Anna was holding. My sister's caramel eyes clouded as she smiled up at him.
"Alright, son, go ahead you know your way around this house." Billy nodded then hurried out of the room like a trapped 'coon racin' to get outta' its cage. Daddy was already sitting in his favorite chair reading the local newspaper.
When Billy finally made his way back to the living room I noticed some of the color in his cheeks had returned. His straw-colored hair was slicked back and he'd changed into the white shirt and tan trousers my sisters had given him. His gangly frame was no match for my daddy's clothes and Emma could not contain her snickers.
"Girls!" Dad scolded, ceasing their snickers. "Billy come on in and get yourself warmed up. Kaitlin has a nice hot cup of soup for you."
Billy glanced over at me.
I'd only seen Billy scared once before, and that was when we were in the cavern and he fell into the black water. The look on his face now mirrored that day.
He came and sat down at the little wooden game table next to me and reached for the cup of soup. "Thank ya, Kaitlin."
I studied his face for a moment as he took the first few bites. "Billy what's wrong with you today?"
"What do ya mean?" He asked, avoiding meeting my eyes.
He never was a good liar and something was wrong. I could see it in the way his jaw tightened at the question. "You don't look right..." I said, concerned.
He looked down at his clothes. "Well, they are five sizes too big."
I had to laugh. "No silly, you look frightened. Like that time we were in the caverns."
He lowered his head and took another bite of soup. "I guess I'm never gonna live that down."
"No sir, not'a chance – not for as long as we're friends..."
He stared into his soup spinning the spoon in a circular motion then looked up at me through his blonde lashes. "What if we weren't friends anymore, Kaitlin?"
A lump the size of a walnut lodged in my throat. Oh no! I don't want to lose my best friend! I thought.
I stopped breathing and waited for him to tell me we couldn't be friends anymore because he was getting married.
"Billy, would you mind putting a few more logs on the fire?" Momma asked, pulling me out of my tormented thoughts.
"Yes ma'am," he answered and stood awkwardly reaching into the stack of wood next to the fireplace, and placing another log on the fire.
"Well, well the spring festival is next week." Dad announced over his paper.
Momma looked up from the blanket she was stitching. She'd started making them for new moms in our town the spring before last, and was almost finished with her tenth one. She'd even taken the time to die the fabric to match the lavender that was beginning to bloom. Her blankets always turned out beautiful and the women in town lined up to buy them. "Is it already time for that? That's always a fun day, isn't it girls?" She smiled.
Emma glanced up from the game she was playing with Anna. "Momma, can I wear the purple dress you made Kaitlin last year?"
"Not me! I would like a new one." Anna piped in sounding much older than her usual pouty self.
Momma sighed. "I'm not sure I have time to make you a new one, Anna."
Anna's shoulders slumped before she remembered Billy may see her acting like a child. I'm not sure when Anna had taken an interest in Billy, but she obviously had.
"We'll have'ta see if it fits Emma. I think you and your sister have grown three inc
hes since last spring."
That was all Anna needed to hear. "Kaitlin - Kaitlin! Stand up so I can see if I'm taller than you!"
"Anna, you were taller than me last time we checked." I exhaled, watching as my sister tried desperately to get Billy to notice her.
Emma clasped her hands together and stuck out her bottom lip and joined in with her twin. "Please Kaitlin."
"Sure," I gave in. "Anything to make my little sisters happy." I teased, taking my place against the wall.
"We may be younger, but Emma is now five foot six inches… that's two inches taller than you." Anna announced after marking the wall where we'd been keeping track since they could talk.
"My turn – my turn! I wanna see how much taller I am than Kaitlin!" Anna sang.
"Girls, that is enough… don't tease your sister like that!" Dad scolded rustling the paper he was reading.
Billy seemed to be loosening up and smiled. "I think you're perfect just the way you are, Kaitlin, and one day you're going to make a beautiful bri–"
My head snapped up to meet Billy's probing eyes.
What is goin on with him? I frowned with my mouth gaping open.
The clicking from momma's rocking chair hitting the wood floors stopped and silence, once again, engulfed the room. "Well that was a very kind thing for you to say, Billy." Momma beamed.
The uncomfortable change in conversation made me want to be invisible. We all knew marriage wasn't really an option for me. I'd come to accept that I would always be a burden to my parents, so I couldn't understand why Billy was picking at a sore wound – especially in front of my parents.
"If you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go get ready for bed." I said
"Kaitlin, did ya hear what the boy just said?"
I looked from my father to Billy then down at my bare feet. "Yes, Sir"
"Well, mind your manners!"
"It's alright Mr. Williamson. It's time I start home… looks like the snows finally lettin' up."
"Kaitlin!" My father scolded again. Coldness seeped through my veins with a chill that came from my father's use of my name. I kept my eyes focused on the floor, twisting my hands together in front of me. Not once in my life had my father ever used that tone with me.
"Thank ya, Billy." I whispered. Then, excusing myself to my room as quickly as my shaky legs would take me.
As I dashed up the stairs I heard my father sigh. "I'm sorry Billy. I don't know what's gotten into that girl."
"It's alright, Sir. Y'all have a good night."
"You too, Billy! And I just want ya to know how happy I am about your news." Daddy called out.
Billy stopped in the middle of the doorframe and spun around.
"Sir. If you don't mind I'd like to be the first one to tell Kaitlin."
Daddy nodded. "Sure son, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I watched from upstairs as my best friend walked out the door, worried our friendship would never be the same…
♦~♦~♦~♦
A week had passed since I'd laid eyes on, Billy. And, with the spring festival today, I thought for sure he would come by. Every year since I could remember, he'd show up at our door and ask if he could ride to town with us… but this year he was nowhere in sight.
I suppose whatever's going on with him I'll find out soon enough, I thought. But I'm not going to let it ruin my day. I regret not saying thank you to him, he'd always been nothing but kind to me, but I was just so angry with him for bringing up something that was such a painful reminder for me and my parents. I pushed the thoughts away and dressed for the spring festival that was starting in a few short hours, refusing to shed the tears that were beginning to pool in my eyes.
"What a beautiful day to have a festival," Momma said as we made our way down main street. "And oh my, look at all the flowers, Tom!"
Momma's pride in our work shone through her eyes as she looked around at the maze of flowers her daughters had a hand in growing. My sister's and I had worked hard every year in our flower beds, hoping that the planning committee would