“Well, I for one, think it’s great,” says Robinson. “Well done, Jer. Taking the leap again after all you’ve been through. I admire your courage.” He lifts his glass into the air again. “Here’s to new romance and a happy household over here in Brooklyn again.”
Jana and James stare at each other for a few seconds before looking at Robinson. He doesn’t wait for them to join. He just gestures with the glass, winks, and drinks.
I put my silverware down in my bowl. I’ve completely lost my appetite. The pressure in the room is ridiculous, and I’m about one insult away from jumping down someone’s throat. Jeremy is trying really hard here, and his siblings are being dicks. Don’t they realize what he’s been through? Don’t they care that he’s happy again?
“It’s a big step,” Jana says, looking at Jeremy. “You just got back on your feet.”
“Thanks to her,” Jeremy says, gesturing at me with his bread. “She’s my rock.”
“You used to say that about Laura,” James says. He’s speaking through gritted teeth.
“So?” Jeremy’s chin goes up. “You’ve got a problem with that?”
James shrugs. “Don’t you?”
I take my napkin from my lap and stand, placing it by my plate.
“Where are you going?” Jeremy asks, taking my wrist to stop me from leaving.
“I can’t stay and listen to this. I’m sorry.”
“Babe.” He pleads with his eyes. “Please don’t go.”
I clench my teeth together as I war with myself. I can’t abandon him; not when he’s looking at me like that. But neither can I just sit here and let them treat him like this.
I look around the table and take a deep breath.
“Here it comes,” whispers Leah. “Buckle your seatbelts.”
I ignore her and begin to say what I have to say.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“I KNOW THAT JEREMY AND I met just a few weeks ago, and that this isn’t enough time to get to know someone enough to marry him. And I know that he lost his wife less than a year ago, and they were very deeply in love. But I did get to know a lot of things about him, about Laura, about all of you, and about his life, and I can tell you right now that if it weren’t for the love he has for you, none of us would be sitting here sharing this meal today.”
I look around to make sure my words are sinking in. The only people looking at me are the ones who already know this. James and Jana are staring at their plates.
“You don’t know me from Eve. To you, I’m probably just some chick who’s hanging out in your brother’s house. I get that. I don’t mean to jump right in here and announce I’m one of the family. But what I am going to do is insist that you treat Jeremy with the love and respect he deserves.”
Jana looks up sharply at that and James lifts an eyebrow.
“I know he was using drugs and drinking. I know he made you worry. I know he embarrassed you and himself. I know he’s lost most of his friends. But he was in pain after losing the most important person in his life. Great pain. Terrible, unthinkable pain. Imagine what that might feel like, if you even can. He tried for nine months to just forget her, so the pain wouldn’t be so bad, but he recently realized he couldn’t do that. And he also realized that he doesn’t want to do that, which is really great.”
Now James is looking up at me too. Hope burns bright.
“Laura is a permanent part of our lives… of this house, even. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. She loved Jeremy when she was alive, and I truly believe she loves him still, wherever she is. And she wants him to be happy. She wants him to be the father he should be. She wants him to be who he really is, not this angry, lonely imposter who took over his life for almost a year.”
I shrug, out of lecturing words and energy.
“I’m sorry to act like such a bitch on your family dinner night. I just really care about Jeremy, and I want him to be happy. Hopefully that means you all can be happy too, but if not, oh well. He’s my first priority.” I pull my hand from Jeremy’s grasp and try to smile at him. Instead I wince as tears drip out of my sore eyes.
“Here, here!” Leah says, raising James’s wine glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
James pushes her hand down. “No you won’t, you’re pregnant.” He pushes her apple juice over to her.
“I can have a sip!”
“Not on my watch.” He raises the wine glass at his brother. “Here’s to your recovery. May it go as smoothly as Sarah seems to think it can.”
Robinson raises his glass. “I’m on board. I think this is great. Best thing that could have happened.”
Everyone looks at Jana. She gets redder and redder in the face until I think she’s about to explode.
“Say it, Jana,” I encourage her. “Tell him what’s on your mind.” I look at Jeremy and then at her again.
She looks at her brother as her eyes fill with tears. “You want her back, don’t you? Cassie.”
Jeremy nods, crying too. His words tremble in time with his chin. “Yes, I do. She belongs with me. I’m her father.”
Jana lifts her chin. “What if I don’t want to give her back? What if I think she’s better off with me?”
Robinson puts his hand on hers. “Jana…”
“No! Get off!” She shoves him away and stands, tipping her chair back. He catches it before it falls against the wall. “You’ve probably already talked to him about this, haven’t you?!” She looks at Robinson as though she’s been betrayed.
“Yes, I have. You know it’s the right thing to do, Jana. We talked about this when we went to the hearing.”
She gestures at Jeremy. “But look at him! He’s not ready!”
Robinson follows her gesture with his eyes. “He looks great to me. And he’s clean. I can have him prove it with blood tests if that’ll make you feel better.”
“No!” James says, looking at his sister. “We’re not going to do that.”
Jana looks from one brother to the other, tears streaming down her face. She finally settles her gaze on her oldest brother. “What are you saying, James?”
“I’m saying that Cassie belongs with her father when he’s ready, willing, and able to take over his duties.” He switches his gaze over to Robinson. “I’m going to let Robinson tell us when that time is.”
Jana sobs once, but then she turns to Robinson. “He’s not ready. Tell them. He’s only been clean for a little while!”
Robinson shrugs. “He’s clean enough for the court. He’s got his house back, he’s attending meetings, he’s getting back to work.” He gestures at me. “He has support here at home from someone who obviously cares a lot about him.”
Jana turns her glare on me. “You.”
I sit down quietly, trying to meet her eyes if for no other reason than because I respect her and I respect Jeremy. She has every right to hate me right now; I probably would feel the same way if I were in her shoes. And if there has to be a bad guy, I want it to be me, not Jeremy. Not the man I have come to love so much it hurts to imagine being without him.
“This is all your fault,” she says.
“That’s enough,” Jeremy says, getting angry. “This has nothing to do with her.”
Jana turns her hateful gaze on him. “You were fine to stay gone before you met her. Why the sudden interest in your family, huh? Is it something she said? Something she did? What has she promised you?”
Now I’m confused. But Jeremy is really angry. His voice comes out very calm, but I know that expression on his face; it’s very similar to the one he had when he realized I’d dumped all his booze out into the snow.
“You need to check yourself, Jana. Don’t say another word that you’re going to regret.” Jeremy stands, letting his napkin fall to the floor from his lap. “I am going to petition the court to let me have Cassie back, and I really hope you’re going to support me in that. And then she’s going to move back in here and I’m going to be her father. Forever. Not for just a little while… forever. You are not he
r mother. You’re an amazing, selfless, loving aunt, and I will never forget what you did for us when I was too sick and sad to be her father, but that does not change the fact that this is who I am. I am Cassie’s dad. It’s my right to raise her in my home.”
Jana slaps Robinson on the shoulder, startling him. “Don’t ever talk to me again.” She leaves the room without another word.
Everyone looks at James. He sighs and puts his napkin on the table. “That went well.”
Robinson leans towards him. “Talk to her. She can’t block this. It’s not going to work, and she’ll just make everything really bad for Cassie.”
James nods. “I will.” He looks to his brother. “Are you absolutely sure about this?”
Jeremy nods.
“Okay then. I’m behind you all the way.”
I have to tip my head down and hold my face in my hands. All this pressure is making my eyeballs ache and I can’t stop crying.
Jeremy comes up behind me and takes me by the shoulders. “Come on, babe. You need to go to bed. Face down.”
“I hate that thing!” I whine as he leads me away.
“Shhhhh, it’s better for you. You won’t have to use it for much longer, I promise.”
We leave the room, and I fall asleep fully dressed with no idea how everything turned out.
Chapter Forty
JAWS AND I PACE THE living room together as we wait for the car to pull into the driveway. Jeremy is due back from the courthouse at any second. He already texted me to tell me what happened.
She’s coming. Cassie. To live here with us. I’m going to be her mother figure and Jeremy is going to be her father. Finally, he’s going to show her the family she should have had.
Jana isn’t speaking to us, but neither of us blame her for that. During the past two weeks of visitation with Cassie, stumbling our way through a half-celebrated, half-teary-eyed Christmas, we’ve learned how deeply a person can fall in love with a little baby girl whose mother died way too young. She’s already walking, the little skunk. I can’t wait to take her for a walk in the park.
Jaws looks up at me and whines.
“Come here, baby. It’s okay.” I pick him up and stroke his fur, leaning over so I can rest my nose against his back. It makes me remember our first night together. “You’ll always be my first baby, okay? I won’t leave you off to the side. And I’ll make sure Cassie isn’t mean to you.”
A honk out in the driveway alerts me to the fact that my life is about to change completely. I put Jaws down and run to the door.
Jeremy is out in the driveway, opening the sliding door of the new mini-van he bought. I go out into the cold to help him with Cassie’s luggage.
“Get back inside! It’s freezing out here! I can do this!”
“Give her to me,” I say, taking the carseat from his hand. It pulls my arm down way more than I was expecting. “Oh my, you’re heavy.”
Jeremy takes her seat back. “No. You’re not supposed to lift anything heavy. Go back inside.”
I follow right behind him and then hover over her as he unbuckles her just inside the front door.
“Is she okay? Did she cry? Did Jana try to kill you?”
“No, Jana wasn’t there. She said she couldn’t do it. Leah did the hand-off.”
My heart hurts for his sister. “When do you think she’ll come around?” I look up at the man I love with concern.
“I don’t know when, but eventually she will. I know she will.”
He goes back out into the cold, and I stare at Cassie. She stares back, blinking occasionally. Her little hat covers everything but her eyes, nose, mouth, and huge cheeks.
“Do you want to come out of that seat?” I ask, trying not to cry.
She kicks her feet very enthusiastically.
I unbuckle her and gently lift her free. She melds into me, and then I do cry. I’m swaying back and forth with her when Jeremy comes back inside.
“Everything okay?” he asks me, staring at us.
I nod. “Everything’s perfect. Just perfect.”
He smiles, puts her things on the ground, and walks over to us. He kisses us both on the head and then wraps his arms around us.
Cassie looks up, first at him and then at me.
“Happy family,” he says.
“Sure feels like it,” I add.
He leans in and kisses me on the lips. “Wanna marry me?”
I blush. “We have one more thing we have to do first, before I decide.”
“Oh really?” he asks, suddenly very interested. “Is it what I think it is?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Maybe.” I can’t look at him anymore. Instead, I give Cassie an Eskimo kiss, rubbing our noses together.
“We’ll discuss that later,” he says, pinching my butt.
“Ow!” I try to scowl at him. “Stop that!”
I hear a growl and then Jeremy yelps.
“Ouch! Dammit, Jaws! Stop biting me!”
I start laughing and then Cassie joins me. She and I are both cracking up. When Jeremy starts running around the room with the dog chomping at his heels, Cassie gets hysterical.
Jeremy and Jaws stop only for the two seconds it takes them to realize they are her entertainment, and then they go again. Around and around the room they chase one another as Cassie’s peals of laughter bounce off the walls. I swear I can see a ghostly presence in the corner of the room laughing with us.
Chapter Forty-One
CASSIE IS FINALLY ASLEEP. THE energy that we built up waiting for her and then enjoying her first day with us kept her awake well beyond her normal bedtime. I look at my watch. It’s 10:00pm and I still have laundry to do. I wonder if Jeremy is going to try and grab it from me again and insist I’m not allowed to lift dirty clothes.
“What are you doing?” he asks, standing in the entrance to my bedroom.
“Sorting laundry for the wash.”
“You know you’re not supposed to lift heavy things.”
I smile to myself. “Two shirts and a pair of jeans aren’t heavy.”
He’s at my side now. “Still, I don’t mind doing it. We need to be careful while your eyes are healing.”
I look up at him, the glasses finally gone now that my eyeballs aren’t horrible anymore. “You know you can’t keep acting like my servant, right?”
He smiles. “Sure I can.”
I shake my head. “You’re crazy.”
His hand comes up and his fingers trace the outline of my jaw. “Crazy about you.”
“Corny,” I say, laughing.
“Sexy,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.
My laugh falls away as I recognize the look in his eyes. I know what he’s thinking; it’s the same thing that’s been going through my mind all day. Seeing him be a father to Cassie has awakened a fire within me. He could not possibly be sexier to me now.
His hand drifts down, his finger lightly sliding along the skin of my neck and then my collar bone.
“You’re so pretty,” he says softly. “I love your red hair.”
“Kids used to call me penny head.” I always considered my hair a curse, but Jeremy’s been playing with it regularly since I moved in here and telling me how many pretty shades of copper he sees in it, so I believe him when he says he likes it. I’m even starting to like looking at it in the mirror. Something about Jeremy’s constant compliments have boosted my confidence; I actually feel as beautiful as he claims me to be.
“Tell me their names,” he says. “I’ll go beat ‘em up.”
I move to step into the hug he’s offering. “You can’t beat up everyone who’s mean to me.”
“Oh no? Watch me.”
“What if that person is you, though?” A bite my lip as I realize that a piece of my past has risen to spoil the mood.
“Me? Are you crazy? Why would I ever be mean to you?”
I shrug, looking at his chin instead of his eyes. “It happens. People get comfortable with one another and then their
good manners slip away, little by little.”
“These aren’t manners, silly girl; this is love. Love is what makes me want to stroke your beautiful hair, do your laundry for you, cook your dinner, hug you, touch you, make love to you…”
My face flames red. “You haven’t done that last part yet.”
He pushes his hips forward so I can feel his hardness against me. “Not for lack of will, let me tell you.” He leans down and kisses my neck. “It’s taken all my strength to hold back, you know.”
I run my hands up his arms and wrap them around the back of his neck. “It has?” I drop my head to the side to give him better access to my collar bone. I had no idea until I spent time with Jeremy that this was a sensitive spot for me. His hands slide up my ribs, his thumbs resting just beneath my bra. Then he lifts them just the tiniest bit, stroking the sensitive skin on the underside of my breasts.
“Yes. Pure torture. I can’t wait anymore.” His kisses cease for a moment and the room is completely silent as he waits for my response.
“You don’t have to wait if you don’t want to,” I whisper, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes.
Next thing I know the world is turning sideways. “Whoop!” I yell, and then start giggling. He’s carrying me into his bedroom.
“Say no more,” he says in a booming voice. “You don’t have to tell me twice. No ma’am.”
“Shhhh! You’ll wake the baby.”
He places me on top of his bed and quickly removes his shirt. It goes flying out behind him, and his pants are already halfway off by the time it hits the ground.
“What are you doing, you maniac?” My face is flushed and I’m breathing heavily. This is what we’ve both been waiting for. If we’re as compatible in bed as we are everywhere else, I have no reason to keep pushing his proposal off. Everything feels so right with him.
“Watch and see.” He drops his pants, his boxers, and last, his socks. Then he stands there, looking at me, smiling.
I stare at the perfect form of the most attractive man who ever walked the earth. “Wow.” You’d think with me being an artist, I’d have a better vocabulary for beauty, but not today. Not right now. “Just wow.”