Drew waited while I changed into my work uniform, and then, taking me by the hand, he walked me back to his house. The children had managed to sleep through the commotion, which was a blessing. Drew pulled out a stool at the kitchen counter, then drew me into his arms, sighed, and kissed the top of my head.
“You can’t imagine what went through my head when I heard those sirens and saw that police car pull up. I think I died a thousand deaths until I realized that it wasn’t there for you.”
My arms circled his middle and I hugged him close. “My brother was half out of his mind.”
“He was drunk, Shay, and probably high, too.”
After what had transpired in the last hour, there could be no doubt Drew was right. “He said something about you and a man I can only assume was Kevin coming to talk to him. That wasn’t you, was it?”
Drew went still and a look of regret came over him.
“It was you?”
He nodded.
“And Kevin?”
Again he nodded.
“When did this happen?”
“I’m sorry, Shay. I would have mentioned it, but—”
“When?” I asked again, needing answers. I’d already guessed his reasons, but I wished he’d discussed his plans with me first and given me a warning. I knew Richard had made it his mission to find and help Caden. My homeless friend seemed to think he was doing me a favor. I’d tried to explain that it was best if Caden stayed out of my life. Richard accepted that but still thought he might be able to help my brother. I’d reluctantly agreed, with the promise that Richard not tell Caden where I lived.
“Kevin spoke with him this afternoon, but your brother remembered me from before and knew we were connected.”
“Richard found him and told you?” I asked, wondering why my friend would mention it to Drew.
Drew looked uneasy. “I helped Richard. After what happened with Shooter, I wanted to do everything I could to protect you. I thought if Richard found Caden that Kevin could talk him into getting into a rehab program.”
Drew’s intentions were good, I realized. He’d never meant to lead Caden to my doorstep. The entire situation had blown up in his face, and unfortunately, mine.
“Lilly found a photo of you and Caden when she moved you to the apartment,” Drew confessed. “She showed it to me and I made a copy and took it to Kevin. Once we had the photograph, it didn’t take long for one of his contacts to locate him. Caden is going by the name Shane now.”
“I wish you’d discussed all of this with me first.” I gestured with my hands, letting him know this all might have been avoided if I’d known what Drew had done. His intentions were well-meaning, but it would have helped had I been aware that Caden was living in the Seattle area. The last I’d heard he was in California. From the first I’d hoped to avoid a confrontation with Caden, although one was probably inevitable at some point.
Drew held my eyes, his own wide and pleading for understanding. “I wanted to tell you about Caden before Kevin and I went to see him, but there wasn’t time; this could well have been our only opportunity.”
“I wish I’d known…I would have been better prepared.”
“I know…the situation got out of hand. I don’t know how he found you.”
“He followed you and he saw the two of us together.”
Drew paled and he briefly closed his eyes. “In looking to protect you I led him to your front door. Shay, I am so sorry.” He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight against his torso. “I feel dreadful that this happened to you. It’s all my fault.”
“Stop,” I whispered, unwilling to let Drew shoulder the blame. Knowing my brother, eventually he would have found me. He wouldn’t have easily given up. I noticed that Caden hadn’t asked about me or what had happened after he disappeared when he got the five thousand dollars. All Caden was concerned with was his next high, whether from drugs or alcohol.
“Kevin offered to help him, get him into rehab, but Caden didn’t want anything to do with that.”
That came as no surprise. It would take more than a few words to reach my brother. He was lost, trapped in a web that held him in a tight grip. He was at a point where he couldn’t see a way out of the black hole into which he’d fallen. He was lost and hopeless, angry and defiant. I couldn’t take on his problems, but at the same time I couldn’t stop caring what happened to him.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I believe jail might be the best thing for him now. It will sober him up. Once his head is clear he might be willing to listen to reason.”
I lowered my head to our folded hands. “I hope you’re right.”
Leaning forward, Drew kissed my cheek. “I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you, Shay. I love you.”
My head came up. I knew how I felt about Drew but had never told him. I held his look, uncertain I’d heard him correctly. His smile was gentle, and he seemed to be awaiting a reaction. “Did you just say you love me?”
“So much it frightens me.”
A smile broke out across my face and I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, savoring the sweetness of the moment. “I love you, too, Drew Douglas, so much. Let’s be frightened together.”
Following the events of the early-morning hours, I wasn’t prepared for the media ruckus they caused. By morning all the local television news channels and a couple of the national news networks had picked up the story of the police stabbing. I switched channels several times and each station used the incident to headline the newscast. Like a deer trapped in headlights, I stood in front of the television, riveted to the scene. The church and yard played prominently in the telecast and I groaned inwardly as one report followed another.
When I looked out the window, I saw two news trucks parked outside the church with reporters standing in front of cameramen as they gave their live report.
By the time I got to the office, the phone was ringing off the hook. Mary Lou had been so busy answering calls that she hadn’t had time to remove her coat. Feeling bad for her, I brewed her coffee and took a cup to set on her desk. She sighed and thanked me with a small smile.
Before she could ask, I told her, “I won’t be accepting any interviews.”
“Got it,” she said and sounded relieved.
As soon as there was a lull, she approached me. “For the love of heaven, what happened?”
I responded in the simplest of terms. “Shay’s brother found her and attacked a police officer when they came to break up the disturbance.”
“The latest report from the news media is that the police officer required surgery and is reportedly in critical condition.”
This was even worse than I had imagined. Shay and I had been unable to get any updates on the extent of the officer’s injuries this morning, which was understandable. What little information I’d discovered, I’d learned on the morning newscast, and that had been sketchy.
Kevin stopped by the church and we sat in my office with the door closed. I appreciated his support. He talked for several minutes and then we prayed together.
“Nothing happens without a reason,” my friend assured me. “I know it’s hard to look at this mess and believe that God is in control, but He is.”
It wasn’t as though I doubted him, seeing as I’d uttered those same words myself, countless times.
“How’s Shay handling this?”
“She was upset, and rightly so,” I told him. “I should never have contacted Caden without letting her know what we were doing.”
Kevin stroked the side of his cheek and nodded, silently agreeing with me.
“I wanted to protect Shay. I never considered that Caden would seek her out…I should have realized…”
“Realized what?”
“Caden recognized that I was with Shay the night we were on the rescue mission. He followed me and I led him right to her.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“That doesn’t lessen my guilt. I don’t
know what would have happened if that police cruiser hadn’t gone by when it did.”
Kevin sighed, slowly releasing his breath. “I’ll stop by the jail and find out what I can from Caden and what I can do to help with his defense. If he isn’t willing to talk, which I suspect he won’t be, then I’ll see what his defense attorney has to say.”
“I’ll go with you, but I want to make sure Shay knows what we’re doing.” I’d already mishandled the situation and I hoped to learn from my mistake.
Kevin nodded. “Good idea.”
He stood to leave and I walked him to the door. When I opened it, I saw Linda Kincaid standing by Mary Lou’s desk, chatting with her. She looked up when the door opened and Kevin came out of my office. Her eyes were dark and serious, and I sensed trouble brewing.
Not that it was unexpected. I realized the minute I saw the news broadcasts that morning that there would be plenty of blowback from this.
For Shay. And for me.
“Come in,” I greeted Linda. “Would you like some coffee?”
She shook her head. “This isn’t exactly a social visit, Drew.”
“I figured.” Stepping around to my side of the desk, I took my seat. I had the distinct feeling I was going to need to sit down for this. “I take it you heard about the incident with Caden Benson.”
“Heard about it?” she repeated with her arms crossed. She stood on the other side of my desk like a marble statue, an unmovable force. “It was all over the news this morning, as you’re no doubt aware.”
“Is there still a camera crew outside the church?” I asked. I hadn’t looked since I’d come into the office.
“No, thank God.”
I felt the same, although I didn’t say it. I expected the television reporters would return for the noontime broadcast, and probably again this evening. Lead stories for the top of the hour were dissected and repeated. Every tidbit of any update was announced as a major revelation. These reporters were not about to be denied.
Linda started pacing in front of my desk. “Did I not warn you about moving Shay into that apartment?” she demanded, her voice raised and irritated.
“As I recall, you did mention your opinion.”
“Which you ignored.”
I met her look and didn’t flinch. “It was for Shay’s safety.”
“That doesn’t seem to be working well, does it?” She marched back and forth and then stopped and shook her head as if she wasn’t sure what to say next. “You aren’t thinking with your head, Drew.”
“I love Shay.” I was tired of defending my decisions to Linda. I’d tried to look at it from her perspective, but it didn’t change the way I felt about Shay or the need to keep her safe.
“I’m afraid loving Shay is going to cost you your ministry,” Linda snapped.
The words hung in the air like launched hand grenades.
I had a good idea of what was about to happen and why. I straightened my shoulders, determined to meet this news head-on.
“I tried to explain it before,” she reminded me, gesturing helplessly with her hands. “I did my best to make you understand the risk you were taking by moving Shay into that apartment.”
“I never knew you to be one to say ‘I told you so,’ ” I said, without emotion. Nothing anyone could have said would have changed my mind. Even knowing what I did, I didn’t have a single regret. It certainly didn’t help that the church grounds and the church were all over the news this morning, and not exactly in the best light.
I’d watched the news reports and cringed. The first reporter had talked about the homeless problem in Seattle while standing directly in front of the church steps, as if to say the church had basically ignored the needs of the people on the street.
“So tell me. What am I looking at?” I asked, bracing myself for the worst, already knowing it was coming.
Linda sank into the chair with a defeated look. “I’m sorry, Drew.”
“Tell me.”
Linda sighed. “Alex is calling for a vote of confidence with the church council.”
My shoulders sank. A vote of confidence was basically the elders telling the congregation they had serious doubts about the leadership abilities of the pastor. If the vote went against me, it would mean changes in leadership. A pastor needed the support of the church council. If I did manage to survive, then there would be bridges to build and relationships to repair. Even a call for a vote was devastating. For the unity of the church, no matter which way the vote went, it would be best for me to resign.
“I see,” I said, my heart aching. It hurt that the men and women I trusted and had served with through the years were basically telling me that they no longer believed I was qualified to lead our church.
“He’s asking for a vote with the elders,” Linda continued. “That doesn’t mean it will come to pass.”
Words escaped me. I knew what was to follow. I would be asked to meet with the elders. Alex would state his case and the eleven others would vote. If the vote went against me, it would go to the congregation.
“Lloyd is doing his best to make sure this doesn’t happen.”
“I appreciate it,” I whispered, but as far as I could see the die was cast.
“I’m sorry, Drew. You don’t deserve this. Neither does Shay.”
Her irritation was replaced by sympathy and understanding. Linda had always had my back, even now, when it looked like everything was against me.
“I’m grateful you let me know,” I said, accepting that I would need to prepare myself for the upcoming storm of controversy and speculation.
We talked for several minutes more and Linda did her best to reassure me. After she left I sat and stared into space, letting the worry and the doubt build up in my mind.
Sometime after one, Mary Lou knocked on my door. “Would you like lunch?” she asked, looking concerned.
I didn’t realize the time. Shaking my head, I declined. “I’m not hungry.”
By now I was sure Mary Lou knew what was brewing within the church. She wore a worried frown. “Anything I can do, Pastor?” she asked.
I shook my head. My two-o’clock counseling appointment canceled. I suspected that Mary Lou might have had something to do with that. Either way, I was grateful.
As soon as my head was clear, I went into the church sanctuary and sat in the front pew. I’d been here many times, especially in the months following Katie’s death. It was the place I came when my heart was heaviest. It seemed loving Shay would come at a high price, but if my role as pastor was what it cost me, then it would be worth it.
Shay had brought light back into my life, she’d revived my faith and loved my children, and they loved her back. Every minute I spent with her brought me happiness. Seeing the strides she’d made in her life made me proud of her. Deep down I knew that Katie would have loved her, treasured her as a friend. I sat for so long that I lost track of the time.
I heard the door open but didn’t look up, hoping whomever had come inside would get the message and leave me alone. I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
After a few minutes, I felt someone sit down close to me. Even with my eyes closed I knew it was Shay. She reached for my hand and laid her head against my shoulder. Not a word passed between us and yet I felt the heaviness lift from my heart simply having her close to my side.
I heaved a sigh as the ache of uncertainty returned. I would do my best to move on and follow wherever the road took me next. It was all I could do. The decision wasn’t in my hands.
When I finished my prayers, I raised my head, and Shay’s was lowered in prayer, too. She seemed to sense that I’d finished.
We left the church together. In the hallway between the sanctuary and the office, she paused and gripped hold of my arm, looking up at me, her face bright with unshed tears.
“I’m so sorry, Drew.”
Brushing the hair away from her face, I stared down at her, unable to disguise the love I felt for her. “Who told you?” I asked, s
urprised she knew the details of what was happening.
“Linda stopped at the café.”
I could only imagine what she’d said, and that irritated me to no end. I wanted to make sure Shay was protected from all this. Her faith was new, fragile yet, and this could destroy her. “You are not to blame, understand? I don’t know what Linda told you—”
Shay stopped me. “Linda said you would probably appreciate a visit from me this afternoon. She didn’t tell me anything until I asked her.”
“She did?” I had misjudged my friend. I’d assumed she’d gone to Shay and laid the blame at her feet, which would have been grossly unfair.
“Linda loves you like a son, Drew. You and the children mean everything to her. I realize I’m not the woman she wanted for you, but she respects you enough to do her best to accept me.”
I brought Shay into my arms, content to simply hold her, soaking in her comfort and her love.
“I talked to the prosecuting attorney about my brother this afternoon before I saw Linda. He’d just been assigned the case. Caden’s been given a court-appointed attorney. That’s all he could tell me at this point. I don’t want any contact with Caden, but I do want to know what will happen to him.”
The fact that she continued to care about her brother after what he’d done spoke volumes. I hoped that once Caden was sober and in his right mind he’d appreciate Shay and not see her as a means to getting him his next fix.
Depending on the degree of the charges against him and the jail time he faced, I would do what I could to get him into a drug rehab program. Caden was going to need all the help he could get.
When I returned to the office, Mary Lou gave me a sympathetic look. “An emergency elder meeting has been called for tonight.”
So soon; it was what I should have expected. Mary Lou told me the time. “Thank you,” I said.
I noticed Shay biting into her lower lip. Actually having Linda tell her what was happening was a blessing. It saved me from having to explain, knowing she would blame herself.
“I’ll stay with the children,” she assured me. “Do you want me to say anything to them about this?”