The elder meeting was scheduled for seven o’clock, which gave the church council enough time to get home from their day jobs and grab a quick bite of dinner. Once everyone was assembled, I explained the situation.
There were plenty of shocked faces. I explained that I’d talked to Shay and she’d told me she hadn’t taken the money. I believed her. As I spoke I saw the look of the men and women around the table. They had doubts. To be fair, I didn’t blame them. I went on to explain that she knew who was responsible but had promised that she wouldn’t tell. In return, the thief would make restitution.
The room erupted in discussion, and from the tidbits I heard, a few were willing to accept Shay’s word. Right away a proposition was brought before the council. It didn’t take long for a decision to be made. It was unanimous that Shay would no longer be allowed to rent the apartment.
The elders left and I remained in the small conference room, my head in my hands. Hearing a noise, I glanced up and saw that it was Alex Turnbull.
“I want you to know how sorry I am, Pastor,” Alex said.
“I know. I appreciate how hard this has been on you as well.”
Alex drew closer to the table. “I hope you know that I have no hard feelings toward Shay. I realize you care for her.”
I couldn’t deny it. Not only was I devastated, my heart was broken. The full impact had yet to hit me. I didn’t know how I was going to break the news to Mark and Sarah. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I became. I toyed with the idea of simply letting them think Shay was moving away and avoid telling them why. I guess I’d figure out what to say when the time came.
“Pastor, would you like me to be the one to tell Shay?” Alex asked, breaking into my thoughts.
It would be easier on me for sure, but as uncomfortable as it would be, I felt I needed to be the one to do it.
A part of me was curious to find out why someone as intelligent as Shay would risk so much because of a promise. Second chances. She would always be willing to give someone else another chance. Admirable and devastating, both at once.
“Pastor?” Alex asked, once more interrupting my thoughts.
“I appreciate the offer,” I told him, “but I need to be the one.”
Alex nodded as if he understood. “Would you like me to come with you?”
I considered it but only briefly. “No. I was the one who offered to let Shay move into the apartment; I’ll be the one to explain that she needs to leave before the end of the month.”
We talked for a couple minutes longer. I knew I should get back to Mark and Sarah, but I didn’t want this task hanging over my head a minute longer than necessary.
My steps were filled with dread as I walked around to the front of the apartment. The porch light was turned on, which generally meant Shay was home. I knew she often stayed up late studying on nights she wasn’t attending classes.
I don’t know how long I stood outside her front door before I found the courage to knock.
It took only a minute or two for Shay to answer. Her eyes widened when she saw it was me.
“Drew?”
“Shay,” I said, my heart pounding with a heaviness I had only rarely experienced. “We need to talk.”
“Come in,” I said, ushering Drew inside my apartment. He looked pale and drawn. Earlier I’d seen several cars pull into the parking area. I didn’t know of any scheduled meeting, but I wasn’t privy to all the inner workings of the church.
Drew stood with his hands tucked in his back pockets as if he wasn’t sure what to do with them.
My stomach tightened with anticipation. I had a feeling I knew what was coming.
We stood staring at each other for several minutes before Drew got to the reason for his visit. I didn’t invite him to sit; I preferred to face whatever he had to say while standing.
“Shay,” he said, softly, tentatively. I detected a pleading quality to his voice. “I’m going to ask you again…no, not ask, I’m pleading with you. Will you tell me what I need to know? Who took that money? This isn’t the first time, is it? This has been ongoing for a while, hasn’t it?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer.
Plowing his fingers through his hair, he paced the compact living space as if the thought had only recently occurred to him. “This is slowly starting to make sense. Lloyd, bless his heart, is good. But it would be easy for someone to take funds without him knowing. Someone. Anyone could steal before Lloyd made the deposit.” He paused and looked up, his eyes rounding with the thought. “You’re protecting whoever this is, Shay. I can’t allow you to do that. You need to tell me who’s responsible.”
I carefully considered my response, weighing my options. “I already told you, I can’t.”
“Shay, please.”
I wavered, and I saw that it gave Drew hope. “Please don’t ask me again.”
“Did you speak to this person?”
“You know I did.”
“Recently?”
“Yes.” I was afraid of saying too much for fear he would guess. It would devastate him and I refused to do that.
“Today?” he pressed.
Rather than answer verbally, I nodded.
His shoulders sank. “It’s Linda, isn’t it?”
My eyes slammed shut. “Don’t do this, Drew. Don’t play this guessing game with me. I can’t and I won’t tell you, so don’t ask me again.”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes as if he’d hoped for more. More was something I couldn’t give him. I looked away, refusing to meet his gaze.
“Do you have anything else you can tell me?” he asked, his words weighed down with what sounded like disappointment and frustration.
“No. Nothing,” I whispered past the lump in my throat. He didn’t understand how unbelievably hard it was for me to maintain my silence.
“I had hoped that out of respect for me, you would trust me enough with the truth.”
I exhaled and briefly looked up. “You can’t guilt me into breaking my word, Drew. Eventually you’ll learn the truth.”
“What if I don’t? What if this person refuses to come forward? Then what?”
I had no answer. There was no guarantee I would be exonerated. I hoped, I trusted, but at this point that was all I could do.
Drew walked to the other side of the living area and rammed his hands through his hair.
“You claim you love me.”
“I do.” With everything in me, I longed to shout from the rooftops how much I loved him.
“Then please tell me the truth. Once I know, then I can make everything right again.”
“Now you’re trying to bribe me. Drew, don’t you see what you’re doing?”
“I’m desperate, Shay. Desperate,” he repeated.
I had to bite down on my tongue to keep from speaking.
“Why won’t you look at me?” he demanded.
“I can’t,” I whispered as tears clouded my eyes. If I looked at him, he might be able to persuade me to give up the name, and I couldn’t do that. The risk was too high.
“Was it for Richard or Chuck?”
I nearly laughed out loud. He was drawing names out of a hat. “No. You know better than to suggest either of them.”
“Your brother?”
“That’s equally ludicrous. Caden is in jail. It’s highly unlikely he could be responsible.”
He threw his hands in the air. “Then who?” Drew walked to the other side of the room, his back to me. We stood on opposite sides of the apartment. After what seemed like an eternity, he said, “The elders met tonight.”
That explained the cars in the parking lot.
“It was decided that the church would cancel their month-to-month lease with you effective at the end of this month.”
“You’re asking me to move?” I was stunned. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been, as I realized there would be some form of consequence.
“You’ll have to make other living arrangements. The apa
rtment needs to be vacated by the first of the month.”
“That’s only ten days.”
“I know.”
“I don’t have anyplace else to go.”
He closed his eyes and then started toward the door. “I’m sorry, Shay.”
My heart was beating with the speed of a horse in the Kentucky Derby. I stopped him. “Drew, please,” I said, struggling to hide my panic. “I have one question.”
His hand was on the door, but he paused and didn’t open it as he waited.
“How did you vote?” I asked.
He didn’t answer right away. Nor did he turn around to face me. “I abstained.”
Deep down I’d known.
—
The next day, I started my early-morning shift at The Corner Café, amazed that I could handle the counter, take orders, and deliver meals without any incident. My mind and my heart were at odds with each other.
I’d taken a gamble, and it seemed I’d lost and I’d lost big.
Now I had two unpleasant tasks facing me. First and foremost, I needed to find other living accommodations, and the sooner the better. The Seattle housing crisis was well known. Finding an apartment, especially a low-rent one, would be next to impossible. The waiting lists for apartments were said to be months, if not years. The best I could hope for was to find a room to rent.
Next on my list and equally important had to do with Hope Center. I needed to talk to Lilly Palmer, and I hoped she would be able to convince Kevin Forester to not take the bookkeeping position away. With everything that had happened, it wouldn’t surprise me if I learned I was no longer being considered for the job. If I lost that opportunity, I didn’t know what I’d do.
I’d made arrangements for Sadie to cover the second half of my shift, so I could stop at the Center, as well as search for housing. As I was getting ready to leave, she sought me out. “You okay, girl? You don’t seem yourself.”
“I’m fine,” I said, stretching the truth. “Got stuff on my mind.”
She didn’t look convinced. “What’s this I hear about you needing to move before the end of the month? What’s up with that? I thought you had an apartment at the church.”
“I don’t any longer.”
“What did you do, throw a drunken party on church property?”
Despite the concerns I’d been carrying with me since Drew’s visit, I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Not exactly.”
“Well, you must have done something to raise a few eyebrows, seeing how you need to be out that soon.”
“You know anyone looking for a lodger or a roommate?” I asked, rather than address her comment.
Sadie shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t.”
My shoulders sank. I had only nine days, and time was ticking away at an alarming rate.
“Don’t you fret, though,” Sadie interjected. “You can room with me and the cats until you find a place.”
While I appreciated the offer, I’d heard more than one comment about Sadie and her felines. Alice teased that Sadie had her own cat house. “Thank you,” I said, and impulsively hugged her. “But I’m allergic to cats.”
“Not good, and with four of them you’d likely need an oxygen mask before the end of the first night.”
“Probably,” I agreed.
“You could sleep on my couch if you have to,” Alice chimed in. “I’d offer you a bed, but with three kids there isn’t a spare mattress in sight.”
I couldn’t stop myself from tossing my arms around these two wonderful women in a group hug. They’d had my back from the very first day I’d started working at the café, and I loved and appreciated them.
“Hey, hey,” Frankie called out from the kitchen. He waved a spatula at the three of us. “What’s going on out there? This isn’t a love-in, you know. I’m running a café here, so if you three are into something kinky, I’d prefer you didn’t do it in front of the customers.”
No one bothered to mention that the café was nearly empty in that lull between breakfast and lunch. Those sitting in the booths were dialed into Wi-Fi on their laptops or glued to their phones.
I thanked Frank for letting me take a half day, clocked out, and reached for my coat and backpack, ready to walk over to Hope Center, which was less than a mile away. I could have taken a bus, but I wanted the exercise to clear my head.
This conversation wasn’t one I looked forward to having, especially if it was going to be bad news. All I could do was pray that Lilly and Kevin would have more faith in me than Drew and the church elders.
Then again, perhaps I was asking too much.
As I left the café, I noticed a small figure huddled against the side of the building. I looked again and realized it was Sarah.
“Sarah?”
As soon as she heard her name, the nine-year-old raced toward me, her arms opened wide.
Squatting down to catch her, I reached for her as she threw herself into my embrace, her thin arms locking around my neck.
“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” I asked gently, cupping the back of her head as I held on to her.
Instead of answering, she buried her face in my neck, sobbing her little heart out.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” I pleaded.
“Don’t you love us anymore?” Sarah asked, crying so hard it was almost impossible to make out the words.
“Of course I love you. I’ll always, always love you.”
“But Daddy said…”
“What did he say?” I asked gently when she didn’t finish her thought.
“He said you were moving and that we might not be able to see you anymore.”
My hold around her tightened and I felt my own throat clog with tears. “That doesn’t mean I will stop loving you, though. That would never, ever happen, no matter where I live.”
“I don’t want you to leave us,” she cried, her arms tightening around my neck as if snuggling against me would prevent me from going away.
I didn’t want to go, either, but I couldn’t tell Sarah.
“Can I go with you?” she asked, raising her head enough to look at me, her beautiful face full of hope.
I couldn’t speak, and answered her with a shake of my head.
Sarah brushed the tears that leaked from my eyes. Her fingers rubbed at my cheek. “Why would you move?” she asked.
“Sometimes that’s what adults need to do,” I said in a way I hoped sounded normal and reassuring.
“Don’t go, Shay. Please don’t go.”
Overwhelmed with sadness, I pressed the side of my face against hers.
“Please, Shay. Don’t you know how much we love you?”
“I know, sweetheart. Sometimes things happen that make it necessary for people to leave.”
“Don’t, please don’t leave me.”
Sarah was breaking my heart. I straightened. “Wait a minute. Aren’t you supposed to be in school, Sarah?” I asked.
Sarah looked down at the sidewalk. “I ran away,” she admitted.
“Oh Sarah.”
“I decided I want to live with you.”
“Sweetheart, as much as I love you, as much as I would like that, I can’t take you with me.”
“Please, Shay. Please. No one else can fix my hair right and Mark is stupid and Daddy is sad. Don’t make me go back, Shay. Please let me come with you.”
My mind wasn’t on sermon preparation the morning after I’d confronted Shay. I’d hoped that once we’d talked, she’d be willing to give up the name, which would vindicate her. The fact that she’d refused had torn me up inside.
That didn’t compare to what happened when I told Mark and Sarah that Shay would be moving. Right away Sarah had burst into tears, which had quickly escalated to near hysterics. I’d spent most of the night calming her down.
Mark hadn’t taken the news any better. He’d plied me with questions. Because he was older I’d told him the truth, that Shay refused to give up the name of the thief. My son had gone quiet and sad
, which was almost exactly the way I’d reacted since my confrontation with Shay. It was hard to believe she would be this stubborn, and even harder to accept.
My Bible was propped open in front of me as I tackled writing Sunday’s sermon. But my heart wasn’t in it. I felt devoid of spiritual insight.
Empty.
I didn’t feel like I had anything left to offer others. I knew myself well enough to know I’d muddle through. I had years of preaching experience. But I’d simply be going through the motions.
As I stared down at the Bible opened on my desk, my mind refused to let go of what had happened the night before. My children loved Shay. I loved Shay. It made no sense to me that she would stay silent when her entire future was at stake. I’d wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her and demand that she give me a name.
The phone rang in the distance and I waited for my assistant to pick up the call. Mary Lou buzzed me on the intercom.
“It’s the school calling,” she said.
Oh great. Sarah had been emotional that morning and refused to eat breakfast. My guess was that she had a stomachache now and wanted to come home. That meant I was going to have to give up the rest of my day, not that it would be any great loss, seeing that I hadn’t written more than a few lines of my sermon anyway.
I picked up the receiver. “This is Drew Douglas,” I said.
“Yes, Mr. Douglas, I’m calling to confirm that Sarah is home sick today.”
A chill went down my spine. “No. Are you telling me she isn’t at school?”
The line went silent. “Mr. Douglas? Sarah didn’t show up for class this morning.”
My heart rate accelerated, but I was convinced it was an error. “I’m sure there’s a mistake. Please recheck.”
“I have the report right here in front of me. Sarah’s teacher, Mrs. Janachek, shows Sarah as absent.”
“That can’t be right. I walked her to the bus myself.” None of this was making sense.
“Did you see her get on the bus?”
“No,” I admitted reluctantly. I’d only waited until one of the other children and another parent showed. I pressed my hand to my forehead to think this through. I stood up from behind my desk. Something was very wrong and I needed to find out what it was pronto. “I’m coming to the school. I’ll be there within the next ten minutes.”