She was holding her phone. "Good luck at the trial. It's really brave, what you're doing. We're all on your side. I hope they put that bitch away forever." She hesitated. "Would you mind if I took a selfie of the two of us?"
Logan answered a steady stream of calls. He took the last one at four in the morning and finally headed home to crash, wondering if at this point he should pull an all-nighter. A wave of sleep passed over him as he entered his apartment, and he decided sleep was the better option.
He stumbled toward bed, pausing to pull his phone out of his jeans. He was dead tired, but that didn't stop him from checking his fan page. Sure enough, half a dozen new selfies with him and girls he'd walked home were posted. He was becoming more and more of a campus celebrity. And that wasn't the point. He didn't want celebrity to interfere with the job. Maybe he should give the security-escort gig up. He wished he knew who had started the page. It embarrassed him. If he could, he'd take it down. He hadn't even mentioned it to El, fearing it would upset her.
He stripped off his jeans, pulled back the covers, and fell into bed.
He slept until two in the afternoon, only waking then because Collin was playing his music too loud in the living room and the neighbor was banging on the wall in a vain attempt to get Collin to turn it down.
Logan threw his arm across the bed, reaching for El. The disappointment of being alone struck him hard. He'd been a shitty boyfriend. He couldn't blame El for going home. But he missed her. She was like air to him. He needed her, but sometimes he took her for granted.
He took a deep breath. No El in his bed with her cute, messy bed hair and sweet, sexy morning eyes next to him to greet him with a sleepy smile. No nightmare of El morphing into Her, either, for the first time in a week. He'd have to be stupid not to worry that there was a connection his mind was making between El and Her. He'd lost control with both women, but with El it was pure pleasure. He had to get rid of that damn nightmare.
El. He had to make things right with her. The date last night was supposed to end in hot, urgent makeup sex. There was no one else to blame—he'd blown it by being terminally helpful and playing hero to strangers when he should have been El's.
He'd hurt her feelings when he'd pushed her away after the last nightmare. Even though she insisted she was fine, he knew she was stinging. He couldn't explain without describing the nightmare in frightening, embarrassing detail. Whatever that shitty dream revealed about him, it wasn't flattering. How would El feel if she knew his subconscious equated her with Her? He couldn't chance her knowing.
Running off to do Kels' bidding for CAPSA was asininely insane, too. Yeah, he was a douchebag. He sat up, determined to shower and take El's flowers back to her. Wishing El was there to shower with him.
As he slid his legs over the side of the bed, his cell phone rang. He glanced at it. Amber. Again. He picked up reluctantly. This had to be more crappy news. "Hey."
"Logan? You sound hung over."
"Sleepy. I just woke up."
"At two in the afternoon? Sorry, I've forgotten what it's like in college. Two is early after a Saturday night. I should have called later. My apologies." She laughed. Amber was always laughing, even when things weren't funny. Her laugh had an edge to it this time, like she was hiding something—bad news, probably. Why else would she be calling?
"Now's fine. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway," he said, although he'd been awake before it rang. "What's up?"
"A bit of bad news, actually. I can wait until you're more awake? Want to grab a cup of coffee and call me back later?" For the first time since he'd known her, Amber sounded tentative.
"You have my attention. I'm awake now. Give it to me straight."
"I just got back from an emergency board meeting. The board feels it needs more time to control the rumors Core is spreading about our IPO. I tried to reassure them, but my arguments fell on deaf ears. Sometimes that old gentlemen's club is just a bunch of bastards." She sounded upset. Angry. Amber rarely lost her cool. She took a deep breath. "Sorry. I shouldn't let my meeting frustration show through. The board believes if we go ahead with the IPO as planned, it won't be as successful as we'd like." Amber, always the politician.
"They want to cancel it?" Logan's head spun.
"No, just delay it."
"Delay it!" He sounded like a damn parrot. "How long? A week? Two weeks?"
Amber hesitated, and he knew it was really bad news. "Four to six months."
He swore beneath his breath and his mouth went dry. He didn't have four to six months.
"You'll get your money, Logan," she said. "I swear to you I will. This will be the best investment you've ever made. It's just…"
She hesitated again, a long, drawn- out pause that was so pregnant it was about to give birth. "They're running low on the capital we've given them. They need more money to keep running and meeting payroll and paying suppliers and making product improvements.
"Without an infusion of cash, they'll go under. We'll all lose everything. All the venture capitalists are being asked—required, really—to contribute more cash to the cause."
Logan felt nauseated and dizzy, as if he was hung over, but without the pleasure of having had a drink. He didn't have any more money. He'd invested everything. "How much more?"
"Twenty thousand should cover your share."
It may as well have been a million. He didn't have it. "And if I can't pay?"
"That's not an option, Logan. Sorry. You either pay and play with the team, or you're out. That's the way these guys operate."
He had been hoping she'd offer to buy him out. At this point, he just wanted his money back. He opened his mouth to ask but she cut him off.
"I'd chip in for you if I could, Logan, but I'm strapped right now, too. My share is going to tap me out. We're all bleeding money right now. Is there any chance you could ask Harlan for a loan?"
"No fucking way!" The words burst out of his mouth automatically.
There was another long pause. "Think it over, Logan." Amber's voice remained smooth and calm, almost sympathetic. "You have some leverage with Harlan right now. Use it. You have a week and a half to come up with the money."
Money, money, money. It always came down to money. How was he going to get it without going to his dad and admitting what a huge mistake he'd made?
Logan had a few ideas, none of them particularly palatable. He rifled through his desk and pulled out the stack of job offers he'd been ignoring. He had until the end of May to respond to most of them. Time to figure things out. Until Amber forced his hand. The offers all came with signing bonuses. All he had to do was agree to take one of these jobs and the money was his. Not the full amount he needed, but enough to stall until he could come up with the rest. Just take a job far away from El and his problems would be solved.
Grad school seemed out of the question now with possible salvation staring him in the face. But what would he do about El?
Logan showered and dressed. Collin was sitting at the kitchen table as Logan grabbed a bowl of cereal. He'd turned his music down.
"Quiet in here," Logan said.
Collin grinned. "I like tweaking those assholes next door." He laughed. "You're up early. I didn't expect to see your smiling face for another couple of hours."
"Yeah, I was gently rocked out of bed by some heavy bass."
Collin laughed as Logan sniffed the bottle and poured the last of the milk into his cereal.
"Hey, dude," Logan said, "You wouldn't have some cash you could lend me?"
Collin shrugged. "Yeah, sure. What do you need? Twenty? A hundred?"
"Twenty thousand. I'd pay it back with interest in six months."
Collin whistled. "Dude, you know Dad has put me on a tight budget. If I had it, I'd give it to you. What do you need it for?"
Logan took a bite of cereal, trying to play it cool. "That deal with Amber."
"Oh shit, man. Amber is screwing you over? That's brutal."
"We've hit a snag
. Things will work out."
Zave staggered out of his room and joined them.
"You got any cash, man?" Collin asked him. "Logan is short on funds."
"You've come to the wrong bank," Zave said. "The old man froze my assets to curb my reckless spending. I can lend you a twenty."
"He needs about a thousand times that. Amber," Collin said.
"Amber, that little minx. You didn't knock her up, did you?"
Collin shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Wake up! An abortion doesn't cost twenty thou. It's that business deal she sucked Logan into last summer. We would have been in, too, if we'd had the money."
"Oh, yeah," Zave said. "I remember now. Sorry, Logan. Wish I could help."
Logan nodded. "Yeah, it's probably best this way. You know what they say—never a borrower or a lender be. Borrowing from your friends is a great way to kill a friendship."
Logan had left El's flowers in the car overnight. They were looking sadly in need of water as he unlocked his car and got in. He thought about stopping to get fresh ones, then thought of El accusing him of buying her another bribe.
He got lucky and found a parking spot on campus not far from her dorm. He texted her as he bounced up the steps with the droopy flowers in hand, hoping acting confident would give him confidence. To the world, Logan was never short on it. Inside himself, he was sadly lacking.
She met him at the door, her hair tumbling around her face. Her chest rising and falling rapidly as if she'd taken the steps two at a time in an effort to get to him as quickly as possible.
He had that gut reaction he'd gotten since the first time he'd seen her. His skin tingled, on fire for her. She was hot, but she made him burn. Deeper than that, an emotional connection sizzled between them, even when tensions were strained. It was crazy, really. It seemed like he should have more in common with Kels—their shared childhood, economic status, shared experience of rape. But he'd never clicked with her like he had with El. Never needed Kels like he needed El.
El tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as her gaze ran from his face to the flowers. "Secondhand flowers? For me? You shouldn't have."
Her smile lit up his day and his dick went hard at the sight of her. He knew he'd made the right decision in not buying new flowers. "Returning them to their rightful owner. You forgot them last night." He put on his most apologetic look.
She shook her head like she could see through him and his apologetic looks, to the core of him that was uncertain and eager. "I realized I'd forgotten them just after you pulled away to play hero."
Was it his imagination or had she emphasized the words pulled away?
"El, about that—"
"Don't, Logan." As she took the flowers from him, her fingers brushed his, lingering a second longer than necessary, adding to the flaming heat he felt for her. "Poor, thirsty bouquet." She glanced at him. "Come in while I put them in water." She turned and walked away, expecting him to follow her.
He was the one who was thirsty and parched for her. He followed obediently.
She led him to her room, not giving him an opening to kiss her.
When she paused with her key in the door and her back to him, he pressed up against her, grinding his hard dick into her cute little ass. When she didn't move away, his breath came faster.
She ignored him while he pressed his advantage. But she didn't swat him away, either. She swung the door open. "Don't worry. Bre's out. We have the place all to ourselves."
Was that flirtation in her voice? Was she giving him permission? Issuing an invitation?
She let him in, stepping quickly away from him. Before he could reach for her, she went to her closet and rummaged for a vase, leaving him standing hard and ready in the doorway.
"Shut the door. And lock it." She bent over and pulled open a built-in drawer at the base of the closet.
He did as she commanded and watched as she got a cheap glass vase from the drawer and smiled to herself.
"I don't blame you for being upset." His heart was hammering so hard he could feel it all the way to the bulge in his jeans.
"Am I?" She went to her desk and grabbed a pair of scissors. Then she walked past him to the sink, cutting so close to him he caught a whiff of her perfume as her hip brushed his.
The agony was sweet. He was bound up and getting more uncomfortable by the minute.
"Are you what?" He fought to keep his breathing even. He itched to touch her and show her how sorry he was.
"Upset." She filled the vase with water and set it on the edge of the sink. "I'm not, Logan. Not really. I'll tend to you in a minute. These flowers need me right now."
Shit. Like he didn't?
She pulled the plastic wrapping away from the bouquet and frowned like she was looking for something. "There's no freshness packet." It sounded like an indictment.
He almost laughed. Her concern was so sweet and ridiculous at the same time. The flowers were way past fresh, almost past redemption. A lot like him.
"I'm sorry," he said again. At that minute he would have apologized for anything to get her to forgive him.
She shrugged. "Wish I had some sugar for them."
He could use some sugar, too. Shit, he was desperate.
She cut the bottoms off the stems over her wastebasket before shoving the whole ensemble into the vase. She brushed past him again, too close. It had to be on purpose. Her breast brushed his arm, tantalizing and firm. She was wearing his favorite lace bra. He knew she was. He could tell by the natural feel of her.
She set the vase on her desk. She had her back to him, but he imagined she was staring at the flowers. Or maybe out the window. She bent and opened her laptop. Tapped on the keys while he ogled her.
When she turned around to face him, she had tears in her eyes. But she didn't look exactly sad or angry. He couldn't figure her out.
"How come you didn't tell me about this?" She stepped aside so he could see what she was talking about.
His fan page glowed on her screen. Amy's selfie was pinned to the top over dozens of others. He had his arm around Amy like they were palling around. He was flashing what he thought of as his disarming grin. It covered a multitude of situations and sins and masked his true emotions when needed. Easygoing Logan, that was what the grin made him. Amy was blushing like a girl who had a crush on him.
He was in deep shit now. "I didn't do that. I didn't post that page. The damn thing embarrasses me. I wish the owner would take it down."
"Don't be embarrassed. You're a hero. Your fans adore you." Her voice broke with emotion.
But for the life of him he couldn't tell what the emotion was—good or bad? He swallowed hard, wanting her to understand. Wanting her period.
He took a step into her. She didn't move away. That was good sign. It had to be. He cupped her cool cheeks in his hands. "I love you, El. Just you. Only you. Always you."
"But you care about others, too." She looked at him with wide eyes. "And that's what I love about you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the fine hairs at the back of it until he shivered with pleasure.
He lost control then, tipping her face to his and kissing her hard, inserting his tongue into her mouth and toying with it until she whimpered.
He cupped her totally grab-able ass, pulling her against his dick. She pressed her chest against his so tightly he swore he could feel the beat of her heart through his shirt and hers as it matched the wild, needy rhythm of his.
She unwrapped her arms from his neck and slid them down his chest, hesitating at his fly, skimming the bulge straining to get out, teasing him.
His breath caught. He pulled away from her kiss and cupped her breasts, mounding them in his hands, feeling the lace through her blouse. He bent and kissed the tops of them that peeked above the V-neck of her shirt. He felt the rise of her chest, shallow and excited as he licked the top of her breasts, and inserted his tongue in the valley between them. Her nipples popped up, erect beneath his touch through a layer of la
ce and cotton. He rubbed them with his thumbs as he licked and slowly moved down to suck on her nipples through her thin blouse.
"I want you, Logan," she whispered. "Now." She unzipped his fly and pulled open the warm denim of his pants.
He was long, hard, throbbing as she pulled him out. Wet at the tip and ready to enter her. Barely hanging on and hoping he didn't come in her hand as she stroked him. She walked him backwards to her bed while he unzipped her jeans and pulled a condom out of his pocket.
He had it unwrapped and ready by the time they reached they edge of the bed. She took it from him and rolled it onto his purple, throbbing dick, as he tried not to come into the condom. He should have taken her shirt off, but he was too far gone now to bother removing clothes that weren't an absolute impediment. Too close to embarrassing himself by losing control and being premature.
He pulled her jeans down around her hips and slid one finger beneath her panties and into her. She gasped and kicked free of her pants. She was so ready for him. As he tried to spin her around to take her on the bed, she dug in and resisted him.
"Let me be on top, Logan, please."
His heart beat a new rhythm, a beat called fear. It was irrational, but it was strong and ready to derail this reunion. He couldn't let it happen. He needed her so badly, yet her request was so simple. So reasonable. How could he refuse without looking like the world's biggest douche?
He sensed a pattern. She'd tried this before. He cursed whatever women's magazine had given her this idea that she needed to be on top. But deep down he worried she knew what she was doing, that she suspected what his nightmares were. He couldn't let her into them. He wouldn't.
He cupped her butt. "Climb up on me, El." He hoisted her and she jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist.
He slid her down onto him, entering her slickness with one great upward thrust. This was where he belonged—with her. With El.
She gasped and pressed her forehead against his. "Logan."
"Last night, walking those girls home, all I could think about was having sex with you. And what a douche I was for leaving you. All I could think about was this—pressing you up against the wall and losing myself in you."