Layla put her head on his shoulder. “Of course he likes you. Trust me, if he didn’t like you, you’d be in the emergency room right now. But yes, he and Megan are close, they always have been. She keeps him from being too tight-assed. She’s very close to Nina and I think is a bit of a calming influence on her. They just want the best for her. They worry that you won’t live up to your bond with her.”
“And what do you think about it?”
“I think you’re scared. This is like a whole foreign universe to you and you’ve been raised to be suspicious of it and suddenly you must know the only way to truly be with Megan is to embrace the very thing you’ve rejected your whole life.”
“Not scared really. But you guys can be like a cult. I have a life. I resent this ‘take it all or leave it’ ultimatum I’ve been given.”
She snorted. “You’re so full of shit. I’m not as close with Megan as I am with Tee but I know my sister well enough to know she’d never give you an ultimatum like that. But what is it you’re asking of her?”
He began to pace, the moonlight on his skin agitating him. “Is it too much to want her there with me? I have a medical practice there! A house. My parents live there. Why should I give that all up to come here?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that in the end. You know what she has here and what you’re asking her to give up. What she is. Who she is. And for what? Can you only be a doctor in Las Vegas?”
“Can she only be a werewolf in Seattle?”
Layla shrugged. “She can’t be what she is here in another Pack. Also, she’d have to fight her way up. Do you want that? She’d be challenged again and again and in truth they wouldn’t accept her because her mate has repudiated what they are. What sort of life would that be for either of you? Why would you want that for her?” She heaved a big sigh and shook her head. “I’m not going to engage in this with you anymore. If you want to have a serious conversation and you’re willing to be totally honest with me and with yourself, let me know. I’m going for a run. The moon is full, can’t you feel it pulling your wolf? How long has it been?”
“I’m tired.”
“Suit yourself. You know, what would it hurt to give just a tiny bit? To yourself? To her?”
She walked away and he struggled to breathe as his wolf paced inside him. He felt it, his other self, insistent in a way he’d not felt since his early twenties.
He felt Megan coming and tried to compose himself but when he turned, she stood naked in the silvery light of the moon. “Would you like to run with me? The others have headed out on the other side of the property. Gabby is asleep and Hiro is guarding her. It’s just you and me out here.”
“My God you’re beautiful.” He brushed his knuckles down her neck and she arched into his touch.
“What does your wolf look like, Shane? Will you show me? Share that with me? You can say no. I’m sorry if I’m coming on so strong. The moon calls and my blood rushes with the tides. I want to feel it with you. So much it hurts to hold my wolf back. But say the word, say no and we can go back to our house.”
“I...” He wanted to run. Wanted to feel the wildness course through him once again but the thought of losing his humanity stole his breath.
Her face fell and she nodded. “Come on, let’s go home.” She turned and walked away and he felt a gulf wider than the nearly twelve hundred miles between Seattle and Las Vegas open between them and it was his fault.
* * *
He was falling for Megan Warden. So hard he didn’t quite know how to process it. And yet, the issue of who they were and what he felt about it stood between them and he knew it. He just didn’t know how to deal with it.
So he showed her how he felt the only way he could. He loved every inch of her perfect, velvety skin. He showered attention on her body and through that, he hoped she felt what he did.
He loved the way she moved in the kitchen. Smooth, efficient, totally sure about what she’d do next.
“I love the way you do that,” he said, smiling. She turned and met his gaze.
“What? Peel potatoes? You’re easy.”
He stood and moved to her, needing to touch her. It’d stopped freaking him out, the need to be near her, the need to touch her, to smell her skin. It was part of what there was between them and he accepted it. Whether it was a werewolf thing or whatever, it was there and it was real and he was done trying to fight it.
She leaned back into him as he slid his hands over the curve of her shoulders, down her arms, encircling her waist and then back up to cup her breasts.
“Let me love you,” he said against the warmth of her neck.
“It’s all I want.”
He felt the rush of her emotion through their link and it nearly knocked him over. No one had ever been so much to him, had ever connected to him the way she did. The intensity of it roared through him.
Sweeping an arm across the counter to clear it, he picked her up and set her on the edge. Impatient, he made quick work of the frilly tank top she wore and her glorious breasts were at eye level.
“So beautiful,” he murmured, licking across the curve of one and then over to the other.
She arched, her fingers sifting through his hair, her scent rising to his nose, drowning him in her and he surrendered, letting himself fall.
Her nipples were hard against his tongue, her moans echoing through her chest. He wanted to give himself to her but he wasn’t good enough. She was strong. Sure. Self-assured and confident and he didn’t know what the hell he was other than a fool for her. There in Seattle, what was he in comparison to the men she knew?
Her grip tightened and she turned his head to her so she could see his face. “Do not do this to me. Give yourself to me, Shane. Stop holding back. I only want to love you. Can’t you feel that?”
“Let me give you what I can.”
He pushed her thighs apart and shoved the flimsy skirt she wore up, exposing her bare pussy. God he loved that about her. The way she owned her sexuality so unashamedly. It was a way he felt they really connected, where he could totally be himself without holding back.
His thumbs slid through her wet flesh and she gasped as he manipulated her clit, squeezing just so slightly. He bent, tasting her belly as he moved down to her pussy, her scent and the way she heated against his mouth drawing him to her.
He groaned when his tongue made contact with her, her taste zinging through his senses. She tasted like the best thing ever and he couldn’t get enough. Long slow licks, just the way she liked it and just the way he liked to give it to her, pulled her closer to climax.
He didn’t want it to end, wanted the quicksilver taste of her pleasure on his tongue, wanted the clutch of her fingers on his shoulders, the squirming against him as she pressed her pussy into his face.
Her nails dug into the hard muscle of his shoulders through his T-shirt and the sound of the cotton giving way made his cock even harder. The wildness of her, her strength and nature flavored her body, flowed into him like magic and for a very brief string of seconds, he understood what it meant to be a wolf. Accepted it as he danced fingers and tongue through her sex, drawing her closer to climax.
She cried out as she came, her body arching, stiffening, her emotion and pleasure flowing through the link and into the room around them. She was everything and more than he’d ever dreamed he’d possess but even as her orgasm began to die, he felt the space between them open up again.
* * *
He held her like she meant something to him and yet, it was like she was in bed with a stranger. When they had sex was the only time she felt truly connected to him and it wasn’t enough. She couldn’t settle for that, a piece of him that was only fleeting. She wanted him, all of him and he greedily held back. It made her tired. He made her ashamed, made her hold back when she wanted to share. She
didn’t like it. And it made her deeply sad because the end was there and there wasn’t a thing she could do to make it better.
He’d been with her for three days and he’d avoided any talk of the joining ceremony. She hadn’t bothered to take him back to Lex and Nina’s and he hadn’t asked to go.
She had to face that he didn’t want her, not who she was. He wanted a human woman and she couldn’t give that to him. She wasn’t human and damn it, if he loved her, he wouldn’t want her to try and cut out her heart the way he had.
She knew he wanted to run. She saw it in his face. But she wouldn’t push. How fair would it be for her to do that? He had to come to her and accept not only what she was but what he was too. She had enough issues in her life, living a lie was just beyond the amount of energy she had to expend. And she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to pass as human.
She’d had hope when he got there Thursday night and now she had none. All she had was the thought of being bound for the rest of her life to a man who didn’t love her and never would. She wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all but she’d wait until she was alone.
“Megan, are you all right?” he asked softly.
“Go to sleep. You have an early flight.”
“You’ve been distant since Thursday night. I thought you wanted to try and make this work.”
She turned to him. “Don’t do this now. Just go to bed.”
“Do what?”
Rage suddenly boiled up and she wanted to punch him. “Are you really going to do this now? Because I’m not going to play. If you push me, you’re going to get it all. Is that what you want?”
“Of course I want you to talk to me! I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want it.”
“Fine. No, I’m not all right. You’re a damned liar and I am sick of being your piece of werewolf ass.”
He jerked back as if she’d slapped him but she caught the guilty look in his eye and it only made her angrier. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“What wasn’t I clear on? You tell me you want to come up to visit. You tell me you want to get to know me but really, all you want is to fuck me. You don’t want to know me. You hate what I am and you actually make me feel ashamed. Never in my life has anyone made me feel ashamed of what I am. Until you. You’re supposed to love me and you make me feel like a back-alley whore.”
“I don’t understand. What have I done to make you feel this way? Why would you save this all up until right before I left?”
“What have you done to make me feel any other way? I have tried to be understanding. I have tried to slowly introduce you to my life. But you don’t want to know. You don’t want to go on hikes. You don’t want to meet my friends and family. You don’t want to know about my life. You don’t want to fit into it at all. Let’s be honest, Shane, you don’t want me for anything but shoving your dick into. And I let you. I love it when you fuck me so what does that make me? Huh?”
“A woman who likes to have sex with her husband, that’s what it makes you! And you don’t want to introduce me to your life, you want me to be a card-carrying member of the werewolf party.”
“You’re not my husband. You are a man ruled by his cock. You claimed me because you were hot to fuck me but you don’t talk to me like you talk to Layla. You don’t talk to me at all. And you are so fucked up. You are a werewolf. You are a werewolf! You really should get some help with your denial. And your mother needs to be slapped. Don’t bother defending her, I’ve already had the pleasure of a phone call with her so don’t try it.”
* * *
Confusion, guilt and hurt swamped him, followed by anger and then the last bit of her sentence registered. “You called my mother?”
“Oh for...” She got up and began to get dressed in short jerky movements. The bitter scent of unshed tears filled the room and he wanted to get on his knees and beg her forgiveness. He’d been a total prick, cold except in bed since she’d brought him back to her house Thursday night. “Your mother called me. Yesterday when you were taking a nap, as it happens.”
“Where are you going? You can’t just spring this on me and leave.” He got up to follow as she left the room.
“To sleep in the guest room. I think it’s best. I can’t take any more rejection from you without breaking and I don’t want to cry anymore.”
He wanted to go to her. Wanted to make it okay and yet he stood rooted to the floor, watching his life spiral out of control. “You’re not going to walk away from me. Let’s work this out. What did my mother say?”
“Ask her yourself, Shane. I’m not her fucking errand girl. She’s bat-shit crazy and I am having no part of this mess.”
“Please talk to me. How can we fix it if you don’t talk to me?”
“Don’t do this to me. It’s so cruel.” She gasped as her tears broke free and began to stream down her face.
“Please, Megan, don’t cry.” He moved to her but she held a hand out to ward him off. Within him, his wolf pushed harder than he’d ever felt, needing to fix her, needing to comfort her. He fell to his knees with an anguished growl as he fought it.
And her arms were around him, her scent, bittersweet with anguish, pain, love and regret, calmed and soothed even as it made him want to cry himself.
“Let it go. You don’t want this. I accept it. I love you so much. You can’t possibly know how much. Because I love you, I’m letting you go. The bond is irrevocable, I can’t make it go away but you can be free. I’ll arrange to have you driven to the airport tomorrow morning. Don’t call me. Just ride out the need and hopefully it’ll lessen.” She stood up and he heard the door open and close and he was alone.
Chapter Ten
Dully, he drove from the airport back to his house. She hadn’t come back the night before and hadn’t answered her phone. Layla had come to take him to the airport but had been very closemouthed about where Megan was.
As she dropped him at the airport she’d turned to him. “If you let my sister slip through your fingers you’re an idiot. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Don’t let your fear fuck this up. Is it so bad? To be a werewolf? To accept what you are as well as what she is? Because it’s pretty wonderful. It’s what I am. What Sid is. What you are. Do it, for your sake and for hers. You’re so very close to losing her forever. If you don’t wise up now, you’ll never have a close bond with her. But she has an Anchor, you think about that. And you tell that mother of yours if she ever calls my sister again unless it’s to apologize I will fly to Vegas and smack her ass down myself. She’s messed your head up big time but I won’t allow her to make my sister feel ashamed of what is right and natural. The bond is right, and you know it. It’s not too late.”
But she wouldn’t tell him what his mother had said and he’d gotten out of the car and onto the plane.
His house was empty. Stale. A pretty facade with nothing inside, just like he was.
He went through the motions as the days passed. He tried to call, over and over but she never answered. The ache of her absence burned a hole into him until he literally wanted to howl out his frustration and loneliness.
At first he’d just dug in. Worked fifteen-hour days. Slept when he wasn’t working, but the ache, the need of her sizzled through him every moment of the day, interrupted his dreams. He knew he was wrong, knew she was up there alone and he wrestled with going to her.
It was as if he were outside his life, looking in while someone else lived it. Had he always been this damned disconnected? He didn’t seem to care about anything. His entire day was shuffling to work, calling Megan and leaving yet more voice mails, trying to get his mother to give him answers and wondering what it would feel like should his fucking life ever get turned on.
“What the fuckety fuck is your issue?” Layla demanded when she called him two weeks later. ?
??Okay so when I was all, you’re gonna lose her and stuff when I dropped you off at the airport did you think I was practicing lines for some play I was going to be in or what? Shane, what is wrong with you?”
“I don’t know! Look, why can’t things be easy?”
“Shut the fuck up. Did you just whine to me? You, a nearly forty-year-old man. A successful doctor, a man with a hella amazing wife who is broken into pieces over his seeming lack of emotion where she is concerned. You have everything and you’re pissing it away to live alone with human women who occupy your bed for twenty minutes and no friends and no real connection to your family? And look at me! You’re making me talk in italics and stuff. You know how I hate that. Why are you not here?”
He actually wanted to laugh for the first time in weeks. God he had so missed Layla, and talking to her just made him miss Megan even more and the laugh died away. “There are no other women. I wouldn’t do that to her. Anyway, she told me to go.”
“So, you want to guess who came to dinner at Lex and Nina’s on Sunday with Megan? Adam. Yeah, he’s being a very good friend right now. An Anchor. Of course Megan just walks around with dead eyes and her skin looks like hell and she doesn’t see the way Adam looks at her. But I do and you’re a damned fool. Get over your childhood already. Stop acting like you’re starring in a Woody Allen movie. Put on your big-girl panties and get up here. If you don’t I will beat you. Dumbass. Sid sends his love.”
She hung up before he could argue and he put his phone down with a long sigh. Woody Allen movie indeed. What did she know about it? Her and her damned perfect family.
He had to get out of the house and he needed to eat so he headed to a diner on the outskirts of town. Away from the lights and the tourists. This was old-world Vegas where the food was cheap, came in heaping portions and the waitresses called him sugar and put an extra scoop of vanilla on his warmed apple pie.
“Hey there! It’s Doctor Shane Rosario.” Gina, the woman who’d been serving up his pot roast and slice of pie for as long as he could remember, winked at him as he came in.