What the hell was I doing?
I should have been back in Virginia.
I never should have left.
Chapter 5
Kin
Two days. That was all it took before I realized I was in hell. By Friday I was convinced I’d made a promise to my mother to live with Satan and her minions when I’d agreed to my mother’s last wish.
Jillian did nothing but constantly nag me to do my hair and makeup. I spent more time arguing with her over it not being her decision to make if I left the house with a messy bun or perfect hair every morning. Who the hell cared if I had on enough makeup to pass for a damn clown? She was trying to change me and I wasn’t about to be railroaded into changing my entire personality for her or anyone else.
It didn’t help that Georgia was just as bad as her mother. Or that it looked like Carolina was quickly turning into the two airheads that I was forced to share a roof with. By the end of the second week living with my father—whom I rarely saw—and his family, I was ready to say screw it. I could live with the guilt of not getting to know Scott Montez and the family he’d turned his back on me for. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to feel guilty at all.
Well, not too much anyway. The only guilt I would feel was from letting my mother down.
Damn it.
Thinking of my mother was the only reason I was able to get through each day. I missed her so much at times it was all I could do not to break down and cry as I lay in my bed every night. Talking to Angie, Caleb and Carter each night helped some, and I was sure if it weren’t for my new friendship with Lucy Thornton that I would be lost in my own heartbreakingly endless grief.
What had my mom been thinking when she had come up with the idea that I would be better off in California with Scott rather than with the three people who were the only real family I’d ever known? Had she not understood that I would grieve for her? That I would feel lost and alone and that shipping me off to my biological father the instant she was in the ground would destroy me?
Maybe she hadn’t thought of that at all, but I sure as hell wondered about it every night as I tried not to cry myself to sleep.
Today was Saturday and for the most part I’d avoided leaving my room as much as possible. It was better for everyone if I stayed in my bedroom. Every time I saw Jillian we ended up arguing and I was past caring if I hurt anyone’s feelings in this house. Two days after arriving, I’d finally had enough of letting the three chicks that I now shared a house that was more prison than home with, run over me.
Georgia only had herself to blame for the pink food coloring I’d put into her shampoo and conditioner. Carolina shouldn’t have been quick to follow in her big sister’s footsteps because I hadn’t played favorites with them. The younger girl’s expensive shampoo and conditioner had been subjected to the same thing. The week-long grounding I’d gotten for turning Jillian’s daughters’ hair pink was well worth every second of home confinement. I’d had something to smile about at least each time I’d caught sight of that ugly pink color for the two days the food coloring had stuck around. The two hadn’t stopped washing their hair until the pink was all gone. Now SoCal was in a drought.
I probably wouldn’t have even done anything to my two step-bitches if they had just left Lucy alone. Instead they had badmouthed her one too many times for my liking and I never let someone talk shit about my friends. Lucy and her family were the only shining lights to the otherwise dimness that my life was living with my father and step-monster. Without them, I was sure I would have lost my sanity already.
Thankfully my punishment was finally over, and I was getting cabin fever from having locked myself in my room for so long. So I’d texted Lucy and gotten a little surprise when she’d called me back and told me to get ready. She was taking me to First Bass, one of California’s hottest new clubs. My new best friend had VIP access to a place where normal people had to wait weeks to get on the actual official waiting list, and she was finally going to use it.
Knowing the owner handled the age requirement to get in, I guessed, because I was sure that places like First Bass didn’t normally let seventeen-year-olds inside. So there I was, dressed up—well, as much as I dressed up anyway—in jeans, one of my old rocker T-shirts and flip flops. I didn’t even touch my wild collection of new makeup Jillian kept adding to.
With my hair flowing down my back I stood with Lucy at the bar as we waited for the yummy-looking bartender to grab our drinks. If Marcus, Lucy’s bodyguard and shadow, hadn’t been there I would have flashed my fake ID—a present from Angie on my last birthday. I wanted a beer more than the ginger ale that Nate was currently pouring for us.
As soon as the guy returned, flirting like mad with my drop-dead gorgeous friend and offering his number, I took my drink and glanced around for somewhere to sit. With her own drink in hand, Lucy turned to follow my gaze. I’d seen more than one face that I recognized from various tabloids and movies that I’d actually liked over the years, but nowhere to sit. The place was amazing, the music kickass, but I was kind of bored.
“Lucy!”
My eyes instantly connected with an older chick in a dress that was almost indecent and heels that I figured she wasn’t used to wearing from the way she was stumbling. Her long dark hair was hanging almost limply in a tangle around her shoulders and her makeup was smeared around her eyes. Still I could tell that this chick was beautiful despite all those things that suggested she was both slutty and perhaps bordering on skank.
Then she got closer and I realized it was probably more than not knowing how to walk in those deathtrap heels that was making her stagger all over the place. Her eyes were dilated in a way that clearly told me she had something worse than alcohol in her system. She had a glass of champagne in her hand, but the way she kept stumbling and staggering, the contents kept spilling over the rim of the delicate glass she was holding.
Long, thin arms wrapped around Lucy, and I was assaulted by the smell of her hair. Gross, but it only confirmed for me that whoever this chick was, she was flying as high as the clouds right then.
“Damn, babe, you look hot,” the newcomer told Lucy as she pulled back to run her eyes appreciatively over Lucy’s curves. When Lucy didn’t look like she was going to respond, her friend took a sip of her drink. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Harris has been in a bad mood. For weeks now he’s been unbearable. Did you two have a fight?”
The skin around Lucy’s eyes tightened with displeasure. “I haven’t seen him to have fought with him, Jenna.” The chick stumbled again and if Lucy hadn’t reached out to catch her, she would have knocked the three men down who were passing and followed after them. “Let’s sit down before you fall.” Lucy glanced at me, but my eyes were still on our new addition. “Do you see a free couch or something?”
Jenna’s blue-gray eyes widened when she finally spotted me. “Wow, who’s this?” She stuck out a hand that noticeably shook. “Hi. I’m Jenna.”
I wasn’t about to touch this chick. Not because I suspected she was a lesbian. I had no problem with that. No, it was that she looked kind of dirty and smelled bad. Gross.
“This is Kin,” Lucy said, introducing us as if I hadn’t just snubbed the older girl.
“Like Barbie and Ken?” Jenna asked with a snort of amusement as Lucy wrapped her arm around the chick’s waist and half-carried her to a couch that had just become free across the room.
By the time we reached it I noticed Marcus had narrowed his eyes on Jenna. Lucy dropped her down onto the couch and Jenna didn’t bother to close her legs, letting the world see that she was definitely wearing underwear under the barely there dress she’d squeezed herself into. Jenna drained the last of her drink and slouched down.
“Wow, she’s a real barrel of laughs.” I took a sip of my ginger ale. “Are we going to have to babysit all night?”
“No way,” Lucy assured me with a new coolness to her tone that I hadn’t heard before. Her dark eyes were narrowed as she watch
ed Jenna for a few moments, then she lifted her head to look for Marcus.
The distance he’d offered us for privacy disappeared and he was suddenly standing right beside us. “Problems?” his deep voice said. He could already see what was going on, but wanted to know what Lucy needed him to do.
“Yeah. As soon as I get Harris over here to deal with her, we’re leaving.”
Good. I hadn’t really been having fun, even if we had just arrived. I felt kind of like an imposter being up in the VIP lounge with so many famous celebrities. This wasn’t nearly as much fun as I had originally thought it would be. I was out of my element there and just wanted to disappear. I’d been to clubs before with Caleb and Angie—mostly Caleb. He’d let me use my fake ID and would watch out for me to make sure I didn’t have more than I could handle.
Fuck, I missed my stepbrother.
Clenching my jaw against the sharp pain of loss I felt every time I thought about my family back in Virginia, I tried to distract myself by people-watching. Lucy and I stood there watching over her friend for a while, waiting for this guy Harris to show up, before I realized I needed to go to the ladies’ room before we made our escape. “Where’s the bathroom?” I asked Lucy as I glanced around.
“It’s that way,” Marcus was quick to offer me.
Lucy’s head snapped around at that. “Go with her,” she commanded the bodyguard. Marcus turned his gaze on her but she was quick to shake her curly head at him. “Harris has plenty of staff up here who will watch out for me for the few minutes it will take Kin to use the bathroom. I’ll be fine.”
I didn’t wait long enough to see if Marcus did as she asked, but took off for the bathroom. As far as bathrooms went, it was probably the nicest one I’d ever seen at a club. The line was just the same as any other club, though. Chicks lined up to use the stalls who were half drunk or possibly even as high as Jenna was. That wasn’t anything unusual for me to see, but the whole drug scene wasn’t for me.
I was gone for nearly twenty minutes because of the line. By the time I returned it was to find Lucy arguing with a guy twice as big as she was. I hurried toward her when I saw her raise her hand and smack the dude across the face. What the fuck? Behind me, Marcus increased his pace, until we were both practically running toward Lucy.
Dark eyes turned in my direction and I saw a mixture of emotions crossing her face. The anger was to be expected, but the hurt had my blood boiling. Who the fuck had put that look in her eyes?
“I’m so ready to get out of here, Kin,” Lucy told me as I pushed between the two guys and wrapped my arms around her neck.
When I felt her tremble slightly I tightened my hold on her. I would kick anyone’s ass who hurt my new best friend. Lucy was the only saving grace I had right then. Without her friendship and her family taking me under their wing, I was sure I would have lost my mind living with my father by now.
“What’s wrong?” All it would take was one word from her and I would make sure the guy she had just smacked would taste his balls for a week.
Lucy sucked in a deep breath and shook her head as she pulled back. “I just want to go. Do you mind?” Her voice was stronger now and I could actually see walls going up around her heart.
“No,” I assured her. “Of course not, babe.” I took her hand, giving it a supportive squeeze before I started to walk away with her, not even bothering to look at the guy who Lucy had been arguing with.
“Kin?”
Everything inside of me stilled at the sound of my name coming from a voice that was so achingly familiar. My heart stopped and I closed my eyes as I tried to tell myself that I was just hearing things. There was no way it was really him. No. Way.
Jace St. Charles had left me when I’d needed him the most. Not two days after I’d cried myself to sleep on his shoulder because I was scared of the thought of losing my mother, Jace had broken up with me. He was taking off with his band, Tainted Knights, and didn’t want to be tied down. He’d broken my heart, and I hadn’t tried to put it back together. There was no use when I knew it didn’t matter.
He’d been my world for a few short months and I’d fallen hard for him almost overnight. Maybe it was because Jace had been my first—in everything—or maybe it was just because I had been going through so much at the time, but I’d thought for sure that Jace was going to be part of my future.
Wrong.
Slowly, because I was sure that I was losing my mind, I turned to look at the guy who had said my name. When my gaze landed on the one face I had once memorized every inch of, I felt my throat tighten with emotions. I wanted to rage at him for breaking my heart when it had already been bruised and cracking from the thought of having to say goodbye to my mom. I wanted to cry and throw the biggest fit any ex had ever thrown.
Instead I clenched my jaw and met his blue eyes head on. “Jace.” My voice was so cold it could have caused frostbite right then.
For the first time since I’d met Jace St. Charles, he seemed to be at a loss for what to do. The guy I knew was always self confident enough that he could handle anything life threw at him. Was he that surprised to see me?
“What are you doing here?”
That had to be the million-dollar question. What the hell was I doing there? I should have just stayed home and locked myself in my room to avoid Jillian and the step-bitches. I could have put on my Beats and listened to music to drown out their nagging. Fuck that. I should have been back in Virginia with Carter and the twins. I wanted to be back there so damn much in that moment that it almost hurt to breathe.
“Lucy invited me.”
Lucy shifted beside me. I could feel her eyes on my face but didn’t look at her. I didn’t think I had the strength right then to keep my emotions in check if I did.
Jace shook his dirty blond head while his eyes skimmed over my entire body. That I felt his eyes like a physical touch only pissed me off that much more. Damn it. I didn’t want to feel anything for him, not after how he’d shattered my heart into a million pieces. “No. I mean…what are you doing here…in California?”
That he didn’t seem to remember what I’d been going through with my mother at the time he’d broken up with me was like a slap to the face. I lowered my eyes so he couldn’t see the pain his question had caused me. I’d cried on his shoulder, told him how much I didn’t want to move in with my father when my mom died. “I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to my life story since I last saw you.” I turned away from him, my emotions too close to the surface for me to dare look at him another second. “Let’s go,” I muttered to Lucy.
“No.” Jace moved quickly and was blocking our path to the exit. One large hand reached for mine and caught it before I could think to pull away. “Don’t go.” He swallowed with difficulty and the thought that he was just as emotional at seeing me again as I was at seeing him had me pausing for a moment. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
The pain those words caused left me hemorrhaging on the inside. He’d missed me? He’d missed me?
He’d. Missed. Me.
What-the-fuck-ever. I didn’t believe that for two seconds. He’d missed me, but where had he been when I’d needed him the most? Where had he been when I’d said goodbye to my mother for the last time? Where was he when I’d watched her being lowered into the ground? Where was he when I thought my whole world was over and I had to step on that fucking plane with Scott Montez and leave my real family behind?
He’d been off screwing some random chick, no doubt. He’d been living it up with his bandmates and partying. Jace had been living his life without me while I’d been falling apart. While all I’d wanted was his arms around me and his voice telling me that it was going to be okay. I didn’t have the patience to stand there and hear him lie to me.
“Yeah, I could tell from all those phone calls and text messages you didn’t send. I’m not in the mood to listen to your bullshit, Jace. Move or be moved.” I felt Marcus step up behind me and Lucy, and I could have hugged the norm
ally stone-faced bodyguard right then for having my back.
Jace’s blue gaze went to the man standing behind me and glared at Marcus for a long moment before finally clenching his jaw and stepping aside. Without giving him another look I pulled Lucy with me as I headed for the stairs.
By the time we got outside and Marcus had passed off the valet ticket to the attendant, I was numb. The shock at seeing Jace again had messed with my head and my heart didn’t know how to handle the things going through my mind right then.
Lucy tried to talk to me a few times on the ride home, but I was lost in the past. I asked her to drop me off at my father’s house. I’d rather have to deal with their coldness than the caring, motherly love I would have gotten from Layla Thornton right then. If she hugged me at that moment, I was sure I would crumble into a million pieces on the floor.
The ride home passed in a blur for me and I wasn’t sure if I even said goodnight to Lucy or not. I was in a daze as I used my key to unlock the front door. The house was dark, but I knew no one was in bed. It was barely ten on a Saturday night. My father was either off doing something for the new movie he was directing or at some party with Jillian. Georgia and Carolina were no doubt doing things with friends. I wasn’t stupid. I knew Georgia came home high most nights. She went out with friends after cheer practice and didn’t get home until after midnight sometimes.
I made my way up to my room and locked the door behind me before falling onto my bed. I didn’t see the pastel colored walls or the few pictures hanging there. I was reliving every moment I’d ever had with Jace—from the moment I’d first seen him singing with Tainted Knights at a bar in Bristol to the very second he had told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because he needed to focus on the band.
He’d said he loved me. He’d shown me that he loved me.