My body hits the wall behind me, halting our movements. He breathes roughly against me. Whatever I am feeling is obviously mirrored in him. A dull ache of lust burns in my pelvis, spreading like a wildfire. I have waited anxiously for this, for him. Years have come down to this single moment in time.
I feel his hand gripping my butt, my raging pent-up lust waiting specifically for my next move. This is my Vin. He makes me think I am guiding us, but in all reality, it’s him subtly maneuvering me. He braces my body against the wall, giving the illusion that I could be free from him if I chose, but we both know the truth.
My hands slide down, reaching for the hem of my shirt. I draw it up and over my head. He gasps when he sees I am wearing no bra. I had zero amount of time to put on any undies in the bathroom earlier, not having a clue that this moment would come. His orange-tinted brown eyes glide over my chest and my nipples painfully tighten harder beneath his gaze. A sensual cry escapes me.
“You are so beautiful,” he says, his voice raspy. “I have never wanted anyone or anything more in my life.” He grinds his groin upwards against mine, fitting himself snugly between my thighs.
My abdomen clenches at the sound of his husky voice. His words threaten to tear down my defenses, releasing me of my lies. He is right. This moment between us can be real. He knows I hide my past and is willing to let me, but not here, not behind my touch. Not from his caress.
His hand hovers over my breast only moments before his fingers lightly touch me, tracing the tattoos down my chest before creating invisible circles around my nipple. A tension grips the walls of my vagina. I can’t contain the moan that passes through my lips at the touch of his mouth, replacing his fingers. His tongue laps at my nipple before sucking it deep in his mouth. Heat spears downward, threatening to release the mounting tension.
I feel his other hand now stretching the band at the top of my skirt. He gently pushes it down my legs, letting it fall to the ground around my ankles. I step out, nudging it away with my toes. He swiftly lifts me in his arms, cradling me against his chest. My arms wrap tightly around his neck while his mouth swoops down to capture mine.
He carries me several steps before gently laying me on my bed. I lean up on my elbows to watch him remove his t-shirt and jeans. He grins at me as he lowers his boxers, freeing his erection. I glance at the thick, veined shaft that seems to twitch under my stare. I swallow hard, closing my eyes against the emotions that swamp me. I feel the bed dip as he climbs onto it. He moves over me. I know without opening my eyes because the heat pours off of his body, searing mine.
“Look at me, Keller. Watch me touch you,” he says.
My eyes flutter open to see his fingers drift lazily down my stomach. The tip of his finger brushes over my Hell’s tattoo, momentarily causing me to panic. But he doesn’t stop as he goes lower, sifting through the curls that cover my entrance. I forget the past. I can’t help myself from spreading my legs for him. He dips one finger into my wetness, pulling out to massage my outer folds. He repeats his movements while gently adding an additional finger. His motions stretch me wider than my vibrator, stroking places it could never seem to reach. The rhythmic in and out increases the pleasurable ache in my center, threatening to uncoil me.
“Let me have you,” he says, gazing down at me with unbridled passion.
“Yes.” I barely get the word out.
He leans back to stand, reaching for something in his pant pockets. A condom appears in his hand. I watch him tear it with his mouth before rolling it down on himself. The feel of his body once again covering me, elicits a deep moan, and he touches his lips back to mine, sending ripples throughout my body. My eyes start to close, but I force them open. I want to watch his as he enters me. We gaze at each other, everything in this moment open between us.
I feel the rounded head of him against me as he places himself at my entrance. He gently pushes inside. With a quick thrust, he completely fills me, stretching me farther than ever before. My muscles clench down at the invasion and he hisses as if in pain.
“Does it feel okay?” I ask. It has been too long. He is only the second person I have ever been with. My heartbeat skips at the thought of something he doesn’t like about me.
“Yeah,” he says, panting for air. “More than okay.”
I feel him throbbing inside. Nothing in this world matches what I am experiencing right now. He trembles above me, looking at me with a primal hunger. My body arches underneath his and I throw my head back from this intense pleasure. I ache for him. My thighs capture his hips, grinding him impossibly deeper.
“Keller.” He growls my name, seizing my lips while thrusting his hips. “You feel like wet silk,” he says, surging in and out.
My body moves of its own accord. I writhe underneath his body that plunges harder and faster into mine. I respond to his hunger. It controls me. His grunts of satisfaction spiral me higher, building me toward an orgasm that almost scares me in its intensity. How far can I fall before getting hurt?
His hands grip both of my hips, guiding me, instructing me. The edge is closer than I imagined. My entire body centers before imploding. I hear his guttural cry of release, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing does. I float aimlessly, content for the first time in my existence. I don’t fear the fall. I don’t fear the future.
I wake to the pitter-patter of rain against the windowsill. Lying still, I listen to the rhythmic drops that fall, until I hear something else. Somewhere in the distance music plays softly, something about the wicked games people play. I can’t help the knowing smile that lifts my lips. I really missed this type of wicked game.
“Is that smile for me?”
I lift my head to see him standing next to the window. My hand grips the thin sheet that barely covers my nakedness. He leans causally back against the wall, his arms crossed over his bare chest. My mouth actually waters at the sight of his V muscle, highlighted by the button he’s left undone on his jeans. He has sexy bed hair, locks sticking out everywhere. I notice red marks on his chest and arms, obviously scored by my nails.
I can’t help the rosy blush that covers my body at the thought of everything we did in this bed today. I turn to bury my face into the pillow. The smell of him prompts another wave of lust in the pit of my stomach. My body is hypersensitive to the smallest touch—even rubbing against the sheets sparks an electrical current underneath my skin. I clamp my legs together, trying to quiet everything that is pooling there.
When he doesn’t say anything else, I raise my head again to see him staring out the window. My eyes outline the contours of his face. I am entirely out of my league. He is out of my league. Girls like me never get guys like him. I bet in his school he was like my Jake Carrity. At the thought of Jake, All-American nice boy, my heart tightens in sharp pain. There must have been a girl like me, loving Vin from a distance, never dreaming big enough that one day she could be in his bed, in his life.
He turns his head, catching my perusal of him. We stare at each other. I wonder if he is thinking the same thing about me. He turns his head back to watch the rain.
“Keller, I…” he says, then stops before turning to glance at me. “I have a past, too. Things I can’t talk about. They didn’t matter before when we were just friends, but now things are different.”
His words settle into my brain. So many things that he said before we made love make sense now. I thought he was mainly referring to me, but I guess not. I can’t press him for answers when I am not willing to give my own, so I nod toward him. That doesn’t stop my mind from going into hyper-speed. He must have a girlfriend. Someone back at home, maybe more than a girlfriend. Holy shit! A wife?
I sit up in the bed, trying my best to wrap the sheet around me.
“Look at me, Keller,” he says, and I do. “You can’t press me for answers if you are not willing to give your own.” He reads my mind.
“I’m not an adulterer,” I say, the words turning sour in my mouth.
He gives a bitter lau
gh. “And you think I am? I am a lot of things, but an adulterer is not one of them. That I will tell you and it is the living truth. No wife. No girlfriend. Any other answers are going to cost you.”
I hear the sincerity in his voice and I believe him. I take a deep breath to calm my racing nerves and steady my shaking hands.
“Tit for tat, Keller. Anyone special you aren’t being forthcoming about? Should I be worried about a jealous boyfriend?”
His words burn me because they are the truth. Just like that, the haze of lust is evaporated by my life. Reality wallops me upside the head—I can never keep it away for too long. I try to slide to the side of the bed, but the sheet makes it difficult as my long legs tangle in it.
“So is there someone going to cut off my hands for touching you?”
My eyes rise worriedly to his.
He pushes away from the wall, stalking toward the bed. His eyes narrow solely on me. I scoot my butt back to the center of the mattress.
“Is that it? Who is going to kill me for touching you, Keller? For being deep inside of you,” he says, his legs brushing the side of the bed.
“No one,” I whisper. I can’t look away from him. I am mesmerized by the intensity in which he stares at me.
“No one is going to kill me? Because I would. After being inside you, the thought of anyone else touching you enrages me,” he says, his hands reaching for his jeans riding low on his hips. He grabs for the zipper, slowly tugging it down.
“No one,” I say, repeating myself. My mouth is dry as all the liquid in my body heads south again.
“No one what?” He leans over to push his jeans down his legs.
I watch him step out of them before placing his hands on the edge of the bed. I lick my lips. His hands gather the ends of my sheet and with a quick pull, he jerks it away from me, leaving me exposed to him. I gasp at the loss. My hands cover my breasts while I cross my sore thighs. He crawls toward me on the bed, stopping on his knees before me. I try to keep my eyes on his, but they keep slipping to his hard erection bobbing up and down, reminding me of something I have never done before. I’ve read enough books and watched plenty of movies to know how to give a blowjob. I even practiced on a carrot once and it didn’t complain.
Before he can stop me, before I can stop myself, I lean forward to lick the top of the slick head. Surprisingly he tastes salty. Thick, blue veins trace the top side of his penis. My tongue follows each one. I hear his gasp of surprise and I continue. Once he is entirely wet with my saliva, I place my lips securely around him, sucking him completely to the back of my throat.
“Stop,” he says, grasping my shoulders painfully to push me back against the mattress. He follows me down, lying on his side.
“Did I do something wrong?” I blink up at him.
“Hell, yes! You are killing me,” he says, quietly yelling at me. I watch his heavy breathing.
“Oh.”
“And she says, ‘Oh.’” He shakes his head. “We were talking and you ambushed me.”
“You don’t want me to do that?”
“Yes, I want you to do that. As much and as often as you want to do that, but I need an answer,” he says, staring down at me. He lifts his hand to brush his knuckles against my tender cheek. “What previous lovers of yours are coming after me, Keller?”
“There is no plural,” I say quietly, staring up at him. “There was only one other before you.”
“One?” He looks perplexed.
“You are really ruining my first BJ experience,” I say, trying to change the subject. I tug my bottom lip between my teeth. “Well, except for that carrot, but you just showed me that there is a huge difference. Gigantic,” I say, smiling up at him.
He glances away from me, his eyes searching for something around the room. I watch his mouth moving silently. When he finally looks back down, I see the truth finally dawn on him.
“Are you telling me what I think you are telling me?”
“It’s no big deal,” I say, my eyes locking onto his tattoo. I trace the numbers with my fingertip across his chest.
“Look at me, Keller. Being only the second person you’ve ever been with is a fucking big deal. I know what trust means to you and knowing you trust me…” His lips quickly find mine.
They devour me; his tongue licks at mine, our teeth clash. His reaction is visceral in nature. My hand presses against his heart and I can feel the frenetic beating pumping against my palm.
“It’s a big deal to me,” he says, in between moments of the war he has waged on my mouth.
His body covers mine. My own heart beats a crazed rhythm, in perfect tandem with his. I don’t close my eyes so that I can watch him staring at me. His usual grin hinders his next kiss.
He pulls back slightly. “Gigantic, huh?” We both laugh before he lowers his mouth again.
“My world burns from tiny cinders of lies, setting me aflame. My skin blackens from the blood boiling underneath. But I stand still, willing the orange and red to hurry. Burn, burn, burn. Death is not my destination, but my salvation. So hurry fire and burn.” I finish reading the poem I wrote, in front of my peers, before sitting back down in my chair.
“Interesting, Helen,” the teacher says, walking in front of the classroom. “Dark, but very deep. Okay, who is next?” She is interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing.
I grab my backpack up, sliding my notebook inside. The sound of everyone rushing from the room, signals the end of another day. I hear them talking about going to the big football game scheduled tonight, a normalcy I have never known. I wait, giving them time to clear out before leaving myself.
Things haven’t changed much since Hold has been locked up. I live in a house with two complete strangers, pretending that we are family. It’s my own personal prison. Hold has forbidden any of us from visiting, especially me. Of course, Sage silently blames me for her not being able to see her son. His lawyer thinks he may be out before Christmas for good behavior.
I spend every waking minute when I am not at school at Hard Ink. Diamond and Badger have become more of a mother and father figure than Sage and Ward. Many nights I stay with Diamond, but we both know that Sage wouldn’t allow me to move out. I am Hold’s.
The sound of someone calling my name stops me before I reach where I am going.
“Hey, beautiful.”
Jake is leaning casually against my locker, his hands resting in the pockets of his letterman jacket.
“Jake, what are you doing?” I glance to make sure none of the other MC’ers are around. The halls are mostly empty.
“I am trying to ask the prettiest girl in school to come watch me play football tonight,” he says, shrugging his shoulder.
“Do you have a death wish? Move,” I say, waiting for him to step away so I can open my locker and throw my books inside.
“What have I been telling you? I don’t care about them. They don’t scare me.”
“They should. They should scare you to death. You have already had the shit beat out of you because of me. That was your warning. I have told you that this entire time. Stay away from me,” I say, slamming my locker before turning to walk away.
“Hey, wait one minute,” he says, running to catch up with me. “Talk to me, Hels.”
I turn on my heel, stopping to point my finger in his face. “Don’t call me that. You don’t know that girl. You don’t want to.”
“Okay, Helen. But I do. I want to know everything about you.”
Someone walking down the hallway toward us makes me jump. I glance around, noticing the girls’ bathroom. I grab his hand, pulling him inside. The first thing I do is check the stalls to make sure they are empty. Next, I place the trashcan in front of the door. He leans against a sink, watching me.
“I am getting a college scholarship and going away to school,” he says, looking at me.
I give a bitter laugh. “You won’t if you’re dead.”
“Let me finish. I have been thinking about it, and you cou
ld come with me. Get out of this town and away from them. When you turn eighteen, you can move out. They aren’t your parents. You shouldn’t have to stay there anyway.”
“And go where, Jake? It doesn’t work like that for me. I’m never getting out of this town away from them. There are rules that you don’t understand… my world is different than yours.” My heart hurts hearing him speak of everything I dream about but can’t have.
“Well, run away. You can hide out in my basement if you want to. My parents never go down there. At least, until we figure something else out,” he says, pushing away and walking toward me. “I have someone who I can ask about this if you want me to. He can tell me how you can get away.”
I freeze, my body paralyzed by what is happening. Jake hasn’t left me alone since January when he got his ass kicked. I dreaded that first day of school after it happened, so I faked being sick for several weeks until Sage said that I had to return. I begged to quit like Hold, but evidently my getting my diploma is a must, where college is out of the question. When I did return, Jake acted like it was his mission in life to save me. Why, I don’t know. I have tried to warn him away, but he doesn’t take my dire predictions seriously, which terrifies me.
“Stop it,” I hiss at him. My mind and stomach churn with the turmoil his words generate inside of me. “They will kill you if they even hear we are together. Do you understand me?”
“They aren’t going to kill anyone. I am sure they’re just scaring you away from me,” he says, standing in front of me.
Something between a laugh and a sob escapes me. “Yeah, they will,” I cry. “He will.”
Jake’s arms surround me, pulling me closely to him. I am tired of fighting him—it wears me emotionally to the bone. My head lay on his chest and I quietly cry.
“Shh, it’s going to be fine. I can protect you,” he whispers into my ear.