I close my eyes, knowing this boy before me doesn’t have a clue. He lives in a world where cops are always good and the bad guys aren’t really bad, just scary on the outside. He can’t even begin to contemplate the inner workings of a demon. I can, because I am one of them.
The sound of somebody trying to open the door rattles the trashcan. A voice sounds on the other side. I physically push him into a stall and he shuts the door. I rush to turn the water on to seem as if I am washing my hands when the door swings open. The trashcan hits the wall behind it. The janitor peeks his head inside.
“Everything okay in here?”
“Sorry,” I say. “How did that happen?” I start to walk past him. “Um, I would wait a little while to clean it. It sounds like somebody is sick in one of the stalls. I think it’s a teacher. She said she is fine, but I would give her a little while longer.”
He nods. “Thanks,” he says, before turning to walk down the hallway.
I run out of the school by myself, not stopping until I get into my car. What is Jake thinking? He can’t possibly understand the ramifications of being near me. I don’t breathe a sigh of relief until I am parking my car in front of Hard Ink. A knock on my window startles me. Mikey stands on the other side, smoking a cigarette.
“What do you want?” I ask, getting out of my car and locking it behind me.
“We need to talk,” he says, flicking the ashes to the ground.
“What about?” There is no way he knows this soon about Jake.
“Hold.”
My hand reaches for his. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine for a man who’s spent the last nine months in jail. I spoke to the lawyer today and he’s pretty sure he can get him out in the next thirty days. That means you and I have business to attend to.” He shakes my hand free.
“What is it, Mikey,” I say, leaning against the car.
“I don’t know where his head is going to be when he gets out, but he has got to lay low. That means he gets no shit from you. I’m praying that the poor bastard has wised up and realized that there is prettier pussy in the world, but I have feeling that won’t be the case,” he says, throwing his cigarette butt down on the ground.
What is he trying to say?
“Do you know your place, Hels? If you can’t be a good little future wifey, then we need to seek other alternatives—one that cuts you out of the picture completely. You read me?”
Is he offering me the death I secretly wish for? I wonder what he would say if I ask him to put a bullet in my head, ending this life of misery. Would he have that same smug smile on his face? It doesn’t matter. As much as I think about death, I can’t seem to follow through—something keeps me going.
“Yeah,” I say, nodding my head. I walk past him, brushing his shoulder with mine as I go by.
The tattoo shop is slow when I walk in. Badger is the only artist currently tattooing what looks like a rose on some man’s neck. Diamond is out of town visiting her mother who just found out she had cancer. She asked if I wanted to go, but Sage wouldn’t allow it. All the other artists, except for me, are MC guys who are attending a party at the garage tonight. I begin to clean the shop, doing the work that the men refuse to.
Hours pass and before I know it, night falls. It’s a Friday night so you can expect late-night tats and drunk customers. Badger is busy working on a skin. I just finished my last one and clean my area.
“Hels, can you grab the next customer coming in?” Badger yells over to me.
“Sure,” I say, turning to walk to the front. My stomach rebels at the person standing there. Jake.
“You missed my game,” he says, still wearing his number-seven football jersey.
I don’t stop walking as I grab his arm, hauling him back out the door. The thought of what Badger just saw scares me to death. Badger likes me, he may even care for me, but he is an MC man through and through, one of the original seven members of the club. We stop at Jake’s car.
“If you are curious who won, we did. I had the game-winning touchdown. Hey, ouch!” He rubs the spot where I just pinched his arm.
“I am going to hyperventilate,” I say, putting my hand to my chest. It is almost impossible to try and slow my breathing down.
“Just quit acting crazy. What are they going to do? Shoot me in a public place?”
“No, first they are going tie you up and gag you. Next they will drive you somewhere, and then they will shoot you.”
“You watch way too much television.”
“I don’t watch any TV,” I say, shaking my head at his stupidity. “I have to get back inside. Now.”
“Helen, you are killing me,” he says, acting like he is holding his heart.
“Now you get it. I am, Jake. I really am.” I turn to go back inside when he grabs my hand, spinning me back around. His lips roughly land on mine. Instinct takes over, and my palm connects with his cheek, hard. “Don’t ever do that again,” I hiss. His eyes convey a world of hurt. He doesn’t realize that I am saving him as much as me.
I look up to see Badger standing in the doorway.
“Time to come back in, Hels,” he says, talking to me, but looking at Jake.
“Stay away from me,” I whisper over to Jake. “Please.”
My feet move, swiftly carrying me through the door of the tattoo shop.
“Do I need to make a phone call?”
I close my eyes at the sound of Badger’s voice. “Please don’t. I handled it.”
He nods. “Go ahead and lock up,” he says, returning to his customer.
In less than an hour he is finished. I wait while he gets the money ready. We both walk toward our vehicles.
“You got trouble. I have to alert Ward, Hels. That boy has some nerve to walk into your place of business that is a known MC spot. It only tells me he has a death wish. You want this shit to blow back on you?”
“Please don’t. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him to leave me alone. I don’t know what else to do. He’s a good kid, Badger. He doesn’t deserve to die because he doesn’t see the danger. It will be all my fault.”
“This has to be finished before Hold comes home. He’s one of those kids Hold beat up, isn’t he?”
I nod.
“The main one?”
I nod again.
“Shit. Stupid fucker,” he says, shaking his head. “Get in your car and go straight home. Do you hear me?”
“Badger, please. Don’t do this,” I say, begging him.
“Get in your car and go home, girl. Now!”
I turn and run to my car. This can’t be happening. I don’t have a clue where Jake lives. The only place I can even think to look is the Shack.
It takes me less than ten minutes before I drive up to the front door. Several of my classmates glance over at me as I run in, but I ignore them, looking fervently for Jake. I see a booth full of football players in the back. But not him. However, they might have his cell number.
The entire group of them looks up to see me walking their way. Some glance down, pretending I don’t even exist as I stop right in front of them.
“Do any of you guys know Jake’s phone number?”
“I have it in my cell phone,” one guys says, pulling out his phone.
“Dude, do you know who she is?” Another guy punches his shoulder, looking at the owner of the phone like he is an idiot.
“Can you call him for me? Please,” I say. My hands shake uncontrollably. I have mere minutes before I have to head home. No one can know what I am doing. These guys have no clue that I am risking my life right now. And that if I don’t get on the phone with Jake soon, his too.
“Hey man, that MC chick from school wanted me to call you,” he says, speaking into his cell phone.
I reach for his phone, taking it from him. “Where are you?”
“I am home.”
“I’ll be right back,” I say, speaking to the owner of the phone. I turn to see the girl’s bathroom and breathe a
sigh of relief that it is empty, locking it behind me.
“Helen, what’s wrong?”
“Listen to me: I only have seconds. Do not leave your house this weekend. If you have family you can go visit, go. You did a very stupid thing tonight. They will be looking for you. Stay away from me. You will get us both killed.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t,” I say, leaning my head back against the bathroom door. “Just listen to what I am saying.”
“They aren’t going to shoot me, Helen. Those guys aren’t stupid enough to get near me after the fight last January or they will end up in jail like Hold. You act like they are gods or something. They have, like, this Jedi mind control over you. Let me take care of us and quit worrying so much.”
For some odd reason the saying, ‘guns don’t kill people… people kill people,’ runs through my mind. “There are other weapons besides guns in the world,” I whisper.
“Quit worrying about me. Did they threaten you? If so, come to my house right now. You don’t have to go home.”
“Stay safe, Jake,” I say, looking at my watch to see that time has run out.
I flip the phone closed to end the call. The internal voice in my head says to go to him. I’ll either be free or dead, but then another part of me knows that I can’t involve him or his family deeper in this, and going to him will only ensure that.
The owner of the phone is waiting for me when I come out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” I tell him, handing it back. I literally run out the door and jump into my car.
My foot floors the gas pedal the entire way home. I lose control of the car several times, but thankfully I am able to make it there safely. Sage meets me at the door.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she says, moving back so that I can enter. “Ward called and said to make sure that you made it home. Would you mind telling me what is going on now?”
“Stupid stuff,” I tell her. “But I am home, like I was told to be.” My eyes meet hers.
“You know, Hels, I never told you, but my mother was a lot like yours.”
Her words hold me in place. “How so?”
Sage moves until she is directly in front of me. She tilts her face downward to meet mine and I don’t miss the gleam of malice that shines brightly in them. “They both were town whores, using pussy to get what they want. I’ve always felt a kinship toward you that you didn’t fall into that same trap. It really would be a shame, baby girl, to find out otherwise.”
My first thought is to deny what she is saying about my mother, but then unwanted memories remind me of times better left forgotten, so many nights of my daddy complaining about her not coming home. My mother crying, trying to explain she couldn’t help it. I remember my dad destroying every picture of her after she died and using the word whore over and over. The sound of Sage’s bitter laugh reminds me that I am still standing here with her.
“’Night then,” she nods, clearly dismissing me.
As I climb the stairs, I push thoughts of my mother away, returning to worry about Jake’s safety. I can only hope that he listens to me. Otherwise, we both will pay the price.
Monday morning rolls by without Jake saying anything to me at school, thank goodness. He obviously didn’t go out of town to visit relatives, but he at least is keeping his distance. I worked all weekend at the shop without one misstep. Badger didn’t elaborate on what Ward said, only for me not to worry about it. I am hoping they realize that he is just a dumb kid and not a threat to the MC.
After school, I arrive at work to see that a lot of the Hell’s Highwaymen are sitting around the shop hanging out. It’s not an unusual scene, but something about today sets off warning bells in my head. Mikey especially is giving me the creeps. He meanders around the shop, glancing at me the entire day.
Sandman walks in around 8:00 p.m. I watch him stroll around, talking and joking with the guys, his eyes seeming to always find mine. I pay no attention, concentrating slowly on the skin I am tattooing. One of the prospects wanted a Celtic cross on his arm.
“Move it, Prospect,” Sandman says, standing over us.
I pull my machine back from my customer, while taking my foot off the pedal. The prospect stands up without question and walks away. Sandman sits down in his place.
“Well, hello, little queen. Long time no see,” he says, looking directly at me.
To say that I am scared would be an understatement. I am petrified. The last time I spoke with Sandman was the night at Ward’s. We aren’t buddies anymore. I would like nothing better than the earth to open up at this moment. Terror threatens to cause me to meltdown, here in front of everyone. I don’t move as he continues to stare.
“You know what time it is?” He smiles at me.
I shake my head no.
“Answer me when I talk to you,” he says, leaning forward. “Do you know what fuckin’ time it is?”
“No, sir.”
“That’s better,” he says, a knowing smile bends the scars lining his face. “I will tell you what time it is. It is tattoo time. Do you know what kind of tat I am getting today?”
I don’t have a clue. “No, sir.”
“Well, it’s more of adding on to an existing one, but I think you are just the person for the job. Why don’t you clean everything up to get ready for me?”
What is he talking about? It doesn’t make… Oh, no. Oh, God! NO! My equipment drops from my hands, clanging loudly against the floor. I stand quickly. The stool beneath me rolls away. It can’t be possible.
“No. No,” I chant, shaking my head back and forth. I step away from him, my body forcefully trembling. The world seems to shrink. The sound of Sandman laughing enrages me. I look over to see him, laid back in my chair.
“What have you done?” I scream at him, choking back a sob at the same time.
“What had to be done,” a voice states behind me.
I whirl around to see Ward standing there, surrounded by his murdering posse.
“No. No. He was at school today. I saw him,” I say, confused. I know I saw him. Jake can’t be dead. They are only being cruel to me.
“It was really a sad story,” Sandman says. “One of the guys only heard about it an hour ago. The kid finished football practice and on the way home something went horribly wrong with his car. He lost control of it and crashed. Evidently, the damn thing burst into flames. What a shame. Such a waste of a young life.”
Oh, God. My world crumbles around me. Am I next? I glance around at the faces of my so-called family. A calm covers me. I’m not afraid to die. It’s not the worst fate imaginable. Living amongst the monsters is a fate worse than death.
“Helen, you will listen to me.”
I slowly spin around to see that Ward is speaking to me.
“It is finished. You are not held accountable for others’ actions. It will be ruled an accident, and that is exactly what it is. Do you understand?”
I don’t hide the hate I have for him. The thought of agreeing with him makes me want to vomit. I straighten taller to glare back at him.
“I talked to Sage today and we agree that maybe homeschooling will be the right choice for you. That will give you more time to work here. She will withdraw you tomorrow. And it’s probably not a good idea for you to drive, since you are understandably upset, so Mikey will drive you for the next several weeks and stay with you. We wouldn’t want you to be alone in your current mental state,” Ward says, barely hiding the smile on his face.
“Your world is going to burn with you in it and it won’t be me who lights the match,” I say, not sure where my words are coming from.
Ward delivers a slap across my cheek, rocking me backward. The bone aches from the impact. My hand automatically covers it, but I don’t stop glaring at him. I stand before him and his entire crew, not giving him or them another tear. They have had my last one.
“Why don’t you do us all a favor and put a gun in your mouth, little queen,” Sandman says.
I refuse to let them break me, and I’ll be damned before I will give them the satisfaction of my death. They will have to take it from me.
“But you’re so good at it, Sandman. Why would I deny you the pleasure of another notch on your gun?” The words spout from my mouth before I can stop them. I have no clue who this brave Helen is, but she needs to stick around.
“Sandman, that’s enough,” Ward says. “Hels, that isn’t what we want. Emotions are running high. We all need to sleep on it. Mikey, get her out of here.” Mikey doesn’t move at first. “Mikey, get her the fuck out of here and don’t leave her side!” Ward yells, finally losing his cool façade.
I don’t stop Mikey when he grabs my arm, jerking me to his side. We both walk out of the shop.
“Where are your car keys?” He looks almost sick and his hands shake as he tries to light a cigarette.
I reach into my pocket for them, handing them over to him. He unlocks the car doors and motions for me to get in. We both seem in a hurry to get away. He actually squeals the tires out of the parking space.
“Oh, shit. Hold is going to having a fuckin’ heart attack. He is going to kill Ward if he ever finds out he hit you. Father be damned. Club be damned. He won’t give one fuck. Shit!” Mikey hits the steering wheel repeatedly, ashes falling everywhere from the smoke in his hand.
At first, I don’t say anything as I look out the window. My tears fall freely, my heart crushed from my loss. I want to kill them all—every single one. I can’t go to the police—the MC would find out that I ratted and I wouldn’t know whom to trust anyway. I’d probably get one of the cops on their payroll. Plus, it won’t bring back Jake. Nothing will.
Mikey’s cursing finally snaps something inside of me. I swiftly turn, facing him in the car.
‘Why!?!” The sound of my screams catch him off-guard. I swing at his arm, not caring that he is driving. He drops his lit cigarette in his lap.
“Crazy fuckin’ bitch,” he says, swatting the crotch of his jeans with the hand that is not on the steering wheel.
“Yes, I am! I’m the crazy bitch you’ve all made me,” I yell, attacking Mikey, blaming him. “Why Jake? He was just a kid. He had football and college. But here you still are, you lowdown piece of shit.” He tries to fend me off with one hand. “Why!?!” The feel of his flesh underneath my punches gives me a modicum of peace, so I hit harder, using both hands.