“No way. You’ll steal it from me.” He brings the cup to his lips and swallows. I watch unabashedly as he drinks, his lips curved around the red plastic, his throat working as he swallows. My mouth goes dry and he offers the cup to me once again. “Thirsty?”
I step closer as does he, and we meet in the middle of the tiny bathroom, Shep holding the cup out toward me as I take it. He doesn’t make any sense, not wanting me to steal his cup but then hands it out to me. Of course, this is probably a ruse so he can get closer and silly me I fall for it.
I take a sip, my gaze never leaving his as I swallow straight vodka on the rocks and I wince at the taste of it. He’s watching me so intensely, his expression softening, his eyes darkening, his mouth falling open ever so slightly.
“Thank you,” I whisper as I hand him his drink back.
“Jade…” His voice trails off and he sets the cup on the bathroom counter, turning to face me fully. He looks serious. Too serious.
I need to get out of here.
“I should go.” I try to push past him but he grabs hold of my arm, his fingers curling around the crook of my elbow, keeping me from leaving.
“Don’t go,” he murmurs, his voice so low I almost don’t hear him. “Please.”
I turn my head to look at him, our gazes locking. I’m shaking. Can he feel it? I should hate him. What he did to me is unforgiveable. I’m self-conscious enough already. His seeming rejection only made it worse. Made me feel worse. “I can’t,” I whisper, trying to withdraw my arm from his grip but he only clamps his fingers tighter. “You hurt me, Shep. I refuse to put myself through that again.”
He looks shocked at my admission and I use his shock to my advantage. I pull out of his hold and lurch toward the bathroom door, reaching up to undo the deadbolt when he’s suddenly there, pressing his big, warm body against mine, trapping me between the door and him.
“Let me explain.” His hand is at my waist, slowly sliding down, over my hip, my thigh, along the edge of my cutoff shorts, sending a spark of heat everywhere he touches me. I close my eyes, hold back the whimper that wants to escape at his assured touch and I press my forehead to the door. His fingers dance along my thigh, stroking upward, beneath the denim and I buck against him, trying to get him off me but it only makes things worse.
Because I can feel him—hard and hot, his erection nudges against my butt and now I’m the one who’s shocked. Did I do that to him? Do I still have that much power over him?
“There’s nothing to explain,” I say to the door, keeping my eyes tightly closed. It’s bad enough I can smell him, feel him, hear him. I don’t want to see him. If I look in his eyes, stare at his beautiful face, I’ll give in. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to take the risk of getting hurt again.
How’s that old saying go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on…
Me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He pushes my hair away from my shoulder and I can feel his breath on my neck right before he kisses it. My knees threaten to buckle at first touch of his lips on my skin and I grip at the door, grasping at nothing but smooth, painted wood. “I swear, Jade. It kills me to know that I ruined this.”
See, there’s the thing that bugs. He did ruin it. But I’m so weak, so attracted to him still, that I would let him back in. Easily. I know I shouldn’t. I’m only asking for trouble. Hearing the pain in his voice, feeling him strain against me though, I want to give in. Right now.
I need to remain strong. Ignore his mouth on my neck…oh God, on that one spot just behind my ear that makes me shiver. I’m shivering right now as his hand slips beneath the hem of my tank, his other hand smoothing my hair back. He’s everywhere, surrounding me with his scent and his touch, his heat and his body. I press closer to the door, plastering myself to it and he follows my lead by plastering his body to mine.
“Let me make it up to you,” he whispers close to my ear just before he kisses it, his mouth lingering, making me shiver even more. I swear to God I’m going to melt into a puddle if he doesn’t stop doing this. “Turn around, baby.”
No. No, no, no. I can’t do it. To turn around would be to give in. And I can’t…
“Jade.” He cups my face with one hand, his long fingers curling around my chin as he turns my head toward him. I keep my eyes tightly closed as he tilts my chin up and I can feel his eyes on me. “Look at me.”
I shake my head, which is difficult considering the grip he has on me and how I’m positioned. “No,” I whisper.
“Please.”
It’s the tone of his voice that breaks me. Reluctantly I open my eyes to find his face in mine, his lips so close…
And then they’re on mine, soft and gentle, tentative and sweet. Again and again he brushes his lips against mine, never pushing. Just simple little kisses that make my skin tighten, my blood languid, my head swim. He relaxes his hold on my chin, moves away the slightest bit from my body and he rests his hands at my hips, slowly turning me around until I’m facing him.
He pulls away and I open my eyes, our gazes locked, the only sound in the tiny bathroom our accelerated breathing. I can hear the party raging on downstairs, the throb of the music, the low roar of voices. It reminds me I can go if I wanted to. My friend is downstairs, probably worried about me. I can run to Kelli right now and ask her to take me home and she would, no questions asked.
I reach out to rest my hand on the door handle, determined to make my escape when he grabs me, his hands on my face, cupping my cheeks, his mouth on mine once again.
Though this time his kiss isn’t gentle or sweet. It’s hard and demanding, his tongue thrusting deep. I force myself to remain impassive, as if his kiss doesn’t matter but I can keep up the pretense for only so long.
Because his kiss does matter. His hands on me matter too and I release the door handle, rest my hand on his chest, tempted to push him away. Until I feel the erratic thump of his heart beneath my palm and I realize he’s just as affected by this, by me, as I am by him.
Everything else falls away and all that matters is me and him in this stupid bathroom, wrapped up in each other’s arms. I slide my hand up until I’m cupping the back of his neck, pulling him into me. Our mouths are busy, tongues busy, hands busy and I know without a doubt that I’m going to give in.
Please. I need to be honest with myself.
I’ve already given in.
I feel like I just won the most awesome prize I’ve ever wanted in all my life. That prize is Jade. Soft and warm in my arms, her mouth responsive, her entire body leaning into mine. This is what I’d missed more than anything in the last week that I’d gone without her. The connection, the attraction that links the two of us together, we can’t deny it. She may hate me but her body doesn’t. She wants me.
And I want her.
Her tongue tangles with mine, a whimper sounds low in her throat when I slide my hands up, tunneling my fingers through her hair. Fuck I could touch her like this all night, kiss her like this all night…
But I’ve already done that. I’ve already withstood the make out session with her and almost didn’t survive it. When she dropped to her knees in front of me, pulled off my shorts and proceeded to give me the best blow job of my life, I…panicked.
I refuse to panic again. Panicking results in losing Jade. And I can’t afford to do that.
Releasing my hold on her face, I reach for her ass, curving my hands beneath it and lifting. She breaks the kiss first, staring up at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Put your legs around me,” I whisper.
When I lift her again her long, bare legs wrap around my hips, her feet digging into my ass. I grip the back of her thighs and press her into the door, rubbing my cock against her like an animal raring to fuck and her eyelids flutter when I make direct contact with her denim covered pussy.
“Feel that?” I thrust against her again, her lips falling open when I do, and she closes her eyes. “That’s what you do to me. Look at me, Jade.”
/> Her eyes pop open, hazy and full of hunger. Shifting closer, I press my mouth to hers, keeping my eyes open and she does the same. Slowly I shift my hips to hers and she moans, her eyes shutting again. I grip her chin. “Open your eyes.”
She does as I ask, blinking up at me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I was an idiot.”
Her perfect lips curve into the tiniest smile and my heart expands at the sight of it. “Yes, you are.”
“I need your forgiveness.” I touch her cheek, press my fingers to her mouth. She parts her lips, draws the tips of my fingers between them and when she starts to gently nibble them, I swear I see stars. I remove my fingers from her mouth before I completely lose it.
“I need to think about it,” she says and I kiss her before she can say anything else.
That’s enough for me. At least for now. I lose myself in the taste of her lips, the feel of her in my arms. I’m hard as steel, eager to tear off her clothes and fuck her but I can’t do it here, not in the bathroom of my frat house with a party raging on downstairs.
Talk about classless. Jade deserves more than that. She’s worth more than that.
“Come home with me,” I whisper against her lips.
She sucks in a breath and I pull away slightly so I can gauge her reaction. Her eyes are wide and she sinks her teeth into her lower lip in that innately sexy way she has. She drives me fucking crazy. “I don’t know…”
“I want you there. I want to be alone with you.” I lean in and whisper close to her ear. “I’m not going to fuck you against this door, Jade. I want to take you home so I can fuck you properly. In my bed.”
“You always say that,” she whispers.
“Because it’s true. You deserve so much more…” I clamp my lips shut, afraid I might say something that’ll ruin it. Like usual.
She’s trembling when I withdraw from her and I touch her face, press my hips to hers and wait for her answer.
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
Well, Christ. That’s the last thing I expected to hear her say.
“Why?” It’s what I did to her. She gives me a blowjob, makes me come like a geyser and I never contact her again. I’m a dick. I know this. I can’t explain why I ran like I did beyond offering up the scared explanation too.
But I can’t admit that to her, not now. She’d probably laugh at me.
“I’m not—” She releases a shuddery breath and tips her head down, her hair falling around her face, obscuring her from my view. “I’m not very good at this,” she admits in the barest whisper.
I frown. “At what?”
“At…sex.”
I don’t believe that for even a minute. “Are you serious?”
Her expression turns wounded. I swear she looks like she’s going to cry. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not,” I say quickly. Fuck, I’m walking a delicate line right about now. One wrong word and I could mess up everything. “It won’t be bad between us, Jade. I promise.” I lean in and press a light kiss to her lips. “It’ll be so fucking good you won’t ever want to leave my bed.”
She starts to laugh. “Awfully confident in your abilities, aren’t you.”
“Merely stating what I believe is true.” I kiss her again, my lips lingering, hers parting so I slip my tongue between them for the quickest moment. I need to convince her that this could work for us. “I’m not saying it’s going to be good because of me. It’ll be good between us because of…us. The connection we share.” I touch her. Cup her breast, run a thumb across the front of it, her nipple rising beneath the lace of her bra.
“I don’t know…” She sighs when I circle her nipple with my thumb, the sound going straight to my dick. “I don’t know if I can fully trust you, Shep.”
I go completely still, shame washing over me. I deserve that. “Let me prove it to you.”
“Prove to me what?” She’s frowning, her eyebrows draw together and damn it, I love every look she wears. When she’s happy, when she’s sad, when she’s mad, when she’s aroused, confused…
All of them. Every single one. I want every expression, every sound, every word she says. I want to know about all of them, I want to share these moments with her, I want them to be all for me and no one else.
Selfish. I sound like a selfish asshole and I’ve always been one. But I desperately want to be selfish with Jade. I want all of her. I need to convince her that I’m worthy to stand by her side. To be a part of her life.
“Prove that I’m worthy of you. That I can earn your trust back. That I’ll be there for you no matter what,” I tell her, noting the way her eyes go wide at my words. She probably doesn’t believe me.
I can’t wait to prove her wrong.
I got Jade the hell out of that frat house as fast as I could. She wanted to tell her roommate she was leaving and I could respect that. I didn’t much appreciate the dirty looks Kelli kept shooting my direction as Jade explained where she was going—my house—and who she was going with—me—but I figured I deserved those evil looks. After all, I’m the one who ditched her friend after an epic blowjob.
Meaning, I’m a complete idiot.
Thank Christ Joel wasn’t around when we made our escape. I didn’t want to deal with that kid. I’m still pissed at the way he kissed Jade right in front of me. Just fucking kissed her like he had the right to do so and holy hell, I’m seeing red just thinking about it.
“I have a question,” I say nonchalantly as we’re driving back to my house. It’s been oddly quiet the entire drive and I wonder if she’s having any regrets. I hope not.
“What is it?” she asks, sounding wary.
“You and Joel.” I take a deep breath, contemplating if I should ask her or not.
“Yes,” she answers before I can say another word. “I’ve had sex with Joel.”
What the fuck? This mind reading thing is freaky as hell. “You have.” My voice is flat and I exhale loudly, gripping the steering wheel.
“Yeah. We were together for months, Shep. I thought…” She shakes her head. “I sort of thought I was falling in love with him at one point, but I think I just liked the idea of being in love, not necessarily being in love with Joel, you know what I mean?”
I have no idea what she’s talking about. Liking the idea of being in love? I can hardly wrap my brain around it. All I can focus on is that Joel’s seen her naked. He’s touched her. He’s fucked her, the lucky bastard. I hate that he’s been with Jade in such an—intimate way that I haven’t.
Yet.
“Does he want you back?” I sound like a croaking frog and I clear my throat.
“Yeah. He admitted as much yesterday when we talked.” My gaze cuts to hers and she’s staring at me, her eyes wide, her expression serious. Too serious. “I don’t want to be with him. I told him that from the very start.”
“Yet you went to the party with him.” Dressed like…fuck, like that. All sexy and shit. I can hardly focus on the road ahead of me. All I want to do is run my hands over her bare legs.
“Kelli wanted me to go with them so I agreed. She knew it was at your frat and she was banking on you being there.”
“Were you banking on me being there?”
“Why do you think I wore these shorts?”
Surprise filling me, my gaze meets hers again and she’s smiling at me, looking rather pleased with herself.
“So you wore them for me.”
“In the hopes that you’d be there…yeah.”
“You about gave me a heart attack when I first saw you in those shorts,” I mutter, my gaze going to her pale thighs. I want to touch them. My fingers are fucking tingling, I want to touch them so bad.
“The shorts are Kelli’s. They’re way too short for me,” she explains.
“They’re perfect.” I give in and reach out to rest my hand on her thigh, sliding my fingers between them and she shifts beneath my touch, trapping my fingers. Her skin is silky soft and so fucking smooth. “You?
??re a tease.”
“I think you like it when I tease you,” she whispers.
No use denying the truth. Removing my hand from her legs, I clutch the steering wheel and press harder on the gas. Eager to get back to my house so I can drag her up to my bedroom and end this night on the right note. Nothing is stopping us. No drunken Jade. No random girls bursting into my room and calling us fuck birds. No period issues. No Shep issues.
Well. I can’t guarantee I won’t have an issue but I gotta ignore it. No panicking allowed. No worry over what she wants from me. No worry over what I might want from her. I need to focus on the here and now. That Jade is willingly in my car and is going home with me—again, willingly. This is major. I can’t mess it up.
I refuse to mess this up.
Within minutes I’m pulling the car into the garage and I practically leap out of my seat, going round to the passenger side so I can open Jade’s door. All I see are her legs as she climbs out of the car, my mouth going dry as I drink them in.
I am in serious trouble tonight.
Taking her hand, I tug her into the house, through the kitchen, the living room, down the hall, heading straight for my bedroom. She’s been there before. I had her pinned to my bed that one night when we finally kissed for the first time. How long ago was that? It feels like months though I think it’s really only been weeks. How can I feel so connected to a girl I’ve known for only a short time? I want to learn everything about her—and not just what gets her off. I want to know what makes her tick, what she wants out of life.
This is the sort of thing that scares the crap out of me so I push the crazy thoughts from my head as I pull her into my bedroom and shut the door behind her, turning the lock, watching as she stops at the foot of the bed, slowly turning to face me.
There’s no light on in the room but my blinds are still open and slivers of moonlight spill into the room, illuminating Jade in shadow. I say nothing and neither does she and I wonder for a panicked moment if she can hear my heart racing. It’s like all I can hear, the rushing sound filling my ears, filling my head.