“How should I do my hair?” I stare at myself in the mirror, frowning. We’re in the middle of my room sitting on the floor, and I have my own light up mirror while Livvy brought hers. They’re both double-sided and I’m looking at myself five times closer, which is sort of freaky. I can see every flaw, every tiny zit and scar and a weird hair growing out of my forehead that’s nowhere near my hairline. I need to pluck that thing like yesterday.
“Long and flowing and straight, parted right down the middle. Like Elvira,” Livvy answers me as she lines her eyes repeatedly with black kohl eyeliner. If she keeps that up, I won’t be able to see her eyes at all.
“Who’s Elvira?”
Liv sends me an exasperated look. “Google her.”
I grab my phone and do as she says. Immediately I find Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, who does not part her hair in the middle. She has bangs and a big poufy bouffant thing on the back of her head that looks crazy, along with the biggest boobs ever.
“I look nothing like Elvira.” I thrust my phone out toward Liv, showing her the photo. “Look at her hair! And her giant boobs!”
Livvy starts giggling, and soon both of us are laughing, sprawled out on my floor, makeup surrounding us, our mirrors between our knees. I finally sit up and wipe the tears from beneath my eyes, thankful I still have Livvy when I’ve felt so down and out these past few weeks. She’s been a good friend. Has even ditched Ryan a few times so she could hang with me.
That meant a lot.
“Let me work on you,” she says, staring at my very blank, makeup-less face. “I can make your skin really pale and your eyes super dark, then give you blood red lips.”
“Should I wear fangs?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Let’s keep it simple. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be a witch?”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. I don’t think anyone really cares.” I glance over at my costume, which is hanging from the open door of my tiny-yet-still –a-walk-in closet. It’s black and long with flowing sleeves and an equally flowing skirt. The edges are jagged and the neckline dips to a low V, meaning I’ll have lots of skin on display but no cleavage since…you know. I don’t have any.
But whatever. I’m going full on in character this Saturday night, and I’m excited. This is the first time I’ve been excited about anything in a while. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I’m helping decorate the haunted house—aka the cafeteria—on Saturday morning before I go to my four-hour shift at Yo Town, which ends at three. Then I’ll come right back to the school, get into costume, have Livvy do my face, and we’ll be ready to scare by the time the carnival starts at five o’clock.
Livvy grabs my mirror and pushes it away, then sets in on creating my mask. She slathers on a blend of regular foundation mixed with white face paint, then works on my eyes. She slicks so many layers of mascara on my lashes I eventually ask her why I don’t just wear fake eyelashes, but she tells me to shush.
So I let the artist work her magic commentary-free.
When she’s finally done, she hands me the mirror and I blink at my reflection, stunned. She did an amazing job. My eyes are dark and scary. My skin is so pale I look like a ghost. My lips are an arresting shade of red, and she even drew faint, thin black lines coming from the corners of my mouth.
“Think we should do light black shading for blush on your cheeks?” she asks as I contemplate my face.
I meet her gaze. “Will that look good?”
“It can’t hurt,” she says with a shrug. She grabs her own mirror and starts lightly streaking black face paint onto her cheeks. “Maybe we need spiders drawn on our cheeks too.”
“We shouldn’t overdo it,” I warn.
Livvy rolls her eyes. “It’s Halloween. We’re working in a haunted house. Of course we should overdo it.”
I stand and go to my closet, grabbing the costume before I hide myself inside. I carefully take off my T-shirt, shuck off my yoga pants and slip the black dress on before I reemerge and twirl around for Livvy. “What do you think?”
Livvy looks away from the mirror, gaping up at me from where she sits on the floor. “Wow, you look great! I love that dress on you.”
“I’m not showing too much skin?” I glance down at my chest. The neckline on this costume is so freaking low I’m not sure if I can wear a bra, but it’s not like I have much to support, so what’s the big deal?
“You’re showing the perfect amount of skin” She smiles. “You look hot.”
Ugh. Ever since the whole thing happened with Tuttle, she’s been holding back, but I know she’s dying to hook me up with someone. Possibly Eli Bennett, who has asked his big brother about me multiple times. Ryan has mentioned this to both Livvy and me, and I never know how to respond. It’d be one thing if Eli was at least sixteen, but he’s not. He’s almost fifteen. Meaning he’s fourteen.
I can’t do it. I don’t care how cute he is or that he’s taller than me, and that he looks pretty much like a grown man. He’s a kid.
“I should’ve brought my costume.” Livvy mock pouts. “We could’ve taken photos together.”
Her costume is prettier than mine, but she spent more money, so that’s expected. The dress is similar in style, but hers is made out of alternating panels of black velvet and red satin, and came with a sparkly red rhinestone choker. The collar rises high around the back of her neck too, which makes me think she really is supposed to be a vampire.
“You’re going to have blood dripping from the corners of your mouth, right?” I ask her.
“I guess I should. I think I am a vampire. Maybe I could be a redheaded Elvira.” She makes a weird face, her teeth sticking out over her bottom lip. “I vant to suck your blood!”
We start laughing again and it feels good. It feels normal. And I haven’t felt normal in a while. Not since the beginning of summer.
“We’re gonna be busy Saturday night,” Livvy says as she starts drawing a spider on her face as she stares into her mirror.
I watch her. “It’ll be fun.” It’ll keep me occupied so I don’t think about the boy who so cruelly cut me out of his life.
“I hope you really mean it. That you’ll have fun.” Livvy’s gaze meets mine and I see the concern there. Uh oh. “I’m worried about you. After what Tuttle did, you haven’t been the same.”
“I’ve been down and out lately, I can own it.” I sit up straighter. “He walked out of my life without an explanation, so I think I have a right to be upset.”
“Well, yeah. Of course you do.” Livvy frowns, ready to say something else, but I hold my hand up, stopping her.
“But I don’t want to talk about him anymore, okay?” I try my hardest to keep my voice gentle. “It’s just—pointless. There’s no reason for me to try and get his attention. And I really don’t want to include him in any of our plans. What we had is over. Done.”
She smiles faintly. “Good. I’m glad you feel that way. I wasn’t about to suggest you try to get Tuttle’s attention again, because I am so ready for you to move on. That guy doesn’t deserve you crying any tears over him. Forget that. Forget him. He’s a jerk.”
“Right.” I nod, trying my best to believe it. “You’re so right. I’m over this. Over him.”
“Awesome. Perfect. I love it.” Livvy’s eyes are sparkling and she looks awfully pleased with herself. “And I know just the guy to help you get over Tuttle once and for all.”
I frown, wariness easing down my spine. “Who?”
If she says…
“Eli.” Now it’s her turn to hold up a hand to stop my protest. “Hear me out. Yes, he’s young.”
“Olivia.” I never call her by her full name, and that definitely gets her attention. “He is only fourteen years old.”
“He’ll be fifteen next week!”
“He’s a baby.”
“A baby with a sexy smile and a great butt.”
“Gross! You’re into his brother, not Eli.”
“I can appreciate the ultra fine genes in both of those Bennett boys, can I not?” Liv bats her eyelashes, and we both start laughing. There’s been a lot of laughter tonight.
“There are only two years that separate you,” she says.
“I’ll be eighteen in March.”
“That’s a long time from now!” A sly smile curls her lips. “Maybe he’s the rebound guy, you know? He’s not looking for anything serious. He doesn’t even understand the word serious. He just wants to have a good time.”
“If a good time is code for sex, I’m not interested in having sex with a fourteen year old boy.”
“Fifteen. He’ll be fifteen next week, don’t forget that,” she stresses. “Besides, I don’t think he’s looking for full on sex. Fairly certain he’s still a virgin, at least according to Ryan.”
I make a face. “Ryan discusses his brother’s sex life with you?” I can’t imagine George having sex—ew—let alone talking about it with Livvy. And if she had a crush on my brother, that would be even worse.
Yes, I am a total child. So maybe Eli and I would hit it off...
“Ryan and Eli are constantly talking about dicks and asses and tits and banging and hand jobs and munching boxes. All of it.” Livvy sighs and I can barely keep in my laughter. “They’re boys and they’re absolutely disgusting. Yet they’re both oddly attractive when they talk like that.”
“You’re crazy.” I grab a ruffled pillow that fell off my bed earlier and throw it at her, smacking her right in the face. She throws it back at me, but I dodge it in time and it hits the wall instead.
“No, you’re crazy for not giving Eli at least a chance. He’s totally into you.”
I don’t understand why. First I have Tuttle chasing after me, now I have Eli. They could have anyone they want yet they both choose me. I seriously don’t get it.
“Why would he be into me? And I’m not looking for sympathy either. I just…” I shake my head, throw my hands up into the air. “It’s weird.”
“Here’s the truth—you’re really pretty and nice. You’re not stuck up, like so many of those other girls who chase after him—them. Oh, and that’s another thing. You don’t chase. Ever. I think guys find that attractive.”
“It’s not game-playing strategy,” I tell her. “It’s just something I—don’t do.” Because I never believe I have a chance, so why bother?
“Yeah, well, they like it. I think Tuttle liked it too.” She winces. “Sorry, scratch his name from this conversation. I know Eli likes how elusive you are, how you always tell him no when he’s dying for you to say yes. I don’t think any girls deny him, with the exception of you.”
Huh. Interesting.
“And I think that’s what the other one liked too. Everyone tells him yes. They fall over themselves for the chance to get with him, and you never did. Ever. They like the challenge.” She points her index finger at me. “You, Amanda Winters, are a challenge.”
I cover my face with my hands. “I don’t mean to be,” I whine from behind my hands.
“Oh, stop.” Liv reaches over and pries my hands from my face. “Just run with it. Let Eli talk to you a little bit tomorrow at the game. See what he has to say. Flirt with him. He’ll love it.”
“I don’t want anything to happen in front of Tuttle,” I whisper, immediately wishing I could cram my words back into my mouth. Too late now. We’re too intertwined still. What happened between us is still so fresh. And damn it, I miss him. I want him back in my life. But he doesn’t want to be a part of it, so I have to suffer and watch him and wish for him and…
God, I really can’t wait for football season to be over.
“Please, you should flirt with Eli in front of him! Screw Tuttle! He’s the one who dissed you and shut you completely out of his life with no explanation! He’s a total asshole for doing that. If he doesn’t want you, then someone else will. You should go for it with Eli! Have a little fun. He’s completely harmless.”
“Is he really harmless?” Why am I even considering this? He’s too young. Way too young.
“You want my prediction? I believe Eli is a little handsy and probably uses too much tongue, but that can be controlled, you know what I mean? Be the wise older woman and mold him into the perfect boy. The one who can kiss and touch a girl just right.” The grin on Livvy’s face is huge and she wags her eyebrows at me like some sort of perv.
I grab the pillow and toss it at her again, laughing when it bounces off of her head. “I can’t do that—and you can’t make me.”
“You so can. What’s a little innocent making out? There is nothing better than a boy who’s an excellent kisser.” The dreamy look on Liv’s face tells me that Ryan is a most excellent kisser.
And so was Tuttle. I can’t deny it. His kisses were dreamy. Too dreamy. My fear of never finding a guy who can kiss as well as Tuttle can is about to come true.
I can almost count on it.
I survive both the JV and varsity game, too busy to talk to anyone, let alone flirt with Eli Bennett. He comes around the hydration station a few extra times, but I can only smile helplessly at him when we make eye contact.
What’s funny is that I am seriously considering Liv’s suggestion to make out with Eli and get Tuttle out of my system once and for all. Maybe she’s on to something. Maybe I really do need to find a rebound guy to make out with for an hour or three. Eli’s not bad looking. In fact, he’s really gorgeous, with the golden skin and hair, and the hazel eyes and the nice mouth. His lips are full and his jaw is a sharp edge, just like his nose. He has a nice smile and sometimes he reminds me of an overeager puppy, but puppies are sweet. I like puppies. So I’ll probably like Eli too.
Tuttle doesn’t say one word to me during the game. Not a single one. He barely looks in my direction, and I tell myself that’s the way I prefer it. I let Kyla have him for the night. I even tell her I won’t work with Tuttle during this game, and while she gives me a weird, questioning look, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she keeps her eye on Tuttle so I don’t have to.
It’s a total relief.
Now the varsity game is almost over and we’re killing them in a total shutout, forty-five to zero. It’s embarrassing, how badly we’re beating them. The backup players are out on the field, thankful for the chance to play, and I can hear Tuttle and his friends talking. Of course, I’m totally eavesdropping.
“Party at your house tonight, dude?” Ryan asks him.
Tuttle nods, his gaze locked on the field. “Sounds good to me. Everyone’s gone, so we can do whatever we want.”
“What else is new?” Ryan slaps him on the back. “I can find some booze if you need it.”
“Nah, we should be good, but call me if you go home first. I might need a backup plan.”
What does he mean by that?
“Can I go?” This is the enthusiastic Eli asking. He’s somehow snuck onto the bench, sitting on the other side of Ryan, and his brother doesn’t look too thrilled that he’s there.
“Everyone’s invited.” Tuttle glances over his shoulder, his gaze meeting mine for the briefest moment. I refuse to be the one to look away first, and thankfully, I don’t have to. “Everyone,” he stresses, when he looks away from me.
I pull my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and send a quick text to Liv. She answers almost immediately.
Hell yeah we’re going to Tuttle’s house! Whoooo!!!!
I turn to Kyla. “Are you going to Tuttle’s party?”
“No way.” She shakes her head. “I never go to his parties. I always feel so left out there.”
“You should come with Liv and I. Hang out with us.” I smile. “It’ll be fun.”
Kyla shakes her head some more. “I don’t think so. That’s really not my scene, Amanda. Thanks for including me, though.”
Dang it. I’m trying to include her and get closer to Kyla.
Once the game is over, we start to clean up. I’m almost finished when Eli makes his approach, a cocky smile on his
face when he stops directly in front of me. “You going to Tuttle’s? Or are you afraid, since you two used to be together or whatever?”
“Afraid? I’m not afraid.” Nothing like getting right to the point. “And yeah, I’m going to his party.”
Eli’s brows shoot up. “Seriously?” His voice squeaks a little and he clears his throat. It’s sort of cute.
“Seriously,” I deadpan. “I’m guessing you’ll be there?”
“Oh yeah.” He nods eagerly, his face lighting up. “I’ll see you there.”
“See ya,” I say to his retreating back. Smiling, I turn to find Kyla watching me with her arms crossed. My smile immediately fades. “What’s wrong?”
“Bouncing from one football player to the next isn’t the best idea,” she says, her voice dry.
Yikes. Who crowned her Queen Judgey McJudgey Pants? “There is absolutely nothing going on with me and Eli.”
“Right. That’s why he just high fived all of his friends after talking to you.”
I glance over to where Eli is standing with his circle of friends, and they are still giving him high fives. That’s sort of embarrassing. “I have no idea what that’s about.”
“I’m sure I can tell you all about it. I’m guessing some of the guys made a bet with Eli that he couldn’t get in your panties tonight. And I’m pretty positive Eli said he could. To make the bet even more interesting, they put a little money on it. Just to liven it up, you know?” The hostility in Kyla’s voice is cluing me in that something like this might’ve happened to her. And that’s just…awful. “Don’t fall for their shit, Amanda. You’ll only end up getting hurt.”
Before I can utter a word or ask her a question, she turns and walks away.
By the time we’re entering Tuttle’s house, the party has been going on for a while. The place is packed. In some weird almost twist of fate, at one point I was supposed to ride in the same car as Eli and go to the party with him, and I was freaking out over it with Liv.
But that didn’t happen. Liv took too long getting ready and one of Eli’s teammates stopped by the Bennett house and got him. Ryan eventually came by Liv’s place and picked us up. I’m starting to feel like a total third wheel in their relationship, but most of the time they act like they forget I’m even with them. Meaning, they say things to each other in front of me that are kind of embarrassing—and intimate.