“Maybe Chicago?”
“Let’s do that. I like your family, and they need time with you. Who do you want to talk to first tonight?”
“Rachel. She can handle me crying while I try to talk.”
He kissed her again. “You’re my wife. You don’t even get out of that by dying, remember? We struck the till death do us part phrase from the wedding vows. Trust me, Jen. We are far from finished with this fight.”
She could rest against the determination she heard in his voice. He wouldn’t let this fight end. And just hearing that made it easier for her to breathe and think about tomorrow. There was one bright spot in this change—not having to spend hours focusing on the medical treatments and side effects of medications, she would have more time to focus on her family. It mattered now more than ever. “Try Rachel at home. I’d rather not have to page her.”
Nathan was asleep. Rachel moved pillows on the couch so he would settle back farther in the cushions. The game of Twister they had squeezed into the living room had probably been a little much, although the laughter had been worth it. The two boys had made up rules that all too often put her at the bottom of a pile of giggling boys.
She picked up the plate beside Adam. “Very nice.” He was carefully writing tags for the items he had put into plastic sleeves.
“These comics are really old. Are you sure Cassie meant me to have one?”
“Yes, she did. You can choose the one you’d like.”
“If I take it with me before shelves get rebuilt in my bedroom, it might get damaged. Could I leave it with you?”
“Sure, sweetie.”
“I made Cassie a thank-you card.”
“She’ll love it.” Rachel hugged him. “I’m so glad you came over.” She heard the outside door close and footsteps on the stairs. “I think that’s your mom now.”
“We were good tonight?”
Rachel laughed. “Yes. And you’ve got a standing invitation to come over anytime. Let’s get your stuff together. Now where did Nathan hide his bear?”
“Behind the couch.”
“Of course.”
Rachel leaned against the car window. Nathan had already gone back to sleep in his car seat. “I’ll be over to help paint tomorrow, Ann. You want to start about ten?”
“Yes. I’ll bring lunch for us.”
“I’ll bring the ice chest with drinks and dessert,” Rachel offered. “I’ll see you then. Good night guys.” Rachel headed back to her apartment.
The phone was ringing as she unlocked the door. She hurried to answer it, hoping it was Cole. “Hello?”
“Hi, Rae.”
“Jennifer.” Rachel carried the phone into the living room, reached for the notepad of messages she had for her sister, and then she slowly paused. Her sister’s voice was soft, heavy, like she had been crying. Rachel settled on the couch and tugged a big pillow over into her lap, leaning back against the cushions. “How are you doing tonight?”
“The doctor recommended I go home.”
No. Not this. Rachel closed her eyes and felt blackness deeper than any disaster tragedy swallow her. “Come home to Chicago, Jen,” she whispered. “If it wouldn’t be too hard on Tom, come here.”
“Yes. I need to.” Jen stopped.
Rachel waited while Jen fought for composure, wishing she had stayed out East rather than come back here. Her sister needed her. “What did the doctors say?”
“That my body needs a rest from the treatment.”
“How bad is the pain?”
“It’s under control.”
“You can rest here. I’ll share my mountains of pillows, and we can pull out that box of videos from under my bed and have a Cary Grant movie night.” She was reaching for anything that Jennifer could still look forward to.
“I’d like that.” Jennifer went quiet for several moments. “It isn’t fair, Rae. Why is God allowing this?”
Jesus, please. I’m failing her. How do I help her?
“Come home,” Rachel whispered again. She struggled to keep her voice level.
“We were thinking about maybe flying back on Wednesday night. I’ll call you tomorrow with travel plans.”
“I’ll meet you at the airport,” Rachel said.
“I’ve got to call the others.”
“We love you.”
“I love you too,” Jennifer whispered and drew in a deep breath. “Tomorrow, Rae. I’ll call you early.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
“I know. Good night.”
“Night, Jen.”
Rachel hung up the phone. Her hand shook. She lowered her head and her body shook. She would have to be breathing to make a sound. The only thing more devastating than this call would be the one saying Jennifer had died. She lifted the pillow and pressed it against her face. Jesus, it hurts. The sobs came hard and lasted a long time.
She didn’t want to talk, but she didn’t want to be alone either. Gage would walk with her. Cole. She needed someone other than family while she waited for Jen to make the other calls. She’d known this day was coming and yet it was shattering. Rachel picked up the phone and her hands shook again as she dialed.
Cole pulled into the drive and drove around his house to the detached garage. He reached in the back for his briefcase. He had to testify in an arson case next week and had preparations to do. He locked the car and walked up the path to the house.
Rachel was sitting on the back steps. Cole slowed. He would have to leave one of his lawn chairs out so she’d be comfortable when she waited, since she wouldn’t accept a key. Something was wrong. One of her kids had paged, work… He walked up the path but didn’t ask. It was enough that she had come.
“Jennifer called.”
There was such sadness in her eyes. He brushed a finger along her cheek. “Will it help to talk?”
She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. Cole saw in her gesture what he had feared was coming. How much could Rae carry before it overwhelmed her? Jennifer’s illness was the one weight that would break her. He clicked off the back door light to stop the gathering bugs and settled beside her on the steps to share the silence and the night. He would invite her in, fix her a cup of coffee, but he was afraid she’d shift to guest mode and feel a need to ask about his day.
“Jennifer’s coming back to Chicago.”
He blinked back tears that came when he heard the news. “When?”
“Probably Wednesday. Details will come tomorrow.”
“I’m so sorry, honey.”
“I need a hug,” she whispered.
And she chose to come see him. Cole wrapped his arms around her. Under the pain he felt at the news she had to share, he knew they’d just crossed a point in their relationship that would change it forever. Suffering the deepest level of hurt, she’d chosen to trust him.
She felt fragile in his arms. He shifted positions to tuck her closer. Her head rested against his shoulder, and she began to shake as she silently began to cry. In another setting having her in his arms would be a memory to treasure. Now he simply wished there was some way to help her through the hurt. Jennifer’s dying…this tore at the heart of the O’Malley family.
He sat holding her for a long time—his leg went to sleep, his back ached. He was lousy at dealing with tears. There was nothing he could fix. He wanted to say something profound, but the reality was tougher than that. There were no words he could offer that would take away this hurt.
He settled for silence, grateful she had come. There was strength in this woman that went deep enough to handle this. Faith would get her through when she had to face tomorrow, but her grief needed the tears to fall. There was healing in those tears.
She took two final shuddering breaths, lifted her head from his shoulder, and eased back. “So, what’s happening in your life?”
If she could still smile like that…she’d found the strength to get to tomorrow. Sometimes that was all that could be done. “I’m dating this really nice woman.”
/> “Cole.”
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m thinking about asking her to go for a walk if she’s interested.” He gently wiped her eyes.
Her hand lifted to his and sought comfort in the contact. She offered a watery smile. “Let’s walk. That’s what I came over to ask anyway.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What, Gage wasn’t home?” he teased, trying to lighten the emotions of the moment.
She lightly punched his arm. “I called you first, then decided to just come over.”
He wasn’t sure what to say.
She smiled at him. “That’s sweet.”
“What?”
“Your assuming you might be my second choice.”
He rose to let his dog out of the house. “I’ve found that life goes smoother if I don’t make assumptions where a woman is concerned.” Hank threatened to knock him over in his excitement at company. It was good to hear Rae’s laughter. “I don’t know about sweet.”
“Unexpected. Nice. Charming.”
“I can go for charming.” He snapped the leash onto Hank’s collar and offered it to Rachel. Hank danced around Rachel’s feet as she knelt to greet him.
They set out for an ambling walk. When they reached the sidewalk, Cole pointed north. “You and Gage have been close for a long time.”
She nodded. “Gage is the man I call at 2 A.M. when I’m mad at the world and want someone to tell me I’m right. He has a dry sense of humor, a black-and-white right-versus-wrong mentality. And he’s the only one I let get away with calling me by my middle name. Since Tabitha’s death…he’s become a cross between a cynic and a realist.”
Cole knew some of that history, for the fire that killed Tabitha had been one his department worked. “He’s a friend.”
“A good one,” she said quietly. “But that’s all, Cole. And that’s all he was ever destined to be.”
He squeezed her hand.
The silence lingered past the point either had something else to say, and it became a comfortable silence, broken only occasionally as Rae corrected Hank’s enthusiasm, which threatened to tangle his leash into a knot.
“Would you come with me to the airport to pick up Jennifer and Tom?” Rachel asked.
Cole rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand. “You know I will, but your family will be there.”
“I know.”
He heard something under the question and tipped up her chin. “What is going through that pretty head of yours?”
“I like the word pretty.”
“Rae—”
“Jennifer doesn’t have much time left.”
“Maybe not,” he said gently.
“Probably not.”
He nodded, conceding.
“Jennifer has had two dreams driving her the last few months. First, that all the O’Malleys would come to believe in Jesus like she does and would understand heaven and the hope she feels. Only Stephen is left to make that decision, and there isn’t much I can do for that beyond what she’s doing.”
“And second—”
“She wants all of us to be happy, wants to see our dreams come true. It would help if Jen knew you and I…” She stopped and closed her eyes.
“What, Rachel?” He thought about her words. “That we’re seeing each other? That you’re special to me? Trust me, your family already knows that.” He rubbed her hands, trying to reassure her.
“Jennifer’s been my best friend for so long; she knows all my childhood dreams.”
“I’d like to know them too.”
She smiled at him but didn’t take the tangent. “Would you be comfortable being part of the family gathering over the next few weeks, let Jennifer get to know you better? I’m happy around you, and I want her to know that. Regardless of what the future holds, I want her to know she doesn’t need to worry about me. That’s the only gift I have left to give her.”
“Rachel, I already like your sister, and I would certainly enjoy getting to know her better.” He searched for words. “I want to be part of your life, all of it. Trust me with this part too, the weight you carry regarding your family. This isn’t going to be an easy time for any of you.”
“It’s not such a little thing, being part of the O’Malley clan.”
“Spending time with you the last few months has begun to make that obvious. You’ve got an interesting family, Rae.”
She hugged him. “I appreciate this, Cole.”
He tipped up her chin and kissed her. Her lips tasted salty from the earlier tears. He took his time with the kiss, letting it soften and comfort. It was as much for him as it was for Rachel; there was so much emotion inside. His hands soothed hers. “I know what the next months are going to be like, how hard it will be to have both intense grief over Jennifer’s situation and also let yourself build new joy with me, but you need to trust me and try. Life is going on.”
“Cole—”
“Are you crying again?” he asked, struggling with that.
She wiped her eyes as she tried to smile. “You don’t know what you’re walking into.”
“I think I do.” He wished he knew how to convince her. “I’m a safe gamble, Rae. I promise not to break your heart.”
“Oh, now you’ve done it. Hold on. I need a Kleenex.” She searched her pockets and found one. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Probably not,” he agreed, relieved her tears were only threatening this time. “But I don’t deserve you either.”
She smiled at him and he felt his heart skip a beat. He was definitely falling in love with that smile…with her.
He rested his arm around her shoulder and turned them around to start the walk home. It was time to lighten this conversation. “So you think Jennifer might be interested in telling me stories about you? She must know a few.”
Rachel laughed. “Knowing Jennifer, probably.”
He couldn’t resist. “Any embarrassing ones?”
Rae pushed him off the sidewalk.
Nine
Rachel woke early, her eyes still puffy from the tears of the night before, but her heart was unexpectedly light. She hugged a pillow close. Jesus, is this going to work out with Cole?
Their relationship was so different from most she had ever had. There was a steadiness about him that gave her hope they could indeed work out this relationship even while the rest of her life remained chaotic.
Cole was right about the struggle it would be to balance the heavy heart that came from accepting Jennifer’s cancer, while at the same time trying to build a long-term relationship. Rachel was glad he was willing to take the lead: To her it was a scary undertaking, while he seemed comfortable with the challenge. She should have sought him out for a hug and poured out her tears a long time ago.
Did Cole understand how huge her dream was to be married and have children? He was great with kids; she only had to watch him with Adam and Nathan to see it in action. He’d more than once made a point of mentioning he looked forward to having a family someday. It was a wealth of little things that said he wanted to be a husband and father.
Marriage was her deepest dream, and yet she had held off on it the longest. She’d lived through her own parents’ bitter marriage and been abandoned by so many people that she trusted through the years, she’d put work ahead of settling down. The odds of seven O’Malleys succeeding in strong marriages were long. She couldn’t afford to be the one who made a mistake.
Rachel pressed the pillow tightly against her face, then tossed it aside. As much as she wanted to daydream about what the future would be like, it was time to get moving. She rose and got dressed.
Rachel was reading the newspaper when the doorbell rang. She carried her coffee with her and went to get the door, expecting one of the O’Malleys to come to talk about Jennifer. Marcus had already said both he and Quinn had made arrangements to work in Chicago indefinitely while Jennifer was here. Sometime this weekend they were sure to assemble somewhere to make
plans for the coming week.
“Gage, hi.”
“I got your message.” When she got home she’d called him with news about Jennifer. He handed her a copy of his newspaper. He knew she did the unthinkable and subscribed to the rival city paper. She leaned into his hug and peeked into the sack he held. “You brought me a chocolate-covered donut.”
“Only because I wanted to make sure my muffin was safe. I’m fixing breakfast. What do you want in your omelette? I brought the eggs and my brand of coffee.”
“Whatever you can find. You may have to settle for scrambled eggs.”
He headed toward the kitchen and opened her refrigerator. “A vegetarian omelette it is. I can live with that.”
“The peppers are going mushy.”
“So are the tomatoes.”
Saturday morning breakfast was something of a tradition. She normally met him at a restaurant somewhere. He liked to hear her reaction to the piece he wrote. She settled back at the table as he began working and opened the paper he had brought. There wasn’t room in her kitchen for two people. “The flood is almost over and now you write about it?”
“You haven’t been down to the really bad section. About three miles south, by the bend of the river, homes are still underwater. It’s becoming the trash pit of the floodwaters. One house has already collapsed, and they think another one is about ready to fall down. It’s dangerous enough that they haven’t even let engineers go in by boat to look at what’s going on. Some think the ground has collapsed in a huge sinkhole under the homes. It was new construction too, the expensive homes.”
“I’m glad I haven’t been down there. Governor Street was a big enough disaster.”
He brought over breakfast plates. “You want to talk about Jennifer?”
“She’s coming home.”
“So you said in your message.”
“I don’t know, Gage. I swing from relief that she’ll at least be here with family to fear over what each day will be like. Will her energy hold up? Will she be bedridden soon? The situation has too many unknowns to be able to do much planning.”
“How can I help?”