She knew he would offer; it was one of the things she loved most about him. “She mentioned wanting to do a ladies’ night out. I may need some help with logistics. Swap cars possibly. Yours has more room.”
“Whatever you need.”
“I appreciate it.”
They ate breakfast sharing the paper.
“Gage, do you ever think about getting married again?”
He set down his fork. “Since we normally have these conversations late at night over the phone when you want to hide what you’re thinking, I’ll assume this is a hypothetical question?”
She lightly kicked him under the table.
“Oh, one of those conversations.” He leaned back in his chair, holding his coffee, smiling at her. “Tabitha used to start these with her famous ‘what would you do if…’ questions that drove me crazy. She once asked me what would be easier: having to spend a year living with the in-laws or a year apart from her. As if there was a safe answer to that question. Sure, I think about getting remarried. Every time I get up and have to face a morning alone. I’ve even turned on that classical music Tabitha loved to listen to in the morning even though I can’t stand it. Life is boring without a need to constantly compromise with someone. Always getting my preference is no fun.” He set his coffee back on the table. “Rae, I’m still married in my heart. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t heard Tabitha’s voice in two years. She’s still a huge part of me. I don’t know when that will change, or if it ever will.”
“Your marriage to Tabitha was the first truly happy marriage I ever saw.”
“Considering the competition I was up against in O’Malley history, I don’t think it was such a huge target to hit. It’s not like we didn’t have problems.”
“Yeah. I heard about some of those too. But you gave me hope again that a great marriage wasn’t a myth.”
“It didn’t last as long as I would have liked.”
She was careful with her next comment. “Cole and I—it’s getting serious.”
He didn’t give her a quick answer, just looked at her, and then he smiled. “Rae, there is no one I know who deserves to be happy more than you. Dress up, turn on that megawatt smile, and go spin his head around.”
“Somehow I don’t see that being Cole’s reaction. But it’s a nice compliment.”
“You don’t see the guys who turn to watch you cross the room.”
She gave a slight smile. “I see them.” She looked at him and her smile faded.
“Going to tell me the rest of it?” he asked gently.
“The grief is heavy, facing this with Jennifer. Cole is…helping balance the other side of the scales.”
He thought about that. “How long have we been friends?” Gage asked.
“Please, don’t remind me of my age.”
“Exactly. I know you, better than even your family in some ways. Tabitha didn’t have many secrets either. If you two talked about something, chances are I heard about it. You’re doing the right thing.”
“I don’t know.”
“Cole’s got a reputation for honesty, hard work, and loyalty. He’s got a house. Now he’s even got a dog. He’s a settled type of guy. Give yourself a chance, Rae. And I say this to my own detriment here.”
“It’s noted. Thanks, Gage.”
“I haven’t had the fun of kidding you about a date in what? Three years?”
“Larry was a nice guy.”
He laughed. “Sure. Which is why you never let the O’Malleys meet him.” He rose from the table and picked up his plate.
The phone rang, saving her from further conversation. She went to take it in the living room. “Hello?”
“Hi, Rae.”
“Jennifer.”
Gage stepped into the room on hearing the name.
Her sister sounded in good spirits; Rachel gave Gage a relieved okay sign with her fingers. “I’ll head out and let you two talk,” Gage whispered. “Call me later.”
“Thank you,” she replied quietly.
Gage let himself out.
Rachel settled on the couch with the phone.
“I’m sorry it was a tearful call last night,” Jennifer said.
“It was probably good for both of us. It gave me an excuse to bawl for you.”
“I hope you weren’t crying alone. Tom was mopping my tears for me.”
“Cole did a pretty good job last night, and Gage came over to fix breakfast this morning.”
“We have very nice guys in our lives.”
“Very nice.”
They had been sisters for a long time. The silence was peaceful.
Jennifer broke it. “God is my doctor, Rae. It’s not like He doesn’t know what He’s doing—He created this body. If He wants to heal me, He knows how. I’m going to quit having a pity party now. I’ve got some living to do. And since getting released from the hospital is actually a pretty nice change, I’m going to enjoy it.”
“Good for you.” Rachel knew her sister; she had known today would bring that optimism back to the forefront. “It was hard to believe in miracles before today, Jen. But I believe in them now. Because we’re at the point we need one; it’s the only thing left. God is good. His answer to this will be good.”
“I don’t want to be the trendsetter, to be the first O’Malley to enter heaven. I’m sure it will be better than here, but I’m just not ready to go.”
“How did the others take the news?”
“A lot of quiet. No one sounded surprised. And it helped when I said I was coming back to Chicago.”
“We all want your company.”
“Kate asked if I wanted to go back through old haunts—Trevor House and the rest.”
It wasn’t an easy question to think about. “What did you say?”
“Let’s leave the past in the past.”
Rachel found herself relieved at that. She didn’t want to go back either. “Jen, do you really think God will cure you?”
“It’s a feeling, Rae. A confidence inside that He’s got more people for me to help. I’m a doctor; it’s how I answer who I am. And I’m convinced I’m not done yet.”
“Then that’s what we will pray for. That you get well enough to go back to work.”
“So you went to see Cole last night.”
Rachel settled deeper in the cushions. “How did I know you would pick up that fact in this conversation? He’s a nice guy, Jen. You’ll like him.”
“Something going on I should know about?”
Rachel hugged the pillow. “Cole kisses great.”
Jennifer laughed. “Tell me about last night.”
Ten
Cole drove Rachel to the airport to meet Jennifer and Tom Wednesday night. He kept one eye on traffic and the other on her, not quite sure how to read her retreat into silence. They had spent the afternoon helping Ann paint and were invited to stay for dinner. Rachel had been keeping her spirits up during the afternoon, but now… Cole knew how tough this evening would be for her. He was still having to guess a bit on how best to help her. “Are you ready for this?”
Rachel had roses for Jennifer balanced on her lap and her head resting against the headrest. She didn’t open her eyes. “Did I really eat hot dogs and purple Jell-O for dinner?”
“I wondered how many times you were going to nod when Nathan asked ‘more?’” Nathan was attached to Rachel, and the evening had shown in vivid ways that it was mutual.
“I thought he was asking ‘s’more?’ The chocolate graham cracker things Adam was fixing for dessert.”
Cole reached over and rubbed her knee, appreciating more than ever the way she opened her heart to kids. He was sure over the years she had said yes to more than one odd dinner because a child asked for her company. “I picked up a soda for you if you’d like it.”
“When we get to the airport I’ll gladly accept it.” She took hold of his hand and looked at it. “How’s your thumb?”
The bruise under his nail from the accident while hangin
g shelves was turning black. “Nathan swings harder than Adam.”
“It will ache for days.”
“He’s not the first boy I’ve taught the hard way. It will heal.” He reluctantly turned the conversation back to the coming evening. “Marcus said Jennifer and Tom had decided to stay at the hotel across from the hospital.”
“It’s a hard decision because we all want them to stay with one of us rather than in an impersonal hotel, but it makes the best sense. Her doctors would like her to continue with the daily pool therapy so that she keeps as much muscle strength as possible, and they have mutual friends on staff at the hospital. As it turns out, Kate’s fiancé Dave’s family owns a major part of the hotel. The best suite is theirs for as long as they like.”
Rachel sighed. “I’m beginning to accept the fact that a month ago I still thought in terms of having months if not years with Jennifer. Now I’m adjusting to thinking about the next ten days. I know she’s going to be limited in what she is able to do, and I don’t want to add to her stress by showing the sadness I feel. There will be time for sadness later.”
Cole squeezed her hand. “A day at a time.”
She squeezed back.
“Have you talked about plans for the next few days?”
“We’ll give her a day to sleep. The rest of the weekend—it will depend on Jennifer’s energy. We’ll probably have an O’Malley gathering. You’re invited.”
“I’ll be there.” He reached the airport exit. “At which gate are they arriving?”
“You’ll want to circle around to the private terminal. Dave is flying them in.”
“You meet him in a suit and tie, a badge and a gun, and you forget the fact that the man is rich enough to live comfortably.”
Cole parked and paused Rachel with a hand on her arm. “Stay put. I’ll come around and get the door so you don’t tip those flowers.”
They walked toward the terminal together. “Do you want to make an impression on Jennifer tonight or let her draw a few conclusions over the weekend? Say the word and I’ll not let you get a step away from me tonight,” he offered, smiling.
“The suit and tie already make a pretty big statement,” she teased.
“You noticed?”
“I did. You dress up very nice, Cole.”
He rested his hand on the small of her back. “There’s the rest of your family.”
Then he spotted Jennifer. And any question he had about Rachel’s sense of urgency disappeared. Jennifer was a shadow of who she had been just months ago. His heart broke at the sight. “There they are.” Tom was pushing Jennifer’s wheelchair.
Rachel’s grip on his hand tightened, and then she released it and hurried forward.
Cole relaxed in the lawn chair in his backyard later that evening while he waited for Rachel to finish a phone call. She was twenty minutes into a conversation that sounded like it would continue for another twenty. His dog had given up on the walk starting and had stretched out to sleep sprawled across Rae’s feet. Cole tossed the baseball into the air and caught it on the way down, the feel of the ball comfortable. He had dug it out of a storage box to give to Adam next time he saw him. Cole’s love of baseball went back to his childhood, and he enjoyed sharing it with Adam.
He knew Rachel had a gift for helping people; he had experienced it himself. But tonight he observed something he hadn’t anticipated. He’d watched Rachel open her heart and literally pour it out. With her family, she held nothing back. It was there in the quiet words with Marcus, the laughter with Jack, the private moments with Kate, the questions for Lisa and Stephen. She had eased each of them over the pain inherent in Jennifer’s homecoming, and they’d trusted her enough to let her take that burden.
It had cost her in energy. After seeing Jennifer and Tom settled at the hotel, Rae had barely said two words on the drive back. If she ever opened her heart like that toward him… He wasn’t sure he deserved something that precious.
Rachel was talking to Marissa. Rae had seemed relieved to have the page come in, and as he watched and listened, he understood why. For Rachel work was a distraction. One of Marissa’s school friends had gotten into trouble and Marissa needed a sounding board. Rae listened with her full attention, and when she did speak it was most often to ask a question. She had a nice blend of calmness and realistic advice. She cared. Rae would do everything she could to help, but she could compartmentalize the needs. With family she never released the weight, and Jennifer’s cancer had continued as a building burden for a year now. The strain was telling on her.
She reached for her day planner and confirmed a date for next week. The call finally ended and she leaned her head back against the lawn chair. “Sorry, Cole.”
“First rule of couples—no need to apologize for your job.”
She half smiled. “Are we going to be making these up as we go along?”
“Very likely.”
“Then you’ll let me replace this lawn chair. It’s got a hole in the webbing that is tickling the back of my arm.”
“I’ll even let you put your name on it so Jack won’t stretch it out,” Cole offered.
“Can we just sit here awhile before we walk? I don’t think I’ve got the energy to get up at the moment.”
“As long as you like.” She was far from ready to go home. And he was in no hurry to have the day end.
“How did Jennifer look to you?”
There was no good gained by ducking the honest answer. “Like someone alive by strength of will.”
Rachel let that reply sink in. “I’m not ready to say good-bye.”
“How can I help you, Rae?”
“You already are.”
“Seriously. How can I help you?”
She turned her head toward him and thought about it.
“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered.
“You won’t be, through any of this.”
“It feels very alone. Death is like a cloud coming near that shadows and blocks the color from life.”
“I’ll be here, Rae. Whatever you need. And God promised He would never leave you. He meant it. For the rest of eternity you will never be alone.”
“How am I supposed to be praying? Death is the one thing everyone fears: dying alone, afraid, before we are ready, leaving things undone. It feels like a betrayal to pray for God both to heal Jennifer and to give her a peaceful death with people she loves around her.”
“Do you think God doesn’t understand that duality? Loving Jennifer means you pray for a long, healthy life. Loving Jennifer means you pray for a peaceful death when the time does come. Rae—” he waited until she met his gaze—“if there is one person it’s safe to share what’s inside your heart with, it’s God. All of it. His love is steadfast and He describes it as stretching to the heavens. He cares. And He knows what tonight took out of you.”
“Stephen has taken it on the chin losing patients in accidents, and tonight hit him like that. He was struggling not to cry when he saw Jennifer. It’s not fair, Cole. This family can’t handle a funeral.”
There was nothing he could say that would help. He knew Rachel couldn’t handle it either.
She reached for Hank’s leash. “Let’s walk. I need to set this aside if I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. And I’m a long way from learning your habit of setting stuff aside.”
Cole offered her a hand up. “You’ll get there.”
“Thanks for being there tonight.”
He hugged her, taking the moment to reassure himself as well as her that they would get through this. “My pleasure.”
“Would you keep Saturday morning free? It sounds like the O’Malleys are getting together about ten.”
“I’ll be there.”
Eleven
If Cole had known why Rachel had asked him to keep Saturday morning free, he would have made a point to get more sleep first. He was playing baseball, although the rules appeared to be creative. Someone should put warning signs around that woman. Col
e bent down and picked up the baseball that had dropped like a rock and stopped in front of the pitcher’s mound as Rachel took her place on first base with a flourish. A shout of delight from the bleachers rose as Lisa and Cassie scored another two runs for the O’Malley women.
The catcher came jogging out to the mound. Marcus shot a look at Rachel on first base, now pausing to adjust the folds on her socks to be even over her brand-new tennis shoes. Marcus took the baseball from Cole and made a point of checking it for smudges. “She hasn’t officially started dating you yet. It’s okay to get her out.”
“The sun got in my eyes.”
“Sure it did.” Marcus nodded toward Gage playing third. “He wouldn’t let a little thing like a wink work on him.”
“She wasn’t winking at him.”
Marcus dropped the ball back into Cole’s glove, his smile growing. “I noticed that too. One more out and we can take them to lunch. They have a tradition of folding after five innings so neither side has to admit defeat.”
“Good point. Besides, you just told me to get your fiancée out.”
Marcus glanced toward Shari stepping up to home plate. “No, I just told you to walk her. You can strike Kate out.”
“Come on, guys, give me a pitch. I’m ready to add the icing to the cake.”
Marcus grinned. “If she doesn’t get on base this game, she’ll want to spend this weekend practicing in a batter’s cage. A walk is purely self-preservation.”
It was an elaborate baseball game being played for one person. It was worth it to hear Jennifer’s laughter. Tom had transferred her from the wheelchair to the bleachers and swallowed her in a blanket to prevent her from getting chilled. They were all stretching themselves, and the humor of this game was to give Jennifer a day of laughter.
Cole pitched Shari a soft lob way outside of the box, and she still went after it. She swung like a girl and spun all the way around with a clear miss. She pouted, laughed, and stepped back into the hitter’s box to try again.
Kate rushed out from the women’s bench and showed Shari how to choke up on the bat. She whispered something that made Shari laugh. The next pitch Shari hit and it dribbled six inches in front of home plate.