CHAPTER X
About a month passed by, and the scene which I have alluded to seemed tohave receded like distant smoke. Lady Helen and my father were the bestof friends. I went to see Lady Carrington as often as I could, but forsome reason Lady Helen Dalrymple and she were only the merestacquaintances, and I could see that Lady Helen was jealous when LadyCarrington invited me to her house. The days I spent with that goodwoman were the happiest of my life just then, but they were few and farbetween.
I saw very little of father. After our long delightful day at Richmondhe seemed to pass more or less out of my life. He seemed to me to be anabsolute and complete cipher, so much so that I could not bear to lookat him. His hearty, happy, jolly, delightful manners were subdued, hiseyes were more sunken than they used to be, and the colour in his cheekshad quite faded. I used to gaze at him with a pang at my heart, andwonder if he were really growing thin. He hardly ever said now, "Hallo,hallo! here we are!" or "Oh, I say, how jolly!" In fact, I never heardany of his old hearty exclamations; but what annoyed me most was thatwhen Lady Helen was present he hardly took any notice of me.
Nevertheless, I had my good times, for by now I was tired of sitting uphalf the night and of going to endless dances and listening toinnumerable empty compliments, and being smiled at by men whom I couldnot take the faintest interest in, and whose names I hardly remembered.But as the summer came on faster and faster, and the London seasonadvanced to its height, I did enjoy my morning walks with Morris. LadyHelen had said something about my having a horse to ride, but up to thepresent I was not given one, and consequently I walked with Morris, andwe invariably went into Hyde Park or Kensington Gardens.
I remember a day early in May, when I unexpectedly met Captain Carbury.I was sitting on a chair, with Morris next to me, when I saw him in thedistance. He pushed rapidly through a crowd of people, and came up to myside. He took a chair close to mine.
"Can't you get your maid to walk about for a short time?" he said. "Ihave something of great importance I want to say to you."
I turned towards Morris.
"Morris, will you kindly go to the first entrance and buy me twoshillingsworth of violets?" I said to the girl.
Morris rose at once to do what I asked.
"That's right," said Captain Carbury, when we were alone. "I have such astrange thing to tell you, Miss Grayson."
"That isn't my name now," I said.
"I beg your pardon," he replied, turning a little red, "Miss Dalrymple."Then he added: "I have been wanting to see you for weeks, but did notknow how to manage it."
"But was there any difficulty?" I asked. "You know where my father andLady Helen live. You could have called."
He coloured and looked down on the ground.
"We have met at last," he said, after a pause, "and now I have this totell you."
"What?"
"You saw Dorothy Vinguard once, didn't you?"
"The girl you are engaged to? Of course."
"I am not engaged to her any longer; our engagement is broken off."
"Oh, I am sorry," I said, and I looked at him with a world of sympathyin my eyes.
"Dear little Miss Heather," he replied, "you needn't be sorry, for Iassure you I am not."
"But why is it broken off?" I asked. "I thought when people were engagedthat, if they were nice people, they considered it sacred, and--and_kept_ engaged until they married."
"Oh, you dear little innocent!" he replied. "How little you know! Well,at any rate, I am not going to enlighten you with regard to the ways ofthis wicked world. The engagement is broken off, and I am glad of it. Ididn't do it; she did. She has engaged herself now to another man, withfive or six times my money. She is all right, and so am I."
Then I said slowly, "You puzzle me very much, Captain Carbury. I thoughtyou were very, very fond of her."
He dug his stick into the gravel walk near; then he glanced round at meimpatiently.
"You can put all that sort of thing into the past tense," he said. "Nowtell me about yourself. How are you getting on?"
"I am not getting on," I answered.
"You surprise me! I hear quite the contrary I hear that dear littleMiss Heather, who was so kind to me, and did me such immense honour asto put me into her gallery of heroes, is making quite a stir in society.When society begins to appreciate you, Miss Heather, you ought toconsider yourself in luck. They say--and by 'they' I mean the people wholive in this wicked world, the people who are 'in the know,' youunderstand--that if you are not engaged to be married before this timenext year, you will be the height of the fashion."
I found myself colouring very deeply.
"I don't intend to be either engaged or married," I said; "and to make astir in society is about the very last thing I should wish."
"I wonder what you would wish?" he asked, looking at me attentively.
I looked back at him. Then I said, in a low, quiet voice:
"I can't quite understand why it is, but I find it very easy to tell youthings. Perhaps it is because you are in my gallery and I am in yours."
"Yes, of course, that is the reason," he replied, with one of his quick,beautiful smiles.
"I will tell you what I really want."
"Do, Miss Heather--I really can't call you Miss Dalrymple, so it mustbe Miss Heather."
"I don't mind," I answered.
"Well, now then, out with your greatest wish!"
"I should like," I said, speaking deliberately, "to leave London, and togo into the heart of the country, to find there a pretty cottage, withwoodbine and monthly roses climbing about the walls, and dear littlelow-ceiled rooms, and little lattice windows, and no sign of any otherhouse anywhere near at all. And I should like beyond words to takefather and live with him, all by our two selves, in that cottage. Ishould not want fine dresses there, and society would matter less thannothing to me."
Captain Carbury looked somewhat surprised, then he said, quietly:
"About your father; well, of course, I--I _can't_ speak about him, youknow, but there's--there's Lady Helen. How would she enjoy yourprogramme?"
"There would be no programme at all, no dream to be fulfilled, nohappiness to be secured, if she went with us," I answered.
"Oh, I see," he answered; "poor little Miss Heather!" And he whistledsoftly under his breath.
I looked full at him.
"You don't like her either," I said, and it seemed to me that a new andvery strong chord of sympathy sprang up between us as I uttered thewords.
"No," he answered. "I won't say why--I won't give any reasons; she maymean all right, but she's a worldly woman, and I don't care a bit aboutworldly women. I am afraid you won't have your dream, Miss Heather, so Imust tell you what is the next best thing for you to do."
"But there is no next best," I replied.
"Yes, there is. Now listen to me attentively. The very best thing, allcircumstances considered, for you to do is to get engaged right away tothe sort of fellow who understands you and whom you understand--the sortof man who would put you into his gallery, you know, and whom you wouldput into your gallery. Oh, yes, you comprehend what I mean. The bestthing for you, Miss Heather, is to get engaged to that man, and whenonce you are engaged not on any account to break off your engagement,but to have it speedily followed by marriage. You'd be as happy as theday is long with the man who understands you, and whom you understood.And, for that matter, you _could_ have your cottage in the country, onlyit would not be shared by your father but by--well, by the otherman--the man who understands you so well, you know."
"I don't know," I said; "and I certainly won't marry any man unless Ilove him."
"But you must love him," he said, giving me a long and most earnestglance, "if you put him into your gallery of heroes."
"Oh, I don't know," I replied to that. "I can admire immenselywithout--without loving. Why, Captain Carbury, I have put you in,and----"
But then he gave me another glance, and it was so very earnest, and hisdark blue eyes
looked so very pleading, that suddenly the colour leapedinto my cheeks, and I lowered my own eyes and began to tremble all over.
"It is the best thing for you, Miss Heather," he said, dropping hisvoice almost to a whisper. "Oh! yes, I know what I am talking about.Lots of girls do dreadful things; they mar their lives fearfully. I'lltell you how they mar them. They--they marry, and not for love."
"But I am not one of those girls," I replied.
"Are you not, really?" he said. "Now, I have heard rumours, oh,yes!--and while the rumours are being circulated, everything sounds verynice and very golden, but----" He bent a little closer, until his armtouched mine.
Morris was coming back. I saw her trailing her dress over the grass, andcarrying a great basket of violets, white and different shades of blue,in her hand.
"Listen," he said. "Even if you did not love with all your heart andsoul and strength, don't you think that you might just try the man youput into your gallery of heroes? Don't you think you might begin"--hedropped his voice, and it became quite hoarse--"to love him a little?"
"Oh! oh! oh!" I said; "I could not! You were engaged only a few days agoto Lady Dorothy Vinguard! Why, Captain Carbury, I never even thought ofyou. I don't love anybody at all, except father--that is--yet."
"There's a great deal in the little word 'yet,' Miss Heather. We shouldnot be rich, neither would we be exactly poor, but I am quite sure Icould make you happy. Truly, I never really cared for Dorothy. She wasthought a good match for me, and all that sort of thing, you know; butshe was too statuesque. I want life, I want warmth, I want soul, Iwant--oh! all the things you could give. I would make you as happy asthe day is long; I could, and I would. Then--let me whisper. You neednever see _her_ any more. Think of it, dear little Heather! Heather,Morris is quite close, and I must whisper a secret to you. It was fromthe day I first met you that I began to find out what sort of girl LadyDorothy really was--I discovered then that there was a better girl inthe world than Lady Dorothy. I want a wife like you; I want you, yourvery self; you, before you learn to love the world and the ways of theworld; you--just because you are so young and so pure and sweet. Thinkof it, think of it, Heather, and don't say no! Wait at least untilto-morrow. I will be in this very place at eleven o'clock to-morrowmorning, waiting to get your answer."