CHAPTER XXIV.
The Tinkhams arrive.--Great Stir.--Miss Lavinia Longbow's Head is turned.--Everybody in Love with the Tinkhams.--Wind changes.--The Tinkhams fall.--The whole Pack out on them.--They abandon the Settlement.
It is remarkable how the people of a new country run in fixed channels ofthought and action. That this is true of an old one where ages havehardened down and vitrified a long train of habits, is not so wonderful.Puddleford was in the gristle, it was true, and had not as yet made anypermanent development. But even in its gristle, it had its laws--temporary,of course, but laws, nevertheless, which were as unbending as iron, whilethey lasted.
No person was permitted to outstrip his neighbor in any of the luxuries orrefinements of social life. Any attempt at such a piece of ambition wasregarded as a kind of premeditated insult upon the whole town. It was neverfor a moment supposed that a Puddlefordian could act without some hiddenmotive, maliciously directed against those who were not in any wayconnected with his personal affairs. The pride of a new country is mostmarvellous. The less wealth, or the less education, or the less of theluxuries of life, which such a people may possess, the more tender they areupon those very deprivations. In one sense, again, not a particle of pridecould be found lingering in all Puddleford. This pride was the source ofthe most unrelenting jealousy.
Mrs. Longbow never bought a new calico without being agitated. She knewthat not only the calico, but herself, too, in connection with such a boldenterprise, must necessarily pass in review before all the women of theplace. And she also knew that not unfrequently it happened that veryimproper motives were attributed. The calico might have been purchased tocast a slur upon some one else--a way taken by her to "let people know whatsome folks could do, and what other people could not do,"--a kind of opentriumph, maliciously intended to humble the pride, and sneer at the povertyof another, who dare not venture upon such an outlay of money--and Mrs.Longbow knew and felt that it was as much as her reputation was worth toappear for the first time in public in such a garment--for Mrs. Swipes orMrs. Bird would be sure to declare that "she did it on purpos' jist toinsult _her_."
Immigrants, who settled in Puddleford, felt the force of this social lawvery forcibly. Mr. Tinkham and family came in and took up their residence.Mr. Tinkham was a small merchant, and hailed from a small eastern village,and brought in his train a wife, one son, and two daughters--Mr. HowardTinkham, Miss Jenet Tinkham, and Miss Mary Tinkham--old enough all forsociety. They were a very plain family, had been educated in a very plainway, and were very unpretending in their deportment. "_Old_ Mr. Tinkham,"as he was called, was on the downhill side of life, and was fast runninginto the shadows of the valley; and "Old Mrs. Tinkham" was not very farbehind him. They had immigrated for the benefit of their children--madethemselves miserable from a philanthropic desire to make somebody elsehappy--had buried all the associations, comforts, and joys of their lives,to linger out an unnatural existence in the West.
When Mr. Tinkham and his family came on, Puddleford was overflowing withenthusiasm. Indeed, their anticipated arrival was heralded by all handslong before they made their appearance, and their "means," personalhistory, politics, and religion were well known weeks in advance. Theaccession of a new family was a great event in Puddleford--and well itmight be--for it was a rare event to find any one bold enough to settledown in the village--and it usually turned out to be as great an event tothe individual who settled, as those whom he settled among.
There was a general uprising to receive Mr. Tinkham--it did not seempossible to do enough for Mr. Tinkham--he was from the very firstcompletely run down, crushed, and smothered with attention--all the womenoffered their services in any and every way to Mr. Tinkham, and to Mrs.Tinkham, and Mr. Howard Tinkham, and Miss Jenet Tinkham, and Miss MaryTinkham--one ran this way to do this, and another that way to dothat--sometimes two or three female Puddlefordians would insist uponperforming the same act for Mrs. Tinkham, which not unfrequently resultedin hard words and red faces among themselves, for their kindness was soimpulsive and excessive, that it was not possible for them to restrain it,as long as the Tinkham fever lasted.
The Tinkhams thought that they had been very much underrated, or very muchoverrated. They were positively delighted with the spontaneous attentionof the Puddlefordians--and yet, as has been stated, the Tinkhams were aplain people, not subject to any fashionable flights, nor haughty airs, norhad they ever demanded or received much notice before, and they could onlyaccount for the novel exhibitions of hospitality of their new acquaintancesby supposing it was "their way," and that they were no exception to ageneral rule.
Miss Lavinia Longbow, who was decidedly one of the fashionable "uppercrust" of society--for every society has its "upper crust"--and who was thedaughter of Squire Longbow, which of itself was all-sufficient to fix hersocial position--Miss Lavinia Longbow almost went into ecstasies over Mr.Howard Tinkham the first time she saw him.
She declared that "he was the splendidest man she ever see'd--that shethought that Jim Barton was something of a feller once--but, O, pshaw! hewarn't nothin'. Mr. Howard Tinkham had such a poetical eye, and suchtap'rin' hands, and then he was so much slimmer-er than Jim Barton, and hewalked off so peert like--and then he talked so _bu_-tiful--all about theVenuses, and the God-es-es, and she did not know how many more things, thatshe never heer'd of afore in all her born days. Jim Barton didn't knownothin' 'bout anything--he couldn't say boo afore Mr. Howard Tinkham--hewas _sich_ a man, Mr. Howard Tinkham was--he know'd everything--how manypretty stories he _had_ told her--O, pshaw! talk about Jim Barton."
Miss Lavinia ran on in the most extravagant terms, at all times and places,about Mr. Howard Tinkham, and she positively refused to speak to, or noticeJim Barton, for six months after Tinkham came in.
Mrs. Swipes, Bird, Longbow, Aunt Sonora, and all were bewitched with Mrs.Tinkham. Mrs. Swipes presented Mrs. Tinkham with a dried-apple pie withinan hour after her arrival, at the same time informing her that "it wouldcome right handy while they were putting things to rights--and that ifthere was anything else--any--thing--no matter what--that she had in herhouse, to come over and take it right away, and ask no questions. Shewanted her to be at home in _her_ house, jist as long as they liv'd inPuddleford."
Mrs. Tinkham thought Mrs. Swipes was a very accommodating woman.
Mrs. Longbow sent a ham--Mrs. Bird a loaf of "Injun," as she called it--andas Mrs. Swipes knew what Mrs. Longbow had sent, and as Mrs. Longbowascertained what Mrs. Swipes had sent, and as Mrs. Bird discovered byinquiry "round about," what they both sent, and as the rest of thePuddleford ladies made it their business to know what they all had sent,and as they were determined not to be outdone by the upper crust, who theydeclared were no better than they were, and couldn't do any more than theycould do, the consequence was that the Tinkhams began to think that theyhad reached the promised land, and that the windows of Heaven were opened,and showering down blessings broadcast upon them.
The Tinkhams were in raptures with Puddleford. Mrs. Swipes called two orthree times a day to know how they got along--to know if Mary Jane Arabellacould not come in and "chore around a little while they weresettlin'"--that she know'd what it was "to get fix'd"--to know if "therewarn't _sum_thin' she _could_ do."
Mrs. Longbow was very anxious to find out "when Mrs. Tinkham could comeover and spend a sociable afternoon--it seemed as if she couldn't wait."
Mrs. Bird declared that "she would have the first visit--that she'd sayflat-footed."
The Tinkhams were certainly very much in love with Puddleford. They hadpositively never seen anything like it. The impression which they had madeexceeded all their expectations. They did not see how they could ever repaythe manifestations of its people.
But this paroxysm of attention in time passed away. The Tinkhams intime--and in a very short time, too--fell from their high position. Mrs.Tinkham _did_ call first upon Mrs. Longbow, and she and all the otherTinkhams were ruined from that day.
Mr
s. Bird then declared "she just began to see what they were"--she blazedout with all her fires, and showered down her red-hot lava upon theTinkhams, both great and small. She "had a lurkin' kinder suspicion all thetime that they warn't much"--she said "she meant to treat 'em decently, andshe had treated 'em decently--she and Mary Jane didn't do nothin' but runfor 'em all the time, when they fust cum--and now this was her thanksfor't--this was what she got--_this_ was her pay--she'd tell the whole pileon 'em what she thought, some day--she'd give 'em a piece of hermind--she'd show 'em what Sall Bird could do--they'd find her out--theycouldn't tromp onter her--jest--to--think--after all said and done--thatthe huzzy went straight over and call'd fust on Mrs. Longbow--on Mrs.Longbow--yes, old Squire Longbow's second wife--_old_ Aunt Graves, andnobody else--who I've know'd fust and last these twenty years--and no goodof her nuther--to think of it! to think!--_only_ to think!"
This little explosion went off in the presence of Mrs. Swipes, who had beenas deeply injured by this "call" as Mrs. Bird, and Mrs. Bird knew it.
Mrs. Swipes declared "that while she was the last woman on the face of theairth to injure anybody, or talk 'bout anybody, that was _well_ known, shecouldn't help lettin' out on the Tinkhams--she couldn't! she'd tried it,but she felt it her duty to do it--and she _would_ do it, and she'd do itnow,--she thought she saw sumthin'--_sum_thin' a-nuther--'bout that Mrs.Tinkham, the fust day that they came inter the settlement, that warn'tright--she didn't like her eye--there was a certain sort-of-er-lookthere--and she might as well say it right out, it looked wicked toher--wicked as Cain--she told Mr. Swipes then that _she_ believed that shewas a _dang_-rous woman--but she was detarmined to try her, for she was aperson who allers tried everybody--she gin everybody a chance--she didn'tcry down nobody, she didn't--she warn't a-goin' to--'twas agin herprinciples to do so--but when she _did_ find people out--and she allersdid--_allers_--sooner or _la_-ter--sum time or a-nuther--she was sure tofind 'em out, then they'd got ter take a piece of her mind--and she hadfound the Tinkhams out, and she thought the Tinkhams warn't any greatshakes--that's what she thought."
"Jest my mind exactly!" exclaimed Mrs. Bird, who had listened with greatattention, with her eyes staring, and her mouth open, so she could not losea word.
"Nor warn't any great shakes where they com'd from," added Mrs. Swipes;"that I've larned for true, and I know it."
"Nor never will be any great shakes," continued Mrs. Bird,"anywhere--never! never!"
"From the old man down," said Mrs. Swipes.
"Yes! from the old man down," repeated Mrs. Bird.
Aunt Sonora, who was very "set in her way," and a great stickler for theold order of things, was, nevertheless, not naturally malicious. Shethought the Tinkhams, however, "were getting mighty stuck up," and that the"gals put on the dref'ellest sight of airs"--"she didn't think Puddlefordcould hold 'em long--people who ate sales-molasses for common, and boughtfresh every day, must have a long purse or they'd bust"--she said "she wasvery sure that Mr. Howard Tinkham wore broadcloth; and as for thewomen-folks, why, they were flarin' out all the while in their silks--andlaws-a-me," said the old lady, "they hain't got such a killin' sight to beproud of nuther--if they had, _she_ didn't know where they kept it, for herpart."
The Tinkhams found themselves in hot water on every side--and simply forthe reason that Mrs. Tinkham had made her first call on Mrs. Longbow. ButMrs. Tinkham could not have escaped her fate--that was not possible; if shehad selected any other of her devoted friends, the result would have beenprecisely the same.
In four weeks from the time the Tinkhams had been received with suchdemonstrations of affection, it was discovered,--
That Mrs. Bird did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham;
That Mrs. Swipes did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham;
That Mrs. Beagle did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham;
That a very great many other persons who did not speak to Mrs. Bird,Swipes, _or_ Beagle, did not speak to Mrs. Tinkham.
Mr. and Mrs. Tinkham found that they had come in conflict with publicopinion in Puddleford--they were completely driven out from society.
The social war soon extended itself further. The Bird clique would nottrade at Mr. Tinkham's store. Mrs. Bird declared "that she wouldn't havenothing at all to do with 'em no way--not the fust thing--she wouldn'tdarken any of their doors, and they shouldn't darken hers--not a Tinkhamshould enter her front gate--_she'd_ larn 'em, that's what she would." Mrs.Swipes and Mrs. Beagle agreed to the same thing--the Tinkhams shouldn'tdarken their doors, nuther. Mrs. Bird said she wouldn't go where theTinkhams went. Mrs. Swipes and Mrs. Beagle thereupon agreed that _they_wouldn't go where the Tinkhams went--and the lesser lights that revolvedaround Mrs. Bird, Swipes, and Beagle, agreed that they wouldn't "nuther."
The Tinkhams were obliged to draw their business to a close, and leave theland of their adoption. They did not understand the social law of thecountry. They were seen, early one morning, wending their way out of thevillage, solitary, yet not sad, without pomp or parade, their faces to therising sun, retracing their steps back to the land which they had left,wiser, if not better, we trust, with a fixed determination to "let wellenough alone" during the remainder of their lives, and never again give "abird in the hand for (none) in the bush."
Puddleford experienced no more spasms from a disturbance of its socialequilibrium for a long time; not until the Styles family came in many yearsafterwards, and overturned the whole order of things, and established uponthe ruins an entirely new government.