CHAPTER XXIII.
Amusements in Puddleford.--The Highland Fling.--A Fire-eater comes next.--Runs a Sword down his Throat.--Starts his Ribbon Factory.--Borrows Squire Longbow's Hat.--Boils Eggs in it.--The Squire gets into a Passion.--The Grand Caravan is posted.--Squire Longbow lectures on the Lion.--Bigelow Van Slyek follows on the Ichneumon--The Caravan arrives.--Great Excitement.--Jim Buzzard still himself.--Aunt Sonora in Trouble.--The Band blows away.--The Canvas is raised.--Terrible Press of Puddlefordians.--The Keeper shows up the Lion.--Explains why he has no Hair.--The Ichneumon is found at last--The Monkey Ride.--Breaking up.
The amusements of a new country are on a scale with everything else. Asevery people are set to some scale, from the most refined and luxurious, tothe most rustic and simple, that scale is always preserved in whatever mayexist. Puddleford was not without its public amusements. It was not beyondthe reach of strolling vagabonds, and impudent mountebanks. These troops,like light, penetrate every quarter of the globe, and, of course, visitedPuddleford.
One of the first exhibitions which wormed its way among the Puddlefordianswas made up of a drunken Irishman and a vixen of a woman, a cracked fiddleand a greasy fife, all of whom and which performed the "Highland fling"with variations and other tunes as the man declared (there were no bills),in full costume. The Highlander was drunk, and the woman was out oftemper; the fiddle was crazy, and the fife could scarcely squeak. Theperformance opened with the "Highland fling," was succeeded by the"Highland fling," continued by the "Highland fling," and closed by a granddisplay of the "Highland fling." This exhibition being the first that everfound its way into the settlement, everybody was delighted. Aunt Sonorasaid, "she didn't b'lieve there war any such Highlanders--nor any suchflings nuther--but the music was very purty, say what they would."
After the Irishman and woman departed, and their memory had nearly fadedout, a "fire-eater" came on, and positively turned Puddleford nearlytopsy-turvy. He was certainly a most ferocious character. He boiled eggs ina hat, hatched chickens, ate tow, and pulled out ribbons from his mouth;swallowed swords, point foremost, burned all the handkerchiefs in the room,and restored them to their owners again; and did divers more astonishingthings, which completely upset the brains of the Puddlefordians, and theybegan to think, before he finished, that he was fresh from the infernalregions, and had been sent on by Satan himself.
There had never been such a crowd collected at Puddleford for any purposeas assembled to see the wonderful performance of this fire-eater. Mrs.Bird, Mrs. Longbow, Mrs. Beagle, Mrs. Swipes, Aunt Sonora, and a few moreof the female aristocracy of Puddleford, occupied the front seats, whichwere covered with green baize, as a mark of respect and distinction. Thebackground was composed of a very miscellaneous sort of people--Jim Buzzardbeing in the extreme rear, perched upon a barrel.
It was exceedingly fearful to hear the screams of the women, when theperformer had a sword half down his throat.
"What is the man a-goin'-ter to do?" exclaimed Mrs. Bird.
"O, murder!--mur-_der_!" screamed Aunt Sonora, jumping from her seat.
"O, twitch it out quick--he's _cho_-kin'!" gasped Mrs. Swipes.
"See him!--see him!" exclaimed a dozen voices at once. "Stop him!" "Run!""'Tis goin' right straight inter his throat." "He's dyin'! How his eyeballsglare!" "Squire Longbow!--Squire Longbow!--run--run--you're a peaceofficer--don't see him die!" "There! O, dear me--'tis gone down--it's outersight--he's swaller'd it _now_." "He's got it inter him, mor'n three feetlong." "How it must cut!" "There--there!" "I see it--he's pullin' it upagin." "I can jest see the tip end of the handle--but there ain't no bloodon't." "How can he get it out?" "Well, if it ain't a comin' right out, Iwouldn't say so, handle and all!" "O, dear me--whoever heer'd of a manswallerin' a sword afore!" "How his in'ards must feel!" And so on, keepingthe house in a tempest of noise and alarm.
When the performer, however, began to make ready to run his "ribbonfactory," as he called it, the women recovered from their fright, and werein high glee, particularly during the preliminary remarks, and during thetow-stuffing exercises. He was, beyond all question, a very funny man, andsaid a host of very funny things. He threw himself into many strangeshapes, twisted his face out of form--looked gay and looked solemn byturns, and kept the house in a continual burst of merriment.
Mrs. Bird declared "she should die a _lafin_'."
Aunt Sonora said "it _did_ seem as if her sides would split right open."
Mrs. Swipes said "she know'd that it _did_ beat all--he was the oddestcritter that ever com'd into the settlement."
Ike Turtle said "he was _sum_, if not more."
Bates declared "he must stay over another night."
Squire Longbow said but little. He sat and shook his sides. "It was as goodas anything he ever see'd down on-ter the Susquehannas. He was so glad theman had come so far jist to amuse 'em a little."
But when the man began deliberately to light up the tow, and to set hismouth all in a blaze, the screams commenced again.
"He will blow up--he will blow up!" said one.
"He's all-on-a fire!" another.
"How the sparks do fly out of his mouth!"
"'Tis fire! 'Tis _raal_ fire!"
"O--d-e-a-r!"
"Take him some _wa_-ter!"
"I say, _mister_--mister," exclaimed Mr. Longbow, who had become reallyfrightened, and who could sit still no longer, when he saw the manpositively burning up--"Did you really mean to set that _tow_ on fire?Don't it _burn_, mister? Don't you want some help? I say, sir, mis-_ter_!"
The man answered by blowing a stream of sparks out of his mouth straight atthe Squire, who started back in terror, and overset Mrs. Longbow, whouttered an unearthly scream.
The fire flickered out at last, and order was restored.
This was followed by the "ribbon factory," and the man pulled a pile ofthem out of his mouth, of all sizes and colors, and scattered them aroundhis feet in the most reckless manner.
"Don't tromp on 'em," said Aunt Sonora.
"He ought to be _keer_ful on 'em," said another.
"If Whistle & Sharp only sold sich ribbons," another.
"And to think," continued Mrs. Bird, "they come right out on him, too."
"He keeps 'em in his _butes_," roared Turtle.
"They don't come out of his _butes_ at all," said Aunt Sonora; "they're allin his _mouth_."
"He didn't put 'em _in_ his butes," said Mrs. Swipes; "how could they comeout on 'em?"
"Put 'em in 'fore he come," said Turtle.
"I say, mister," inquired Squire Longbow, who wished to settle the disputedpoint for the benefit of all, "did you put them 'are ribbons inter yerbutes 'fore you come?"
The man cocked his eye, and kept pulling away.
The Squire looked indignant.
"Ask him if they are raal ribbons," said Aunt Sonora.
"I say, mister," stammered the Squire, again rising, "are them 'are raalribbons?"
The man still pulled.
"Won't answer no questions!" exclaimed the Squire, and he sat down. Theribbon factory at last ran out.
The only other exercise of importance was cooking eggs in a hat. Theperformer had borrowed the Squire's hat in the most polite way possible,saying, "he would confer a great favor upon him for the loan of it for afew moments; it would so much aid him in his feats. It was just _the_ hathe wanted--it was sometimes difficult for him to find just _the_ hat--butthe Squire's hat filled his eye to a dot."
Now the Squire's hat was the most remarkable hat in all Puddleford. It wasa broad-brimmed affair, "raal beaver," he said, which he'd worn mor'ntwenty years. He bought it down on the "Susquehannas," and had watched itwith sacred care ever since he had owned it. He wore it on Sunday, Fourthof July, on town-meeting days, and on all special occasions. He kept it therest of the time in a closet in the "_cham_-ber," covered with a piece of"ile-cloth," which was about as ancient as the hat. There was one greasespot on it, and only one, and there w
as not a man, woman, or child in thesettlement who did not know how it "come on," for the Squire had detailedthe circumstances that led to the catastrophe, a hundred times.
The hat was set upon the floor, and the performer brought out a basket ofeggs, and bowing gracefully, holding one in his hand at the same time, saidhe would cook a dozen in that hat, pointing to the Squire's hatsignificantly.
"S-i-r!" exclaimed the Squire.
"Keep easy, sir!" said the man.
"In--my--hat!"
"Yes, sir! in your _hat_!"
"In my _beaver_ hat?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Cook _eggs_?"
"Yes, sir! _Cook_ 'em!"
"That hat!"
"Yes, sir! I say _that_ hat!"
"Down in front!" exclaimed Turtle; "can't see."
"That hat!" gasped the Squire again.
"He's gummin' you," roared Turtle; "can't cook eggs in a hat. Down infront!"
Squire Longbow was very much excited, and had turned very red in the face.He could not help but think what his first wife would say if she wasthere--what she would say if she saw that hat with eggs "a-bilin'" init--but perhaps the showman was "a-tryin'" to scare him, as Turtle said--hewould wait a little and watch him closely.
"And now," said the performer, "examine this egg--it is a real egg--and nowyou see me break it--and now it is broke--and now," cracking it apart withhis thumb nails, and looking down into the Squire's hat--"there _it goes_!"
"Twenty-five dollars! twenty-five dollars for that!" ejaculated the Squire,filled with fury, and jumping towards the performer, with his fist doubled,and his teeth firm set. "You're a great scoundrel, sir--you _borrow'd_ thathat, sir--you borrowed it of me, sir--it is _my_ hat, sir, that you've got,sir--my name is Longbow, sir--_Squire_ Longbow, sir--that's my beaver hat,sir--twenty years old, sir--cost ten dollars, sir!"
"And there goes another," continued the performer, amid the stamping androars of the audience, popping another egg into the Squire's hat, in thecoolest manner possible, disregarding the tempest around him.
"I call upon Mr. Turtle to witness!" continued the Squire; "I'll ish-er awarrant for you, sir--I'll have you up, sir--before _me_, sir--you can't_pay_ me for that 'ere hat, sir--you'll be imprison'd--you'll go to jail,sir--you won't spile any more people's hats, sir--you won't bile eggs,arter this, sir--it's your last bilin', sir--"
By this time the smoke was rising out of the Squire's hat and curling awaytowards the ceiling, and the smell of cooked eggs was waxing strong in thenostrils, and the hat, so they all said, was "gone for sartin."
"La!" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, as she saw the fate of the hat, "what wickedcritters these performers are; sit right down and burn up a hat--a-bilin'eggs in it!"
The performer returned Squire Longbow's hat, after he had concluded hiswonderful experiment of cooking eggs, but the old man looked upon it withsuspicion. He turned it over and over, and smelled of it, but declared, atlast, that it was his old beaver, and jest as good as new; whereupon heapologized for his getting into a passion, and gave as a reason, that it"was the first time he ever saw the trick done--but now he know'd the manwas a gentleman, every inch on him."
But the most remarkable exhibition that ever fell upon Puddleford occurredafter this. A caravan of wild animals, about the autumnal days, tookPuddleford in its way. It was called the _grand_ caravan. Quite a flamingposter preceded the animals themselves. The bill was indeed a veryattractive-looking affair. There was a lion and a tiger painted on it, at adead lock. The lion, it appeared, had opened the tiger's bowels, and thetiger had opened the lion's bowels--the lion had torn the tiger's head, andthe tiger had torn the lion's head--these two furious beasts seemed to beabout on an equal footing. An elephant was also portrayed in a very statelymanner, carrying a house full of people on his back, who were armed to theteeth, for some unknown purpose, and who also supported a stern-lookinggentleman, seated upon his tusks, who carried a long pole in his hand.Monkeys of all sizes were scattered around the picture. Some climbingtrees, some chattering higher up in the branches, and some cutting curiousantics, evidently for the gratuitous amusement of the public who mightchoose to look on. This bill was posted up at the Eagle, and it created avery great excitement throughout Puddleford and the adjacent country.Scores of people came in from "round about," to wonder over and digest thiswonderful "picter." Aunt Sonora, Mrs. Swipes, Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Beagle, Mrs.Longbow, and their husbands, the "Colonel," Bigelow Van Slyck, Jim Buzzard,and scores of ragged children, pressed into the bar-room, day after day,and "Oh'd" and "Ah'd" over it. All kinds of comments were made by themultitude. The origin, history, habits, and ferocity of the animals weresagely discussed and settled. Squire Longbow, among the rest, toldwonderful stories about the "roar" of the lion--how he "shak't the wholewoods, when he got his wrath up, and made all the other animals run andhide themselves--he said they'd all have to stop their ears if that feller(pointing to the said lion on the show-bill) giv' 'em a blast--he heer'done roar onct, down onter the Susquehannas, and he shouldn't forget it thelongest day _he_ lived."
Aunt Sonora inquired of Squire Longbow, "where lions came from, and howthey got 'em here, and if they were _dang_-rous animals, and would bitepeople."
The Squire drew a long a-hem! stretched out his legs, and looked very wise,for he thought if there was anything that he _did_ know about, it was aboutlions. He recollected just how that lion looked that he saw down on theSusquehannas. He knew, too, that there was no other person in Puddlefordthat could throw any light upon the subject of lions. So the Squire beganin the most profound manner to answer Aunt Sonora. "The lion," said theSquire, "the great African lion--jist sich a lion as you see on that 'erebill--inasmuch as you have axed me, I tell you, comes from the jungles ofthe torrid zone."
Mr. Bates wanted to know what "a jungle was, while he was about his lionstory?"
"A jungle--a jungle," continued the Squire, coughing in his embarrassment;"a jungle--is--a--place--a kind-er cave, where the lions go, deep inter theairth, and where they can growl and roar, without disturbin' anybody."
"Inter the _airth_?" exclaimed Turtle; "how do they catch 'em, then?"
"How do they ketch 'em?--how do they ketch 'em?" exclaimed the Squire; "howdo _I_ know?--how can _I_ tell?--_I've_ never been in Africa--I was onlytellin' how the lions liv'd."
Mrs. Bird asked the Squire what the lions ate?
"Anything they can get," answered the Squire, very philosophically; "theyain't 'tall particular."
"Don't eat grass, do they?"
The Squire said he "shouldn't be s'prised if they did."
"Do they eat up men and women?"
"_Wal_," answered the Squire, "to tell you the plain truth, I s'pose theydo."
"O Lordy!" exclaimed Mrs. Bird. "Ugh! how he looks!"
During all this time the young Puddlefordians, dirty and barefooted, whohad crowded themselves into a corner in a distant part of the room, werefilled with terror during the Squire's sage remarks, and fairly trembledfor their safety.
Jim Buzzard took occasion to say that "he s'posed the an-_er_-mals _would_bite, but he warn't goin' to be scart, if they had 'em fasten'd incages--but if they were goin' ter run loose, he'd be gaul-blasted if theyseed him round thar when they com'd--he'd jest let 'em know he warn'ta-goin' to be eat up by their lions and elephuntses--he didn't care nothin''bout their monkeys--he warn't 'fraid of them, nohow--but them 'arelions--what _teeth_ they have got--O! mighty!--guess'd they wouldn't ketchhim round them grinders."
The bill, among other startling announcements, declared that "thecelebrated animal mentioned in Holy Writ, and now known as the Ichneumon,"would be exhibited--that it was the first time any company had eversucceeded in carrying him so far into the interior, as he was very partialto salt water, and suffered very much, and grew very faint and weak, whenremoved any distance away from it.
The showman had been very careful not to furnish a picture of theIchneumon, whose peculiarities had been so vividly portrayed in print, andthe Pudd
lefordians were in great doubt about his real appearance. Therewere many curious speculations, and sage reflections indulged in by themore learned portion of the crowd, about his origin and history. It wasvery difficult, in the first place, to pronounce his name.
Bigelow Van Slyck, who was a host at Puddleford in philology, attempted togive the most correct pronunciation of the word. It was "_Ich_, something,"he said--"probably the whole word was taken from Ich--and that was ananimal that scratched himself--and yet he didn't believe this animal hadany hair--and it was only hairy animals that _did_ scratch themselves--andthe reason why he thought the animal hadn't any hair, was, that he must bea salt-water animal--for the bill said he was mentioned in Holy Writ--andalso, that he couldn't live away from salt-water. He thought he knew_sun_-thin' 'bout Holy Writ--he _thought_ he did--and sunthin' 'boutanimals, too--and if _he_ was to give his opinion, he should say theIchneumon was the great Le-_vi_-a-_thern_, that went into the mighty deep!"(Here Bigelow raised upon his toes, and spread out his arms, as if to showthe crowd how big the great Le-_vi_-a-_thern_ was.)
Bigelow's oration produced a very solemn effect on the Puddlefordians. Theidea that the great Leviathan, of Holy Writ, was really coming into theirmidst, was a most astounding thought to every man, woman, and childpresent.
Mrs. Longbow, who was a member of Bigelow's church, as has been seen,wanted to know "in what part of Holy Writ that 'are Ich-what-do-ye-call-itwas found?"
Bigelow said it was somewhere--he couldn't 'zactly tell--it was either inthe _Old_ or _New_ Testament, he was very--"_sar_tin."
Mrs. Longbow said "she'd never see'd it."
Bigelow said "he'd never seen him nuther."
Mrs. Longbow explained--"she'd never seen the animal in the _Holy Writ_."
Bigelow thought, "if she'd look, she'd find it."
Mrs. Longbow said "she'd look now."
Bigelow said "he hadn't time _now_, but he'd look it up by next Sunday, andpreach on't."
Turtle, who had been carefully watching Bigelow in his attempt to identifythe Ichneumon, and who had great respect for his opinion in all mattersconnected with Holy Writ, thought he discovered a flaw in the argument. Hewould "jest like to know how they could carry around a salt-water animal onland?"
Bigelow said "he warn't alive--he was stuff'd. It didn't say the celebrated_live_ animal called the Ichneumen."
"But it did say," replied Turtle, "that it was the first time they hadsucceeded in carrying the animal so far in the interior."
Bigelow was a little puzzled at this--but said, "he s'posed it was in greatdanger of being stolen--but at any rate, the Ichneumen was the greatLevia_thern_, or some other--very--strange--animal,--_that_ he was sureof."
Squire Longbow, who had listened in the most dignified manner to all thatBigelow had said, heaved a long sigh at his last remark, and declared thatBigelow had, in his opinion, "s'plained the whole thing--and 'twas clear'nough to him that the Ich-nu-men was the Viathen--'tany rate, he know'dthe Viathen was the Ich-nu-men."
The excitement was very great from the time the bill was posted until thegrand caravan actually arrived. Very little else was talked about, orthought of in Puddleford, and the region round about. Every business, andevery domestic and social arrangement had reference to the coming event.Squire Longbow had declared, two weeks before the day fixed for theperformance, that no law business would be done in his office on show-day.Turtle had issued a similar proclamation. Important financial arrangementswere everywhere matured to enable the Puddlefordians to "raise the wind,"so they might procure an entrance behind the canvas. The draft of readymoney upon the people threatened to be very disastrous, for the admissionwas two shillings per head, children half price--cash down.
The caravan was expected to arrive at about ten o'clock in the forenoon.But the mighty multitude, who had some distance to travel, packed andprovisioned, and started on their way the day previous. Everybody wasdetermined to be on the ground when the first blow was struck. The morningof the long-looked for period presented a spectacle more stirring andsublime than anything which had ever been before known. Every man, woman,and child was dressed in his or her best. Many had strained a point, andappeared in a style so rich that they were scarcely known by their bestfriends. And then, too, every person appeared to be so full of good humorand smiles, that it really seemed to be the only desire of all to make eachother happy. Squire Longbow shone like a dollar. The old homespun coat andbeaver hat wore a new brightness about them; and, what was very unusual forthe Squire, he had procured a new hickory cane, and had cut "Longbow" uponit, which very much added to his dignity. Turtle had actually mounted aclean collar, which was one of the most remarkable occurrences of theseason. Jim Buzzard, however, had not met with any change, outwardly orinwardly. He wore the same hat, coat, and boots that were found with himwhen he was first seen sunning himself on a dry-goods box, one morning, inthe streets of Puddleford. The hat was a little more jammed up, and theboots gaped a little wider--but he was still the same Jim Buzzard, and theywere still the same hat and boots. They bade fair to last as long as hedid. His garments seemed to have grown _to_ him, and to have become a part_of_ him--to have formed a sort of attachment for him, and he really lookedas if he had been born with these very clothes on.
Jim sauntered around and said nothing. Sometimes he might be seen perchedaway off by himself upon a post, overlooking the crowd--sometimes stretchedout on a box in the sun, snoring, and making ready for the coming occasion.He knew he would get in. He had no money, but he was a philosopher. He letmatters take care of themselves, and as he had always been provided for, hefelt perfectly satisfied that he always would be.
Everybody inquired very particularly about everybody's family on that day;and why shouldn't everybody inquire about everybody's family, for it wasthe day of the great caravan, and everybody was of course overflowing withjoy. Mrs. Longbow assured Aunt Sonora, that "she would sartinly call on herthe very next afternoon;" and Aunt Sonora apologized for not having dropp'din to take tea with Mrs. Longbow, long afore. Mrs. Bird went so far as toinquire of Mr. Longbow, "how his cousins," which she said she had heer'don, were gettin' along down on the Susquehannas--the only time before orsince that the old lady ever alluded to the Squire's cousins, down on theSusquehannas, or anywhere else.
The grand caravan at last appeared in the distance, preceded by a cloud ofdust, and heralded by distant strains of music. The shock waselectrical--the rush was immense. The boys ran, and turned somersets--themen ran after the boys, and the women ran after the men. Jim Buzzard,disturbed by the "noise and confusion," actually rolled off a box, where hewas dozing; crawled to his feet, and rubbed his eyes open with his fist.The jam was really terrific--women lost portions of their dresses, men'shats flew off, and somehow, in the hurly-burly and jam, Squire Longbowmissed his beaver hat, cane, and eye-shade. The Squire was in great mentalexcitement, as well as in bodily danger. He panted for breath, and ploddedon the best way he could. Even a man of his distinction was not regarded onthat day. Among other trials and reverses, he found himself separated fromMrs. Longbow, who, for anything he knew, was "trampled to death,"somewhere; and with one eye on the grand caravan, and the other (the blindone) looking after his second wife, he hurried along, muttering to himselflike some mad animal. He was dashed on to Mr. Turtle in his progress, andnearly upset that respectable legal gentleman. Mr. Turtle rose, filled withwrath, and with drawn fist, and just saw his mistake in time before theblow descended. "O, it's _you_, Squire!" said Mr. Turtle. Squire Longbowasked Mr. Turtle where his wife was? Mr. Turtle, very much excited, saidsomething which the Squire did not understand, and pointed nowhere inparticular, and then bounded on after the grand caravan. The Squire, aftertwisting and turning, and panting and blowing, and after having overturnedthree or four innocent women, who happened to be in his way, found himselfat last out of the rush, in the corner of a rail fence, blowing his flushedface with his best cotton handkerchief. When he came to himself, he beganto think. He recollected that he
was a magistrate yet, and if anybody_should_ steal his hat, cane, or his eye-shade, he muttered, "he'd bring'em afore him by daylight next morning, he would--he'd have some kinder la'in town, if _'twas_ caravan day."
The fate of Aunt Sonora was about as melancholy as that of the Squire. Shewas somehow drawn into the tide, and as the good old lady could not movefast, the current that passed her on each side rolled her round and round,as she stood, first one way and then the other, until she became completelypeeled of her outer clothes. Cries were jerked out of her in a spasmodicway, as she could catch her breath. "Massy--massy! O, massy--me!I'm--k-i-l-l-'d!" and many more heart-rending exclamations she uttered; butit was the great caravan that was coming, and she was neither heard norheeded. When she escaped, she looked as if she had been plucked of all herfeathers; she, however, quietly slid into the house of Mrs. Longbow, whichwas near by, for repairs. When she found herself able to speak, shedeclared, "if _that_ was the _way_ the caravan was a-goin' to use folks,she hop'd _lite_-ning would strike 'em 'fore they got out-er thesettlement--they'd sp'ilt her shillin' caliker dress, and she wouldn't ginit for all the monkeys the confounded consarn had."
But the caravan moved on regardless of accidents, and the music grewstronger and stronger, as it approached nearer and nearer; and as thebreeze cast aside the dust, men, and horses, and wagons were seen movingforward, solemnly preceded by an elephant, which carried a stately lookinggentleman upon his tusks, according to the representation on the bill. Asthe procession approached the village, its extent and magnificence began todwindle. Alas! three wagons and one sickly-looking elephant comprised thewhole affair. The people were evidently very much disappointed. The billwas a very large bill, and they did not see how it was possible for the fewvehicles that came into town, to hold all the live stock which had beenpromised.
Squire Longbow still stood in the corner of the rail fence, looking out forthe lion, for he had pledged his reputation to the Puddlefordians that thelion should be all that he had promised. He didn't know whether he wouldcome on foot or not, housed or open; but the Squire saw no lion, nor anyplace for one.
Bigelow was busy sharply scenting out the "_Ich_-nu-men, celebrated in HolyWrit," as the bill declared. He felt it to be his duty to take a kind ofguardianship over the Ich-nu-men, while he might favor Puddleford with hispresence, because he _was_ associated with Holy Writ; but Bigelow could notfind him anywhere, living or dead, kicking or stuffed. He was muchdisappointed, but took courage from the hope that he was shut up fromvulgar gaze in one of the strong cages.
The musicians still blowed their blast, as the cavalcade wound its waythrough the principal streets. The bill declared that the band was thecelebrated "Boston Band," led by Monsieur Huzzleguget, and, according to_that_, it was composed of some twenty-four performers, drawn by six fierysteeds, attached to a Grecian chariot, driven by one elegant-lookinggentleman, heavily whiskered, who must have been some six feet high; but,alas! the band itself that led on the animals through the streets ofPuddleford consisted of only four seedy-looking performers, who carriedthree rusty copper horns and a bass drum, which was beat by amelancholy-looking boy. The three horn-men had blown their faces as roundas pumpkins, and as red, too; or something besides wind, perhaps, had blownthe color into their faces, for they occasionally took something to drink,during the heat of the exercises, from a bottle which they kept under theseat of the chariot.
The chariot was a large high-boarded wagon, and painted red, and was drawnby a couple of jaded "tugs," who showed plainly enough that their days werefast drawing to a close. But the music still blowed, and the processionmoved on, and the Puddlefordians were as much delighted as if theproclamation had been fully realized.
Up went the canvas, and the show prepared to open. The hurry to enter wasmost marvellous--such a crowd Puddleford never saw before. Even SquireLongbow could not wait until the doors were actually opened. He wasbewitched to see the great African lion. The Squire, as a peace-officer,ordered the crowd to keep back, in reality for the purpose of giving himand Mrs. Longbow a better chance; but the Squire's commands were entirelydisregarded; he had sunk down to the level of a mere citizen; he wasstripped of all his power; it was the great caravan day, and who cared fora justice of the peace on such an occasion?
Aunt Sonora having repaired the disasters of the forenoon, had determinedto see the fun out. She had put on her "'t'other frock," and looked aswell as she did before she had been peeled through the morning multitude.The doors were opened at last, and the "rush" entered, and in a few momentsthe canvas was alive with human beings. The grand caravan now on exhibitionwas originally the fag-end of a large concern, which had been bought up bysharpers to swindle the people. I say, originally, because this fag-end hadbeen divided up into three smaller fag-ends which were out in differentparts of the new country scouring around for money. The Puddleford fag-endhad a runt of a lion, who was very evidently on his last legs; for he hadbeen travelled until his hair was worn entirely off, and his spiritsexhausted. It was very clear that he was showing himself for about the lasttime. The elephant was diseased, and the tiger was about four times thesize of a cat. There were three dirty-looking monkeys in a cage eatingcrackers and hickory nuts, and chatting and throwing shucks through thebars at the gaping crowd--an ichneumon--a black bear, the only heartyfellow in the concern--and a mussy-looking ostrich, who had lost histail-feathers in his peregrinations through the globe. This was _the_caravan.
Aunt Sonora entered, trembling.--"Dear me! dear me! dear me!" she utteredto herself as she went in; "and so this is really the great caravan; if theanimals should get loose--and there--O, there--is that the lion!" sheexclaimed involuntarily to those around her, starting back, as she saw thebars of a cage in the distance,--"are them bars iron?" she exclaimed,looking frightened.
"Walk up! walk up!" exclaimed the keeper, as he saw several personsstanding back; "the lion is one of the most docile animals we have, ladiesand gentlemen; he never bites, ladies and gentlemen; got him in a strongcage; walk up, ladies and gentlemen, and see the _li_-on, the monarch ofthe forest, as he is called."
"How his eyeballs glare!" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, disregarding the peacefulproclamation of the keeper, as the great African lion looked up lazily, andbrushed a fly from his nose with his fore-paw.
"This African lion, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, "isfourteen years old; was caught in the great jungles of Ethiopia, bythrowing a _large_ rope around _his_ neck when he was _a_-sleeping, ladiesand gentlemen; he floundered a good deal, ladies and gentlemen, but he wascaught and brought away to the shores of Ameri-_ca_, where he has been eversince. Nobody need be afear'd, for he never breaks out of his cage, andalways minds his keeper. Walk up _clo_-ser and look at the animal, ladiesand gentlemen." Here the keeper struck the iron bars of the cage a heavyblow with a stick which he carried, but the great African lion took nonotice of it.
"Don't be skeer'd," exclaimed Mrs. Swipes, who had listened attentively tothe assurances of the keeper, addressing herself to Miss Lavinia Longbow,whom she held between herself and the great African lion, as a precaution;"don't be skeer'd, he's one of the most docil_est_ animals in the wholecaravan, the keeper says; push along. Don't be skeer'd; go right up towhere he is a-lying."
"This," exclaimed Squire Longbow, in a loud tone of voice, to a host ofPuddlefordians who had gathered around him for protection; "this is thegreat lion I tell'd you about; he ain't so large as the one I onct sawdown onter the Susquehannas. Can he roar any, Mr. Keeper?" continued theSquire, turning solemnly, and addressing himself to that august personagewith his usual dignity.
"He's a perfect roarer, ladies and gentlemen!" answered the keeper; "butthe lion don't roar at this time of the year--you don't understand thenater of the animal--he loses his voice during the latter part of theseason. You ought to have heard him last spring, when he was in the roaringmood, ladies and gentlemen."
"Bless us!" exclaimed Aunt Sonora.
"Frightened the children half to death," said th
e keeper.
"The great--African lion," muttered Aunt Sonora.
"But he won't _roar_ now, ladies and gentlemen--walk up, walk up!"
"Com'd from the jungles, I s'pose," inquired the Squire, with much gravity.
"Caught right _in_ a jungle," said the keeper.
"Jest as I told you!" said the Squire, turning around to his friends.
"Has he got _claws_?" inquired Aunt Sonora.
"_Claws!_" exclaimed the keeper, looking astonished; "the great--Africanlion--got claws? Bless you! why he's _all_ claws and teeth; let me showthem to you;" and the keeper ran his arm into the cage, in the act ofpulling out one of the paws of the ferocious beast; when all Puddlefordstarted with a rush for the door, mingled with screams that were mostheart-rending.
"Never mind," said the keeper, who had become affected by the terror aroundhim; "we won't show the lion's claws now."
Order being restored, Mrs. Bird wanted to know why the lion "hadn't got any_har_?"
"Any _what_?" inquired the keeper, peering through the crowd to find wherethe voice came from, and what it said.
"Any _har_, Mr. Keeper."
"Ah! O, yes--any _hair_--I see--it is a _lady_ who makes the inquiry. Whythe animal hasn't got any hair? Yes, yes, very proper inquiry. We like toanswer such questions, or _any_ questions. These animals are greatcuriosities; and we travel for the instruction of the people. Why theanimal hasn't got any hair? Put all the questions you can think of, ladiesand gentlemen. The animal _hasn't_ got any hair just now. Well, ladies andgentlemen, he has just shed his coat--the lion is the monarch of theforest--_he_ sheds _his_ coat in the fall of the year, ladies andgentlemen; _he's_ from Africa, where the animals shed their coats at adifferent season from the animals in this country; and the lion does justas he would do if he were in Africa now, ladies and gentlemen. A veryproper question that, ladies and gentlemen; the lion is a wonderfulbeast--the most wonderful beast, ladies and gentlemen, we have. Any morequestions? He has shed his coat, you see; looks bad just now. A sight atthe lion alone is worth the whole admission money. Any more questions?"
Mrs. Bird wanted to know of the keeper if he couldn't make him "snap andsnarl a little."
As the lion could scarcely stand upon his legs, the request of Mrs. Birdrather took the keeper aback for a moment. But he recovered himself andproceeded. He said he _could_ do it--_did_ do it sometimes--but he didn'tlike to do it. "You see, ladies and gentlemen, that he is very docile now;resting _very_ quiet; nothing disturbs him; but if he should get onceroused up, there is no knowing what he would do; I have stirred him up uponparticular request, but I never do it of my own accord, ladies andgentlemen. We don't propose to do any such thing on our bills; we don'tlike to do such a thing; but we always mean to satisfy the public, ladiesand gentlemen." Here the keeper started for a long pole with a sharp spikein the end of it, and returning with it in his hand, announced, "I will nowmake the great African lion foam and rage, and gnash his teeth."
A scream of terror went up from the whole multitude, filled with brokenejaculations. "Murder!" "Don't!" "Let me out!" "Stop him!" and everybodyrushed in the wildest confusion a second time for the door.
The keeper laid down his pole, and calmed the crowd.
The exercises connected with the lion now closed. Turtle took advantage ofthe interregnum to make an inquiry of his own. He had in his possession theflaming poster that had so long hung at the Eagle, and amused andastonished the Puddlefordians, and slowly unfolding it, he caught the eyeof the keeper, as he held it out at full length, and wished to know where"all the monkeys were that were put on to that 'ere bill?"
The keeper pointed to the monkeys' cage, where the three were, stillchewing nuts and crackers, and chattering and bobbing from one side to theother.
"Je-hos-a-phat!" exclaimed Turtle, "them _ar'_ ain't these 'eremonkeys--there ain't but three on 'em, nuther, and they ain't climbingtrees, as these are--Je-hos-a-phat!--are _them_ your monkeys, Mr. Keeper?"
The keeper said "he would explain. They were the same monkeys that thegentleman found on the bill; the same monkeys in different attitudes. Thatmonkey, for instance, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, pointinghis stick at a gray-bearded one in the cage, who was just then intently atwork pulling a sliver out of his foot, "that monkey is represented four orfive times on the bill in different forms, ladies and gentlemen; jumpinghere, and climbing there, ladies and gentlemen; and in other placesperforming those wonderful and curious feats that the monkey only _can_perform. Will the gentleman show the bill for the benefit of all? (Ike heldup the bill over his head.) Now, ladies and gentlemen, look at the bill,and then look at the monkey. These bills are printed for the instruction ofthe people; it gives them a knowledge of natural history. That monkey cando anything that we have represented on our bill; or, rather, monkeys intheir native woods do all these things; but the woods we cannot carryaround with us, ladies and gentlemen; and so we give it to you on ourbills. (Hold the bill a little higher, if you please, sir.) There you seethe monkey as he is--next thing to a man, ladies and gentlemen. Study themonkey; he's an as-_ton_-ishing animal; very different from the lion there;wherever we go, the _mon_-keys are admired. Any more questions, ladies andgentlemen?"
Turtle said "he b'lieved he shouldn't ask any more questions."
Bigelow Van Slyck had not yet seen "that wonderful animal mentioned in HolyWrit, and now known as the Ichneumon." He had walked the whole caravan overand over a dozen times, but the Ichneumon was nowhere to be seen.
He inquired, at last, of the keeper, "where he kept his Ichneumon."
"Certainly," answered the keeper in the most amiable manner possible,leading the way to a little cage on the ground, where he had an animalhoused about the size of a small dog.
"There," exclaimed the keeper, "is the sacred quadruped now known as theIchneumon."
Bigelow ran his hands into his breeches-pockets and looked down veryreverently upon the little fellow.
"Spoken of in Holy Writ?" repeated Bigelow.
"Often," said the keeper.
"Old Testament, probably," said Bigelow.
"Most probably," replied the keeper.
Bigelow took another long look.
"And he's alive, too," said Bigelow, drawing a long breath.
"But it costs a great deal of money," answered the keeper, "to preserve hislife--most _expensive_ animal we have--bathe him in salt water three timesa day."
"Mi-_rac_-ulous!" said Bigelow.
"Treat him very tenderly," continued the keeper; "liable to lose him anymoment; cost a great sum; but we don't mind that--it is our business--we_will_ satisfy the public."
Bigelow introduced Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Swipes, and Mrs. Longbow to theIchneumon, who did not happen to be present and hear the keeper's remarks,and repeated in low breath the information which he had just derived, withsuitable and appropriate remarks of his own. For his part, he said, he waspaid. He had seen the sacred animal called the Ichneumon; and he managed toweave him into a sermon which he preached some weeks afterwards, in whichhe identified him as clearly as he did when inspecting the poster at theEagle.
Jim Buzzard was present during all the exercises. He crawled in under thecanvas at rather a late hour, but appeared in time to see all that was tobe seen. He made very few comments upon the animals. He took a very longlook at the elephant, who seemed to just strike his fancy. Jim was apicture, and so was the elephant. As he stood in rags gaping at themonster, it seemed as if he was magnetized to the ground. He examined himup and down, looked under him, and over him, and at last, after havingdigested all there was about him, he scratched his head and said, "O,Gosh!"
But all things must have an end, and the grand caravan, in time, came toits end. The last performance, which was intended as the climax to thewhole day's proceedings, and which had been looked forward to by thePuddlefordians with the most enthusiastic feeling, was the "ostrich andmonkey ride." The poster had painted this affair in shining colors, and itwas finally announced by the k
eeper, amid a tempest of applause. It is notin my power to describe this ride. The monkey rode the ostrich, aspromised, carrying a whip in his hand--and then the monkey took anotherround on the ostrich, carrying something else--and then again and again,each time under renewed and stronger vociferations from the multitude,until I really began to think that the monkey and ostrich were certain totransport the crowd into hysterics, and cover themselves with immortalglory.
When the afternoon shadows began to lengthen over the green, the tent,which had so recently gone up by magic, as suddenly dissolved, and thepeople dissolved too. The show was over, and there were scores of peoplewho were twenty or thirty miles from home, jaded and nearly out of money.Puddleford was in an uproar in the general preparation for a departure. Theshowmen were packing their monkeys, ostrich, and ichneumon, temporarilyhobbling their elephant, and counting up the proceeds of the day, andmaking ready for a fresh swindle upon some adjacent town. The women weredealing out gingerbread to squalling children to fortify their stomachsagainst the journey of the night. The men were settling up their bills atthe Eagle; and all was bustle and commotion.
Aunt Sonora hurried home and "took a nap;" she had passed _such_ a day;"was," as she said, "nearly killed in the morning, and skeer'd to death inthe arternoon, that it seemed as if she should fly off the handle; her headdanc'd round like a top; see if they could catch her at any more of theirpowwows; their lions and their monkeys might go to grass, for all her;she'd not look at 'em agin; that's what she wouldn't--there warn't nothin'so grand 'bout 'em, arter all, as folks tell'd on--she wouldn't use upherself agin for any such strolling critters--not she."
The procession formed in a line, just at twilight, to take its farewell. Aknot of urchins, and twenty or more Puddlefordians, were all that were leftof the pride and pomp of the morning to see them safely on their way. Theband struck up a lively air, the wagons moved forward, and soon had woundaway out of sight; and all settled down again into the most profoundtranquillity.