A Breathe Series Novella
Other Titles from Rachel Brookes
Just Breathe (#1 Breathe Series)
Breathe Again
(The final installment of Tate and Savannah’s story coming 2014)
Ebook formatting by E.M. Tippetts Book Designs
To those who took a chance in a
new writer from the land down under… this is for you x
Have you ever found yourself wishing you could go back in time? Wishing that you could relive a single moment and do everything completely differently? Yeah? Well that was me right at this second as I stood on the busy sidewalk, completely numb while the world continued to rush around me. My eyes focused on the cab as it pulled away with Savannah hidden deep inside. All I wanted was an extra ten minutes with her. What I wouldn’t do to give her one more kiss, to tell her I loved her one more time, to feel her sexy body against mine one last time.
My eyes stayed locked onto the cab until the very last moment it was in my sight. I sighed heavily, rubbing my hands over my face and scratching the day-old stubble gracing my chin. Sav was gone, and at that moment, standing on the sidewalk in Los Angeles with people bumping into me and the constant chatter surrounding me, I couldn’t help but feel the loneliest I’d ever been.
What the hell had happened to me? Since when I had I become THAT guy? This definitely wasn’t the first time I had watched a girl pull away from me in a cab. Shit, there had been times when I was on first-name basis with the cab driver, but this was so immensely different. The girl in the cab being taken away wasn’t just any girl—she was ‘the girl.’ Savannah Rae. She was abso-fucking-lutely everything to me. My life had been tilted on its axis the moment my eyes first found the gorgeous blonde Aussie wearing those deliciously tight skinny jeans and wheeling her bright pink suitcase through the reception of our apartment block. A month without her was going to destroy me.
I refused to take one step away from my spot on the sidewalk because moving would mean that she wasn’t coming back. My mind was racing at a million miles an hour, trying so desperately to process everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks. I would never deny that I was a selfish prick, and I wasn’t afraid to admit that I needed her here with me in Los Angeles, not thousands of miles away in New York City. My dependence on her scared me. Our lives had changed forever when she spoke those three words: I am pregnant. ‘Tate Connors’ and ‘father’ were words I never could have ever fathomed being spoken together. Fatherhood was not something I had ever wanted until Sav said those three words to me.
A relationship, falling in love, and a baby were not what I had in mind when Tanzi had told me about her new Aussie friend. This stranger wasn’t meant to be this person. She wasn’t meant to be the person who allowed me to love again, and she certainly wasn’t meant to be the person who made me crave something so strongly. She was meant to be a simple fuck, my own personal conquest that would end in one night of incredibly crazy sex with that hot body being on top of me, under me and around me. But the universe clearly had other ideas. One night hadn’t been enough for me—it would never be enough. She was the perfect drug to me. She gave me the hit I needed and kept me craving for more. She would forever be the person who threw me on my ass and made me take the shaky steps to become whole again—slightly fractured but still as close to being whole as I had been for so many years.
“Tate, are you okay?”
As I turned at the sound of my name, my thoughts were shattered by the soft-spoken voice of Tanzi asking the question I couldn’t even attempt to answer. With a shaky hand, she softly touched my arm, and my shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, shooting a piss poor excuse of a smile at her. “It just sucks, Tanzi.” Looking at my other half with hooded eyes, I let out a God-almighty sigh. Tanzi was my absolute world, and I knew she would be feeling as shattered as I was. Being a twin means we have an unbreakable bond, a connection that no one else would have. We knew when the other was hurting. A constant smile was on our faces when we knew the other was happy, and we’d cry with each other in our darkest days. I couldn’t have survived the past four years if it weren’t for Tanzi. She was without a doubt my saving grace. We were on this crazy ride of life together, through heartbreak, love, loneliness and new beginnings.
“Twin time?” Tanzi asked softly, her blue eyes shooting hope at me.
I allowed a faint smile to hit my lips and nodded. Linking my arm with hers, Tanzi pulled me away from the sidewalk and towards the double doors that led into our apartment building. I took one last wistful look down the road, and delusion swamped my thoughts. What I would give to see Sav running up the road towards me, arms extended with the smile I had come to adore sweeping across her face, but all I found was the usual traffic congestion of Los Angeles and the sound of frustrated drivers honking their horns. I shook the crazy thoughts out of my clouded head and walked with Tanzi through the hustle of the reception area towards the elevator.
“What are you going to make me do today?” I asked with a short laugh. Tanzi was notorious for making twin time either the most awesome time or the most awkward time. It could involve anything from putting one of those disgusting smelling masks on my face, painting my toe nails bright pink, or drinking beer and watching the game.
“Wanna just snuggle on the couch, eat disgustingly unhealthy comfort food, and wait for Sav to call?”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. “That sounds perfect.”
Just hearing her name made my heart explode. I was in love with her. I was weak when it came to her and it scared the shit outta me. I was Tate Connors, man of the night, destroyer of women, and a notorious ladies’ man, not this guy that was on the brink of a nervous breakdown because his girlfriend had left town.
Jack greeted me at the door of my apartment with a beer and a smile, fully decked out in his San Diego Chargers gear. “The game has just started.”
“Are the cheerleaders on?” I quizzed with a smirk.
“Would I be this excited if they weren’t?”
Grabbing my beer, I strolled towards the couch and slumped down. True to his word, the cheerleaders were performing, and my and Jack’s eyes were glued to the television like it was the best thing we had ever seen. I heard a scoff beside me and realized that Ali and Lucas were still here. My eyes shot to Lucas, who was firing daggers at me from across the room.
“You got a problem?” I snorted.
“Sav has barely been gone five fucking minutes and you’re already creeping on other chicks.”
My laughter filled the room. Shaking my head I turned back towards the television. What the hell was his deal? “For your information, Lucas, they are cheerleaders on a television. You can get your panties in a knot if I am actually fucking another chick. So you might want to focus on your relationship and stop trying to interfere with mine.”
“Tate, he didn’t mean anything by it,” Ali’s soft voice spoke.
“Yeah he did.”
Turning back towards the television, I tried desperately to concentrate on the game in front of me. Football was always my distraction, but now all I could think of was Lucas and his fucked up comment. Jack’s cheers beside me brought me back to the game, and I cheered along as my Chargers scored a touchdown. Standing from the couch, I grabbed my bottle of beer and walked through the room towards the hall leading to the bedrooms.
“Where are you going? They are leading and the cheerleaders are about to do that thing with their legs,” Jack stated.
“I am going to call my girlfrien
d before she gets on the plane. You know, the girlfriend I’m supposedly cheating on with cheerleaders.” My eyes narrowed at Lucas, who went to say something before Ali slammed her hand over his mouth. I scoffed and turned towards my bedroom. Fuck his shit.
“Ali, let’s head to my apartment.” Lucas didn’t take his eyes off me.
“Don’t stay on my account,” I huffed over my shoulder and slammed my bedroom door behind me. Collapsing into a heap on my unmade bed, I let my eyes close as the lingering scent of Savs perfume rose from the pillow beside me. How long could I go without washing the pillow cases? I didn’t want to forget that smell. My hand fumbled in my pocket until I found my phone and punched in Sav’s number.
“Tate, what’s wrong?” Sav asked through the phone in a panic.
I smiled at the sound of her voice. It was crazy how Sav’s voice could calm me. “Nothing, babe. I’m okay. I just needed to talk with you.”
“Is it pathetic if I tell you that I already miss you?” She laughed softly.
“I am pretty missable.”
Her laughter filled my ears. “And you are pretty conceited.”
“I miss you too.”
“What are you doing?”
I stretched out on my bed and kicked off my shoes. “Lying on my bed, sniffing your pillow.”
Savs deep laughter soothed me instantly, and I grabbed hold of her pillow and pulled it close to my chest, making sure I overenthusiastically breathed in deeply so she’d hear.
“You cannot be serious. Tate, that is disgusting!”
The announcement of American Airlines flight from LAX to JFK rumbled in the background, and Sav sighed into the phone. Our second goodbye for the day was only seconds away.
“I have to go. I’ll call you as soon as I land. I love you, Mr. Connors.”
“Make sure you eat on the plane. You need to keep strong. You are carrying important cargo, remember?”
“Already so protective. That’s kinda cute, you know. You are quickly losing your ‘I don’t give a fuck’ persona.”
“The only thing I give a fuck about is you and that little baby you are carrying. Screw everything else.”
“There he is—the guy I love. I wish you were coming on the plane with me. There is this club we could join. It’s called the Mile High Club...”
“Savannah Maree Rae, don’t flirt with me when I can’t have you,” I growled into the phone. She wasn’t even here and I was thinking about burying myself in her. This was going to be such a long month. My hand and I were going to get very well acquainted. “You are going to be the death of me,” I laughed. “I love you! I will see you soon.”
Hanging up the call, I groaned and shifted to my side. My memories rolled in and my mind was saturated of the craziness that was Savannah and me. I’d wanted her the moment I saw her. One fuck, I told myself. Just once. One night with her led to an eternity. It took one moment to lead me to give my heart to a girl without reservation and loving a girl like I never thought I could. My eternity was in her hands.
My eyes landed on the photo frame on the table beside my bed displaying the best thing I had ever done in my life—the ultrasound photo of Jellybean. Sav was going to be an amazing mom. Her protective streak had already been on full display. When I watched her pack for New York, she made sure she took all of her pregnancy books and her vitamins after she’d explained to me what every one of them was for. To be honest, I hadn’t had a clue—I still didn’t know—but I’d nodded and smiled. She was so excited.
The moment she’d told me about the baby, I saw a shift in her. I’d loved her before, but now I was absolutely infatuated with her. She’d instantly begun to shine, and her eyes sparkled constantly with happiness. I knew that Jellybean had brought this on. I could not fuck this up.
Today was day three of being without Savannah. I hadn’t spoken to her, I hadn’t heard her laugh, and I was now living on very limited sleep.
Why did our schedules have to be so messed up?
I was beginning to think the worst.
Stretching, I groaned loudly as my body woke and came to life. My arms wrapped around Sav’s pillow as I felt my heavy, sleep-deprived eyes flutter shut. How long could I function without more than two hours of sleep a night?
The Los Angeles sunshine beamed through my window, illuminating my bedroom and emphasising that I was alone in bed, yet again. The apartment had never been this clean. I had been working twelve-hour days at Red Velvet, and I had watched countless movies in a desperate attempt to keep my mind off reality. My staff was seeing me more than they ever had.
Fumbling on my side table for my phone, I refused to open my eyes. I just needed to sleep. My hands found my phone, and I tapped in Sav’s memorized number. The phone rang against my ear and I held my breath, silently praying that today would be the day to speak with her. As quickly as the smile graced my face at the sound of her voice, it vanished.
“Hey, Sav, it’s me. Just wanted to check in. I hope you and Jellybean are doing okay. Talk soon.”
I threw my phone on the mattress beside me as frustration washed over me. Why was it so hard to get in contact with my girlfriend?
“Tanzi!” I yelled from my room.
“What?”
“I’m going to San Diego for the day. I need to see Mom. I need to talk to her about Sav and Jellybean.”
“What about Jellybean? Don’t you dare fuck this up.”
My body became rigid. “Give me some fucking credit.”
“Would you two idiots get the fuck out of bed and talk to each other? A person is trying to sleep!” Jack’s frustrated voice boomed through the emptiness of our apartment. My deep laughter echoed through my room as I stretched my arms over my head. My bedroom door swung open moments later and I was greeted by a tired-looking Tanzi. She didn’t speak a word and soon jumped under my covers and rolled to her side to face me. Her eyes scanned mine as she silently tried to read my mind. Twin-tuition as I liked to call it.
“Have you spoken to Sav yet?”
“Nope.”
Her face dropped. and she turned her head away from me, but not before shooting me a look I knew all too well. She had to be fucking kidding me. Of all the people in the world to question me.
“Don’t you dare fire that bullshit at me, Tanzi. I call and text her every day. I am considering jumping on the next plane to New York City to see her, but a little thing called Red Velvet is keeping me here. You can check my phone records if you don’t believe me.”
Tanzi sat up, pulling the covers away and turning towards me. The same blue eyes as mine searched my face in an attempt to read my thoughts. I would not break. The fact that she doubted me over something like this made my blood boil and my heart shatter. “Okay, Tate I believe you.” Her words did not convince me one bit.
“Why I have to continue to justify myself and my relationship is really starting to piss me off. I love her, Tanzi. I’d shift the world for her. You should be the one who knows me the best but here you are accusing me of shit.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything.”
“Tanzi, you jumped to conclusions! You told me not to fuck it up before you even knew what was happening. Look, I am going to San Diego for the day.”
I stormed into my bathroom, slamming the door with all my strength behind me and not giving my accusation-flying sister another glance. The fear of saying something I would later regret was bubbling on the surface. I slumped over the sink, trying desperately to regain my composure and get a hold on my soaring emotions. My eyes lifted to the mirror on the wall in front of me and I sighed deeply at the reflection of a man questioning everything. I had never experienced insecurities like this before. This distance between Sav and me was worse than I could have ever anticipated. If my twin was accusing me of this, what the hell was everyone else thi
nking? And most importantly, what the hell was Sav thinking?
I strode out of my bathroom and through the apartment without a single word. My emotions felt like they were at war with one another. The sound of the television in the living room distracted me and my eyes flashed to Tanzi’s. Her blue eyes were hooded, apologizing without speaking. Grabbing my wallet from the kitchen bench, I left the apartment in silence. As I walked towards my car, I pulled out my phone and checked my messages. Still nothing from Sav.
I couldn’t stop myself from sending her another text.
Me: Sav, what’s going on? Please call me. I don’t care what time it is.
I put my Jeep into drive and hastily pulled out of the garage, joining the chaos of Los Angeles traffic. I loved the rush and intensity of living in the city, but my heart would always be at the beach. San Diego was home, and even though it was my most loved place, it was also the scene of my worst nightmares—and those nightmares had swallowed the memories of my youth. San Diego was the place where Uncle Trevor had taught me to surf, where my days had been spent lazing on the beach, and where bonfires and beer was a ritual. San Diego was the backdrop of my youth.
I just didn’t know if San Diego could ever be that place for me again. I looked in the rear-view mirror and my eyes narrowed on the apartment building as it faded into the distance behind me. Instantly I regretted the way I had snapped at Tanzi. I was so protective of my relationship with Sav and I wouldn’t allow anyone to think I was doing anything that would jeopardize it. I slammed my palms on the steering wheel, turned up the stereo loud, and headed down the familiar Pacific highway.
San Diego meant Candice. San Diego meant heartache. San Diego meant the best and worst time of my life. Every time I drove down this familiar highway, panic ripped through every inch of me and my body tensed to the point of pain. This was the reason I never visited.