Uncle regarded me with a smile. “That will be your home where new and more pleasant memories can be created. It is where our lives together can begin. Right now, you need no distractions. No memories of the past haunting you.” He moved closer to me with a smile. “Besides, that’s where all my men are. I don’t want you anywhere near them whilst you’re so vulnerable. I’d have to watch you like a hawk.”
I laughed a little as I tried to catch my breath. Uncle had worked me up into a sweat. I didn’t mind it, though. It kept my mind focused on other things.
“Why would you have to do that?” I smiled innocently, and he stepped forward. He trailed his finger down my arm and smiled when I shuddered underneath his touch.
“Because, dear Livy, you were pretty when you were a young girl, but you’ve blossomed into the most beautiful woman. One who could wrap any man around her tiny finger.” He looked down, picked my hand up, and gently pinched the end of my pinkie. “If I even left you alone for five minutes, who knows what sort of trouble you’d get yourself into.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
Uncle’s smile dropped as a look of sadness came over him. “How many times have you begged me to give you a drink, Livy? How many times have I had to listen to you screaming in your sleep? When you wake up, sometimes you’re covered in sweat and promising me the world if I give you a drink to take the edge off. I can’t leave you alone like that. The only person I can trust with you now is Mona. She’s a qualified nurse and knows how to help you.”
I sighed because he was right. I hated the fact I did this to him and myself. I was ashamed to admit I had begged him on multiple occasions when things got too difficult. I begged him and promised him the most unspeakable things in return for a drink. Just a sip… That’s all I needed. I knew that wasn’t true, but it was what I thought.
“Mona has been a help and so have you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
Uncle lifted my chin and smiled. “I only want to make you happy.” He paused a moment. “How about you get some hypnosis? That will help a lot with your nightmares, Livy. I know someone who is very good. She may also take the craving away…maybe even sway it in a more positive direction. What do you think?”
I frowned. I didn’t know much about hypnosis, but I was willing to try anything. I knew Uncle was only trying to make me better. He was showing me how much he cared.
Eventually, I nodded. “I’m willing to give it a try.”
Uncle squeezed my shoulders and kissed my forehead. “Good. I’ll set things up for this week.”
For the next four days, I never saw or heard from Kit. It bugged me because I didn’t know whether it was because of me or another reason. I couldn’t help but worry about him, though. I worried that he may be hurt or in danger. I worried if he was getting enough to eat, and if he managed to sleep okay. I knew that sounded crazy, but I couldn’t help it. Whenever one of them disappeared for days like this, I worried. It was just natural instinct. I cared about them all and it would upset me if any one of them got hurt.
Not expecting much out of my day, I started my routine. I turned up, handed out all the hot drinks, and made my way inside. Again, Kit wasn’t there, but I decided to try and not dwell on it too much.
Instead, I went to work. I was in the dining hall handing out the last plate when movement out of the corner of my eye made me glance towards the door. Kit was standing there and I couldn’t help the tiny gasp that left my lips. He was staring at me and, at that moment, I started to feel angry. How dare he be rude to me, disappear for days, and make me worry about him. Of course, he didn’t realise this, but he had been cruel to me when I was just trying to thank him.
In the end, I thought I would extend the same courtesy, so I totally ignored him. I noticed him pick up his plate and walk my way. He handed it to me, the whole time watching my every move. I didn’t look at him, though. Instead, I took the plate from his hand, put the normal amount of food on it, and handed it back. I noticed he hesitated slightly, but when I didn’t say anything or even look at him, he walked off and sat in his normal place as far away from anyone as possible. If he wanted to be a loner, let him. I wasn’t going to waste my energy on him anymore.
*****
For the next two days, I did the same thing. I knew it was a bit childish of me, but Kit had been doing this to me for nearly three months now. If he didn’t want me to talk to him, I wouldn’t talk to him.
It was well after midnight when I finished my shift at the bar, so I took the long way home just so I could stick with the main roads. I hadn’t seen or heard from Freddy again, and it was just as well. I really should have gone to the police, but I felt a loyalty towards Kit. Lords knows why, but I did.
When I started down the quieter roads, my heart started racing. I hated that Freddy, or whatever the hell his name really was, had put me in this position. I had been walking the streets of England ever since I could walk and not once had I felt scared or intimidated. But I suppose having apes for bodyguards helped in that respect.
Feeling more nervous than usual, I turned and saw Kit on the other side of the road. Instantly, my breathing became more laboured, but for a different reason this time. I wasn’t frightened anymore. Seeing Kit put me at ease, but I was still mad at him.
Deciding I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, I stopped, looked both ways, and crossed the street. He stood still, looking as tense as ever, but I didn’t care. He was following me!
“Why are you here? Why are you still following me?”
He looked timidly at the ground and back up to meet my eyes. “Why have you been ignoring me?”
I laughed. I didn’t mean to, but it just came out. “I’m sorry. Did I just hear you correctly? Are you actually asking me why I’m ignoring you? Isn’t that ironic.”
He stiffened again and sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry if you think I was being rude to you, but it was necessary.”
I huffed. “Necessary? You were not only rude, you disappeared for days, making me worried sick that something was wrong—”
He stiffened again and I immediately knew why. I didn’t mean to let that slip, but I was so angry that it just slipped out.
“You were worried about me?” he whispered.
I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment before looking back at him. “Yes.” I had to be honest. I did worry about him. I worried about him every day.
“Why?”
My god, this man was infuriating. I wanted to hug him and shake him at the same time. “Because I care, Kit. I can’t help but care. It’s just who I am. It’s in my makeup, I guess.”
For a moment, we stared at one another, but then the sound of a radio made me jump.
“Miss, is this man bothering you?”
I turned and saw a policeman coming our way. He walked towards us, standing in between Kit and me. He turned slightly to the side so that he had a good view of both of us. As the policeman looked at me, I saw Kit stiffen again. His eyes were wide as if in fear. I hated seeing that.
Quickly turning my attention back to the police officer, I shook my head. “No, not at all. We’re actually very good friends. I’ve just finished a shift at work, and John kindly offered to walk me home. He likes to make sure I get there safely. You never know who is lurking about at night.” I smiled sweetly at him, hoping the policeman would see I was okay.
He looked at me for a moment. I wondered if he was trying to see if there were any signs of stress. Little did he know that the only stress I was under was trying to get rid of him, not because I was frightened of Kit.
Eventually, the policeman smiled and nodded his head. “Okay. You have a good evening.” He looked over at Kit once more and, reluctantly, walked away.
“Thank you, officer.” I waved sweetly at him and waited until he was out of earshot. “That was close.”
Kit stepped forward. “You called me John. Why?”
I shrugged. “To protect you. It just felt like t
he right thing to do.” I didn’t want to get into the fact that I could see the fear in his eyes at the sight of the policeman. There was obviously something he was hiding. I should be scared with that knowledge, but something was telling me not to be.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t know. Why are you such an ignorant pig to me?” I let out a sigh, then cringed at my outburst.
I needn’t have worried because the second time in the matter of a few nights, Kit smiled. It made my heart light up with so much joy, I couldn’t help but smile right back at him.
“I’m sorry, Olivia.”
I almost closed my eyes. I had heard my name thousands of times in my twenty years, but I’d never heard my name said in such a manner that made my knees weak.
Right now, I needed him closer to me. I didn’t want us to part here. I wanted him with me even if only for a few more minutes. I had a plan.
“I want to forgive you, Kit, but only on one condition.”
Kit’s eyebrow actually hitched and my smile came naturally. “What’s that?”
“You come home with me and get something to eat. It’s no fun eating on your own. I could use the company.” I bit my lip, waiting for the rebuff to come. I wasn’t sure why I pushed it. I guess I couldn’t help it when he gave me just a little bit of him. It was only natural to want more.
Eventually, Kit sighed. “Okay.”
I almost said just like that? However, I held my tongue. This man was a wealth of contradictions.
Instead, I nodded with a smile and made a move to start walking. Kit walked alongside me, but kept a little distance between us. I wasn’t sure whether that was deliberate, but I wouldn’t ask.
Once we reached my door, I unlocked it and left it open for Kit to walk through. It was warmer in there, so I immediately took my coat off, motioning for Kit to sit down.
“I know it’s late, but do you fancy some soup? I have chicken or tomato?”
Kit sat down and looked up at me. “Either will do. Thank you.”
I smiled sweetly and walked towards the kitchen. “Take your coat off, Kit!” I shouted over my shoulder. “Make yourself at home.”
For the next few minutes, I made myself busy with the soup, placing the two bowls and a loaf of bread on a tray. When I walked out, I almost dropped the tray. In fact, the sight of him made my hands shake so much, I had to run to the table to put the tray down.
Kit had his coat off. Underneath was a navy sweater, open at the top. The sweater was a little loose, but not loose enough to not notice the shape of him. His shoulders were broad and his arms looked quite muscular. From the open part of his sweater, I noticed he was hairless. He had so much of it on his face, but none on his chest that I could see. Without his woolly hat and coat, Kit looked like he should be on the cover of a magazine—minus all the hair and scruffy jeans, of course.
For a moment, I couldn’t look at him. I felt embarrassed that I had been caught staring, and even more embarrassed at my reaction to him. How the hell did I explain this?
“Olivia, are you okay?”
I quickly nodded my head. “Umm, yes. I just… It was the tray. It was a little heavy, that’s all.” My god, what a lame excuse.
I turned around, which was probably the worst thing to do. Kit was right behind me, closer to me than he had ever been. For a moment, my breath caught as I stared into his concerned eyes. How could those eyes ever look menacing when I saw what was truly behind them? He was simply beautiful.
Kit soon broke the spell when he covered his mouth with a sneeze. “Bless you,” I instantly said.
Kit nodded. “Thank you.”
I motioned to the chair. “Please sit. Enjoy.”
Kit turned and I got a view of what he looked like from behind. His jeans were hanging loosely from his hips, showing off his behind. And oh, what a behind. I never knew bottoms like that existed. It should be illegal. The need I had to reach out and squeeze him was so overpowering, it shocked me. Is this what it felt like to be in lust? I never felt anything like it before...apart from Uncle, and I didn’t really know what the hell that was.
I actually lost my virginity at eighteen because I felt I needed to get it over and done with. I knew that sounded stupid, but I was in a really bad place back then. I used to drink a lot and I would think how pathetic I was, and that no one would ever want me. I had tried it with Uncle so many times and he rebuffed me each time.
So I finally decided to make an effort, go out and see if I could actually find someone. It was a bet with myself that I, unfortunately, won. It didn’t take long for me to find someone who was willing to sleep with me.
His name was Pete. He was only two years older than me, and worked at a local industrial estate. After a few drinks, I asked, and he looked like he just had the biggest shock of his life. He wanted to go back to my place, but I didn’t want him knowing where I lived, so I asked to go back to his. He brought condoms on the way, took me to his flat, and we had very uncomfortable sex. I didn’t enjoy it. It hurt and I felt embarrassed when I bled a little. It was then that Pete realised I was a virgin, getting the second biggest shock of his evening. He said he really enjoyed it and wanted to see me again. I said sure, but I never did. I just went home and wallowed some more. A month after that, things changed for me.
I shuddered for a moment, remembering the day Uncle found out.
“Livy, tell me it isn’t true!” He banged the door open so loudly, I jumped. He looked so angry and I hated seeing him like that.
“What?” I asked, fear in my eyes.
“Tell me you didn’t sleep with some fucking arsehole who works on a building site.”
I gasped when I realised he knew everything. “How did you–”
“So it’s true?”
In my haste, I said something I instantly regretted. “Well, you wouldn’t give it to me. I had to find it from somewhere.”
His face turned red and my eyes widened as he roared and punched the wall. When he was done, he turned his attention back to me. I was the most frightened I’d ever been.
He stormed forward, grabbed my hair, and yanked me towards him. I yelped, closing my eyes, hoping and praying he wouldn’t hit me.
“Look at me, Livy.” My eyes remained closed. “I won’t fucking ask again.” I opened my eyes and found him glaring at me. “You will learn. One fucking day, you’ll learn. But here is lesson one, Livy. You. Are. Mine. No one else touches you, no one else fucks you. No one else even dares to try. You got that? Even if someone else breathes in your direction, I will kill him. Do you understand?” I nodded, feeling the tears form.
He immediately softened and loosened his hold. “One day, when you have your shit cleaned up, you will repay me. I won’t ever forget this.” He let me go and stormed towards the door. “I’m going to take care of that fucking arsehole now.” After that, he walked out and I didn’t see him again until that fateful morning when I was lying in my own vomit.
Shaking my head, I brought my thoughts back to the here and now. “Are you going to sit down?”
I looked up and saw Kit motioning to my chair. I had been so busy daydreaming about his butt that I failed to notice. How much more was I going to give away to this man?
Quickly walking to the chair, I sat down and smiled. “I’m sorry. I’m a little dazed this evening. I guess I’m tired.”
Kit motioned to the door and stood halfway up. “Maybe I should go.”
“No!” I shouted it so loudly, Kit’s eyes bulged. “I mean, I want you to stay. You’re my guest and we’re both hungry. Please. Sit.” I motioned towards his chair and he sat back down. I watched as he picked up a spoon and started eating.
Grabbing the loaf of bread, I pulled out a slice and handed it to him. Kit smiled, reached out, and grabbed the slice, inadvertently brushing his fingers against mine. Both our smiles vanished. Mine because of the electric charge that zapped through me, and his… Well, I didn’t know why.
Maybe because he didn’t like the fact that we touched. I never knew with him.
“Thank you.” He took the bread from my hand and there began the comfortable silence. I wanted to talk. I had so many questions rolling around in my head, but I never knew what to say.
“Can I ask you something?” He looked up at me. “Well, it’s really a request.”
Kit frowned, but nodded. Again, a man of very few words.
“Can you please not disappear like that again? I don’t want to have to worry about whether you’re okay.” I fidgeted with my napkin. Kit’s eyes went down to my hand, then back up to me. Slowly, he nodded.
I smiled at him. “Thank you.” The silence resumed. “How old are you, Kit?” I finally asked.
He stopped his spoon mid-way to his mouth. He stiffened a little, then relaxed. “Thirty-two.”
I was shocked. He seemed a little older than that. He was still twelve years older than me but, with all his hair, I thought he may have been in his late thirties.
“When will you be thirty-three?”
He stiffened again and looked at me. “Why are you asking so many questions?”
He gave me a look that immediately made me think he was suspicious of me. Little did he know, I was just naturally curious.
“Kit, I’ve only asked two. I just want to know you more, I guess.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes and sighed again. This time, I wanted to be honest. “I like you.” I averted my eyes, feeling my embarrassment rise. I wasn’t used to this kind of thing. I had never liked someone like this before, and I wasn’t sure whether I was wrong in putting myself out there. What if I was rejected? It would crush me. It was the last thing I wanted to happen, but I couldn’t help it. Kit seemed to push me.