When we turn onto Route 35, I sigh a breath of relief that we are almost home. Joey takes my hand in his and kisses my wrist. “This is all for you.” I can hear the emotion in his voice and soon realize why.
There are people as far as my eyes can see, lining the street and holding signs. Some say welcome home, others say I love you. “Why?”
“You saved a lot of kids, Kat. They love you and want you to know it.” Joey kisses my head as he slows the car so I can see everything.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel guilty.
I feel sad.
I feel grateful.
Tears stream down my face as I see the faces of my students and their families, who are suffering just like me. I’m the lucky one. Ten families don’t get to have their children and wives home, and the sadness and guilt I feel about that is something I don’t think will ever go away. When we turn down our street, the crowd continues and I see my parents and best friends standing with Joey’s parents in Joey’s driveway, ready to welcome me home. Before I get out of the car, I turn to Joey for his strength.
“I can’t do this.”
“You don’t need to do anything. They just want you to know how loved you are. We all love you.” He kisses me, gets out of the car and comes to my side of the car to open the door for me.
My parents and Jess and Cam are at his side to grab my bags and greet me with hugs and kisses. When I turn to see the crowd making their way down the street, I realize I need to thank everyone for their show of support. I notice Brad, who showed more leadership that day than I could have ever hoped for, and call him over to me. He comes up and wraps me up in his burly arms and the tears burst from my eyes again.
“It’s because of you they all got out, Brad. Thank you,” I say through my tears.
He looks up at me and smiles sadly. “I just did what you told me to do, Ms. P.” He smiles again. “For once I finally did what you said.”
We both laugh—he could be so obstinate in times in class—and it feels good to laugh a real laugh. I turn to the crowd that had assembled, surrounded by Joey, Jess, and my best friends. “Thank you all so much. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see your faces.” I swallow hard, not sure I can say another word. The grief of my memories suffocates me. I close my eyes; Joey puts his arm around me to give me the strength I need. “What I love most about our community is the love we have for each other. We can’t let this tragedy change that. We need to stand up when we see someone being hurt. We need to speak up when we see something unusual without worrying about offending someone. But most of all, we need to love each other. I will never forget the people we lost. Ever.” My tears are freely falling, along with everyone around us, the memories too raw to think of.
I blow a kiss to everyone and turn to go inside Joey’s house, taking the first step towards my new normal. When I walk inside, I’m not sure I’m in the right place, and look back at him, standing with our friends with concerned faces. I can see that they’re not sure how I will react to all this. Joey’s house is now filled with my things. My plush blue couch that I love so much and spent three months’ salary to buy is set up in front of the stone fireplace just as I imagined in my dreams. His piano is one of the few pieces of his furniture I notice still in the house.
“Is it too soon?” Joey comes to my side and kisses my head. “I don’t want to rush you. I just want to take care of you.”
I begin to bawl again, and Jess and Cam run right to my side. “It’s exactly perfect. I don’t want to be anywhere but here.” I kiss him through my tears. “Thank you.”
“Hey, we were the ones who moved everything while he was at the hospital. Do you think Joey would have had the eye for design that it took to make this bachelor pad look like a Hamptons Magazine spread?” Jess says. We all laugh.
God, I love her. I love them all. I’m so grateful to have friends who I can cry with, but who will make me remember that the best part of life is laughing.
My mom takes me in her arms, hugging me more tightly than ever before. “We love you, Kat. We were so worried.” She looks up at my dad and then to Joey. “We are so happy you have this man to take care of you. You are a lucky girl to have someone who loves you like he does.”
I’m not sure how my mom knows how Joey loves me, but I don’t care.
Joey’s parents come to my side and wrap me up in their arms so that I’m sandwiched between them. “We are so happy you’re alright. Our boy needs you.” Angie kisses my cheek and turns to Don. “We should let her rest.” She looks over to my parents. “I hope you’ll take us up on our offer and come to dinner tomorrow night. We’d love to get to know you better.”
My mom blushes and is obviously star-struck. “That sounds great, Angie. Thank you.” She turns back to me. “You get some rest, honey, and we’ll stop in tomorrow to see if you need anything.”
My dad holds out his hand to Joey. “Thanks for taking such good care of our girl. Call us if you need anything.”
My parents say goodbye to the others and leave with Joey’s parents, leaving us alone with just our friends. When the door closes behind them, I sigh a breath of relief, and plop onto the couch; Cam and Jess flank both sides of me. As much as I want to be alone with Joey, I feel comforted by being with my gang.
No one speaks; we all just sit together in silence for a moment. When I look around the room at Jess and Gage, Cam and Holden, and my Joey, I see friendship; I see love. But most of all I see strength. It’s their strength that will keep me strong. It’s their strength that I will draw on in my times of weakness, just as they have with me. Because that’s what true friends are for.
When everyone leaves, and it’s just Joey and me, I realize how much I wanted to be with just him. I watch him as he locks the door and picks up the cups from the coffee table and have to laugh because it’s so unusual for him to be cleaning up his house. I’m sure he’s doing it just so I won’t since he knows I’m kind of a neat freak, and his thoughtfulness makes me smile. I haven’t just laughed in days, even though it feels like years. My hot, sexy Joey, the guy who’s never had a girlfriend. The guy who I’ve always thought of as a chauvinistic slob is so much more than what I gave him credit for before. He’s the most loving and caring boyfriend in the world. He’s caring to a fault. And while he’s still a slob, he’s trying, and I love him for it.
“Sit with me.” I hold my hands up to him.
He smiles and hops over the couch, landing right next to me and flips me up into his lap playfully. He takes me into his arms and holds me so tightly, I never want to be anywhere else. I want to hide away here, in his arms, forever.
“I fucking love you.” His voice drips with honesty.
I can’t help but smile and snuggle in closely, fitting so perfectly cocooned in his lap like a caterpillar safe in her home. Anywhere I’m with Joey, I’m home. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be back at your place right now, and out of the hospital.”
“So,” he asks with a raised eyebrow, “how do you really feel about me moving your things here while you were gone?” He caresses my back. His breathing’s picking up and I know he’s getting upset, probably remembering what I’ve been through.
I answer honestly. “I’m relieved.” I push away the memories and wonder how long I’ll be haunted by that day.
Probably forever.
“Me too.” He kisses my head. “How are you holding up?”
I stare at the pictures perched up on his beautiful grand piano. Some are mine, some are his, but in all of them, there are the same people and it fills me with peace. “I’m better when I’m with you.” I close my eyes and try to shake away my morbid thoughts.
He stretches his legs out under me so that we are both lying together on the couch, his muscular arms securely around me. The way he’s holding me is as if he knows exactly what I need right now. The comfort and security he shows me at all the right times is settling. I close my eyes and concentrate on his intake of breath and try
to match the calmness of it with my own. I let my thoughts focus on only him and think to myself that for the first time in a long time, I agree with my mom: no one loves like Joey. Lying here with him like this makes me want to do everything I can to move past all of this and come out stronger than before so that I can be worthy of a love like this.
Joey
“I Bet My Life”
Patience has never been a strong point for me. When I was a kid, I was flat-out impulsive, and as an adult, I’m not much better. The difference is, I’m not impulsive in that I act without thinking. I think about things a lot before acting on them now. But once I’ve made my mind up about something, I want it to happen right then.
The second I slid my grandmother’s ring on Kat’s right hand instead of left, it felt wrong. I want to marry Kat now, not promise to one day in the future. In the few weeks since the shooting, I’ve seen glimpses of my old Kat peeking through her grief, although I know that some parts of her have changed forever. It’s impossible not to after being so intimately involved in something like she was. She’s been seeing a therapist that she loves, and has spent time with other faculty members from her school, along with some of her students at the beach, trying to get back into normal life routines and thinking of ways to honor all of the people lost that day. She’s not going back to work in the fall, instead focusing on GoodFella’s with Jess and Cam. Even driving down the street that leads to the school makes her anxious. I hope one day she’ll be able to go back to teaching again, and knowing her, she will. But right now, her emotions are still too fragile.
Kat hasn’t been feeling well these past few days, and went to the doctor to make sure the anti-anxiety medication she had been taking wasn’t making her feel that way. Her exhaustion combined with uneasy stomach has made for few opportunities to get out in the evening, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight was going to be much different.
She’s due back any minute, and each second she isn’t here, my nervousness is building. Ever since the shooting, being away from her is still unsettling. Days that I have to be at the firehouse are the worst for me because I can’t be there to keep her safe. I know that I’ll have to get over it eventually, but right now, I like the thought of being the one to protect her. A part of me even likes that I worry because it’s a reminder of how much I love her. I love that she can turn me inside out that way, with just the anticipation of her arrival, and can’t wait another moment to know that she wants to be with me forever the way I do her.
All of my windows are open to allow a cool sea breeze to sweep through my house and cool off the lingering sticky humidity. I had hoped that the night would cool off, but at least there’s a breeze. I check myself in the mirror one more time, feeling a little douchey that I care so much what I look like, but I want tonight to be perfect. I want her to feel as if she’s walking into a fairy tale, and I’m her Prince Charming. Just the fact that she makes me think things like that should piss me off because it’s everything I’d always thought was stupid about love. But it doesn’t; it only makes me love her more. I unbutton and button my white linen shirt, not sure which looks better under the tan blazer Jess picked out for me. I decide to leave the top two buttons open to let the tip of her favorite tattoo peek out of the white fabric.
“Don’t you look fancy,” Kat says with a playful smile as she makes her way to me.
My nerves are gone the instant she puts her arms around my waist. “How’d the appointment go?” I feel her tense. I immediately turn around and tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me. “Spill it.”
She laughs and kisses me quickly on the lips. I wanted so badly to let our kiss linger but I can’t help but worry about her obvious physical reaction to my question. “Relax…” She rolls her eyes at me and I love it. “I’m absolutely fine. I’m staying away from the pills for a while, but I think I’m going to be alright now without them. Running helps.” She leans in and kisses me again, and I take my time, holding her close, letting our lips meld together like a perfect symphony. “This helps too,” she says through our kiss with a smile.
I pull back, needing to get through the hard part of the night. “I have a surprise for you.” I kiss her again when she looks at me suspiciously. “Just be a good girl, and get that hot ass of yours upstairs and put on the dress I have laid out for you.”
“I think I can choose my own clothes, Joe. I’m not wearing that slut suit you always want me to put on in public.” I love that she has no idea what I have planned when she continues questioning me. “Are we eating at Wished Away or Cutter Lane tonight?”
I smile mischievously when I think of the sexy red dress I bought for her a few months ago. Yeah, she’ll have to put that on for me later. “Just do as I say or I’ll have to give you a spanking.” I smack her ass, and she gives me the finger and rolls her eyes at me before doing as I asked and heading upstairs to our room. I love those words.
Our room.
Our house.
Our lives.
I want everything to be ours together, and I don’t know whether I’ll be able to take no for an answer when I ask. My love for her is all-consuming, and instead of my feelings for her leveling out, each day she does something to make me fall even farther for her. Sure, there are times where she pisses me off more than any one person on this planet can, but I realized the best part of us is our ability to say sorry. It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong, but I’ve learned that loving someone means that you’re not afraid to admit you’re wrong. We’re both feisty fighters, but even feistier lovers.
When Kat appears at the top of the steps in the dress picked just for her, I’m breathless. The floor-length ornate dress hugs her curves in all the right ways. The way her green eyes seemed to glow with the light color of the dress—I say it’s purple and Jess says it’s lavender—is enchanting. She lifts the bottom of the dress to walk down the stairs with a confused look, and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing.
“You look amazing, Kat,” I say when she reaches the bottom and shyly meets my gaze.
“What’s going on?” she asks, as if she’s afraid of the answer.
“We’re having a special night together. I already told you.” I play dumb. The dress she has on is not the usual sundress that counts as fancy attire at the shore in the summer, and I’m sure she realizes something’s up. The fun part is that I’m just as sure she doesn’t know half of what I have planned for her tonight.
“Okay.” She stretches out each letter, obviously suspicious but letting me have my fun. She knows that I’ve been dying to ask her to marry me, and I’ve done a good job of acting as if the only reason I haven’t is because I want to give her time to heal after the shooting. The second she started acting more like herself and truly smiling again, I began my planning. I had a lot to live up to after Holden and Gage’s over-the-top proposals, but I’ve never been one to be outdone. I’m actually surprised any of them agreed to help me, being we’re all so competitive with each other. I’m usually known for my pranks, not my romantic endeavors. Even Gage and Holden were impressed I came up with what I have planned tonight all on my own.
“Ready to roll?” I casually take her hand and kiss her wrist, not wanting to give anything away.
“Dare I ask where we’re going?” She plays along and decides to have fun with my plans.
“Sure. We’re going to my parents’ house.” I lead her out the door, locking it behind me, as has become habit now.
“We’re going to your parents’ house, dressed like this? Goddamn it, Joey, this better not be some big Hollywood type party you’re taking me to. I would’ve spent more time on my make-up.”
“You look better with no make-up,” I say truthfully as I open the door to my car, glad that this conversation has moved in the direction it has.
“I don’t know why, but I don’t take that as a compliment.” She giggles. It’s my favorite sound in the world, and I love that I’ve been hearing it more and more again.
/> When I pull into my parents’ round, gravelly driveway, I’m momentarily stunned at the beautiful way everything came together. When I told Jess and Cam that I wanted white flowers everywhere, they did better than I could have ever imagined. There were vines of every different kind of delicate white flowers draped over all the windows of my parents’ massive estate. Antique lanterns and large burning candles lined the walkway up to the doorway that has my surprise hiding right behind it.
Everywhere we looked, it was like being in a calm, magical oasis of peace and when I saw the look on Kat’s face, I knew that this was going to go the way I had hoped. I take her hand in mine and kiss her wrist. “Come with me.”
She nods, tears already falling. “Joe.” She whispers my name as if it’s the most important thing in the world, and the sound of it is something I never want to forget.
I know I’m smiling like a freaking idiot, but I don’t care. Watching her awe at the beauty of everything is more than I hope for. Soft, classical music plays in the background, perfectly projects the light, freeing feeling of trust that makes our love so perfect. Our hands slide together and it’s the best feeling in the world. I pull her close and let my hands run across the smooth silk of her dress.
“I love you so much.” I kiss her softly and take a moment to remember how her lips feel, right here, in this moment. Her intake of breath shows she’s doing the same. When she tries to speak, I hold my hand up to her lips. “I began falling in love with you long ago, and piece by piece, you filled the broken pieces of me until you made me whole. Any time you aren’t with me, I feel broken.”
“Joey.” She tried to interrupt me, but I can’t let her. I need to make sure I get this all out or else I’ll regret it.