With shaky fingers, I typed out a text message that just said yes. I hit send and placed my phone on my nightstand as I stared at the digital clock until the numbers blurred.
***
I startled awake, my eyes landing on the glowing red letters that read two in the morning.
“You are beautiful when you sleep.”
I gasped as I looked to the foot of my bed where Drake stood, shirtless. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I just got here. Julia needed her rest.”
I nodded, not sure what to say about the situation. “I’m glad you came, but we need to talk.”
Even in the dim moonlight I could see his jaw tense. I sat up, pushing my hair from my face.
“I know I had no right to expect... anything from you. But that doesn’t change how it made me feel.”
He ran his hand through his hair before sitting on the edge of the bed. “What I wanted from you was purely physical.”
“Yeah, I’m aware,” I snapped before he turned to look at me.
“Let me finish. From the beginning, I couldn’t walk away from you. You’re stubborn and so damn frustrating.” He laughed sardonically. “The last thing I needed was to jump into something else after ending things with Julia, but I couldn’t resist you. It scared me.”
I rolled my eyes thinking about how much we’d argued. “I find it hard to believe you’re scared of anything.”
“I’m afraid you’ll tell me to leave right now because you’ve realized that you’re too good for me.” He shook his head, blowing out a long breath as if confessing his feelings was physically painful. “I never meant for any of this.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not like you knew Levi or Julia would do this to you.”
“Just because I didn’t see it coming doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t a good person.”
“You are now?”
“No. Definitely not. But I am trying to change.”
I swallowed back my sarcastic retort when he didn’t fight me. He was different now. “You didn’t have to be there for Julia tonight. No one would have blamed you.”
“I couldn’t just leave her there alone.”
“No, I know that. I’m glad you didn’t. That alone shows me how hard you’re trying.”
He smiled sadly as he looked me over. “You don’t know how many nights I’ve thought of coming to see you. I was worried you wouldn’t hear me out so I didn’t. Not knowing was better than the inevitable rejection.”
“Maybe I would have surprised you.”
“I doubt that.” The sadness in his voice felt like a knot in my stomach.
“I think I love you,” the words fell from my mouth before my brain had a moment to process them. His gaze met mine, eyes widened in disbelief.
“What?”
“Shit,” I put my hand over my face. “I don’t know why I said that.”
He took my hand in his and pulled it from my face, sliding his thumb over my fingers. My skin began to heat under his touch, radiating through my body like a low electric pulse. It had been too long since we’d been together and now having him sitting on my bed, I was struggling to ignore my desires.
When his eyes met mine, they narrowed and I knew he felt what I did. His breathing deepened as I sucked in a ragged breath.
“Say it again.”
My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. I waited for him to laugh at me or tell me how stupid I was, but the look in his eye was... hopeful.
“I think... I know that I am falling in love with you.”
His mouth pressed against mine with hunger I’d never experienced before. His fingers slid into my hair, holding me against him as I let my lips part, granting him access. All of my anger and sadness I’d felt over the last few months melted under his touch. It was unbelievable how healing his affection was. His lips left mine and he peppered soft kisses over the bridge of my nose and cheeks before his lips pressed against my forehead.
He laid me back on my pillow as his lips roamed across my collarbone, his teeth nipping my sensitive flesh through my silky, pink camisole.
Pushing the soft fabric over my chest, his tongue ran over the hardened peak of my breast, causing me to gasp.
“I’ve missed how good you taste,” he whispered against my skin as he moved lower, tugging down my shorts as he moved until I was completely exposed. His licks and kisses became rougher as he positioned himself between my legs, lapping at my inner thigh.
“Tell me you want me,” his voice was low and rough.
“I want you, Drake, please.”
Kissing the top of my mound, I could feel his warm breath against my clit and it caused my body to clench with anticipation.
“Show me how much you want me.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Drake
I expected Gabby to touch herself but to my surprise she pushed against my shoulder as she sat up. I laid back on the bed beside her as she positioned herself between my legs and undid my jeans, pulling my dick free from my boxer briefs. Gripping the base of my cock she had run her tongue up my length before her lips circled my head, sucking me deep into her throat.
I slipped my hands into her hair and guided her back down, wanting to feel the warmth of her tongue against me. Her hand stroked my shaft slowly as she continued to tease my head, her eyes locked onto mine.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” I praised her as she crawled up my body, positioning herself over my hips before gripping her camisole and pulling it over her head. I ran my palm over her breast, feeling her nipple grow harder under my touch.
Reaching between her legs, she gripped my shaft as she lowered herself slowly onto me until I filled her completely.
I grabbed her hips, digging my fingers into the thicker flesh of her ass as she slowly rocked against me. It took everything I had inside of me not to flip her over and fuck her hard with no mercy. But Gabby needed to know that she had control over me, even when I didn’t like to show it. I needed her to be able to trust me.
Bending at the waist, she pressed her lips against mine before panting as she began to ride me faster. Slipping my hands over her ass, I held her tight against me as I raised my hips to meet hers, desperate to release myself inside of her. It had been too long. Her pussy began to grip my cock, stroking me from the inside until my body stilled and I filled her with my hot come. She cried out, her eyes closed tightly as she rode me through her own release.
Her body fell against mine, stilling as her breathing began to slow.
“Will you stay?” she asked, her voice so quiet I could tell she was afraid of my answer. I pressed my lips against her hair as I ran my hand up and down her back.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She sighed contently, but I felt anything but relaxed.
“There’s something I need to say to you.”
“You don’t have to say it back. I shouldn’t have even said it to you in the first place. It just felt... right.” She lifted her head to look at me with flushed pink cheeks. She was embarrassed that she’d confessed her feelings, but she wanted nothing from me in return. She was the most selfless human being I’d ever met and it terrified me.
“It’s not that.” I brushed her hair back from her face as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. Sliding off me, she curled into my side, her fingers splayed on my chest.
“What is it?”
What had happened with Levi was eating away at me and I knew sooner or later he would return. The last thing I wanted was for him to use what he knew to ruin things with Gabby again. If she was going to leave, I needed it to be now before I reciprocated her feelings and would be unable to let go.
“Remember those things you’d found out about my childhood?”
“Of course. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you to grow up in all of the chaos.”
“My father was an evil man.” I swallowed against the lump in my throat as the faint echos of my mot
her's screams played over in my head. “It’s true that my mom had drank herself to death, but it was because of him. The things he’d do to her were awful.”
Gabby propped herself on her elbow so she could look at me as I spoke, but it made reliving the horrific memories harder. I stared at the ceiling, my eyes going unfocused as I blinked back tears.
“Like what?”
“He’d hit her, burn her with cigarettes. He’d tell her he would kill me and make her watch.” I chanced a glance at her but quickly looked away from her horrified expression. “I’d try to defend her, but I was so little. He’d laugh at me. He’d laugh in my fucking face as I swung at him.”
“Drake, I’m so sorry.”
“It got to the point that she couldn’t numb the pain anymore. The more she drank, the harder he’d hit her. Until one day, it was just too much.”
“Did you get sent to live with your aunt right away?”
I looked back at Gabby, searching her eyes for understanding. I didn’t want her to see me as a monster but how else would a sane person react to my past? “No. After she had died, he took out his anger on me.”
I sat up, running my hand through my hair as I blew out a heavy breath. “I should go.”
“Wait, no.”
As I stood from the bed and buckled my jeans, Gabby wrapped her sheet around her naked body and sat up.
“You don’t want to hear this shit, Gabby.”
“Yes, I do. If it is something that hurt you, I want to know. I want the good with the bad, Drake.”
I shook my head as I took her in. Her hair was messy and wild, her skin flushed with a thin sheen of sweat. She was beautiful. I tried to memorize every curve of her face because I knew this would probably be the last time I saw her.
“I killed my father.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Gabriela
Clutching the sheet so tightly against my chest, my fingers ached, I struggled to understand what Drake had just told me. “You...” I couldn’t even speak the words allowed as tears sprung to my eyes. “Why are you telling me this?” I placed my hand over my mouth as I tried to rationalize his confession, but terror seized me as I wondered if this meant I would die with his secret.
“Gabby, I would never hurt you.”
My eyes met Drake’s, but he no longer looked like the same man I’d just confessed my love to.
“He was an evil man.” He bent over, his hand reaching for mine, but I pulled back from his touch, shoving myself backward until I was pressed against the wall. I searched my mind for a rational explanation as my fingers trembled with my newfound knowledge. I’d often been naïve, overlooking the obvious dangers seeking a cheap thrill or an adventure. Never had it gotten me into a situation like this.
“You were a child. It’s not possible.” I looked up at him, hopeful that this was some sort of sick joke. “He was attacked in an alley.”
“He owed a man a lot of money.” Drake sighed deeply as if he no longer wanted to play confessional. “I took it so he would suffer at the hands of someone else. If you are trying to rationalize what I’ve done, or make excuses for my behavior, don’t. I may not have been big enough to wield those final blows, but I made sure someone else swung the hammer.”
“Drake, you were a child.” I shook my head, unable to believe that someone so young could be capable of possessing evil. Drake had done what he had to do to survive when the system and his own family failed him. I regretted sharing my feelings with him because it felt like it was the final feather on the load he could no longer bear the weight of.
“The only regret I have is not being able to do it myself.”
A tear slid down my cheek as I stared back at him in disbelief. I didn’t have the kind of upbringing he had endured. My life was a fairy tale compared to his. I tried to put myself in his shoes, a helpless and frightened child, desperate for a way to escape.
But I knew it didn’t matter what I said. He didn’t need me to tell him it was alright. He needed to forgive himself.
“I’m not going to take it back.”
“What?” His face twisted in confusion.
“You aren’t going to scare me away. I love you. I meant it.” I pushed to my knees determined to show him I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Gabby, listen to what I’m telling you. I’m no good or you.” He placed his hands on the bed as he leaned toward me angrily.
“I’ll be the judge of that.” I could see the fear behind his angry snarl. He wanted me to run. To prove that I would abandon him, like the only other woman who loved him had done. His mother drowned herself in the bottom of a bottle to escape her life, leaving him alone to fend for himself.
He stood straight as he shook his head angrily, running his fingers roughly through his hair. “You’re not fucking listening to me.”
“I heard you.” I stepped from the bed, the sheet still held to my chest. “Now hear me. I’m not going anywhere. Take as long as you need to figure out how to get past this. I will be here when you do.”
He glanced at my face before turning and leaving, slamming the door behind him as he exited my apartment.
Sinking down on the edge of my bed, I let a sob rip from my chest at the overwhelming fear that he would never return.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Drake
It had been two weeks since I looked into Gabby’s eyes and confessed my deepest secrets to her. At first, I’d hoped she’d find a way to understand and forgive me. But as I looked at her face, mixed with horror and regret, I knew I couldn’t allow it. She deserved so much better and I cared enough about her that I had to let her go, even if it killed me inside.
I’d never thought love could be this painful. I tipped the bottle of clear liquor to my lips and poured it down my throat, no longer flinching at the burn. Sinking down on the floor, I leaned back against the kitchen cabinets.
“It’s been two weeks. If you don’t stop now you will drink yourself to death,” Maria’s voice sounded as if it was garbled and I had to narrow my eyes to bring her into focus. She stood over me, hands on her hips as she shook her head in disappointment.
“That’s the goal,” I slurred as she snatched the bottle from my hand, spilling a few drops on my leg.
“I can’t work like this anymore.”
“Good. Retire. I’ve been trying to tell you to do it for months now.”
“You are a selfish man!” I’d never heard Maria raise her voice. I pushed from the floor, stumbling as I tried to steady myself on my feet.
“Maria, I’m attempting to give you a break. You work too hard.”
“A break? A break so I can do what?”
I shrugged as I tried to form a coherent thought. “Go on vacation or go see your family.”
Her hand came up and smacked me on the back of the head.
“You are my family. You are the only one I have.” As her eyes welled up with tears, my heart sank.
“Jesus, Maria. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t want you to go away forever. I just wanted you to stop working so hard.”
Her hand came up again, smacking me in the same spot she had before. “Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”
“Fuck,” I groaned as I put my hands up to block my head, laughing as she glared at me. “Alright, I get it. I get it.”
She pointed her finger at my face. “That girl has been calling you every day and showing up at the door. How long are you going to pretend you don’t care? This bottle can only numb your feelings for so long. Soon, you will have to deal with what you’ve done.”
“She was here?”
“Every day.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want her to see you like this.”
“Did she come today?”
Maria looked at the floor between us. “It’s been three days since I’ve seen her.”
“I should go to her apartment.” Panic settled in my stomach. It was too late.
Her hand pressed against my chest and she shook her head. “You can’t go over there like this. You need to sober up and prepare what you will say to her. I’ve never seen you like this over a woman. She must mean a lot to you.”
“She means everything.”
“Then prove it to her.”
***
I sat on the edge of my bed with my tie in my hand as I thought back over the tumultuous year. In all my years, I’d endured a lot of evil and sinister people but Levi had rewritten the definition of wicked in the book of life.
As fucked up as I thought I was, I’d never imagined that he would become so sinister. I was terrified that Gabriela would see me the same way I saw him. But after three weeks without her, I would walk through hell to see her again.
“Maria,” I called out of the muted hum of her singing from down the hallway.
She entered my room with a large smile on her face as she continued to fold a freshly washed towel. “What can I do for you, Mr. Drake?”
“First, you can stop calling me mister. Second, this tie is the wrong color.” I held up my royal blue tie as she frowned.
“You know,” she sighed as she took the tie from my hand and walked toward my expansive closet. “You are old enough to start dressing yourself now.” Her quiet chuckle filled the space and I shook my head as I joined in on the laughter.
“I just want this to go well.”
“You have nothing to worry about.” She held out the new, pale blue tie and waited for my approval. I nodded once and she looped the fabric around my neck. I bent down to make it easier for her to reach me as she tied it in place.
“It’s been a hard year, Maria.”
“Show me someone’s life who doesn’t have it hard.” With a shrug, she went back into my closet to retrieve my dress shoes.
“At least the press has finally died down about Julia,” she called out before reemerging.
“I’m sure they will have some questions tonight.”
“Since when do you care what they think?”