“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I whisper, sounding far more vulnerable than I would like.
Jackson meets my gaze, and he gives me the best smile he can muster up. “If I died defending you, Addi, then I would die knowing I finally did what was right by you.”
I nod, though my chest hurts after his words. Jackson leans down, brushing his lips across my head. I close my eyes and just let the moment sink in; it’s a moment I’ve waited my entire life for. The moment, where everyone who should love you, does. When Jackson pulls back, I give him my best attempt at a smile, which isn’t great, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing, right?
He gives me one last smile, then disappears into the compound with the guys. I am just about to head in after them, but I see Cade standing at the door of his shed. He’s still angry at me, and yes, I can see why. I deserve everything I got from him. I wave to him, but he simply turns and walks inside. Sighing, I stomp across the dirt until I reach the shed door. I step inside and see him fiddling with his bike. I don’t honestly know what to say to make this better. A simple apology just won’t do it.
“I fucked up,” I begin, and he looks up from his bike. His green eyes meet mine. “You’re right, I could have put everyone in danger. I was thinking of myself, and my determination to avoid being controlled. I don’t have an excuse for that. I won’t use my past, because I don’t live in it anymore. I should have listened to you, but I didn’t, for that I’m sorry.”
His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“I’ve lived so long avoiding being controlled, that it’s almost built into me. I want to be with you, Cade, but I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t get a say so in my own life.”
“Picked the wrong fuckin’ man then.”
“Cade,” I snap. “Don’t…just listen…”
“I’m listening, sugar,” he rasps. “I’m fuckin’ listenin’ to every word. I know what you’re sayin’. I feel what you’re sayin’, but it doesn’t mean I’m goin’ to back down. I am what I am, and when it comes to protectin’ you, I’ll do what I have to fuckin’ do, even if you don’t like it. You gotta learn to trust that, or you’ll just end up hatin’ me.”
He’s right, I hate it, but I know he’s right. Every time he’s told me to back down, it’s been for a damn good reason. I need to let go, or I’ll end up hurt and without anybody to protect me.
“You’re right, I do need to trust you, and I do. What I did, it was fucked up and wrong. It could have ended badly. I’m only lucky it didn’t.”
“You gonna start listenin’ to me?”
I nod. “If you start being nicer about it.”
“If I think you’re makin’ a mistake, I ain’t gonna be fuckin’ nice about it. Don’t mean I don’t care about you, ‘coz I fuckin’ do. The reason I do it, is ‘coz the idea of losin’ you, is somethin’ I can’t fuckin’ live with.”
And there it is. The words I so desperately needed to hear. I walk over, gripping his face. He grumbles as I bring my lips down over his. He reaches up, tangling his hands in my hair, and deepening the kiss. Our tongues slide against one another’s, and my body aches for him. He presses against me, hard and aching, and I want him. I need him.
“I want you,” I murmur against his lips.
“Take me then, baby,” he growls.
I begin lowering to my knees, and his eyes grow hooded. He knows what I want. I know what I want, and so I’m just going to take it. I grip his belt, yanking it off before unbuttoning his jeans. His hard cock springs free as soon as I slide them down just a touch. He tangles his fingers into my hair again, and rasps, “Suck me, baby, hard.”
God, yes! I lean forward, snaking my tongue out and sliding it across his head. He hisses and tugs my hair tighter, bringing my lips down over his cock. I wrap them around it, letting him slide into my warm depths. With a groan, he pulls his cock back out, and slides it in again, and again, and again.
“Fuck, sugar, so fuckin’ good.”
I whimper around him, and continue sucking hard and fast. My saliva lubricates him as the pace begins to quicken. I reach up, cupping his balls in my hand and rolling them, gently massaging.
“Fuck,” he groans.
I gently squeeze the tight sack, and he growls loudly. My head bobs harder, faster, until my mouth is sliding up and down his length with perfect rhythm.
“Fuck, goin’ to come, baby.”
I feel his cock swell against my tongue, then he comes, hot and hard, deep into my throat. I take all of him, swallowing every last drop and relishing in his growls and hisses of pleasure. When he’s gone soft, and he’s completely content, I slip my mouth from him, and he pulls his jeans up before taking hold of my shoulders and bringing my body up so we’re flush together. His lips graze my head, and he holds me close like that for a while. I can hear his heart thudding against my ear.
“Fuckin’ hate fighting with you,” he rasps. “But fuck, makin’ up is worth every second.”
I giggle.
So typical.
~*CHAPTER 19*~
PRESENT
“I didn’t talk to the fuckin’ pimp,” Spike says, taking a deep puff of his cigarette.
Cade growls at him, and Jackson pulls him back.
“Don’t play bullshit with me, Spike. You fuckin’ did talk to him.”
Spike smirks. “No, I didn’t. I spoke to his minions, who relayed his messages to me.”
“Then give us the fuckin’ minions numbers,” Cade snarls.
“Well,” Spike chuckles. “All you had to do was ask, buddy.”
The way he says it is so cold and emotionless. My heart hurts for these two men; it hurts because I know once they were so close. I wonder if Spike will ever forgive Cade? While the two are in different MC clubs, they all seem to have an unspoken truce between them. There’s not a huge hatred between the clubs, like there is with most. Perhaps that’s because there used to be such a bond, and deep down, neither of the guys truly want bad things to happen to the other.
“Don’t fuckin’ play with me, Spike.”
I put my hand on Cade’s arm, and he gives me a brief look. Spike watches the two of us for a moment, then he digs out his phone and rattles off a bunch of numbers. Cade takes note, then he turns to Jackson.
“Let’s go.”
“Thanks, Spike,” Jackson says, his voice gruff.
Spike shakes his head and then turns, heading towards the gates. Usually a Heaven’s Sinner wouldn’t be allowed in the compound, but Jackson made an exception for my safety. When Cade begins heading inside, I tell him I’ll just be a moment, then I turn and rush after Spike. He hears my boots crunching behind him, and I notice his shoulders tense up.
“What do you want, precious?”
I smile, completely enjoying the fact that he knew it was me even before I said anything. If Spike ever let me in, I imagine we could actually be good friends.
“Why are you such a jerk to him?”
He snorts, but keeps walking. I catch up, until I fall in step beside him. He looks at me from the corner of his eye.
“He deserves it.”
“He didn’t kill Cheyenne,” I dare to say.
Spike’s entire body stiffens, and he spins around, glaring down at me. “Don’t say her fuckin’ name. That name means jack shit to me now, and so does Cade.”
“We both know that’s not true. You’re as broken as he is.”
Spike lashes out, gripping my shoulder and hurling me up close. “Don’t pretend to fuckin’ know me. You’ll never know what I feel. You have no fuckin’ idea what pain is, girl.”
“I do,” I grate out between breaths. He’s hurting me, his fingers are pressing so deeply into my skin it burns. “I know because I’ve lived through pain. I know because I’ve put hate in front of feelings, so I didn’t have to deal with them. You’re not a bad person, Spike, and neither is Cade. He made a mistake; he lives with that every day. He sees her face e
ach time he sleeps. He made a bad call, but he made it because he was trying to pull you out of a fucked up situation, that you put yourself in.”
Spike’s panting now, but his fingers ease up. “You’re dancin’ with the wrong wolves, girl. You don’t know me and what I’m capable of. Right now, you’re pushing my limits.”
“Do you think I’m afraid of you? I’m not. I’m not because I see the good in your eyes, the same good I see in Cade’s.”
He lets my shoulder go, and his eyes burn into mine. “Do you ever fuckin’ give up?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why me? Can’t you find someone else to try and make friends with?” he snaps.
“I could, but those people don’t need it as much as you.”
He grunts. “You have no fuckin’ idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
“Is that so? Then why aren’t you hurting me like you’ve threatened to do so many times?”
I know it’s a risk saying that, because he could very easily turn and give away my location because he wants to prove a point. His eyes flare, and his mouth forms a straight line, but something in his expression has softened just a touch.
“Don’t make a habit of hurtin’ girls,” he says gruffly.
I smile. I can’t help it. He narrows his eyes, clearly confused.
“You will admit you like me one day.”
He grunts. “Not fuckin’ likely.”
I beam at him, because I can see the amusement behind his poor attempt at a glare. I spin around, pleased with myself. I begin walking back to the compound, but before I’m too far away, I call over my shoulder to him.
“See you around, buddy.”
I don’t see his expression, but I imagine it’s one filled with confusion. Spike just needs to let his demons go. I wonder if Ciara will be the girl to do that for him? I hope so. She seems right for him. She’s got a backbone hidden behind that sweet exterior, and one day, that backbone will cause her to snap at Spike. Maybe then, they’ll make some decent progress. He feels something for her too, it was written all over his face the day we stopped by his warehouse. He’s just not ready to admit it yet. It’s coming though, and boy, will it come with a boom.
“Pleased with yourself, aren’t you?”
I roll my eyes at the sound of Britney’s voice. I turn and see her walking towards me, a snarky expression on her face.
“Do you ever give up?” I say, crossing my arms.
“You think you’ve got them all under your thumb. Little miss darkness comes in, making them all work for her affections. They’ll get bored of you eventually.”
I sigh. “Are we onto this again? Give up, you’re no more than a good time to these guys. They use you, feed you and get rid of you. They do that because you let them. You put yourself in the situation where you gain no respect, because you don’t keep your legs closed. Just face it, you’ll never be anyone’s Old Lady.”
She scowls and steps up closer, and I get a whiff of her overpowered perfume. “You’ll get what’s coming to you, bitch.”
I wave my hand and turn. “Heard it all before, move on.”
I walk off, leaving her alone. I’m tired of her shit; the girl seriously needs to move on. I step around the side of the house, and head down to Cade’s shed. I left my purse there earlier. When I get in, he’s on the phone, cursing at some poor person on the other end. He notices me standing at the door, and tones down his excessive cussing. I walk in and take a seat at his old desk. I pick up a few mags and begin flicking through. My cheeks flush when I come across some seriously raunchy articles. One of them is oral sex positions. I tilt my head to the side and feel my eyes widen at the position the couple is in.
“Yeah, call me back with details.”
Cade snaps his phone closed and walks over, stopping behind me. I hear his light chuckle when he realizes what it is I’m reading.
“Curious, baby?” he murmurs, tangling his fingers in my hair.
“I suppose you could say that, yeah. How the hell do they do that?”
“Stand up,” he orders, removing his fingers from my locks.
I spin on the chair and stare at him. “What?”
“Stand up, I’ll show you.”
I grin at him. “No way.”
“Baby, get the fuck up, and get over here.”
“No way you’re doing that to me.”
“Gonna feel fuckin’ amazing. Now get up.”
“No.”
He smirks and walks over, gripping my shoulders and pulling me up. He leans down close, brushing his lips across mine.
“Trust me, you’re gonna want to try this. Now, get your pants off.”
“Cade, you’ll never hold me!”
He gives me an arched brow, and then he leans down and grips my shorts. “Off, now.”
“Cade…”
“Sugar…”
“Yeah, I know,” I grumble, shifting out of my shorts. “Shut the fuck up.”
He laughs and turns, walking over to the shed door and locking it. Then he spins back towards me and grips his jeans, lowering them as he moves. God, why does he have to be so fucking yummy? When he reaches me, his jeans are lowered and his cock is out, hard and pulsing. My attempt at pretending this wasn’t a good thing, is now turning into complete, desperate want. I stare down at his erection, and my tongue slides out and across my bottom lip.
“Want that, sugar?”
“You know I do,” I purr.
“Then come here, get those panties off, and let’s play.”
I drop my panties without a second question. I stand before him, pussy exposed, ready for anything he’s got to give. He steps forward grinning, and huskily murmurs, “Handstand, sugar.”
I flush and bend down, putting my hands on the ground. Cade leans down, grips my ankles and lifts me, bringing my legs up. My belly is facing his belly, and my pussy is now right in front of his face. His cock stabs me a couple of times as he adjusts us, hooking my legs around the back of his neck until my ankles are locking. Then he wraps his arms around my midsection and brings me up higher until his mouth is hovering over my open, sensitive flesh. His cock is at my face now, throbbing, needy. I wrap my fingers around it, still feeling completely nervous that I’m upside down and wrapped around him, and we’re about to go for one hell of a 69 job.
“I can fuckin’ smell you. Fuck, you want me, sugar,” Cade growls and I can feel his breath against my pussy.
“Stop talking,” I mewl.
He chuckles, and leans his head down, grazing his tongue across my sensitive tissues. I groan and take his cock, feeding the head into my mouth. He grunts and the vibrations travel through my clit. I take him deeper, sliding him in and swirling my tongue around his head and over his piercings. At the same time, he sucks my clit into his mouth and flicks the end with his tongue. I open my mouth and gasp as pleasure shoots through my body. He jerks his hips, bringing my attention back to his cock. I close my lips over him again, and suck with everything I have. He returns the favor until we’re a mass of moans and trembling legs.
“Fuck,” Cade snarls, wrenching his lips from my sex. “Need to be in you, deep.”
“Yes,” I gasp. “God, yes. Fuck me.”
He gently lowers me, and I reluctantly let go of his cock. I place my hands on the floor and when he lets my legs go, I lower them down. Panting, I get to my feet and turn to face him; we’re both holding the same lusty expression. Cade lets his gaze travel the room, until he stops at a set of chains hanging from the roof.
“Go hold those chains baby, now.”
I do as he asks, walking over and reaching up, wrapping my fingers around the chains. He comes up behind me, sliding my hair from my neck and leaning down to brush his lips across my skin, I shiver and tighten my hold around the chains. Using his feet, he kicks my legs apart. His hard body is pressing against my back, and fuck, it feels good. He runs a hand down one of my legs, sliding his lips down my back as he goes. He grips my ankle and lifts it
, putting it on a nearby toolbox. Now that I’m open and exposed, he reaches around and swipes his finger through my arousal.
“So fuckin’ ready for me.”
“Fuck me naked,” I whimper. “I got tested.”
I didn’t tell Cade, but I got myself tested for diseases. I didn’t honestly know after Jasper, if I would have any or not. I want to feel Cade, all of him, so it was my only option. Luckily for me, I am clean. Jasper must have covered himself when he was with other girls; I can only thank God for that.
Cade stiffens behind me, and rasps, “The pill?”
“On it.”
“Fuck.”
He grips my hips, grinding his erection against my ass.
“Been fucked here, sugar?” he growls.
“No,” I whimper, letting my head fall back and my hair tumble down my back.
“Won’t fuck you in a shed if you haven’t had it, that takes time.”
He jerks his hips again, taking hold of his cock and sliding it up and down my slick heat.
“Ready for me, baby?”
“Yes,” I cry out, desperately.
With a throaty chuckle, he slips the head of his cock into my entrance. I whimper and push my backside back, needing more. He grips my hips, steadying me while he continues to feed his length inside me, little by little. One of his hands is now pressed flat against my belly, and every now and then, he puts a little pressure on it and pushes my body back.
“Cade, just fuck me,” I gasp.
He thrusts deep, filling me, stretching me. His hand slips from my belly to find my exposed clit and he gently strokes it as he pulls his cock out, and pushes it back in harder, faster.
“So fuckin’ hot for me, baby. You feel so fuckin’ good like this.”
I groan and rasp, “Pull my hair.”
“Fuck. My dirty girl.”
He tangles his hand in my hair, and jerks my head back, pressing his lips to my exposed neck while he drives his cock in and out of my heat. My fingers are throbbing around the chains; I’m gripping them so tightly. I can feel his breath on my ear as he leans over me. It’s so intense. I feel my body rising, needing my release so desperately. I’m so close; I can feel it pulsing through my body.