“I’m sure she’s right.”
“But you’re my friend and so is Firepower. I like Firepower, even if he’s a really big horse. Mommy said I could have a horsey someday. Like she did when she was little.”
He smiled at the child, fighting down an emotion he couldn’t identify, one that kept bobbing to the surface of his mind. He remembered Letty when she was only a few years older than Cricket. They had the same color hair, the same eyes and that same stubborn streak, which Chase swore was a mile wide.
“My pony’s going to be the best pony ever,” Cricket prattled on, clearly content to have him sitting beside her, satisfied that he was her friend.
It hit Chase then, with an impact so powerful he could hardly breathe. His heart seemed to constrict, burning within his chest. The vague emotion he’d been feeling was unmistakable now. Strong and unmistakable. He loved this little girl. He didn’t want to love Cricket, didn’t want to experience this tenderness, but the child was Letty’s daughter. And he loved Letty. In the last few weeks he’d been forced to admit that nine long years hadn’t altered his feelings toward her.
“Chase—” Lonny stepped outside and joined them on the back porch. “When did you get here?”
“A few minutes ago.” He had trouble finding his voice. “I came over to talk to Letty, but she’s not here.”
“No, she left a couple of hours ago.” He checked his watch, frowning as he did. “I don’t know what time to expect her back.”
“Did she say where she was going?”
Lonny glanced away, his look uncomfortable. “I have no idea what’s going on with that woman. I wish I did.”
“What do you mean?” Chase knew his friend well enough to realize Lonny was more than a little disturbed. “She’s been needing the truck all week. She’s always got some errand or another. I don’t need it that much myself, so I don’t mind. But then yesterday I noticed she’s been putting a lot of miles on it. I asked her why, but she got so defensive and closemouthed we nearly had another fight.”
“So did you find out where she’s going?”
“Rock Springs,” Lonny said shortly. “At least, that’s what she claims.”
“Why? What’s in Rock Springs?”
Lonny shrugged. “She never did say.”
“Mommy goes to see a man,” Cricket interjected brightly. “He looks like the one on TV with the mustache.”
“The one on TV with the mustache,” Lonny repeated, exchanging a blank stare with Chase. “Who knows what she means by that?”
“He’s real nice, too,” Cricket went on to explain patiently. “But he doesn’t talk to me. He just talks to Mommy. Sometimes they go in a room together and I have to wait outside, but that’s all right ’cause I work in my book.”
Lonny’s face tensed as he looked at Chase again. “I’m sure that isn’t the way it sounds,” he murmured.
“Why should I care what she does,” Chase lied. “I don’t feel a thing for her. I haven’t in years.”
“Right,” Lonny returned sarcastically. “The problem is, you never could lie worth a damn.”
Eight
T he arrival of Letty’s first welfare check had a curious effect on her. She brought in the mail, sat down at the kitchen table and carefully examined the plain beige envelope. Tears filled her eyes, then crept silently down her face. Once she’d been so proud, so independent, and now she was little more than a charity case, living off the generosity of taxpayers.
Lonny came in the back door and wiped his feet on the braided rug. “Mail here?” he asked impatiently.
Her brother had been irritated with her for the past couple of weeks without ever letting her know exactly why. Letty realized his displeasure was connected to her trips into Rock Springs, and her secrecy about them, but he didn’t mention them again. Although he hadn’t said a word, she could feel his annoyance every time they were together. More than once over the past few days, Letty had toyed with the idea of telling Lonny about her heart condition, but whenever she thought of approaching him, he’d look at her with narrow, disapproving eyes.
Without waiting for her to respond, Lonny walked over to the table and sorted through the bills, flyers and junk mail.
Letty stood and turned away from him. She wiped her cheeks, praying that if he did notice her tears he wouldn’t comment.
“Mommy!” Cricket crashed through the back door, her voice high with excitement. “Chase is here on Firepower and he’s got another horsey with him. Come and look.” She was out the door again in an instant.
Letty smiled, tucked the government check in her pocket and followed her daughter outside. Sure enough, Chase was riding down the hillside on his gelding, holding the reins of a second horse, a small brown-and-white pinto trotting obediently behind the bay.
“Chase! Chase!” Cricket stood on the top step, jumping up and down and frantically waving both arms.
Chase slowed his pace once he reached the yard. Lonny joined his sister, trying to hide a smile. Bemused, Letty stared at him. The last time she could remember seeing him with a silly grin like that, she’d been ten years old and he was suffering through his first teenage crush.
Unable to wait a second longer, Cricket ran out to greet her friend. Smiling down at the child, Chase lowered his arms and hoisted her into the saddle beside him. Letty had lost count of the times Chase had “just happened” to stop by with Firepower in the past few weeks. Cricket got as excited as a game show winner whenever he was around. He’d taken her riding more than once. He was so patient with the five-year-old, so gentle. The only time Chase had truly laughed in Letty’s presence was when he was with her daughter—and Cricket treasured every moment with her hero.
In contrast, Letty’s relationship with Chase had deteriorated to the point that they’d become, at best, mere acquaintances. Chase went out of his way to avoid talking to her. It was as if their last meeting in the cemetery, several weeks before, had killed whatever love there’d ever been between them.
Letty watched from the porch as Chase slid out of the saddle and onto the ground, then lifted Cricket down. He wore the same kind of silly grin as Lonny, looking exceptionally pleased with himself.
“Well, what do you think?” Lonny asked, rocking back on his heels, hands in his pockets. He seemed almost as excited as Cricket.
“About what?” Letty felt as if everyone except her was in on some big secret.
Lonny glanced at her. “Chase bought the pony for Cricket.”
“What?” Letty exploded.
“It’s a surprise,” Lonny whispered.
“You’re telling me! Didn’t it cross his mind—or yours—to discuss the matter with me? I’m her mother…I should have some say in this decision, don’t you think?”
For the first time, Lonny revealed signs of uneasiness. “Actually, Chase did bring up the subject with me, and I’m the one who told him it was okay. After all, I’ll be responsible for feeding it and paying the vet’s bills, for that matter. I assumed you’d be as thrilled as Cricket.”
“I am, but I wish one of you had thought to ask me first. It’s…it’s common courtesy.”
“You’re not going to make a federal case out of this, are you?” Lonny asked, his gaze accusing. “Chase is just doing something nice for her.”
“I know,” she sighed. But that wasn’t the issue.
Chase and Cricket were standing next to the pony when Letty approached them in the yard. Apparently Chase had just told her daughter the pony now belonged to her, because Cricket threw her arms around Chase’s neck, shouting with glee. Laughing, Chase twirled her in a circle, holding her by the waist. Cricket’s short legs flew out and she looked like a tiny top spinning around and around.
Letty felt like an outsider in this touching scene, although she made an effort to smile and act pleased. Perhaps Cricket sensed Letty’s feelings, because as soon as she was back on the ground, she hurried to her mother’s side and hugged her tightly.
“Mommy
, did you see Jennybird? That’s the name of my very own pony.”
Chase walked over and placed his hands on the little girl’s shoulders. “You don’t object, do you?” he asked Letty.
How could she? “Of course not. It’s very thoughtful of you, Chase.” She gazed down at her daughter and restrained herself from telling him she wished he’d consulted her beforehand. “Did you thank him, sweetheart?”
“Oh, yes, a hundred million, zillion times.”
Letty turned back to the porch, fearing that if she stood there any longer, watching the two of them, she’d start to weep. The emotions she felt disturbed her. Crazy as it seemed, the most prominent one bordered on jealousy. How she yearned for Chase to look at her with the same tenderness he did Cricket. Imagine being envious of her own daughter!
Chase didn’t hide his affection for the child. In the span of a few weeks, the pair had become great friends, and Letty felt excluded, as if she were on the outside looking in. Suddenly she couldn’t bear to stand there anymore and pretend everything was fine. As unobtrusively as possible, she walked back to the house. She’d almost reached the door when Chase stopped her.
“Letty?”
She turned to see him standing at the bottom of the steps, a frown furrowing his brow.
“You dropped this.” He extended the plain envelope to her.
The instant she realized what it was, Letty was mortified. Chase stood below her, holding out her welfare check, his face distorted with shock and what she was sure must be scorn. When she took the check, his eyes seemed to spark with questions. Before he could ask a single one, she whirled around and raced into the house.
It shouldn’t have surprised Letty that she couldn’t sleep that night, although she seemed to be the only member of the family with that problem. After all the excitement with Jennybird, Cricket had fallen asleep almost immediately after dinner. Lonny had been snoring softly when Letty had dressed and tiptoed past his bedroom on her way downstairs.
Now she sat under the stars, her knees under her chin, on the hillside where she’d so often met Chase when they were young. Chase had listened to her talk about her dreams and all the wonderful things in store for her. He’d held her close and kissed her and believed in her and with her.
That secure feeling, that sense of being loved, had driven Letty back to this spot now. There’d been no place else for her to go. She felt more alone than ever, more isolated—cut off from the people she loved, who loved her. She was facing the most difficult problem of her life and she was doing it utterly alone.
Letty knew she should be pleased with the unexpected change in Chase’s attitude toward Cricket…and she was. It was more than she’d ever expected from him, more than she’d dared to hope. And yet, she longed with all her heart for Chase to love her.
But he didn’t. That was a fact he’d made abundantly clear.
It was hard to be depressed out here, Letty mused as she studied the spectacular display in the heavens. The stars were like frosty jewels scattered across black velvet. The moon was full and brilliant, a madcap adventurer in a heaven filled with like-minded wanderers.
Despite her low spirits, Letty found she was smiling. So long ago, she’d sat under the same glittering moon, confident that nothing but good things would ever come into her life.
“What are you doing here?”
The crisp voice behind her startled Letty. “Hello, Chase,” she said evenly, refusing to turn around. “Are you going to order me off your land?”
* * *
Chase had seen Letty approach the hillside from the house. He’d decided the best tactic was to ignore her. She’d leave soon enough. Only she hadn’t. For more than an hour she’d sat under the stars, barely moving. Unable to resist anymore, he’d gone over to the hill, without knowing what he’d say or do.
“Do you want me to leave?” she asked. He hadn’t answered her earlier question.
“No,” he answered gruffly.
His reply seemed to please her and he felt her tension subside. She relaxed, clasped her bent knees and said, “I haven’t seen a night this clear in…forever.” Her voice was low and enticing. “The stars look like diamonds, don’t they?”
They did, but Chase didn’t respond. He shifted his weight restlessly as he stood behind her, gazing up at the heavens, too.
“I remember the last time I sat on this hill with you, but…but that seems a million years ago now.”
“It was,” he said brusquely.
“That was the night you asked me to marry you.”
“We were both young and foolish,” he said, striving for a flippant air. He would’ve liked Letty to believe the ridiculous part had been in wanting her for his wife, but the truth was, he’d hoped with everything in him that she’d consent. Despite all the heartbreak, he felt the same way this very moment.
To his surprise, Letty laughed softly. “Now we’re both older and wiser, aren’t we?”
“I can’t speak for anyone but myself.” Before he was even conscious of moving, Chase was on the ground, sitting next to her, his legs stretched out in front of him.
“I wish I knew then what I do now,” she continued. “If, by some miracle, we were able to turn back the clock to that night, I’d like you to know I’d jump at your proposal.”
A shocked silence followed her words. Chase wished he could believe her, but he couldn’t.
“You were after diamonds, Letty, and all I had to offer you was denim.”
“But the diamonds were here all along,” she whispered, staring up at the stars.
Chase closed his eyes to the pain that squeezed his heart. He hadn’t been good enough for her then, and he wasn’t now. He didn’t doubt for an instant that she was waiting to leave Red Springs. When the time came she’d run so fast his head would spin. In fact, he didn’t know what was keeping her here now.
The crux of the problem was that he didn’t trust Letty. He couldn’t—not anymore, not since he’d learned she was seeing some man in Rock Springs. Unfortunately it wasn’t easy to stop caring for her. But in all the years he’d cherished Letty, the only thing his love had gotten him had been pain and heartache.
When she’d first come back to Wyoming, he’d carefully allowed himself to hope. He’d dreamed that they’d find a way to turn back time, just as she’d said, and discover a life together. But in the past few weeks she’d proved to him over and over how impossible that was.
Chase’s gut twisted with the knowledge. He’d done everything he could to blot her out of his life. In the beginning, when he’d recognized his feelings for Cricket, he’d thought he would fight for Letty’s love, show her how things could change. But could they really? All he could offer her was a humble life on a cattle ranch—exactly what he’d offered her nine years ago. Evidently someone else had given her something better. She’d fallen for some bastard in California, someone unworthy of her love, and now, apparently she was doing it again, blatantly meeting another man. Good riddance, then. The guy with the mustache was welcome to her. All Chase wanted was for her to get out of his life, because the pain of having her so close was more than he could stand.
“I think Cricket will remember today as long as she lives,” Letty said, blithely unaware of his thoughts. “You’ve made her the happiest five-year-old in the world.”
He didn’t say anything; he didn’t want to discuss Cricket. The little girl made him vulnerable to Letty. Once he’d lowered his guard, it was as if a dam of love had broken. He didn’t know what he’d do when Letty moved away and took the little girl with her.
“She thinks you’re the sun and the moon,” Letty said in a way that suggested he need not have done a thing for Cricket to worship him.
“She’s a sweet kid.” That was the most he was willing to admit.
“Jason reminded me of you.” She spoke so softly it was difficult to make out her words.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Jason was Cricket’s father.”
&nbs
p; That man was the last person Chase wanted to hear about, but before he could tell Letty so, she continued in a voice filled with pain and remembered humiliation.
“He asked me out for weeks before I finally accepted.
I’d written you and asked you to join me in California, and time and again you turned me down.”
“You wanted me to be your manager! I’m a rancher. What did I know about the music business?”
“Nothing…I was asking the impossible,” she said, her voice level, her words devoid of blame. “It was ridiculous—I realize that now. But I was so lonely for you, so lost.”
“Apparently you found some comfort.”
She let the gibe pass, although he saw her flinch and knew his words had hit their mark. He said things like that to hurt her, but the curious thing was, he suffered, too. He hurt himself as much as he hurt Letty, maybe more.
“He took me to the best restaurants in town, told me everything I wanted to hear. I was so desperate to believe him that a few inconsistencies didn’t trouble me. He pretended to be my friend, and I needed one so badly. He seemed to share my dream the way you always had. I couldn’t come back to Wyoming a nobody. You understand that, don’t you?”
Chase didn’t give her an answer and she went on without waiting for one.
“I was still chasing my dreams, but I was so lonely they were losing their appeal.
“I never planned to go so far with Jason, but it happened, and for days afterward I was in shock. I was—”
“Letty, stop, I don’t want to hear this.” Her relationship with Cricket’s father was a part of her life he wanted to remove completely from his mind.
Letty ignored him, her voice shaky but determined. “Soon afterward I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but that wasn’t the worst part. When I told Jason, he misunderstood…He seemed to think I wanted him to marry me. But I didn’t. I told him because, well, because he was Cricket’s father. That’s when I learned he was married. Married. All that time and he’d had a wife.”